together or separate for KInder?

I'm really on the fence about this. I can request them to be together in Kindergarten, the Principal suggest that they be separate so they can learn to be individuals. Don't they have the rest of their lives to be individuals? I think I want them to be together for Kindergarten because it's full time and their first big step at school. They go to pre-school now and play both together and separatetly, just like at home. WHat are the pros and cons for being together in Kindergarten? I think it would just be flat out easier? Less papers coming home, they will be able to interact w/ each other in the classroom, no worries about bus mixups, one teacher, one holiday party.....etc? I think they would be a little scared to be separated? But then they would acclimate to the adjustment?

 

Gosh I hate that :headbang: I doubt they need to learn to be individuals. They already are.

I don't have ID's but do have them in the same class. Simpler for me & we do not have any trouble. They play together, they play apart. Have their own friends, own interests & own ideas.


Some children do better apart, some do better together & some it makes no difference. YOU make the decision as YOU know your children best.



ETA - I know it is easier for me because of a lot of little things. Field trips, class activities, class parties, helping out - much easier for me with only 1 class.

 

We separated our boys in kinder because we noticed in pre-k one of them would hide behind his brother when we went to birthday parties and there were kids around he didn't know. It was an adjustment for him, but he did awesome and now you wouldn't even know he was ever shy - lol. In 2nd grade we put them together. They both were GT identified and they only had one GT teacher at the 2nd grade level. I was so excited they were together again, it was easier for me to attend parties and only have to go to one classroom, only have to take off work one day to go on their field trips (which were on different days in first grade). Also one of the boys always got the better teacher and I felt the other one was falling behind, it was so much nicer having them together and not having another teacher to compare their teacher too! They are together in 3rd grade too, not sure yet what will happen next year, depending on whether or not they have enough kids in the GT program to make 2 classes. The two years they have been together there have been no problems and it has made my life easier. The teachers have said they will sometimes sit by each other at lunch and sometimes they won't. Most days they will play together at recess, but not always. They tell us they are doing great, not hanging on each other all day long, so I'm fine with them being together.

 

We separated our frat boys. The school left it up to use. One was very dependent on the other. And they both push each other's buttons. While separation was difficult at first, they have absolutely thrived. Luckily, our school district offered summer school for kids entering K. So we were able to enroll them in summer school and test out separation. They adjusted and we've never looked back.

 

Mine are together. There are no issues of one dominating the other, they play together, they play apart, it just doesn't seem to be a problem at all. One of their teachers said "they are very independent of one another, but if one needs help the other is right there offering to help. They are best friends in the best way." It completely depends on your children.

 

I think people think they are "supposed" to tell you that that your little ones need to learn to be individuals. As if you (we) did not already know this.

What they do not realise is that they come out as individuals and even if there are similarities that they are not the same. It is frustrating and these are also the people that do not spend time with the kids either. Or if they do they have it in their heads that they are twins and that they as the instructor are going to have difficulties. I think it is a self fullfilling situation. Not that there are not children that do better apart, but most sets that I know act like yours, do well together but split up and have other friends as well.

I think the educators need to choose another statement along the lines of we want them to be successfull and the ensure that they are not (too) codependant or insular.

MIne look nothing alike and we have a music teacher that has trouble telling them apart. REally??!! And I mean really not alike, abt 8 pounds and a number of inches, one has darker hair, one is more sociable in class and the other interacts more with the teachers.

On a side note, it probably will not cut down on paper work, this is in fact doubled up in their class. But it makes helping at school and parties much easier that they are in the same class.

You know your kids, press for what you feel will benefit them the most.

 

Are some of you actually allowed to attend every party in your child's class? In our school, the only one that is allowed to do that is the room mom. All the other parents rotate, and may get to come to one party per year. I just go to one party for one, and another party for the other. That way, I don't have to split time at a party, and can actually spend some time with the child who is in the class. Our teachers arranged programs so the parents of the twins (there are 4 sets on our grade, and none are together), don't have to choose between the children.

