Need Sleep Help and Suggestions!

So my boys are going to be 6 months next week, and dh and I are having an awful time with them at night. We try to get them into bed between 7-7:30pm, and they usually fall asleep pretty quickly. But then about 40 minutes later, one is getting up, so we go in and feed them some more, then the other, and it will continue like that for an hour or so.
They usually are sleeping by 9ish, and then will wake up anywhere from 11:30pm - 1am. We try and give them some more formula in hopes that it will hold them off a few hours. Last night, one of my boys woke up at 1am, fed him, then woke up again at 3:30am, and was pretty much awake and smiling. He didn't really fall back to sleep until almost 5am and then woke up at 6:20am for the day.
My husband had the other twin (cause we split up at night) and his waking at night was similar.
My dh and I really can't take anymore and are considering doing CIO. For those that have done it, can you tell me your experience? Did you just do it going to sleep or also if they wake at night? How long did it take to start seeing results? When doing cio did you feed your babies at night? Also, did they have a pacifier? Also what was your method - meaning wait 5 minutes go in there, wait 10 minutes go back in there, etc?

I know there are lots of questions but I really feel as if I cannot go another night like this. If anyone can give any advice that would be greatly appreciated!

 

So are your babies breastfed or bottlefed? And were they born premature? Just wondering about BF because it seems like often times BF babies don't eat as much as bottlefed babies so they wake to eat more often. If your babies are bottlefed and are gaining weight ok then I would probably try CIO too. We just started doing that ourselves last week for night wakings. Both boys go to sleep fine between 7:30pm and 8pm, but Colin especially was waking 3-5 times a night between 9pm and 5am, which is why we started CIO last night. A lot of moms here have had success with the extinction CIO method (where you don't go in at all) but we're trying a modified Ferber method first. Basically, if a baby wakes up shortly after going to bed I always go and pick him up because our boys are notorious for having stubborn burps stuck, and usually I get a burp out as soon as I pick them up. After that I might hold them for a minute or two but then put them back in the crib. Sometimes they go right back to sleep, other times they cry and I just let them. 99% of the time it is Colin who is waking up and crying, but so far his cries haven't disturbed his brother enough to wake him up. If a boy wakes later in the night I know they don't have any burps stuck by then so I just go in and rub their back for a minute (which occasionally works to calm them down) but then I leave the room and let him cry. So far Colin has cried at most only 15 minutes before he goes back to sleep. After 10 minutes of crying I once went back in to rub his back and let him know I hadn't abandoned him, but then I left again and he stopped crying 5 minutes later.

Anyway, CIO is still new for us too but so far the night wakings have become much more infrequent and they typically don't cry for very long. If this method doesn't eventually break Colin's night waking habit or he goes back to waking more frequently then we will try the extinction method.

GL!

 

Thanks for your reply! My babies are bottlefed and they were born at 37.5 weeks. They really haven't had any issues and are gaining weight well, both over 17 lbs.
So later in the night when they wake up, you don't feed them? I don't know if I should be feeding them or not. I'm not really sure if they really need that bottle or if it has just become a habit. When they have their bottle in the morning, they usually end up not finishing it -- usually 2 or 3 ounces left.

 

No, at this stage they never get fed in the middle of the night. About a month or two ago Brandon had a bad habit of waking up once, anywhere from 12am to 3am, and he wouldn't settle back down until we gave him a little 3 oz snack bottle. We started to cut that down to 2.5oz and were going to keep cutting it back, but he just stopped waking up like that after 3 or 4 weeks - thank goodness! now he is our really good sleeper and totally STTN 95% of the time. Colin wakes a lot but he usually only wanted a quick cuddle and not fed. But that is what we are doing CIO for now, to break him of his nightwaking habit because it was driving us bonkers!

I think it sounds like your babies are waking out of habit. If you are hesitant to try CIO, maybe you keep cutting back how much you give them through the night so that they will figure its not worth waking up for and start STTN?

 

When doing cio, i guess you shouldn't be giving a pacifier, since if it falls out they will want it replaced and you want them to fall asleep on their own right? when they wake at night, sometimes we can give the paci and they will go back to sleep, but eventually they will wake up again and not take the paci. i do think that they are waking out of habit and am really considering doing cio and not feeding at night anymore. it may be a rough few nights :blink:

 

Plenty of people here use pacis and it helps calm their babies. But every so often somebody will start a thread venting about having to plug pacis that fall out several times a night, and every time I see one of those posts I am SO thankful our boys never really got in a paci habit! They just stopped wanting them around 4 or 5 months old, and now we only ever offer them when the boys are really worked up and upset about something (and sometimes they'll take it and sometimes they wont). anyway, I don't think pacis are necessarily bad. It's whatever will get you through the hard times NOW and you can deal with consequences later

 

We were in the exact same boat as you and finally did CIO. My ped had told us that after 4-5mos (obviously this varies depending on baby weight and growth status), they did not need a night feeding. We tried so many other things - going in and giving pacifiers, cutting back on the amount of formula for the middle of the night feed, then changing formula to water... none of it worked for us. So, we went cold turkey. The first night, we put them down at their usual time (7:30) and they were back up at 11. We went in, tried to soothe them, and then left the room. That just enraged them even more, and of course, we caved and followed the usual routine.

The next night - we didn't go in at all. I won't lie, it was horrible. They cried for 90 mins (off/on). We could peek in and see that they were fine, they were just angry that we weren't playing by the usual routine. I was convinced they would hate us in the morning. They went to sleep after awhile, and the next day were smiles & joy again.

