they want me to play w/them all the time!

Dear Moms of multiples

Ugh, it just seems lately (actually, it hasn't just started lately, but lately it's starting to drive me crazy) that my just turned 4 year old girls, constantly want to to interact with me. It seems as if they follow me everywhere and will bring their play where ever I am. If I'm in my room, they bring their toys there and want to play on my bed where I sit and try to read or work on my writing. If I'm in the kitchen cleaning, they're in there dumping toys on the floor or we're spelling words with the fridge magnets (which I actually don't mind). When I'm in the living room and want to watch the news (and where we keep their library of books) they want to read (which I also don't mind, we read for about 30-60 minutes a day!). They will go in their room and play for a small while, but they always want to check in with me and show me what their doing, tell me what their doing, try to get me involved in what their doing and it's driving me crazy. I can't seem to be in my thoughts for more than 5-10 minutes at a time. Add on top of all this the constant demands: I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, I have to go pee pee, I want another drink, I have to make poo poo, I want a snack, can you get this for me etc, and I often feel like my head is going to explode.

I do play and interact with them...every day, but I'm going through a phase where, I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted...(sorry, was just interrupted :80: what was I saying? Oh...) and I'm trying to force them to rely on each other more for play, but their sad little eyes when I reject their request to pretend I'm Princess Leia and play Star Wars with them, breaks me down.

I've just started enforcing a, toys stay in your room, rule to try and deal with the mess of toys that I constantly clean up every day (dh and I actually have to sometimes get out a laundry basket and go through the house collecting toys, dump it in their room and then we all put them away together). I'm hoping this will help keep them in their rooms playing for longer periods of time.

Also, my girls don't go to school yet (they will start Pre-K in Sept) and unfortunately we don't have as many playdates as I would like for them, so they don't interact with a whole lot of kids (I did just re-involve myself in a mother's group so hopefully with the warmer weather approaching, we'll start to have more play time with friends). I'm sure when school starts, they'll make more friends and perhaps the playdates will increase (and then I'll complain about that ardon: ), but I'm just wondering what your take is on this whole situation. How do you deal? What are your rules/limits in terms of on the floor playtime with your kids. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way? Do you deal with this guilt and do you think it's normal?

Sorry for the long vent/post. I haven't been here in a while, but I didn't know who else to turn to for this type of situation.

TIA for your comments, advice and opinions.

Sincerely,

Mel

 

Mods,

I just realized I posted something that was pretty much an exact topic/thread that's already been posted. Feel free to delete/close this thread if no one responds.

Mel

 

This is one is okay, no worries. My son was extremely high maintenance, maybe it was because he was by himself, I don't know. But he could not play alone for any length of time. He would follow me around constantly wanting my attention. I don't know if it necessarily gets better as they get older (well, maybe a little). He's always been one that doesn't like to be alone. He likes to have people around him. However, I think independent play is important because I think imagination is important and what better way to use your imagination then when you have to play alone. I would suggest a starting a timer or an alarm and tell them this is mommy time. And, don't give in. Then after the timer is over playing with them. I also like the toys in your room, I think that is a great idea. It's hard having a child, or in your case two, that want your attention all the time, but you have to have some you time.

 

Hi Mel! Good to "see you" :wavey:

We have rules in the house about toys to try and limit the mess. The playroom is a place I let things go a bit and a bit more relaxed about pick up. They have to put things away 1x a week. they love to follow me around too but the kitchen is a no toy zone and this has helped tremendously!!!! When I make breakfast/lunch/dinner they either stand in the kitchen doing nothing or they have to go play. It's a good break for me. Our living room is a 1 toy only place. They can bring in the toys for the current game they are playing. If they want to switch toys/games they must clean up and put away that toy first. IT is our "adult room" and toys are not kept in there. It has helped a lot with the constant clutter and picking up.

I must admit my two are really good at playing on their own. I do feel bad sometimes that I don't play with them more but I feel it is very important for them to learn to be more self sufficient, self entertaining, and independent (or twin-dependent in their case) play. Learning to figure out together without my help what they are going to play, the rules (they love making up rules and parameters of games), and implement them by themselves is really important and helps decrease my guilt about not playing with them more.

 

I think that, like adults, children can be very independent or very self sufficient and that's just the way they are. (Doesn't make it any less aggravating at times though! )

I think having "toy zones" will help but I wanted to suggest something that has worked for my clingy kids. If I'm doing chores and I really need to get them done I let the kids help. Sometimes their help consists of standing on a chair and watching me cook dinner, drying off non-breakable dishes with a towel or putting the silverware back in the drawer but it keeps them occupied and I can continue working. Plus, it's kind of nice to have someone to chat with while you're scrubbing the toilet and they're "cleaning" the counters.

 

:wavey: Mel!! Happy (belated) Birthday Girls!!

