Anxiety over freedom in the house

We've always had a strict containment policy in the house. We have an inescapable playroom as well as our living room gated off. Each of these areas are totally babyproofed. They really do not go anywhere else in the house unless similarly contained (their cribs in the rooms, their high chairs in the kitchen etc). I knew that our ability to keep them on lockdown would be limited as they got older and more mobile.

We're finally at the point where keeping them in the living room is not working. They manage to escape every blockade we put up. If I'm in their with them, it's fine, but the minute I go to the kitchen or down the hall, they're like Indiana Jones looking for the Holy Grail. So now I get nothing done upstairs (where most of our living spaces are) because I'm trying to keep them in the living room. AND they're developing a bit of separation anxiety, so I can't leave them alone in the playroom without much screaming.

I am having a lot of anxiety about letting them loose in the house, particularly the kitchen. My biggest problem is that I am NOT a neat person. I mean I keep things clean, but there's clutter on the kitchen counter, dining room table etc. And I haven't been able to fix this about myself in 30 years, so I'm not sure if I can do it now. Keeping them contained meant I could focus keeping those few areas sparse, but now the clutter is worse in the spots they don't go.

I just am so anxious about the whole thing. I just have these visions of forgetting to lock the dishwasher and suddenly having a knife fight break out. It makes me feel like such a bad mom. My friends with singletons talk about how their kids are helping them cook or play on the floor while they make dinner and even considering that gives me a headache. I know no one can fix my brain, but maybe you can let me know how you kid proofed the kitchen and kept your house sane?

 

I'm afraid I have no suggestions, just sympathy :friends: DH keeps talking about opening more parts of the house to the kids, specifically the kitchen, and I keep telling him he has no clue about how tough it's going to be to babyproof the kitchen and still be able to work in it. I'm also a cluttery person and I keep moving the clutter to another room, but eventually I'm going to run out of hiding places!

 

I love your description of your "containment policy"; too funny!

I kind of subscribe to the "90%" baby-proofing theory. I baby-proof 90% of the house and let them roam free, keeping an eye on out to see what they're getting into. If it's too dangerous, I remove it. Otherwise I use it as an opportunity to tell them "no". So we keep the fireplace tools, TV/DVD, utensils, etc. out of their reach, but they can still get to my cookbooks. It drives me nuts when they mess with them, but it's not going to hurt them, so I tell them "no" and take the books away.

Now, I don't really feel comfortable yet leaving them on the first floor alone while I'm upstairs or in the basement for more than a few minutes. If I have to do something like laundry or showering, I wait until DH is there or they're napping. I'm sure this will get better as they get older (at least I hope :unsure: ) but this is what I do right now.

I do have to say, trying to cook while letting them roam the kitchen is miserable. They always start to melt down and hang on my legs whenever I try to get anything done. :gah: So cooking has to be done while there is another adult in the house, or I pop in a Baby Zombie Signing Time video and let them veg out.

 

Our house is one level and small (1200sqft) so it might be easier for me...but I do let them roam everywhere except our bedroom (because i can't keep that neat) or the bathroom for fear of them falling in the tub. My thought is that it's their house and they should be able to walk around their house. At times it's helpful because they find other things to do and by themselves! One will be in their room reading a book or playing with something, the other will be in the kitchen watching us work. We still have a toy drawer in the kitchen, but they mostly want to be around us. Yes that can be annoying but they also now understand what's okay and what's not okay to touch there.
BTW based on past posts I got the "baby signing" DVD. That is a lifesaver!

 

ha ha! I could have written your post! nope, haven't cleaned up my act, and yes, there is clutter everywhere! I have about given up... generally our house is safe... but since there is clutter on the counters, and they are getting taller (23 mo. old!) that means they are into everything. sometimes I subscribe to the thought process that if they have access to it, it isn't as interesting... but then things get broken too.

I have a little shelf that has a few framed pictures, 4x6 or 5x7s... sometimes they climb up and hold the pictures and say "papa"... for the pic w/grandparents in them... how can you reprimand that?! when they are being so cute. with that said, they've dropped the frames before and one of them did break the glass... ugh!

anyway, good luck - just wishing you lots of clutterfree juices. (that's what I'm hoping for!)

