I don't know what to do anymore

First of all, I want to apologize for my bad English. It is not my first language and I'm no good at it, especially at a time like this when I can't even talk or write properly in my own language.

I am exhausted! My two girls are crying so much I cannot take it anymore. It has been more than four months now and I am sooooo tired. Does the excessive crying ever stop? Sometimes I am not even able to comfort them (and I've tried everything). It seems to me they really don't care whether I'm around or not. They're on medication for the reflux, but there's still the colic and the general fussiness. It breaks my heart to see them suffer and there is absolutely nothing I can do for them.

This is what happened today, starting at 2 am...

2: Emma awake, BF, back to bed without problems
2.30: Nora awake, BF, back to bed without problems
5: both awake, BF, back to bed without problems
7: Emma awake, BF, playing, back to bed for half an hour and then crying
7.30: Nora awake, BF, playing, crying
9: both to bed
10: both awake, BF, playing, back to bed after crying
12: Nora awake, BF with huge fit (not enough milk? or not coming fast enough?), playing, back to bed after crying
12.30: Emma awake, BF with huge fit, playing, back to bed after crying

It's now 13.30 and they are stil napping.

They never seem to be fast asleep during the day, though.

It's not even their crytime yet. The evenings are always pure horror. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone keeps telling me it will pass eventually, but honestly, WHEN? At six weeks, at three months, on new meds, when starting solids? I've told myself not to get my hopes up because it never gets better. We even quit solids because the colic got way worse on it. I'm desperate... I find myself snarling at everyone who is helping me out (my DH, my parents, FIL and MIL). I really don't want to be the person I am right now. And I want my babies to be happy...

 

:hug: First of all, your English is perfect! I would never have guessed it wasn't your first language based on this post.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I got tired just reading what your night/morning was like! Do you swaddle your girls up tight? How long have they been on medication for reflux, maybe it hasn't started working yet? I don't know how long you start noticing a difference after you put them on meds for reflux.

Maybe you might want to try getting them on a schedule, just so that you can have longer periods of sleep at night. I know there are some moms on this board who successfully BF'd on a schedule. (First person who comes to mind is Rachel aka MissBossy, she's a mod in the 2nd year and in BF'ing). If they aren't sleeping more than 2 hours at a time all day, maybe they are exhausted and that's why they are crying so much. Other people might have better suggestions than me, the only thing I can think of to help is a schedule so that they can get more sleep.

:hug:

 

:hug: I so know that feeling. That is the sleep deprivation talking and it sucks. I am so sorry that you are going though this. Here are my thoughts:

1. If I had to take bets, I would say that I dont think their reflux is under control. What meds are they on? How long have they been on it? Have you talked to your Ped about it? We started on Zantac and after about 5 days of no results, we went to Prevacid and within 24 hours I had new babies. We also thickened their formula with rice cereal to help with the spitting up. I realize that you are BFIng but I am just telling your what we did.

2. Lots of babies with reflux have a milk protein/soy intolerance. So, if I were you, I would cut out dairy in your diet and see if that makes a difference in their fussiness.

3. Eating every 3 hours seems pretty normal to me. :tomato: And it's possible that they are waking at night at that frequency because it seems like maybe they arent on the breast long enough to be satisfied during the day. But they could just be nursing because they need it too. Lots of reflux babies like to eat as it seems to soothe their stomachs. I know it seems counterintuitive, but I have read that alot. Oh and they seem to eat better at night with less issues like arching, crying on the bottle or breast, etc... At that age, we were still eating at least every 3 hours during the day and night. I was exhausted but they were running the show a bit.

4. At 4 months for us, the morning nap started to come into play about 1.5 hours after they got up from the night. I would try soothing them or nursing them after they have been awake for about 1 hour and 15 minutes and see if you can start to get them into a routine of getting into the habit of napping. Two hours maybe too long for them to go before they become overtired and overstimulated and start the crying. See if you can head it off by getting them to nap earlier. Sleep begets sleep. So that might help them settle and sleep a bit longer.

5. Do you swaddle them? How about some white noise in the nursery to see if that helps soothe them so they sleep a bit longer? Do you sleep them upright? We had to keep ours upright for at least 30 minutes after each feed due to the reflux and then they slept on an incline for months. Will they sleep in a swing, car seat, or bouncy? That might make them more comfortable.

:hug: You can do this. Yes, it is really hard. But you can do it. Hang in there. I would start with a call to your Ped to check their reflux and go from there. Let us know how it goes.