I agree with alot of what Alison wrote. :good: We, too, have toy rules. The ones in their rooms stay there and the rest stay in the playroom. :good: (That is why we made it ) It took them a bit to get that I was serious, but now they listen very well at keeping them in there or at least close. It also makes it alot easier for clean up. :good:

I agree with this.

My two play very well alone as well BUT alot of days they do want to play in the room I'm in... or we have days on end where they have to show or tell me EVERYTHING they are doing. :wacko: It does get frustrating but unfortunately I have no suggestions on how to really "fix" this, it seems to be the age? I know my son is more after me then my daughter.

:hug:

 

I feel your pain...my kids are HIGH maintenance. I cannot be out of their site for more than a minute....its like they sense the minute I leave. I always thought when you have twins they would always have a playmate but it is extremely rare when they actually play (nicely). It is usually impossible for me to even sneak away to go to the bathroom :spiteful:

 

Hi! I, also, have verrrrrry clingy kids ... to the point where it doesn't matter who else is around ... Grammy, Daddy ... they want MOMMY to do everything for them. So, no one can even really help me with them because if they try ... you just end up with a crying kid saying "Nooooo, I want MOMMY to do it! WAHHHHH!" Oy! I don't remember the last time I pee'ed by myself. You know the only thing that has seemed to "help" was having another kid Ever since I had my 3rd (she is 3 months) they have begun to accept that Mommy can't be at their beck and call and to let Daddy do things for them or play nicely with each other or whatever ... now, I know that doesn't really help ... but it seems like if something can be in the "place" of another kid ... like OK, I HAVE to do this chore or that chore and THEN I will play with you ... maybe after a bit of time (it took the girls a good month before they accepted that I had to take care of the baby, too) they will begin to give you a bit of space ...

What also works well with my girls is if I take some time and really play with them ... do something fun and devote my attention to only them for a good half hour or so ... then they are generally satisfied for me to do my own thing (or take care of Caroline) for a bit without bugging me. I am lucky that my girls generally play well together and I have always been the type where if they start to fight, I just ignore them (I usually leave the room) and let them work it out on their own (unless someone is really in the wrong or things get rough ... like someone pushes or something like that.)

Other than that, the only things I can really think of is to maybe find some new kind of activity that they would enjoy doing together (try to make sure they don't get bored with the options they have) ... something not out of their age range (ie something they physically and mentally CAN do on their own) ... like my girls love when we make one of their beds into a "clubhouse" (throw a sheet over it ... they are in the toddler bed part of convertible cribs) and they will spend a good 45 minutes or so putting all their stuffed animals in there and lugging in a bunch of books and reading them in there, etc ... if all else fails and you are really dying, get some new DVDs I admit that I let my kids watch waaaay too much TV when the baby was a newborn and it was cold outside!

You are not alone, though ... even my sister who has 3 boys who are 7, 5, and 3 say they are always right up in her business ... they sit on the floor of her bathroom while she dries her hair and does her makeup! One day they will hate us and we will wish they wanted to be with us all the time again ...

 

Mel! We've missed you!!! I hope you and the girlies are doing well. As for playing with the girls, I set aside times in the day when I just sit down and play with them. On the weekends, we'll go outside and I'll do a little yard work, and then play with them on the playset. On weekdays, its tougher, but we always have about an hour of play time after dinner before we 'hit the showers!' If my girls know that we'll do something together they are more likely to accept my refusals to play at the moment I'm in the middle of something. Not always, but sometimes. I hope you guys are well and I think about you often.

 

Mine are 2.5 so younger than your daughters. I agree with the above posts with seeing their independent play as very important in their development. My one friend has a boy who I find is very needy and needs his parents attention and comments for everything he does --- a strong external locus of control. "mommy look at this, look at what I did, do you like it ???" Constantly needing reassurance from his parents. A child who has a strong "internal locus of control" learns because he/she wants to learn not because mommy said "Good job". This is the difference between people who work at a job because the boss says "good job" and "here is your paycheck" and the people who may do something because they want to accomplish a task and do it well....

I do find that the crying, whining get to me and gets into my head. My husband can tune it out and often I hear them happily playing away when he is taking care of them.

I notice if I read to them in the morning say 5 books and then leave them to play, they seem happier. They have learned something. Often I would read again in the afternoon midway to break up the day, or send them outside which really helps. I admit mine are addicted to T.V. and that helps sometimes too... Dora Dora Dora gives me 20 mins from 3 kids. (never long enough). So many set more of a routine of this is when I play with you and this is when mommy does housework.

Heather

 

Mine used to be like that, but they grew out of it for the most part. They will play with each other for hours on end now. I sometimes have to butt in to play with them.

We do have toy free zones - my kitchen is definitely one of them. The only thing they can play with in my kitchen is the magnets and Word Whammer on the fridge.

I do think preschool helps with this too. They have specific times of their day at school where independent work/play is encouraged.