 

it sounds like we live in the same house! we have almost the exact same approach in our house. :good:

one thing we have done in the kitchen is left a couple of cupboards on the bottom accessible to the girls - they have pots/pans and tupperware in them. that way, when the girls want to "help" i just open up one of their cupboards & let them go to town. the rest of the cupboards are latched. we have worked on teaching them not to open drawers now that they can reach - frankly, i didn't want to pull out the drill again & latch all the drawers & they're old enough to understand so we just taught them that was a no fly zone.

 

That is a good way of doing it. I honestly feel I made the mistake of baby proofing too much. I had locks and latches on everything you can think of.

Sure it worked great in our house but whenever we would go somewhere they were like kids in a candy store at everyone elses house; opening doors, pulling out drawers ect.

About a month ago I took all the locks off the kitchen cabinets (except for the one under the sink). They will open and close them but it's no where near what it was like when I first took them off.

I feel if you let them explore now, they will get bored and move on to more appropriate toys.

 

I could've written your post, too. AND our boys figured out how to get out of the gate... and a BIG problem is DH and I don't agree on the level of babyproofing (I want furniture straps on everything, he says they need to live in the real world, etc...)

Our knife and utensil drawer is currently out of reach, but everything else is in reach. Pencils, pens are out of reach. There is a lock on the stove, no lock on the refrigerator or the dishwasher. We don’t leave them unattended for more than a few minutes in our somewhat-proofed area.



So, not completely proofed, BUT if it makes you feel better ours rarely open the drawers and don’t go for the dishwasher when it’s not open. They occasionally try to open the drawers or cabinets, but they seem to have lost interest in them most of the time.



What I’d do in your situation, just worry about the REALLY dangerous stuff- put dangerous things and hazards out of reach and/or locked and cover the electrical outlets (knives, chemicals, pens, pencils, choking hazards) let them strew toys everywhere to distract them. Don’t stress about the non-hazardous clutters or messes like bread crumbs, magazines, books, clothes piles, etc. Worst you’ll get is mangled stuff and more of a mess. If they get into drawers that have pots, pans, cups, etc. in them… you’ll probably hear it before they do damage to themselves or the dishes.

 

I've not about locked and latched every drawer... I had left a drawer with a bunch of small cutting boards in it... but then got tired of wondering if any were clean when I went to use them... so we latched it to.

ours totally started standing inside the dishwater so that got latched down too, and the freezer too when they figured that out. they can't get the fridge open yet, so maybe I can "teach" them to close it if they ever get strong enough to open that side...

 

Oh, wow, your little guys are into everything!

I'm with you on the anxiety. We've had stair accidents (figured out the gate, we FOUND OUT because 1 fell), but also just falling down and hitting head on furniture accidents

So let me pretend I’m my spouse now… people have survived centuries without babyproofing, and they will never learn what is dangerous if their whole world is cushioned in pillows. Better that they learn at home where we’re watching out for them than somewhere else.



Ok… now mommy reality… of course we still worry. IMO think you are doing a great job of keeping them safe, and will because you ARE thinking about it and worrying. You’re not a neat person but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a good mom and don’t try to keep them safe. Does that mean we can anticipate every situation and always keep them safe? No. But you are thinking about it and doing your best. That is a huge thing. (And you can un-baby proof stuff and teach them what is safe as they get older.)



IMO sounds like you’ve got the kitchen pretty much down. With them climbing into things :0 oven and freezer locks are good. Maybe get that fridge lock later. For now, I’d only worry about locking up and putting the really dangerous stuff out of reach and dealing with electrical outlets. If you have an extra room, or a garage, or a laundry room, or even a few extra cabinets, you can lock off that area for that stuff and keep it in one place.

The next step, if your kids are monkeys like mine, work on strapping furniture down that they’re likely to be able to topple over easily and make sure your stairs are gated. (I’m still discussing this with my spouse about this because we don’t agree…. We can’t find gate stairs that work with our weird banister, and he doesn’t agree w/me on the furniture… hopefully we’ll come to an agreement on what to do about this relatively soon)

I think you will be in a good place if you manage to get things you feel are necessary out of 1st set of recommendations done, and excellent shape if you eventually get any you feel are necessary out 2nd done. Clutter isn’t dangerous as long as it’s not toxic or a choking hazard. Don’t worry about changing yourself. Just make mental notes of any hazards and put those things out of reach, and they’ll be fine. Worse case they’ll get a little extra fiber in their diet (joking).