When one twin behaves and the other doesn't, on an outting what do you do?

Today I took my duo to an art class. I realized 5 minutes in that they were way too young for it still (it involved storytime and then painting at an easel)...anyways, DS took to it and enjoyed painting while DD immediately crumpled to the floor and started a tantrum. I held her and kept encouraging my DS to keep going...eventually he grew bored of it too and we left...there have been other occasions where one twin is happy and enjoying themselves and the other one is unhappy, throwing a tantrum, etc... usually we cut out but I feel so badly for the other child who is enjoying themselves! It's not fair! Just curious to know what you all do when faced with this kind of situation...I just feel like at this age it's sort of all or nothing when we're out. :gah:

 

I'm curious to hear other's responses to this because I feel the same way. My two are usually very good when we are out but I have certainly had times where one is acting up and the other is very good and my only solution has been, "Guess it's time to leave." I try to make sure that we have snacks, drink, and some toys on hand to keep them both occupied but that does not always work.

 

I had a similar situation over the weekend. I took them to the mall play area. My one son seen me drinking my coffee and wanted some. When I told him "no" he threw a tantrum. I had to fight to get him in the stroller and then I had to get his brother who had no clue what was going on. He did not fight it and I put him in the stroller as well. A few minutes later I gave them a snack and the tantrum thrower was all happy as can be.

Hindsight is 20/20 and the next time it happens (because IT WILL happen again. :ibiggrin: ) is to put the tantrum thrower in the stroller for a time out. Yes it will cause a seen but I really don't care.

Now if I don't have the stroller, I probably will find a corner for his time out. He's pretty good with staying put once I put him in a time out.

 

Right now for us, it's all or nothing. ardon: I know it's not fair, but they have very short attention spans and seem to get over the disappointment pretty quickly. It's just too uncomfortable and disruptive if one child is melting down, even if the other one is okay. If DH and I are together, one of us might take the "offender" off by themselves or to the car for a few minutes, but usually we just leave.

 

If there is a way to remove one child from the situation while letting the other one continue (and not bothering the other people too much), I try to do that. For instance, holding one at the edge of the playground, or stepping out of the room with her for a moment (assuming it's a small contained space where the other one can't come to any harm).

But if there's no way to do that, I will leave. It may be unfair to the other twin, but that's life, and as PPs said, toddlers get over disappointments pretty quickly. (This is not so much the case when they're older! But when they're older, you also have more options.) And it would be more unfair to the other people in the room if we stayed.

 

That's pretty much the situation with me all the time, one is happy and the other is not (I really think they plan it that way!). That's probably why I don't go alone to most places and bring my DH!
However, I have given one a time out in several different places and it works. She will sit anywhere, she knows she is being punished even when she is among a lot of people sitting on the steps, a corner in the playground or the kitchen floor in someone's home. That had helped us stay longer. If you start being firm at home with the "no's" and time-outs it does carry through when you're outside the home...at least most of the time

 

i'm glad you posted this - i've been wondering the same thing!