From my experience as a parent and a teacher, I have found most multiples do better when apart. It helps them to find their own identity and friends. I have heard many people over the years on this board say "I wish I had split them apart earlier", and very rarely do people regret splitting them up.

As for the paperwork. you will get the same amount together or separate, teachers pass out flyers into mailboxes, and they don't look at names. Besides do you expect a teacher to decide that one is "more responsible" than the other so that one gets to take home the papers? Or to keep track of who got to take them home last time?

While some kids may be fine together, when you make the decision, it should be about what is best for the KIDS, not what is easier for the PARENT.

 

We are allowed to attend any & all parties, religious celebrations, assemblies, etc that we want/can. Do I attend all? No, of course not. I have 5 kids, a DH that works out of town, many volunteer responsibilities, etc.

I am not concerned about splitting my time @ each event. I spend time with my kids, usually some of the others and always make time to help out the teachers with a little something(cleaning up, cutting, etc). I do not feel the need to be beside my child the entire class.

I would hate to be told I could attend the Thanksgiving event & no other. Our classes never have trouble with Moms monopolizing class time. It all works out beautifully.

Again, I obviously have Frats and could not begin to comment on how it would be with ID twins - mine already have their own identity and friends. My belief is still that it is a very individual choice that can only competently be made by the parents.

Very true.

Is it easier for me? Yes and I do not feel there is anything wrong with that since it is not detrimental to my children.

I have been involved in schooling for my children for 10 yrs now and have never chosen myself over the good of one of them.

As parents we make choices all of the time - what is best for our children, what is best for ourselves, what is best for our family - these sometimes equate to easier.

Sometimes what is best for the parent or family IS what is best for the children.

 

I think it depends on the twins. My twins NEEDED to be separated for many of the same reasons stated above. They were very shy and too dependent on one another. Once separated, they both blossomed. Now, they still have many of the same friends, and sometimes they play together at recess and sometimes not. I am happy I separated them initially.

 

Thanks everyone for the great responses! Under careful consideration, I still have a few months to decide what to do. I am however, leaning towards keeping them together for Kindergarten then separate after that. I have FRAT girls and they are nothing like twins! One is a tomboy (Brooke) and the other is a little girly-girl (Nicole).

Callen-your comments are right on. So helpful!

 

Honestly, you know your kids best. If you think they need the year together to help with transition, then do it. All sets of twins are different and have different dynamics.

My kids are in the same class because I wanted them to have the year together to transition to being to school and away from me on a daily basis. (We didn't do preschool). As it turned out, the kids had to be together because there was only 1 full-day class and 1 half-day. To keep them on the same scheduele, they needed to be together. Our particular class has the kids divided into groups for about 1/2 the day. The teacher has made sure that they are never in the same group. Sometimes they play together at recess, sometimes not. We're about to make the descision about whether or not to keep them together or separate in first grade. It's going to be jumping from 3 hours a day to 7 and eating lunch at school. Another big transition. We're going to talk to the counselor and teacher to find out their opinions and the structure of first grade to make our choice.

As to the parents time in school, that is really up to the school. I'm volunteering in the classroom one day a week. I can drop by anytime I want. I have been to all holiday activities. There is no limit on parents. I can go to all assemblies. I'm volunteering in the library. She is wanting lots of extra parents for the up-coming field trip to the zoo. The parties for a grade are all at the same, school assigned time so I would be running back and forth for those. Some parents go up and bring their snacks in person and serve them up to class. If I had 2 classrooms, it would be decidedly harder to participate as fully as I do now in their class.

And the paperwork varies from school to school also. Alot of stuff goes out by email. Other things are 1 per family and given to only one of the kids. Since Sarah is alphabetically first, she usually gets the notices. Most things I only get one copy of.

So much varies from school to school and set of kids to set of kids. You need to talk to your school and come up with a plan that everyone feels comfortable with.

Marissa

 

We chose to separate them. It was our choice. It was a hard choice, but I feel it was best for us. I was really afraid as to how they would adjust to the big change without each other. But it was a good choice. Zack used to be very shy and is now very outgoing. Paige has always been outgoing. She was a little sad to go to a class by herself, but it didn't take long for her to adjust. They have both grown so much. They play together some days at recess, but for the most part they just play with their own friends.