Night #2, they cried for 45 mins (off/on), night #3 they cried for 20 mins, night #4 they cried for 5 mins and now they go down without a peep and sleep straight through. Occassionaly, they do wake again in the middle of the night, but they will usually just fuss for a min or two and then go back to sleep. We now can tell when they're just fussing/re-settling and when they're crying because they need something and we should go in. It's a learning curve like everything and I'd say altogether it took about 2 weeks to get down to a routine.

As hard as it was (I highly recommend taking turns with taking a break in a room where you can't hear them crying), it is soooo wonderful now to get a decent nights sleep. I had read an article (wish I could find the link) that really helped me. It basically explained that it is "trained night crying" and not really for any physical need and that the only way to break the training is to stop caving it to it. The part I remember most was the line that a couple of nights of crying at night will not wash away the countless hours of love/affection that you give your baby. And it turned out to be completely true!

You will know when the time is right for you - we feel like we had to hit a certain point before we were ready to try it, anytime before then, I just caved and went in to soothe them again. PS - we didn't do this until they were 10 mos old, which I think is why it took longer than usual for them to adjust.

 

Thanks for the reply! yeah I really think that this is what we are going to have to do. I really can't take it anymore and definitely would love more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. What I am afraid of though is that it won't work, that they will keep waking up. I guess I'm just afraid nothing will work!! We try the same thing also -- giving pacifiers, giving water instead of formula, and it is just not working. I guess we really just have to be really strong and try to just let them cry.

 

Don't smile back

We don't do CIO but my DS still wakes up once a night for a feeding. He takes a big bottle, so I know he still needs it. But when he gets up, all he gets is changed, fed, burped, kissed & put back to bed. No playing or enouragement to stay awake.

Both kids sleep in our bedroom and when they wake up at night, go back to sleep on their own (except for DS's one feeding). I really think having them in our bedroom helps 'cause they see us sleeping so they know it is time to sleep. They both go to bed around 9/10 pm and wake around 8/9 am. I hope it stays that way!!!

 

I did CIO at 7 months when I was certain both could self-soothe and didn't need a bottle overnight. I did it for going to sleep and for wakings. I did extinction CIO - so I just left the room, and I didn't go back until the morning. The first night, DS cried for 45 minutes, and then woke up overnight a couple times and cried for 10-20 minutes. DD cried for like 20 minutes, but she had been STTN and was just struggling with going to bed. The second night, DS cried for 20 minutes and then STTN for the first time in his life. Then we were done. There have been stages where one or both of them would start waking up again or not wanting to go down, and we've done CIO again after making sure nothing was wrong, but it never took as long. I've just always been really consistent in my expectations for them sleep-wise. At 2, we say it's time for bed, and they go upstairs, get ready, read a book, say night night, go to sleep, and sleep 12 hours 98% of the time. We have little hiccups here and there, but they are rare and easily solved.

 

Mine take pacifiers. DS was the one really hooked when we did CIO. We just put like 7-8 in the crib with him, and he was fine.

 

thanks for the reply. we tried cio last night and it went okay. They woke up at 11:30pm and cried for over 90min off and on. It wasn't easy hearing them cry like that, and we decided not to go into them. We would peak in just to make sure they were okay, but they never saw us. Once they fell asleep, they slept until the morning. So we will see how things go tonight. I am kind of dreading it again tonight. But hopefully it will work and we will all be getting some sleep around here

 

It is really, really hard. What I told myself to help me get through it is that it generates less tears overall. A couple really rough nights, but less total volume of tears. And they NEED sleep. You can't imagine how happy kids can be when they are solidly getting great sleep. I saw a difference in DS right away.

Best of luck!!!

 

A great sleep book is "Healthy sleep habits happy child" it has become a sleep bible on here. One twin mom reads it and then we all read it and then we all seem to have success with it. The book takes into consideration YOUR parenting style so you chose what method you like the best. There is so much to tell you, but seriously find the time to read the book -- or at least the section that relates to your child's age group and you will be happy with it.

Heather

 

I'm glad to hear that the first night had some success even after 90 mins of crying. People have strong views both ways on CIO. What ever way you support, there is no denying that many parents have had success with CIO. We intend to use that meathod if we need to with our girls.

I know this sounds like it might be really early, but a week ago, we have started to do controlled crying in very small amounts with one of our girls who is a paci-addict. She cried for 3 mins, went back in to settle her and put the paci back in. Then 10 mins later she spit it out. Cried for 6 mins, went back in. same thing. 3rd time, she cried for 9 mins and then fell asleep for 4 hours. We know that she wasn't hungry cause she just had a big bottle. We could tell by her cries that it was just a fussy paci cry rather than a burp/hunger/diaper cry. We have noticed the last few nights that she is getting much better about putting herself to sleep after her 10pm and middle of the night bottles. She is only crying now 2x after the paci falls out. Last night she didn't need the paci for either, which is a huge change for her. Might just be a fluke, but who knows.

Im a believer that twins need to learn self soothing skills, esp early on. As hard as it is to hear them cry, especially for a long period of time like 90 mins, you are giving them invaluable tools to self soothe themselves to sleep and giving them the gift of good sleep. A baby who is well rested will be happier and everyone will enjoy life much more! Good luck and let us know how the next few nights go!!

 

Our pedi dont recommend CIO until they are over 6months or are strong enough that they can maneuver their heads around very good. Just incase they get a bit heated from crying and can reposition themselves.