Missing out on things because they're twins

Does anyone else feel that their kids are missing out on a lot of things because they're twins?

I can't handle them outside alone. We went to the children museum this week end with dh and it was a nightmare as DS kept running off everywhere... there's no way I could handle that alone. It's the same outside... I can manage to get them to the car and back usually, but DS will still let go of my hand and run off from time to time (it's safe but still).

The end result is that when I take them out alone, they're in the stroller, period. I can't find any fenced playground around here with a play structure that won't get them killed if I'm not looking, so that's out. Running in open areas is definitely out. There isn't any inside play area close either. My singleton mom friends are taking them to the library, swimming etc... I just really can't deal with that alone (the library I went to is huge and there isn't anything to do for toddlers anyway).

Does anyone else feel this way? I just can't help thinking that we're all missing out on so much (that, and with no fenced yard we're bored out of our minds).

 

Give it a couple of months and start doing 1-2-3 Magic with them! I felt the same way when mine turned 2. Now at almost 2.5, I don't even make them get in a grocery cart at the store, they can walk along side of me. I taught them to "freeze" when I say it, and when mommy says freeze that means to stop and listen. I tell them to freeze in parking lots while I load the first one in the car, or when the first one gets out out of the car she freezes. They love it, they think it's a game.

Right around 2 they really made a transition from being babies to being sturdy kids. They can play on all the structures at the park, and best of all they actually listen and follow directions. Most of the time.

 

Yeah, I feel the same way. :hug: I often compare what our oldest son was able to do at their age and I feel like I'm depricing gthem of experiences! He had been out to eat so many times by the time he was 2, he just tagged along wherever we went. They have been out to eat various times over the past 2 years - but nothing like Lennon was. Lennon went everywhere with us - now if we have a lot of errands to run, we ask the grandparents to watch them. It is just too hard with all 3. I did push my comfort levels today and took them to the doctor without a stroller - and they held my hand and did really well. But I could never take them somewhere without a stroller for a long period of time - the zoo, the museum, a big playground, etc. Fact of the matter is, it is hard. There is only one of us and two of them. You just can't physically do everything moms of a singleton can for safety reasons. And for sanity reasons!

But, I also watch the two of them play and smile at each other and talk and they have become such buddies - and our oldest DS didn't have that, either. He also didn't have an awesome older brother like they do. So, he missed out on stuff too!'

You just have to do the best that you can do. If that means taking them to the park in a stroller and letting one out to run while you push the other one and then switching places, so be it. They will get older, it will be easier at least in regards to taking them places. They won't remember that when they were 2 they never got to run around the park free like all of their singleton friends!

We don't have a fenced-in yard, either, but they have been very quick to learn the boundaries of where they are allowed to play. They never attempt to go in the street. You might be able to work with your two on that and at least you guys could get outside more. :hug:

 

I think Jori hit the nail on the head here. Do what you can do. They have each other which is more than enough. It is so neat to watch them. They will forever have a friend/playmate. It is hard to deal with two kids. I've missed out on field trips and stuff because it would have just been too stressful for me. :hug:

 

:hug: I think some of it is age..... 2 is hard.

If you and DH took them to the museum--that is one parent for one kid.I would put the running around as age!

At 2 there is lots of running around and not much listening. It gets better!!

At 2 I used the stroller constantly, but I truly think I would have if it was one child as well. They walk slow at 2 and if I am at the mall or store -it was too slow.

Sometimes it would be easier to just have one child when I am out and about, but for a long long time DH worked long hours and well-- they went with me or I did not go. Sometimes it was awful, but with time they have gotten better and learned (not to say we dont have a bad day here and there).

For playgrounds-- can you go to schools are school lets out?? OFten school playgrounds are fenced for safety and late afternoon/evenings they are pretty quiet. That is one of our favorite summer time evening activities.

There is a trade off. My twins play so well together most of the time, I get more done now that they are older than my friends that have 4 yr olds begging them to play. They have learned SO MUCH from each other that it amazes me, I am grateful that there are 2 of them to play together. They may miss out on some errand running and 'spontanous' activities (we also could not do Mommy & me classes w/o a one to one ratio), but overall I think the fact that they have a built in playmate makes up for anything they may miss out on.

I think 2-3 was rough due to the age. My best defense was to one on one them (DH and I) when I had things like zoo, grocery shopping, museums, etc. as much as I could!