 

Are they growing just fine? If so, then they are getting enough to eat. I see your babies were born at 34 weeks. That means they were born 6 weeks early so they are only around 2 months old, development wise. Premature babies grow out of colic later than full term babies. Also, their sleep patterns take longer to develop. Mine slept every 1.5 at that age. They would wake up at 7, be back to sleep at 830, wake up around 10 and be up until 1130. If the reflux meds are the correct dose and they are still being fussy, you can do things like trying to modify your diet to see if they are still fussy. Milk is often a big problem. You could try a dairy free diet for 1 month and see if it improves their temperament.

 

I second the elimination of dairy. At 8 weeks, DH & family looked at my one son who cried for HOURS each afternoon and night and said he had colic. I cut out all dairy and he stopped the crying. So much so that people think he is our easy baby!

My other suggestion is to tandem feed them at night. If one wakes up to eat, feed the other at the same time. Don't wait 1/2 hr for the other baby to wake.

As others have said, your English is great.

 

I just wanted to give you a big :hug:

 

I just want to give you a big hug too! Don't worry, you WILL survive, I promise! Just hang in there. My girls were/are quite fussy too, and sometimes I just don't know why, and it's really frustrating. It's getting better now at 5.5 months. Like the others have suggested, I cut out dairly early on and it did immediately help with some of the more intense screaming. I just think the rest of it is their little grumpy personalities. (Lovely!) Like others have suggested, I also always fed both of them at the same time (if one wakes, wake the other) - that way you can walk out of the room and be assured that both are full and neither should really NEED your attention for another couple of hours at least.

 

Big hugs to you! Some thoughts - I agree that it doesn't sound like the reflux is under control, and you eliminating dairy could really help, it sure did for one of my sons. But you might also need to see the pedi to get his meds changed, or increased if they haven't been for awhile! Those meds are weight dependant, and as they grow they need to be increased.

If they are gaining weight well, and having wet diapers, I don't think it's your supply all of a sudden.

I noticed for my guys at 4 mos or so they all of a sudden were much more aware of their surroundings, and getting them to nurse was a chore, they fought it if there were more interesting things going on. So we had to start nursing in a dark quiet room. Maybe that would help with those afternoon feeds.

Also, I have to agree, when mine were that age, I'd feed the one that woke in the middle of the night first, then back into bed for him, and immediately fed the other one (even if he was still sleeping). That way I knew they were both fed and had a fighting chance of getting some sleep!

:youcandoit:

 

I second some of the great advice you've gotten here. The other thing I would say to consider is maybe bottle feeding them very small amts of breast milk when they wake, with the eventual goal of cutting out nite feedings-bottle easier to control lessening amts. At 4 months I would soothe, change diaper and give 1-2 ounces only if they couldn't get themselves back to sleep. They have been sleepin thru nite for the most part from 6 mnths on. Good luck-big hugs-it will get more manageable with time!

 

I don't know much about reflux, but I do think waking at every three hours is pretty normal for a breastfed baby at that age, especially since their adjusted age is only 2-3 months old. If I were in your shoes I would always feed them both when one wakes up. Don't wait for the other one to wake up, either tandem feed them or feed them back to back. My boys ate every 3 hours around the clock well past that age. You could also try to get your spouse or partner involved in the first or last feeding of the day so you get get more sleep.

I hope you get some relief from the crying soon.

 

Thank you all so very much for your support and advice. It's good to know I'm not alone.

I try to get them on some sort of schedule, but I feed them if they are crying their hearts out and nothing else helps. I do not mind them nursing every three hours, I really don't. What's bugging me is that a lot of nursing sessions turn out to be screaming fests. Also, today they have been crying from the end of the 3 pm feed till the beginning of their 6 am feed which basically means they have not slept at all since waking up at a quarter to three. After the 6 am feed they slept for roughly an hour and hysterically cried again until I fed them again at 8, just half an hour ago. Both babies didn't want to eat, so I put them to bed as they were clearly overtired. There's been a bit of screaming and now they are whining, but I think they'll fall asleep soon. Probably only to wake up within a few hours because they're hungry.

Waking one baby because the other is up is something I haven't done so far because I always felt they really needed to profit from all the sleep they could get. Anyway, it would probably be better in the long run to put them on a schedule.

I have tried swaddling them, but it made them angry. I will try doing it again, though.

Would a ticking clock be okay for white noise? I don't have a fan or anything.

Tomorrow during daytime I'll try putting them in their cribs upstairs to check if that would do them any good. Maybe they don't like sleeping downstairs, for some dark reason.

The reflux should be under control. They started on Zantac, but are now on Losec after having had a PH-measurement. I'll talk to my ped about the dose.

I already cut out dairy products, more than two months ago. I quit eating and drinking soy milk at the time too, but slowly began introducing it again since I'm a vegetarian and didn't have much left to eat or drink (and it didn't help anyway).

I keep thinking what I'm doing wrong...

