Presents and Punishment

2 quick issues deriving from my childrens' currently "challenging" behaviour. One is that their birthday is in a few months. I've had my eye on this whole Playmobil set - Fire Rescue. My boys live and breathe fire trucks and the like. This would come with 2 firetrucks, pumps that pump water, a billion firefighters, a fire station (and I'll order an extra so they can both have one), lots and lots of stuff. I organized my whole family to go in on it because it is way too expensive for one person. The toy store called to say that they are all in and I'm SCARED to bring it home. Every time I bring home a toy that I think they will like, I always make sure that there are 2 new things or something that they can both do together but it doesn't matter. They fight like cats and dogs over it. The newness just makes them so possessive. Isn't that sad. I don't want to give them something that they will like because there will be bloodshed (not literally ... hopefully). Anybody have any ideas on how to deal with it?

Also as things have been getting more and more challenging lately, I've been trying different punishments. Natural consequences for things that work that way (ie if Elias hits Ezra when they are playing in the same crib before bed, I take Elias and put him in his own crib or removing a toy that they are throwing) or time outs if there aren't any natural consequences to be had. Trouble is that they don't really care. They find joy and challenge in just about anything. And Elias is a thumb sucker and self comforts himself right away. They just don't seem to be phased by the "punishment". I don't want to do something in the abstract like "if you don't do x you will not get any dessert" It just seems like it is too abstract and too far away. And anyways, they honestly don't have many "privileges" that can be taken away. They usually have fruit for dessert and I want them to eat that and we only watch tv for a short spurt on the weekend so I can put away the groceries in peace. Any ideas?

 

My first quick thought with a new (& fantastic) present like that is to only bring it out to play with when you or DH have the time to sit down & play with it with them. When you are done, it gets put away. Next time you are free it can come out again.

That way you are there to model sharing and nip any behavior you don't want in the butt.

 

Good idea. In addition, I would talk to them about what you expect BEFORE bringing it out and let them know what the consequences will be (with natural consequences, it would be taking the toy away for however long you decide) if they break the rules. Then, I would have them repeat it back to me to be sure they understood. Finally, following through on the consequences if they break the rules. When they are really little, they may not remember the rules from one playtime to the next. But, if you remind them, have them repeat it back, and then follow through, it will cement it in their little minds. Pretty soon, you won't need to remind them anymore and can just enforce the consequences when they disobey and praise them when they do a good job.

 

Excellent ideas, Callen and Stacy, I agree..let them know what is expected up front and follow through.

 

What about a timer where they each have 20 mins to play alone and then the next persons turn. That is if they can't play together nicely. Or heck use if as a tool if they don't play nicely it gets put away.

 

As for your other problem, lack of things to take away, do they like stickers? My two are ga-ga for stickers and during the course of a day they get stickers when they do good things (not take away something for bad behavior)