Would this bother you?

My 3 year, 4 month old daughter had an accident during nap time at daycare today. She wasn't sleeping, the teacher said she just didn't get up to tell anybody, or to go herself (which they are allowed to do)

She (the teacher) also told me that she spoke with my daughte and told her that any time she has a potty accident, she will get a time out.

Now, my daughter doesn't even have that many accidents. Maybe like 1/week, but most of the times they will go for weeks (sometimes months) on end without an accident. Recently, she had gone well over a month with no accident, and the 1 accident prior to today was a week ago. Today however, they had changed her cot position for naptime, apparently becuase her old location was under the coat rack, and she would constantly be playing with the bookbags instead of sleeping. Well, that right there told me that she was upset with them for switching her, and she just didn't want to talk to them (she does that when she's mad) so instead of getting up to go potty, she just pee'd on herself...


I don't know that I agree with giving Time-outs for having accidents. I'm not sure if they do that for everyone (I was a bit heated and didn't want to get into an argument so I just didn't ask) but I will find out in the morning. If it's truly an accident, they should NOT be punishing the kids. Now, if it's a blatant "I did it on purpose and I'm telling you I'm doing it" kind of accident, I can maybe understand... Was my daughters situation today like that?? maybe it was, I did'nt see it that way though, but it could have been...


Would you be upset with this???

I just don't think punishment is the way to go when you still have a very young child who is still learning.

 

Our daycare isn't allowed to give 'time outs'. They have a 'thinking chair' that they kinda USE like time out (the kids have to go 'think' about what they did for a few minutes), but they can't SAY "time out".

As for accidents, I would be EXTREMELY upset if I heard my child was punished for them. Whether she deliberately did it or not is speculation. How can you PROVE she did it on purpose? Accidents are called 'accidents' for a reason. Would you give her a time out if she tripped & fell? I'd be really mad. I'd confront the teacher & then, if they kept it up, I'd go to management.

Now, if she had a trend of peeing herself & it could be proven that she was doing them deliberately, MAYBE finding a different form of discipline would be effective. But time outs? For me, I'd never use that.

Poor kid. I'd give her a little extra hug tonight for that .

 

I would be furious (and it would take a lot for me to get mad at a teacher). I would definitely have a conversation with them tomorrow. That is not acceptable at all. 3 and 4 months is still so little! Many kids are not even trained yet at that age.

 

ditto. I would be letting them know that is unacceptable. I'd be furious.

 

I would be upset by that. I don't think negative reactions should be used for potty training, potty regression, etc..... I think positive reinforcement is the better way to go. In fact, I would think by using negative reaction it could make the child regress even further. :unknw:

 

I agree with Nicole. :umm: Punishing them will get her no where and could create bigger problems. I'm sorry they are doing that, definitely have a talk with them.

 

Totally inappropriate! I would be furious! :grr:

 

I agree with everyone else. I'd be livid.
It's not appropriate at all.

 

Totally agree. IMO, that could lead to having a child feel guilty over things they can't control. Totally unacceptable!

 

Yes, I would be very upset. I think the punishment is shaming and could be harmful. Horrible! If this is their usual approach to dealing with this issue, I'd be looking for somewhere else to take my children. I'm sorry.

 

I would be livid also!
My boys go to a daycare center, and accidents are just that ACCIDENTS!

I have an older child w/bathroom issues, and I can tell you first hand that punishing does nothing but harm!

 

They should not be punishing her for accidents. I would be po'd about it.

From babycenter:

Dr. Sears:

 

I agree with everyone else that punishment is inappropriate for potty accidents. However, something no one else mentioned is that, while I would talk with the school, I would also have a talk with your DD.

I am assuming that she had been warned about playing with the bookbags since it sounds like it was an on-going problem. When she continued to do this, they moved her. Her response was to be so angry that she refused to tell them she had to go to the potty and peed on herself. My concern with this is, if this is a normal response to anger for her, it could cause some more serious problems down the line. Imagine her in a few years getting angry at you for something and refusing to tell you she is sick and something gets overlooked with her health.

I'm not saying to be angry with her or punish her for what she did. I'm just saying that you may want to talk to her about the right way to handle anger so that something like this, or worse, doesn't happen in the future.

 

Great quotes, Mo!