 

I felt very overwhelmed with taking them out alone. I still don't do the grocery store alone. But, I did discover one thing that really helped me. I bought the cute animal backpacks that had what I will call "Politically correct" leashes on them. I never let them run the span of the "tail". They were taught to hold my hands and then I looped the end around my wrist. That gave me the peace of mind that if they dropped my hand to do a runner, they could really only get 5feet from me. I didn't allow them to run the length of the tail, because, then they would think they could run until something slowed them down. My MIL and I recently took them to FLA and they were very excited to use the backpacks to carry their stuff and we felt safe connecting in Chicago with 2 3 yr olds and luggage!

It definately made me more willing to take them to the mall, playgrounds, etc.

 

The school playgrounds I've seen here are not fenced... I don't really get it either.

I agree about the play partner though... so true. I'm really glad that I can let them play together and have some free time (as long as I don't leave the room)... I'm not sure how I would have done with a singleton that want attention all the time.

 

This is exactly what I do. I know what you mean Fran, I feel like my two miss out on a lot, we (meaning the two of them and me) do not go to places where they cannot be contained. They are getting better with listening and I hope when they are older we can do more of those activities but right now I just do the best I can. I only go stroller free where there is another adult with me.

 

Yes and no. I feel that way when my sister takes her son to swimming lessons, I can't do that by myself. Their dad works at night and I work during the day, it's impossible. So I feel they are missing out on that but in a few years, it won't be an issue.

However, I feel sorry for singleton kids that don't have that lifelong friend and companion by their side at all times. When I am busy, my twins play together, they keep eachother company. They snuggle up with eachother at night.

I think it's the single kids that are missing out

 

I've felt it from time to time. But, from day 1, I never let having twins slow me down. We went out daily & still do. The more you do it, the better it'll get. I haven't used a stroller since mid summer last year (and the wagon only occasionally after that...for places like the zoo), mine are excellent with holding hands. But it's something we've worked on for a LONG time. All my friends with singletons would comment on how well mine held hands, but I told them they HAD to or we'd never get out of the house !

A lot of our playgrounds aren't fenced in either & a good chunk of them are right next to water or a busy street (seriously, who thought that out?). However, I've never had an issue. If mine start to act up, we leave. They learned quickly to start listening.

Just today I realized how awesome it was for them to have each other. We went to a park & it was just the 3 of us there. They played together SO nicely. Had I only had 1 child, I'm sure they'd have been bored or making ME climb through the tunnels & run around (I got to sit on the bench & enjoy myself). However, last summer, when they were just 2, I spent the entire time chasing after them to ensure their safety & to help them....what a difference a few months make!

We also use 1-2-3 Magic & we love it! And we were lucky to find a Sunday afternoon swim lesson, so our boys got to go to swim lessons for the 1st time last month! I've never tackled a library (mine are SO loud), but I sure want to try!

I'd start with 1 day a week & pick something to do...ie a store, the mall, etc. Try them without a stroller. When they start getting more used to it, start going more. Eventually, it'll be second nature to them. Start practicing hand holding at home. Start talking to them about rules (ie no running away from mom at a store, always hold hands in a parking lot, etc). Start talking about consequences. It'll help for the actual event.

As for outside, we also don't have a fenced in yard & I'm always nervous. Last summer, after a week or so, the boys had the rules down pretty good. This spring they've started to push boundaries & try me, almost like they 'forgot' the rules. So, we've had some hairy moments (jolting into the street, going in the house w/o telling me, etc). Each of them is a learning experience & now they are getting better!

I can't imagine being stuck inside every day. We'd all go crazy. I wish you the best of luck trying to get out! You need to...for your sanity & theirs!!!

 

The only thing we missed on really is mommy and me swim. Everything else we do. Where there is a will there is a way

 

I think there is certainly an age with multiples where you don't get out as muc. You certainly don't go out with them alone because you are simply outnumbered and it is just not worth the trouble. I agree with give it a few months and you will notice a little difference. The 2.5 mark and they start listening a little better. I have noticed that they are listening a tad better and following instructions a little better. In turn, I am starting to give them a little more leeway. We do not have a fence around our backyard and I use to not let them off the fenced in patio if I was home alone with them. Now I can and I feel pretty confident that they will listen. We have also been using 123 Magic for several months now and I would highly recommend it. I think that has helped us out tremendously.

 

It will get better. They will start to listen more and you can use something like 1-2-3 magic to help them learn to listen.

That stinks that there aren't any fenced in play grounds near you. I started taking the girls to play grounds at an early age, but even now I wouldn't dream of taking them to one that wasn't fenced in. I know that last spring the play ground trip was very stressful for me because the girls wanted to be able to climb on all the stuff and were just learning how (ladders, big kid slides, etc), but this spring its a totally different world. I just commented to my sitter yesterday when we were at the park "Remember last year when their little legs weren't big enough for that ladder, and now look at 'em?"