As far as attending parties for their classes. I wasn't working for the first two parties they had so I did help. Their classrooms are just across the hall from each other and their teachers are great. Their parties are 40 min each and both at the same time. I spent 20 minutes with one class and 20 minutes with the other. It worked out great! Now I'm not sure the other mom's were that happy that I was only there for 1/2 of the party, but who's to say what they would do if they were in my situation, kwim? So it didn't bother me at all.

I am glad we chose to separate them and would do it all over again. But each situation is different. Good luck with your decision!

 

I kept my twins together for Kindergarten this year. There is one teacher I really adore and I couldn't stand the thought of one of them getting her and the other getting the other teacher (who I'm sure would have been fabulous, but I already knew I liked the other teacher a lot!) It has worked out well. My boys are identical but are very independent. They play together or apart, I don't feel like one is dominant over the other or that one is shy, etc.... It has been very convenient to have all the same homework, same schedule (gym, library, etc...), one email address to talk to the teacher, one classroom to get snacks for or volunteer in. It's much more convenient for me and I think it was the right choice for them.

I am going to separate them next year, though, and this is why: I feel like they are compared to one another too much. They are both doing very well academically. They are both at the top of their class, but there is still a little bit of, "Drew can read this many words in a minute but Nate can only do this many.......", even though both of them are reading many many more than they are required to read, KWIM? Their teacher tries very hard to keep them separate, but there are still comparisons that wouldn't be there if they weren't twins (i.e. just two children in the same class). I know that all of the first grade teachers are truly excellent and I think it's a good year for them to have different classes. I am hoping it's the right choice!

 

I'm also struggling with this decision.

Their preschool teacher recommended separating them, but didn't give any real reasons. I think that she just thinks twins should be separated.

I honestly feel they'll do fine either way. But, I know they do fine together, since they are together now. They don't seem to get lumped together as "the twins", they have their own friends, choose different activites, frequently don't sit together at snack time (at lunch they are assigned seats), etc.

We asked them what they wanted, and one said together next year, and the other said separate, so that didn't help . . .

I'm leaning towards keeping them together for kindergarten, and then revisiting the issue for 1st grade. It will be easier for us (the parents), and I think that counts for something, especially since I can't come up with any strong positives or negatives either way for the kids.

-Rachel

 

We separated. But we knew well before we got to that point that separating would be better for our b/g twins. Jake answers for Samantha alot. My best example is from an eye dr. appt at age 3. I took them by myself, so they both had to be in the room for the other's exam. They put pictures on the wall and they had to name the pictures. He answers much more quickly than she is able and would call out the names of the pics before she had a chance. I left that appointment knowing that Jake's vision was fine, but didn't know anything about Sam's! And that's typical. They were together in pre-k and were fine, but we wanted Sam to have a chance to have her own voice. I definitely think it's a personal choice and that you know your kids best to make that decision.

 

We'll be keeping them together. They have been in the same preschool class for two years and each have their own friends, etc. For K, the school has one full day class and then the other classroom is half day, so if I were to separate them, they would have to have a split schedule, one in the AM and one in the PM and that is NOT happening.

 

I plan on separating mine but having them in one class should would simplify things!

 

Our fraternal boys are in kindergarten right now together. Based on their preschool teachers input and knowing our boys, we felt comfortable with the decision to place them together. It has worked out EXTREMELY well on ALL levels for our boys. They are growing and yes....it is awesome for me as a parent! I am the classroom mom and I have throughly enjoyed my role with them.

They have mutual friends but each has their own best friend in the class. They are both doing great academically. Each has their own strength areas. Luke is in the highest reading group and is a wiz with math and money. Ben also excels with math and is an amazing artist. Being together has by NO means cramped their ability to be individuals. In fact, the teacher and students don't even think of them as brothers.

