How to approach/explain to DD

My 7 yr. old was recently tested for the district's talented and gifted program. She sort of knows why she was tested, but doesn't know too much about the program as we didn't explain it in too much detail. We got the letter yesterday saying that they generally accept children with IQ's at 127 or higher. She did not qualify with her IQ of 123. In a way, I'm kind of relieved b/c we found out more info. on the program and were not pleased with how they had it set up (it's at a totally different building than she would go normally go to school, so she wouldn't even be at the same school as her brother and sister that start school next year). But, I don't know how to approach it to let her know that she won't be doing the program. It's not like she's waiting to hear the answer, but I'm sure she'll be curious at some point. I thought of saying they had limited number of spots and they've been filled. I don't necessarily want to go into the details of how you have to get a certain score on the test to be allowed in and that she was a few points shy of that. What do you think?

 

I wouldn't even bring it up. If she asks, just say did you do your best? And that is all that matters. I wouldn't bring up points or anything like that. You can also say that they only take the top ten kids, and that while everyone did well, not everyone can be in the top ten. Then reinforce that trying her best is what matters most.

 

I also would not bring it up unless she asks. You said she "sort of" knew what the test was about, what did you/her teachers tell her about it beforehand? I'd make sure you know her take on it before you answer any questions, if she does ask them.
If she has only a very general idea of what the test was about I'd say something like it was a test so that the school/teachers could see what class/group would be best for her to learn in. They had to do the test to see what things she already knows how to do and what things she still needs to work at learning.
If she has a more specific idea of what it was about then I like Sharon's answer. I agree about not mentioning points or scoring.

 

I completely agree with Sharon. Don't say anything, unless she asks. If she does, I'd be honest. Life lessons aren't all easy, but as long as she did her best, there is no shame in her knowing she didn't make the program.

 

My oldest DS was in an AT program (honors) and my twins didn't get invited. But oldest DS had laid the groundwork for them, by saying that only 20 kids from the district are invited, when many more kids than that qualify. They were more than happy then to stay where they are!

Just between you and me and the doorpost, the program wasn't the best/most comfortable for DS. He liked it in many ways, but in other ways he hated it. Sometimes, AT programs are used to heap more work on the kids -- penalizing them for being smart, in a way.
If honors courses/programs are handled well, and the child is EMOTIONALLY READY for them, they're fine. But you need to look at all the variables, like where it is, and if the child would feel isolated, etc. I've learned much from his experience. I also think that each child responds to the program differently -- DS ended up weathering it and liking it overall, but the twins might not have been as successful.

 

Thanks ladies. We decided to take your advice and not say anything unless she brings it up. She's excited to be going to her new school next year (her current school is closing) and I think that she's focused on that. As far as the testing, we told her that her teacher wanted to have her do the assessment to find the best place for her next year and that she just needed to try her best. She seemed ok with that.