Need some advice

Hi ladies,

I was hoping I could get some feedback on something that came up this week. My MIL asked if she could take the girls to visit an elderly friend of the family who lives on her street. One of the neighbours is hosting a small birthday tea for her so I imagine there will be a small group of people there. She didn't mention anything about whether I should accompany them or not (I have e-mailed her to clarify but haven't received a reply yet). Ava does great with company - she is relaxed and full of smiles and tolerates being passed around quite well. Vivian, on the other hand, is much more sensitive and often gets upset when held by strangers. Even today my mother and her friend dropped by to visit and Vivian started crying when both of them tried to hold her and wouldn't stop until I took her. She also got upset recently when I took her to a colleague's baby shower (there were about 15 people there) and I had to take her out of the room in order to calm her down. So I suggested to my MIL that maybe I should come along in case things get ugly. Then at the end of my e-mail I kind of backed off and said maybe I should just "untie the apron strings" and let things happen. At the same time I can't stand the thought of my LO get getting upset (this little lady has a set of lungs on her) without mommy or daddy there to comfort her. So my question is this: am I being overprotective in wanting to accompany my girls on this visit? Should I just "let go" and trust that my babies will be fine without me around 24/7?? TIA for your thoughts.

 

While this sounds like a great fun opportunity for the girls, it sounds like your MIL would not be capable of handling Vivian and Vivian would not be comfortable without you there. What is your MIL going to do when she has a meltdown at the party?? Given this, I would not let her go without you. And then try to work on--over time-- getting Vivian comfortable with your MIL.

Next weekend, both kids are going over to my parents' house without me. They have both spent time with and are very comfortable with my parents and my mom is just as capable as I am of handling both at the same time. My kids do not feel comfortable with my MIL and my MIL has not demonstrated that she is able to care for both at the same time, so I would not send
the kids anywhere alone with her.

I think it is great for kids to get new experiences like this, but it really has to be with an adult they trust and right now--if I understand you correctly--she's not completely comfortable with your MIL.

 

I am surprised that she isn't completely comfortable with her yet because she does come by to visit at least once a week. It seems like Vivian just recently started getting upset around people she doesn't see every day. But I definitely agree that I don't think she'd be able to handle Viv that well if she had a meltdown at the party. She is pretty easily flustered and I think that her anxiety/tension would probably only make things worse. Thanks so much for your feedback!!

 

I would not let them go alone. I'm not necessarily overprotective, but my older dd was incredibly shy around anyone, even people she knew. She couldn't handle any kind of crowds, and rarely went to anyone but david and I. She has finally outgrown that and isn't nearly as shy, but we were very careful not to push her if she wasn't comfortable with doing something. Pushing won't help, it'll actually hinder them. So in my opinion, until Vivian outgrows this shyness, I wouldn't leave her without you unless absolutely necessary

 

I am total control freak. If I thought one of my kids was going to cry and no one could soothe them but me, I would go. They are still little and might need their Mom a bit more right now. It's okay to feel that way. :hug:

 

I don't know about this particular situation, but I do think you should give MIL a chance in general or else you will never be able to have an hour or two to yourself. Babies tend to do better with others when we are not around. When we moms are around, all they want is us.

 

I agree with this - or how about if your MIL just takes Ava and leaves Vivian with you and then next time she can take Vivian and leave Ava with you...most people understand that babies cry and and she does take both perhaps Ava can be the passed baby this time and Viv can stay with your MIL...

 

I'm not too over protective but at that age I would go along just for an extra set of hands. We all know how hard it is to go somewhere alone with 2 babies without the added stress of "stranger danger"/separation anxiety. I think its great your MIL wants to take them but I would just tell her you are going as an extra set of hands.

 

Thanks for the advice ladies! I ended up going along and both girls were very calm and well behaved. She ended up inviting the neighbour over to her house to visit with them instead of taking them to the get together where there would be more people. All in all it worked out great! Thanks again.

 

glad it worked out!