Separate for Preschool?

I need some encouragement. I took the girls to their preschool screening today and they asked me if I wanted to keep them together or separate. I know my husband wants them separated, but my initial reaction has been to keep them together for preschool and then separate for kindergarten. However, when they asked I told them to separate. Now I am wondering if I did the right thing. They will be in the same hallway, but there are probably about 3 or 4 preschool rooms. They will be on the playground together, and maybe eat lunch at the same time, but most likely not at the same table. I am just having trouble with this decision, they have been together so long I am just afraid that maybe they won't be as close as they are once school starts and they aren't together as much. I am almost in tears over this and I can't believe how much this decision is making me feel so sad. I think they will be fine and I am probably the only one who will have trouble with this..isn't this crazy!!

 

The principal called me thursday about this very issue. We choose to keep them together and them decide at k weather to keep them together or seperate them then

 

:hug: This is a tough decision. I am keeping mine together next year for their last year of preschool, but as of right now there is only one afternoon class, so as of right now there is no choice to separate them. However, I did consider it. The teachers told me that they would "separate" them within the class. I want mine to have some separate time so I was happy with that. That said I know I am definitely separating them for K though the following year. :good:

I am sure your girls will do just fine separate or together. I think this is a much bigger deal to us Moms than the kids. :hug:

 

I will be separating mine next year. I think they need some time apart to appreciate each other a little more. I also know that one can definitely be the dominant twin and the other clings and hides behind her sister. I've struggled with it a lot, but I think it's what will work best for them. I truly believe that it's a case by case decision, some do really well together, some do better apart. I think your girls will be fine. And hopefully, if you do change your mind, the school will work with you.

 

I would try starting them together and see how it goes. Once they're actually at school together, then you'll be able to see whether they do better together or whether there may be some reasons to separate them. I wouldn't separate them just for the sake of separating them, especially during the big transition of going to school for the first time. But that's me, YMMV!

 

If it's upsetting you this much, then why not keep them together and see how it goes? :hug: I think it should be the right decision when you are totally comfortable with it. :hug:

 

I should add that mine did do preschool together this year so I was able to use that to base my decision for next year. HTH.

 

We are splitting up next year for preschool and having had some time to reflect, I don't understand why I was concerned in the first place. Are singleton children somehow better equipped to handle themselves individually? Being in this age range, I have been part of several types of these conversations. It always comes up that twins are lonely/scared/attached, etc. and I keep wondering why we think twins are "more" apt to be that way versus singletons and therefore keep them in the same classrooms. Are we doing them a disservice by assuming they need to be together 24 hours a day as they get older? Why do we feel entitled to have an automatic buddy system?

I'm not trying to attack anybody, so I apologize of anybody feels like I am.

 

Wendy, that is a terrific point that I have never thought about before. Thanks!!

 

It's not something I've thought about, because I don't have singletons, I have twins. I don't assume mine need to be together, I want them to be together for the first year. They have been together for 3.5 years so far and I want them to go through their first year of preschool together. Simply my choice. I don't assume they need to be together 24 hours a day going forward either. I figure there will be a time (maybe next year? the year after? 5 years from now?) where they may be separated in school, make their own friends, etc. We will deal with it when the time comes and feels right to us...as a family.

Entitled to have an automatic buddy system? Well yeah, they are twins. My choice as a twin parent (in the state of MA) is to enjoy that entitlement and keep them together.

I think it's a matter of personal choice.

 

This is exactly how my husband feels and this is why he thinks they will be fine next year. He says, "I never had anybody with me and I did just fine". He's very adamant about keeping them separate. However, because they have been together so long, they do rely on each other for alot. They have never had to go to daycare much because they have mostly been with my neighbor on my MIL when we worked, so my thinking is let them deal with preschool and being away from home this year and then deal with being alone in kindergarten. This way they only deal with one "shock" at a time.

Thanks for all the replies, I think on Monday I will call the guidance counselor and see if in two weeks they aren't handling being apart well if we can then put them together. I don't want them to hate preschool, so I think if we can at least have the option of changing their situation if it isn't working out that I will feel a whole lot better about the separation.

 

This is the way I feel too. Of course, I'm having issues of them being too close at daycare or rather Royce too close to Alice. She doesn't want to have anything to do with him, she has her own friends, but he is so dependent on her that he annoys her and she backlashes and gets in trouble.

Plus I feel that everyone always says (books, other twin parents), "treat the twins like individuals" that being in separate classes IS treating them like individuals. The daycare is separating them for a good half of the day and both of them are better behaved (no more hooligans!) and very happy with school. Alice is playing with her friends, Royce is playing with himself or the other kids, and sometimes they play together. Am I doing a disservice to them by encouraging the separation? I don't think so. I think that their individual personalities are starting to show.

But if you or your kids aren't comfortable with separation, don't do it. I just feel that it works best for us.

 

Thank you for saying this! I have been saying the same thing for years, although not as eloquently My boys have never been together in school, and I think they are actually closer than if they were together. They play better together after having time apart--I can see it especially after a holiday where they have been together all day every day!

As for the OP, one of the statements you made in your last post speaks to me that they do need the time apart. If they are relying on each other too much, it can hinder them in making friends, especially if they are together in school. What tends to happen is that they are happy with each other and don't feel the need to include others.

 

I completely agree with you, Michelle. Imagine if YOU were a twin and then all of the sudden "POOF"-- Gone! It IS a big deal and yes.. they ARE used to it and are different than singletons.. let's face it! They are less equipped to deal w/ being alone. It's a whole different ballgame, as far as I'm concerned.

