Mommy messed-up!

We bought little potties for the kids at least two months ago. They were very excited about them and would sit with their clothes on every time they were in the bathroom. At bath time, I would suggest they sit on the potty after we had taken off their diaper. No such luck...I finally realized that I couldn't have any water in the bathtub since that was too tempting/distracting.

DD has peed on the floor a few times while waiting to get in the tub...I knew we were really close to getting her to pee in the potty, but I just couldn't get her to sit there long enough. HOWEVER, tonight we had success!! I finally just kept telling her that she would get a cookie if she peed on the potty (this kind of bribery is okay, right??).

Sure enough, she peed! I made a huge deal out of hit, showering her with praises and kisses...telling her how wonderful it was, etc, etc. DS was also so happy, clapping and cheering along with me. BUT...then I did a horrible thing...I only offered a cookie to DD. DS got very upset that he didn't get one and started to cry...and in turn, DD got really, really upset and didn't even want to finish her cookie. She was clinging to me, crying and holding out her cookie In retrospect, I could have saved the situation by offering DS a cookie, but DH had already walked off with the box and I was trying to console both crying, naked kiddos.

So, ladies...should I give DS a cookie/treat now when DD pees? How do I deal with this situation? It took awhile to get DD to calm down and I hope I didn't set us back at all with this whole PT-thing (though, I feel that active PT-ing is still a long way off for these kids). I kept bringing it up later before bed, telling her how great it was that she peed on the potty and that I am sorry that her brother got so upset because he didn't get a cookie. Hopefully she won't hesitate to pee the next time??

 

A reward isn't really going to work if you give it to both kids, if only one of them had success. What is going to be your DS' motivation/reward for using the potty?

Even though they are twins, they are 2 separate people and I truly try my best to parent them as such. Everything cannot be equal all the time. There are going to be plenty of times where one of them gets something that the other one doesn't, and for me it's something I want them to learn to cope with early on.

In the short term it is hard to deal with, but in the long term I think you will find taking this route will make your life a lot easier.

You can also use it to your advantage. If your DS see's that your DD is getting rewarded for going potty, then maybe that will be the motivation he needs to join the Potty Party. A little healthy peer pressure of sorts. I always make sure to explain to the child that did not get a reward WHY they did not get the reward, and what they have to do to achieve it.

Good Luck with the Potty Training. I am sure that your DD is not traumatized and she will pee in the potty again in due time. Try not to worry. :hug:

 

I agree with Krystyn. My DS was the first to start peeing in the potty and DD would get upset when he got a sticker and a M&M. DH and I would tell her that these are for pee and poo in the potty. Now she is the one who goes all the time and DS is the one who stops and starts with the potty. DS will go in it for a couple of days and then not do it for a couple of weeks.
You did do the right thing giving your DD a cookie for going in the potty, it's all new to them, so these kinds of things are going to bumps in the road along the way. :hug:

 

I agree with this. If you give it to both kids when only one went in the potty then it stops being a special reward.

My first thought was could you give something a bit smaller (M&M/chocolate button) so that it's eaten and gone quicker. I know at that age it would have taken mine a minute or so to get through a cookie, which is quite a long time for the other one to have to sit and watch with nothing. I completely agree that they need to learn they will not always get the same things, but I also think why draw it out? Much better to have something they can just pop in their mouth and get back to whatever you're doing.

You could also try not giving a treat at all, just do the cheering/clapping/praise thing. For some children that's enough on it's own.

Good luck, you are not horrible and I'm sure she'll be fine next time.

 

it is hard! We are attempting minimum potty training too... and truthfully, its just easier to do one baby at a time in the bathroom... at least since we are at the beginning of it all. I like the idea of the sticker chart - a friend recently suggested that.

but yes, if we offer the treat to both, then its not special...

good luck with it all!

 

While I absolutely agree in principle with what everyone else has said about rewards not working as well if you give it to both, I found I just couldn't do it. My two were like yours, they are extremely close and if I gave Lila an M&M and didn't give one to Luke, he would get upset, she would get upset & not even want hers anymore, there were tears all around & it was making for a very upsetting potty training environment. So, I just gave one to each of them and what I found is that they really started encouraging each other to go potty as well as going on their own, because they knew they would get an M&M either way. There were no more tears and both of them were fully potty trained with no real issues. The hardest part of potty training for me was trying to break the M&M habit after they were both potty trained! :lol: Anyway, you gotta do what's right for you, but I just wanted you to know that it can work either way.

 

I'm with Tina, you do what works for you and yours. I do agree with Kyrstyn and all that she said but for us, it just wasn't working that way. The first thing that we did was that I didn't really offer any rewards until we were really PT'ing. Yes, I did the dance and cheering when they'd spontaneously pee on the potty, but rewards came into the picture when they were in undies and we were really giving it a go. :good: I did one at a time and when that happened, the other got a reward as well IF (and of course they always did) celebrate their siblings success. I knew they would do this and they would get a reward plus it helped that their sibling was happy for them, I think for my two it meant more then me being happy. :lol:

You haven't traumatized anyone mama :hug: :hug:

 

Yes, I forgot that part! The other always congratulated the other one & made a big deal of being supportive. I guess I treated the treats more as a celebration than a reward and I often had one too (hey, I rarely turn down the opportunity to have an M&M!).

 

Great points, everyone! Thanks for making me feel better. We are not actively potty-training...just exposing them to the idea of sitting on the potty (naked, before bath). That is challenging enough right now!

So, I think the reward right now will be simply clapping, cheering, etc. I will save the animal cookies for the day that we start getting down to business!

As always, thanks for all the advice!