I guess my milk supply should be okay since both girls have enough wet diapers and their weight gain is fine. I'm wondering if maybe my letdown is too slow. Sometimes it's obvious it is NOT as it comes out in streams. I know about drinking to ease the pain caused by the reflux, they used to do it too. I think that's not the case anymore.

In the meanwhile, the babies seem to be fast asleep. Finally the day has come to an end.

Thanks again, ladies, for your great help. It really means a lot to me. I have been reading this forum for quite some time now and highly value all the information I can find on it.

 

I have no advice for you but just wanted to give you :hug:.

 

I believe this is normal.. We called it the witching hour. It usually happened in between 4-6 pm and the crying would continue for about a hour. Nothing was wrong I believe it was a habit. I know there would times when all I could do was cry with them. It lasted about a month and one day finally ended. It got so bad only their godmother would watch them for us because no one else could stand the crying. It does get better. Hang in there. I'm glad to know it's not just mine.

 

It's been more than a month since I started this topic, but the crying and fussing hasn't stopped. In fact, I think it even got worse. Both girls are a long way from STTN. The longest stretch of sleep they get during the night is 4 hours, then twice 2 or if we're lucky 3. Naps are horrible, they cry themselves to sleep and are mostly wide awake after half an hour. I've tried putting them on a schedule, but it won't work. If I really would want to stick to it, they'd be crying all day long (instead of half of it).

My brother and SIL have a baby their age and she STTN and takes a bottle every 4 hours. Between bottles she either sleeps or plays and she rarely fusses. What do I do wrong? Is it the BF? I really (!) don't want to switch to FF, but everyone keeps telling me they'll sleep better if I do.

They will be 6 months in 10 days and I honestly cannot think of one single day I felt truly happy. Don't get me wrong, I know I am blessed to have two healthy children. I love them endlessly and will always do so, but I never knew it would all be this hard. I feel guilty for complaining. All my life I've been wanting to have babies and now that I have them I can only hope the infant period ends soon. And then what, it's not like it'll be easy when they are toddlers. I googled the symptoms of PPD and the lists I found are basically descriptions of me now. It's time to pull myself together, but there is no more energy left. I used to be a strong woman, turns out I'm plainly weak. How do you all do it???

 

Is there any way you could tandem feed them? I know it's hard, but tandem feeding them encourages them to sleep and wake at the same times, which makes everything a lot less stressful for you (and allows you to, gasp!, nap). When one of mine wakes in the middle of the night, I wake them both and bottle feed them (I'm an EPer). Same thing with the first feeding of the day. That sort of sets the stage for tandem feeding for the rest of the day (I feed every three hours after than - so if the first feeding is at 6, then I feed at 9, 12, 3, and 6). I do wake them during the day and at night to feed them at the same time, which seems counterintuitive. However, having them eat at the same time makes them nap at the same time, etc. Your english is perfect.

 

First, I wanted to give you a big :hug: I'm so sorry they are so fussy, it sounds to me like you are doing everything right. Have you talked to your doctor about different meds for the reflux or do you think what they are on now is controlling it? Maybe that's why they are so fussy. I also second the tandem feeding. If one wakes to eat, I always woke the other & fed them both. It helped to get them on the same schedule & helped me get more sleep.

As for you, I would also advise you to talk to your doctor if you even think there is a possibility that you could be suffering from ppd. He/she can do an evaluation & make a decision about whether or not you would benefit from medication. There are meds out there that can help! :hug:

 

Sorry to hear that. I dont think I could handle your situation. My twins were 32 weeks. They are 2 months old now. When they were in nicu, they were on 3 hour schedule. Then I started nursing them. The schedule was messed up. Nolan woke up early and more often than Michelle. So I was back to pump milk and bottle fed them as I used to since day 1. Now they are still on 3 hour schedule. Even they dont wake up for their eating time, I still wake them up and feed them. Then they are back to sleep. Sometimes I let them go 4 hour between feeding at night if they eat enough in the day. I prefer pumping milk and bottle feed them, so I know how much they eat. My kids take 100cc/feeding. I did try to weigh them before and after feeding. They dont get that much from my breast, and wake up after 1-2 hours.

It sucks that I have to pump, feed them, clean bottles every 3 hours. But they doubled their birth weight. And I have not had any crying last more tham 30 mins yet. I think you should try to put them on schedule. You also can try pacifiers, wrap them up, turn on radio or tv

 

Not sleeping well for basically a year and surviving does not make you weak. On the contrary, you are very strong and have endurance.

As to the fussiness: mine (especially Sebastian) were extremely fussy and sensitive to what I ate. They developed a milk intolerance around 6 weeks or so. I would encourage you to try giving up all dairy to see if it makes a difference. Be sure to limit soy as well as many kids with a dairy sensitivity can't do soy. Within 5 days my boy went from continual screaming to the happiest baby you've ever met. They also are now tolerant of dairy in my milk.