I think it should be a case by case basis. It does seem that many twins are dependent on each other. Go with your gut and input from their preschool teacher. We thought it would be just K together. Based on feedback from their teacher and them, ours will be doing 1st grade together also.

 

We've done it both ways at one point or another. Mostly, I want them together because YES, the have the whole rest of their lives to be apart! There are many, many reason for keeping them together... and there are some darn good reasons to separate them, too.

I did a ton of research on this for my kids in order to present a case to the principal to keep them together (who originally said they must be separated). In the end -- they are together! Some of the research shows that (for the most part) they do actually learn more when they are together in the classroom. Go Figure!

Now we just need to get our educators to read the latest research!

Kat
Mom to 2 sets of twins 26 months apart

 

That's fascinating! Thanks for sharing!

 

Our school welcomes parents to any and all parties as well, even though in 2nd grade the parent involvment is much less. I've been Head HR Mom for both classes for 2 years in a row, and Helper HR in Kinder, also for both. While I do pull my hair out sometimes, it's really not that stressful and the both girls know I'll have to split my time, if they insist on me being HR Mom and are fine with it. I do rotate which class I go first.

 

MY SIL has been a teacher for 30 years and she said that she could honestly say that the ones that were kept together in kindergarten did better than the ones that were seperated. She highly encouraged us to do this with the boys and I am thinking I will. I asked the boys their opinion and one said together and the other said apart. That was a few months ago when I asked and I havent revisted the subject since then. Currently they are in pre-k together but there is only one class there. My boys are ID but so very different in personality that most people who spend even a little time around them have no problem telling them apart. They both love each other and play together very well and also apart. I agree with everyone that you know your children best and know what should be the best situation for them. I am just glad we have the choice.

 

I have ID twins and I kept them together for K, 1 and 2. It was the best situation for my children and I do not regret it at all. Go with your gut and you will not regret it.

 

My boys will be in separate classes for kindergarten. Right now they are in pre-k for 6.5 hours a day five days a week and they are in separate classes. It's been pretty good for them because since they have been spending ever waking hour together since birth it really gives them a break from one another and it helps them to develop their own friendships with other kids. If my boys were in the same class they would most likely stay together and never really venture out to get to know other kids, not to mention when my boys are together all they wanna do is play--they live in their own little world lol

 

My ID girls will be starting kindergarten next year and we have decided to separate them. We came to this conclusion based on what their Pre K teacher told us and our own observations of one girl depending on the other. The best advice I could give would be to talk to their Preschool teacher, see what they think and then go with your gut.

 

My fraternal girls are together in all-day K. They are doing great. I asked the teacher to separate them within the classroom to the degree she could. They each have their own friends.

The teacher suggested I separate them next year - so that they could each be leaders in their own classrooms and not compete for this position.

I had planned to keep them together - but will now separate. I thought her comment hit home with my girls.

I did ask my girls multiple times what they wanted. One absolutely wants to separate - the other doesn't care.

Have you asked your kids what they prefer?

 

I would love to see the research that says they do better together. We are facing this same challenge in the fall and for me it is even harder because we will have just moved AGAIN and they will essentially be starting over, new house, new school, new friends, new everything. I'm leaning towards keeping them together but I still have time to think about it.

 

I am the mom of boy/girl twins who will be 7 next month. When they started Kinder, the principal gave me the same choice, together or separate. My advice to you is make it your choice. I separated mine. After watching them prior to entering school, I noticed that my daughter (one minute younger than her brother) was a mothering type. She liked to boss him around and take care of him too. My son (who had skull surgery when they were 2) was more than willing to take the commands of his sister and grew lazy because he allowed her to do everything for him!
In the end, I decided that even though twins ARE separate individuals, they needed space because they were inhibiting eachother. I was worried about them getting on the bus for daycare but our school offered a great solution. They put the twins in adjoining classes and allowed my daughter (the more responsible one) to leave her class 5 minutes early everyday to get her brother so they could walk to the bus together!

It is your decision, but if you notice any behavior like I did with mine, I would recommend separating them. They will still see eachother on recess and lunch and it will help them be less dependant on eachother.