 

I would be super mad. Accidents happen and you are NOT supposed to punish kids for them. I would talk to the teacher or the director about it.

 

I did just that last night. I tried talking to her about it, why it happened, etc. She did not admit that she had an accident (I spoke very calmy, in an everyday conversational voice). She just said that she had to get new sheets cuz her old ones needed to dry. When I dwelled further, she just kept shrugging her shoulders and saying "I dunno" with that questioning look on her face. When I asked if she was upset with her teacher for moving her cot, she just said "mm-hmm" very quickly and went on with what she was doing (which was messing with my hair) She was acting very flighty and would not sit still to talk, despite it just being her and me in the room.

She is very flighty, that's a normal response from her. The silent treatment is also a very normal response from her, and something she gets from me. I do not do it anymore, nor have I since my early adulthood, but as a child I had a SERIOUS problem with bottling up anger, giving the silent treatment to those I was angry with, etc. I'm trying to change that in her by opening the lines of communication from MY end, hoping we can work through the issue.


I plan to speak to the teacher this afternoon when we pick them up - I just wanted to make sure I was justified in my response (that it's not appropriate) and not just being an overbearing parent. I definetly think there's a time and place for punishment, just not this. Thanks ladies!

 

Talked to the teacher. She's fine with not givin out punishments for potty accidents, but would like other suggestions from me on how to deal with the accidents. I'm still slightly confused with that, becuase as I said before - she has only had 2 accidents in that last several months, they just happened to be in the last 2 weeks.

On a side note - found out from the Director that they do not do Time-ous at that center. That's interesting, because in the past week my daughter has been in time out on 3 seperate occasions. And that's just what *I* know about, becuase that's where she's been when we've come to pick her up. So I'm sure through out the day it's been more.

So tomorrow's conversation with the teacher will be about Time-Outs in general and why she feels she needs to dole them out.

We've been at this Center since the girls were 6 weeks old. We've had various problems with different teachers, but none very serious. Overall we LOVE the center and the attention the kids get and the care they receive. Just every once in awhile it seems we have to straighten them out! LOL

 

I'd definitely be upset. I don't think potty accidents should be handled with a timeout. I mean, accidents happen, she's 3!

 

Yeah sounds like something I'd get involved with the Director about. Timeouts for PT just isn't good. It is always a touchy subject because you get a daycare you like and there are going to be somethings that they do you might not like, but you hope those are few.

Heather

 

I agree with Heather about talking to the director again. If their policy is no time outs, then this teacher is violating that. As for how to handle accidents in the future, you just reassure her that accidents happen because she is still learning to use the potty, clean her up and encourage her to keep her undies dry next time. There is nothing else you should or could do because its an ACCIDENT! She didn't pee herself on purpose.

 

ANGRY. Worst thing to do is start punishing for accidents. Additionally, that teacher is violating their policy by using TOs. The Director needs to put a stop to it immediately. You have a teacher problem on your hands in a big way.

(I have NO tolerance for bad teachers anymore)

 

I would be totally pissed!

I agree with what someone said that if it was a repeated behavior and very obvious that she was doing it to tick the teacher off it is one thing and maybe needs to be addressed. However, even if she WAS mad at the teacher and didn't want to talk to her to tell her she had to go potty I don't think it is appropriate to punish her. She is still learning #1 how to potty and #2 how to deal with her emotions ... I think what would be more appropriate would be for the teacher to take the time to talk to her about the incident (in a caring way ... like "were you upset with me ... is this why you went potty?") and if so, the teacher needs to take the time to teach her that it is not an appropriate way to express your feelings ... isn't this what teachers are for ... to help teach these kind of things ... ARGH ... I would be steamed.

 

what she said!!

~~jl

 

I would be VERY upset!! I'm glad you talked to them about it. :good:

As for how she should "deal" with the infrequent accidents, how about a reminder that we need to pee on the potty, change her clothes and carry on. 2 accidents over several months isn't an issue, it's just an ACCIDENT. Sheesh!!

Good luck straightening them out. :hug:

 

I had a big ole reply, but wasn't logged in! I'll condense... I agree with the others!!!
Helen

 

every once in a while my son will pee while sleeping and they just clean him up and move on - its the reason you have to have extra clothes there!!! TO's for potty training are not justified...our school doesn't do TO's either they use the "thinking" method also...