Mine will be together in pre K and sep in K. I think that makes sense for us

 

IMO I think starting school is such a big transition that I would put them together their first time! Definitely you can see how it goes and make your decision about Kinder later but only my opinion. That said, I probably won't have this option. My son is developmentally delayed and my daughter is definitely not delayed in anyway so he will probably go to a special ed preschool and she will not and I do wish they could be together but I also know they will be ok apart. Then again they are b/g twins and have never been that attached to each other at all. Good post. Makes us all really think.

 

Thank you for this. My girls losing their close relationship is a concern and I enjoy reading these kinds of outcomes!

 

In that case, I always say moms should trust their gut instincts and if your gut tells you to put them together, that is what you should do so you can sleep at night. You know the saying, if momma ain't happy, no one's happy....

 

If this is their first encounter with school, I would keep them together. Mine started in daycare 3 days per week at almost age 2, and they were together. But when Lily trained 9 months earlier than Grace and they told me she really needed to move up to the preschool room, I went ahead and did it. They did fine apart. I was hoping it would make Grace want to train to be with her sister again, but no such luck. So they were in separate classes for about 8 months.

Now they are together, I will keep them in preschool together for next year as well, and I'm still not 100% sure what I am going to do for kindergarten. We're leaning separate, but it's a hard decision!!

 

I don't really have anything to add on the together/separate issue but just wanted to say that both my sets of twins have been split up from the beginning of school (they started at 4 1/2) and it has not had a negative impact on their relationships. I would say that Naomi and Luke became closer with being separated (and have remained closer), just before they started school they were beginning to wind each other up and bicker more, having the time apart seems to have done them a great deal of good. Alyssa and Bryony did not really have any noticable change in their relationship as a result of being split up at school, they were and still are close to each other.

 

I agree with Michelle. I personally don't think we have to make decisions for the twins based on what I would do if they were a singleton. They're not. The fact is some singletons do have a hard time with preschool & kindergarten. My 12 year old had a terrible time adjusting to going to preschool & was still somewhat upset when I took him to kindergarten. He hated being left there with strangers. I think it would have been a tremendous help to him if he had a sibling or a really close friend there with him. So, I personally feel entitled to take advantage of the fact that they are twins to help them adjust to being at school. Why not make it easier for them if I can? Once they are older & are familiar with the school environment I think it will be much easier for them to be separated.

Basically, it comes down to a personal decision for each family. There are really no right or wrong answers, it's whatever is right for you.

 

I think that the bond between my identical girls is amazing and I don't treat them like singletons because they aren't. They ARE twins and I choose to celebrate that. They are clingy girls and have been since birth ... clingy to me and to each other. If I start to notice serious co-dependance that will be an issue, but for now, I will not separate them. I think that our kids let us know what they want a lot of the time (and not only things like oreos for dinner ... though I do get that request but even with the way that they have cried the whole year of MMO because of leaving me ... right now, I think it would traumatize them to split them up ... if, when they are 7 or whatever ... it starts to be a problem ... then we will address it. I feel like you maybe aren't ready to split them. They are only little for so long ... I don't feel like we need to rush it ... the independance from us or each other ... they already grow up waaaaay too fast!

 

Hi:

Ours are 4 years old boy/girl twins and will have 2 years of preschool before K-garten. I was totally in your shoes this time last year. Whatever you choose, it will work out just right for you and your family. Here was our thought process:

We did not separate this past fall, but we will separate next fall, and then ask to separate in K-garten and going forward. The preschool teachers this year encouraged me to think about separating them for the next year of preschool and after thinking about it, I agreed.

For this past fall (they started preschool at 3.5 years old), they were in the same class. They did fine up until about December, then they started to sort of "hold each other back" in terms of social development (making and being friends) and interfering/teasing each other during activities. I also noticed more sibling rivalry at home.

There is another set of twins at this preschool -- two girls -- and they were in different classes this year (at 3.5) -- one was in class with my kids. Their mom said she really struggled with the issue but decided to split them and ended up very happy with her decision. She said it really helped them enjoy their time together out of school, too, since they had not spent "all day" together.

And, I have a friend with older (almost 6 year old) twins that had them apart in preschool, then decided to put them back together for the last year of preschool (they will start K-garten this fall). She said that worked out best for them.

Anyway, whatever you decide will work out just right for your family.

All best,

Meg

 

It all comes down to how you feel your kids will do their best. My kids are almost done with their second year of preschool and have been in the same class both years. They each have their own set of friends. They will also be together in K next year (the only way I can separate them is if I have one go in the AM and one go in the PM...not happening). I don't know what I will do beyond that. I guess that decision will be made next year.

 

I have a singleton and twins. I dont think any of my kids were or will be scared or lonely in preschool no matter if they have a twin or not. They are all well rounded kids who are capable of making friends and being successful in the classroom setting with a twin or not.

I will be keeping mine together for preschool and most likely for K. I just dont get the fact that people think it's so bad to have them together. I mean, they are 4. It's not like they will be in middle school still dressing alike and having to be in the same class. They are not entitled to a buddy system, but they were born with one so I see no reason not to support it while I can.

 

Exactly. Like what's going to happen? I agree.

Plus, I have id twin cousins (girls) who are 2 yrs older than me. We grew up together. They are and always have been SOOO incredibly close ( I was always jealous LOL).

Anyway, their mom DID separate them for K, but it didn't matter.. they went to college together, roomed together, both became Speech Language Pathologists, both got jobs at a hospital in the SAME office, bought a house together etc. That bond is just something you can't break! And frankly- I don't want to!! I thank God everyday for what he gave my boys!!