Also, can you hire a mother's helper or nanny? Even for a few hours a week to help you get them out will 1) give you the confidence to get out there, 2) give the kids exposure so they can start to learn what they can and can't do in public (like running away from you), and 3) give you a little break so you can have some one-on-one time with your kids.

As for missing out on stuff, yeah my girls didn't get to do gymboree or mommy and me, and some of the library programs required one adult, one child when they were little. But they also have gotten a lot of experiences because they are twins. They learned to share from the beginning, they get to play with their best friend all the time (and fight, but mostly play these days), and they are more outgoing at the park when I take them because together they introduce themselves to other kids and invite them to play.

:hug: GL figuring it all out.

 

There were many times I couldn't take my son places because he was so active that I just couldn't handle him..I mean constantly trying to get away from me..it was a nightmare. I decided with these two I would try some things to see if I could have an easier time with them when we went places. So, from the time they were old enough to walk well without me I started taking them to places that didn't have fences, but was safe for them. We have a huge field by our house and a nice bike trail about 15 minutes away. We would walk everyday at one of those places without holding hands and "practice" the right way to walk with mommy. The whole time we walked I will tell them constantly about staying with mommy and not running away and why they shouldn't run away. It was lots of practice and lots of reminding them to stay on the path, or not walk away, or stay with mommy. But now, I can go practically anywhere with just them and me and not worry about them taking off on a whim. There are still occasional reminders, but I think the effort I put in with them helped. Is there any place that maybe you could do the same with your two? I know all kids are different, but maybe a little practice for them will help you out.

 

The problem for me is that DD was only able to walk outside at 23 months, so before that I never got the practice that so many moms get at 12 or 13 months, when they are still a bit too scared to really try to get away. DS was walking at 12 months but DD threw a tantrum if he was out and wasn't, so I just didn't take them out that much (except in stroller). They had their first outside walk in January!

 

while un-politically correct we used harnesses from the time they were 18 mos old and would not sit in the stroller anymore - DS nearly hung himself trying to get out...also too what about the grocery store or Walmart/Target...those are adventures too and you can buckle them into a double cart - even if you purchase nothing but a pack of gum mine used to LOVE riding around and seeing the colors etc...

 

nope- not alone! Mine will be three in a few weeks and I still have a hard time handling them alone. I know compared to singletons, they're too old to be in a stroller still, but we have to do it. The few times I try to brave it, I totally regret it! I do feel like they miss out a lot. I had to take them out of Gymboree when they were 2 because it was just too dangerous with just me. And I agree with the park thing too. I'm still not comfortable doing a playground alone. There's been a couple days recently where I've taken one to MDO and kept the other with me, and it is NIGHT and DAY! I swear, it is SOOOOO much easier. Parents of just one kid have no clue how easy they have it!

 

I agree with alot that has been said about the fact that it will get better when they mature a bit. I thought that they missed out on more when they were much smaller, but when they got to the 2's we just started getting social. But just as it was in the first year, the more you get out and go the better it and they will be. You have to teach them what is acceptable. But you also have to be willing to chase down a toddler while carrying another toddler. ardon: It's not easy or pretty, but it can be done. :lol:

 

BTDT with lots of screaming from the one who is being carried... and then once you catch the other you have to carry BOTH screaming toddlers. Its a great work out. Thats why it might be a good idea those first couple of times to get a neighbor kid, or hook up with another mommy, to get out together.

 

haven't had time to read the other responses, but i have found that using our little harnesses (the leash things) has made things much easier. we go to the ymca or other places where there's a long walk from car to "place" and now we just put on our backpacks! the boys don't mind them at all--and they HATE being in a stroller, car seat, etc. we used to just use them for walks around the block (mine need lots of exercise) but now they give me freedom that i really apprecaite!

gl, jl

 

I used to feel exactly the way you felt when mine were about 2 years old. I thought they were missing out on alot of stuff that single babies get to do. Well, I don't feel like that anymore because I now have a singleton and know that it's only the first baby who gets to do all the stuff you think you should do with your baby. The second and third children basically tag along to whatever their older sibling is doing, whether it's playdates, classes, or activities. In comparison to second and third born kids, my twins got much more age-appropriate activities because I could cater to their needs exclusively.

I wanted to suggest taking your kids to a public tennis court. Tennis courts are usually fenced in all around and have doors that stay shut. During weekday mornings, not alot of people use them, so the kids can run around to their heart's content. I used to take my boys to tennis courts and let them chase balls whenever they needed outdoor exercise.