Gifts for your LO's

Sorry if this is a bit long. My LO's are turning 1 in a few weeks and I am starting to get calls from family about what they want. Um . . . they are 1. They don't want anything except to be loved, fed, changed, and entertained/talked to, etc. Ok, I know I am being a bit snarky, but here's my "problem". My inlaws go WAYYY overboard when it comes to gifts. Christmas was obscene. The twins got 2-3 toys and 2-3 outfits from each person in my DH's family (parents, sister, aunt/uncle, grandparents, etc). We asked for money for their college fund.

Recently, my MIL called and wanted to know what to get them for their 1st birthday and my DH told her money for college fund or books. My SIL, who has a 3yr old, asked the same question and got the same answer to which she responded "yeah, right. like that will happen".

Here's the thing: it isn't that we don't want the kids to have toys. It's that we ae trying really hard to make sure they don't grow up focused on material things and all their "wants". We have been basically trying to tell our families this, but it seems to be ignored. The other issue, I am sure, is that my inlaws love to do Christmas up BIG. It's all about the gifts and having lots of them. So, if we tell them not to get our kids too much (i.e., 1 toy and 1 outfit from each person), we will be either forcing this on my SIL's kid or creating a situation to have to explain to our twins why their cousin got ton of gifts and they only got a few. We will also risk making it seem like we are judging my SIL and her husband as well as my inlaws and how they choose/chose to raise their kids.

UGH!! I feel like this is a no win situation and I don't know how to handle it. Am I being ridiculous wanting to limit the amount of "things" my kids get for Christmas and their birthdays? Please help!

 

You are not being ridiculous at all. When my nephew was born 7 years ago (which was my parents first grandbaby) my brother and SIL imposed a very reasonable "rule" that each family member was only allowed to get my nephew ONE gift. They didn't want him to grow up focusing on material things, but also they just didn't have a lot of room for a bunch of plastic toys that would be used for a month and then ignored and eventually thrown out. So I would just suggest that you have DH talk to his family and say something along the lines of "I know you want to shower the babies with gifts because you love them, but we would prefer that they not grow up focusing on material items. So please just get them ONE gift per family member. If you get them more than one toy then please don't be mad at us when we donate the extras to charity to more needy kids." Or something to that effect anyway. GL!

 

Honestly, this is a battle that I gave up on. My kids are most likely the only grandkids my parents will ever have and the only small kids on both sides of our families. I tried limiting gifts, but no one wanted to listen and for years it drove me crazy.

I finally realized that I needed to approach it differently. With my parents, I asked them to give my kids activities instead of toys. So now my parents pay for ballet instead of giving them a bajillion Christmas gifts. For birthdays they often give things like swim lessons, a gym class, or a music class. I ask aunts and uncles for things like gift certificates to museums, movies, play places, a local zoo, ect.

 

I don't think you are being ridiculous. My mom is one of those "big" Christmas people too. She doesn't do a lot of gifts, she goes for the expensive stuff. One really expensive thing. UGH, it REALLY annoys me because the stuff she gets is just so over the top. And I will admit it makes me angry, well among other reasons, because it totally outshines anything my husband and I get the kids. I say accept the gifts with a grin and then go exchange them. This will work while the kiddos are still young at least. Pick one of the gifts that you want your kids to keep and allow them to open that with the family but tell the family that you are going to wait until you are home or wait until later (if you are at home) to open the others, and then exchange it. You may only get store credit, but then you can get them what they need like diapers and clothes and car seats and stuff like that. This past Christmas my mom got the twins the exact same toy. A huge toy at that. I left them in the box at my mom's and then the next day I took them back to the store. We got Bumbos for the babies instead. It's something they needed and that we use all the time and something my mom NEVER would have bought because she constantly tells me "Grandmas are for the fun stuff." For the twins birthday I'm going to tell everyone what I told them for Izzy's 1st birthday. Please get clothes in too big sizes that they will grow in to. I'm going to also add personal fav books from childhood to that list.