I wish I could have honored both babies' hunger cues and fed each individually, but as I'd tell them often at that age when I woke the other up to eat "sometimes it stinks being a twin". Tandem feeding (especially at night!!!!) will give you sleep.

I worked on naps, first, for a loose schedule, then nighttime. My rule was, if it's naptine and you do not choose to sleep, that is fine, but I'm not getting you up. Eventually they get into a pattern & then at night you can start setting standards.

 

:hug: I so know what you are going through. My 2 do much the same thing - quite often staying awake between feeds. I makes you question yourself and what you could possibly be doing wrong.

Again, I could have written this post myself! You don't want to hear about so and so's baby who STTN when it's all you can do to get yours to sleep 3 hrs if your lucky!I too am blessed to have 2 healthy babies but that makes me feels worse sometimes as I feel guilty for feeling this way as there are lots worse off.

Love it! Especially the bit "sometimes it stinks being a twin". I don't usually tandem at night as it's too difficult with bad latchings etc but I do feed 1 staight after the other.

These babies of ours obviously have not read the books that say that young babies should be sleeping between 14-18 hrs a day!

 

I am so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. The sleep deprivation is enough to give anyone depression.. never mind someone who is responsible for two little ones! You want to enjoy them and that's hard to do when they're so fussy and tired.

Do you have a good breast pump/have you tried pumping? If not, I'd suggest trying it out for a little while so that someone else can feed your little ones while you get some much needed sleep. You'll feel a thousand times better if someone could give them bottles while you stay in bed, even for an afternoon nap or for a 6 hr stretch at night.

Do you use a pacifier? I know some people say that paci's can be hard on the latch, but it sounds like breastfeeding is going just fine for you, and with my guys I found that we all got a much better sleep once they could soothe themselves with a pacifier. Sometimes they were just waking to feed so they could have the sucking comfort.

Have you read any books on sleep training for your kids? They're probably a little young yet to actually start sleep training, but I found that reading books helped me pick up on cues for when they were tired. I was totally missing them and would put them to bed when they were over tired and had no success getting them calmed down.

When they are fussing in between sleep periods, what are you doing with them? I found that taking them out in the stroller (sometimes at odd hours.. I took a lot of 6 am walks!) or getting them down for some tummy time on the floor would sort of wear them out. I know that this is hard to manage when you're sleep deprived yourself, but it could pay off in the end if you found an activity that stops the yelling :lol: and maybe they'll get worn out a bit.

I also highly suggest putting them on the same feeding schedule. When one eats, both eat, and that's just the way life is. This will make everything a lot easier down the road too when you start them on solid food and then the whole family is on the same schedule.

Hang in there mama, screaming is enough to fray anyone's nerves, and you're doing great.

 

Looks like everyone has already given you all the great advice you could possible get.

:youcandoit:

 

You're all so kind, I had to cry when I read your replies. Thanks a lot.

 

hi there! Its so so so tough. Nothing can ever prepare you for how tough it is. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you are doing a great job and obviously really care so much about your little ones to keep searching for solutions!

One of our doughters had reflux and a bit of colic. It started at about 5 weeks (which would be spot on to 2 weeks on adjusted age, when it normally starts). My breast milk was a huge culprit. On zantac and switched to soy and then eventually a lactose free milk based formula (similac sensitive). These changes helped alot. I agree that you should consider a different reflux meds. Prevacid helps many babies who don't get it under control with zantac.

Have you tried putting the crib on a bit of a slant? just pop some towles under the matress to creat a slight incline. This helped a lot with our dd. When we removed them last week, the reflux got worse and started waking her in the night again...

As far as solids, my dd with reflux can't tolerate any of the grains (rice, oatmeal, barley), so we just leave them out. We just do fruit and veg. pears are great for babies with reflux, so when you are ready to start solids again try those.

As far as the constant waking, it could be that they might not be getting enough milk? Not sure, so hard to tell when bfing. Perhaps trying a bottle of formula 1x per day might help. Perhaps around your 10/11 pm feed to see if you can get them to go a bit longer.

I also agree that the babies could be really really overtired, which will make their ability to sleep worse. I found Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child to be a great resource for understanding sleep and how to improve it. THe book also focues a lot on how to deal with babies with extreme colic. The book will help you a lot!

As far as the colic, my daughters just started getting better around 4 1/2 months old. She still has the tummy attacks, but they are much better. This coinsided with a massive increase of her drewling (saliva). It solved her consitipation and seemed ot help her digestion. I later found out that experts believe that increased saliva will help mature the digestive systems. So, I hope this is not far off for you.

Best of luck. I hope it gets better soon. They generally say by 6 months many of the reflux, colic and other symptoms improve. So, you are more than 1/2 way there.