 

I kinda wish we had this problem. DH's mom doesn't believe in celebrating Christmas or birthdays, really (there was nothing for the boys when they were born). My parents mean well, but are on the edge of foreclosing on my childhood home & tend to give wacky gifts (onesies they insist on them wearing in Nov. that my dad glitter-glues each babies' name on... Which immediately peels off).

While I don't want to raise materialistic kids either, I wish we had relatives in our lives that could do a big gift like cribs or car seats. Or a nice gift for that matter. I do like all the pps suggestions, ESP. The charity one.

 

Same here. I used to be shy about all of the gifts that were given to our kids by my DH's family or mine. I really didnt know how to accept all of them and they were very generous. But, I have gotten used to it. It is how they want to share, not about me. It makes them feel good. But they also have contributed to the kids college fund as well.

 

Thanks for the replies everyone! I agree with everyone - and, I hope I haven't come across as unappreciative of my inlaw's generosity. I know a lot of people in this world have nothing and would give anything to have my "problem". I guess that's part of the reason why this is all so frustrating because I want to raise kids who are empathetic towards and aware of those who have less - kids that are socially responsible, gracious, and selfless. I also realize that, deep down, this is a bit of a control issue between me and my inlaws, too. A part of me resents that they are putting us in this position and don't seem to respect how we want to raise our kids.

Having said all this, I love the idea of putting a limit on gifts and then giving anything over that to charity. I also agree, though, that once we clearly set the "limit", we probably just need to let it go. I know there are more important things in life to worry about than this.

Thanks for all the support, ideas, and advice! I am already feeling better.

 

I completely understand how you feel. I didn't mean to belittle your problem. My parents live next door and over the years it has sometimes felt like a battle to get them to respect how I am choosing to raise my family. I gave up on the presents quite simply because there were other issues that were more important to me. I also had to put boundaries up regarding things like feeding my kids crap, buys unsafe baby stuff, ect.

Regardless of overgifting, you can still raise your kids to be empathetic and charitable. My older girls know that they get too many presents and they also know that there are a lot of kids whose parents can't afford to buy them any. We make a point every year of having them pick an ornament from our church's angel tree and then they shop for the child we selected. At Easter, Christmas, and Thanksgiving we make a special trip to the grocery store and my girls help me pick out a full meal to donate to a family in need. They also help me prepare food to donate to a homeless shelter. My 6 year recently came downstairs and gave me her piggy bank because she wanted to send the money to the kids in Haiti who had lost everything.

My point is that as long as this is important to you, then it will become important to them.

 

You are absolutely right and I truly appreciate your suggestions of asking for activities in lieu of toys/games as well as your perspective on teaching my kids through example and through participation in charitable programs. I needed this! And, I did not take any of your comments as belittling at all. They were very helpful.

PS I think you are a saint for living next door to your parents!

 

Me too! :faint:

 

for ours 1st birthday we did pretty good... mostly my side focused on some outdoor toys, which was nice (from my "list" of things I'd like for them to get). but for Christmas... everyone did well except for my brother... ugh - they'd asked, and I said "wooden toys" like push/pull things. well, we got at least 3 or 4 each of plastic toys!!! well, they did also get us a used kitchen set so that was cool. but one reason for me requesting wooden toys was that 1) they seem to be nicer and 2) they cost more so maybe we'd get less stuff!

ah well, maybe we can ask for those items at their 2nd birthday...

good luck! its hard to know what and how to say!

 

I have to say though, that the way YOU are raising your kids is going to count for more in the long run, than whether they get a boatload of toys at christmas and birthdays Not to say your requests aren't reasonable, but 1 or 2 days of the year of "spoiling" will not set them up for a lifetime of being materialistic. :hug:

I live next to my inlaws and have the opposite problem, one year they bought my 2 yr old dd a play cell phone (you know, the $3.00 kind) and my nearly 7 yr old ds a remote control car, for toddlers (1 button on the remote). My MIL always says "They have everything, you buy them too much!" Anyways, there are times I wish I had the other problem, but the grass is always greener on the other side! :lol: