I'm sneaking over from 2-4 with a question

I'm hoping to get some BTDT advice from those with kids already in school. We have almost no clue where our kids will go to kindergarten next year because we have to apply for out of district tuition enrollment (No way are we sending them to our school district. It is horrible!). This also leads to uncertainty about whether they will be together or separate. If I want them separated I might really have to fight for it because of limited space or choose a school based mostly on that.

The reason I am leaning toward separation is because they are very dependent on each other. We homeschooled for preschool, so they have been together their entire lives. The few times we've had to separate them for a short time it has been hard on them. My DH's schedule doesn't really lend itself to splitting them up for errand, either. I run all the errands with them during the day to make the most of our limited time with DH.

Every week when Anna goes to dance, she cries all the way there for Ian. She loves it while she is there, but the first question afterward is always, "Are we going to get Bubby? I missed him." Ian is also pretty shy around people he doesn't know and depends on Anna to sort of carry him along until he is more comfortable. I know it will be hard on them at first, but I really think it would help them become less dependent on each other.

I've heard lots of pros and cons from those debating the question, but would love to hear about some actual experiences. Did you separate? Why or why not? Looking back, do you think this was the best choice? Why or why not? I saw the post about laws, but am looking more for recommendations since the law isn't an issue in Kentucky. I'm just wondering if this is a big enough issue to bypass a closer school and take a longer drive just so they can be in separate classrooms or if I'm making it into a bigger deal than it actually is.

 

If I were in your situation I would separate them. My kids have gone to preschool for 2 yrs now and I will be keeping them together, BUT only because they are not at all dependent on each other. They have separate friends and don't hang around each other most of the time. If I felt that they were too dependent on each other I would not hesitate to separate them.

 

I strongly believe in separating. They are two children, and deserve to have their own space and find their own friends. Singletons don't have the option of having a "buddy" join them in Kindergarten, why should twins be different--just because they were born together? Especially since yours are dependent on each other, if they are together it may inhibit them from trying to make friends with others.

 

I agree with Sharon. I did not have the option to seperate the girls since our school had 1 everyother day class and they would have went on opposite days. However in first grade I was so excited they got seperated. I have learned that unless I seperate them they cannot learn to be individuals. They each had the same group of friends in Kindergarten, however this year things have changed so much for the better. They both have many different friends, and will still sometimes play with each other on recess. They have also learned that life isn't fair LOL. Allisons class does things different from Zoes but they know that is just the way things are now.

 

So, do all you ladies agree that it would be worth passing on the closer school and driving further everyday? This may end up being the only way to separate them for K. In the later grades, it would be a little easier since there are more classes. I'd rather not start them in one school then switch them, so if I chose a school further away, I'd be making that drive (about 5 minutes more each way, so 20 minutes extra/day to take them to school and pick them up) every day for the next 6 years. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is if separating them for K is a big enough deal to base this decision on.

But, then we may find out there is the room at the closer school to separate them and not have to worry about it. At least I can pray that is true!

 

We are in the same boat (registering for K next Fall).


As of now they are together- it is the only way to do 1/2 day K in our area. There is one 1/2 day option and one class . If we want to split them we would have to do young 5s or All day K. I took a teacher I know will do a good job at a school I love and the program we want at the cost of keeping them together another year (at a school that is not our *home* school). Although, that said, they are together in PreK and do wonderful. At first they were very *together* but as the year went on they have split up more and have different friends. Hopefully, we will be at the same school for 1st-5th and they can be split (more than one 1st grade class).

I would visit the schools and talk to the teachers. See what feels like a better long-term fit--- if the closer school seems like a better fit, then deal with a year of togetherness and split in 1st. If the school that is further out can split them and feels like somewhere you will want to do K-5 for go there. It would be hard to go to one school for K and then move schools because it was closer and loose all their friends/school community. I would look at the bigger picture as well--- which do you think can give your kids a better education (regardless of splitting them up or not) and which can you get involved in more.

Just my 2c since we are in similiar situation.

 

I would also go for seperating them, mine have been since K and are doing great. We also choose to send them to a different school, besides the one closet to our neighboohood and I'm in my 3rd year of carpooling with the kids for 40 min. each way, we now use the time in the car to get our reading and/or flash card practice done.

 

Mine are not in K yet, but FWIW, I would actually lean towards keeping them together in K, because they are so close. From what I've heard, K is a huge transition, and I wouldn't make them deal with the first separation of their lives at that same time. While it's true that singletons don't have the option of starting K with a buddy, it seems to me that since twins do have that option (sometimes), why not make use of it if you think it would make it easier for them? You can always separate them the next year, once they are used to school.

I may be totally wrong about this, since we haven't gone through it yet, but that's what my gut says. My twins are not terribly dependent on each other, but I still plan on having them in the same K class, even though I think it might be better for them to be separated later.

 

I'll be the odd one out. We wanted to keep ours together and because of the set-up of the classes, we really didn't have much choice. There is 1 fee-based all day class ($$$$$$$$) and one free 1/2 day class. Mine are together in the 1/2 day class, but we wanted them together anyway.

We homeschooled/did lots of other activities instead of traditional preschool. Dh and I both felt like K was enough of a transition to being away from me or their grandma to being in a structured setting. What we did do was talk to the teacher and she put them in different smaller groups that she uses in the classroom to let the kids rotate through multiple centers in an orderly manner. She switches the groups around once in a while, but Timothy and Sarah have never been in the same group and never will. It gives each of them a chance to socialize in a smaller group w/o their twin but with the security of having their twin in room. They can play together at recess or not, and most of the time, they don't (after the first 2 weeks of school).

They will probably end up with days of separation during K by default. Right now Timothy is sick and has been staying home while Sarah is going to school. Sarah's been sick before and Timothy went alone. There will be parties that will be only boy and only girl and everybody in the class. They will be times they'll have to do it on their own, even if they are in the same class.

Marissa

 

Where we live Kinder is only 3 hours and 23 minutes. There are 2 AM classes and 2 PM classes. I will be keeping them together but that is only because I know the teachers (oldest is in Kinder this year). One side is very strict and structured, the other is very social and more freedom. My kids are very shy (took 6 months to talk to anyone at preschool) and I want to make sure they have more social experiences before starting full day 1st grade. I do not expect my kids to be seated at the same table, sit next to each other on the rug, or share a center group. It is all about what the teacher is going to offer.

 

That's a tough question. I'm all for separation, but since you are making a decision about 6 more years of their lives, I would look beyond the Kindergarten year and decide on the better school for their overall education. If the two schools are pretty much the same, except for the distance from your home, I'd go with the closer school and then campaign hard with the school to separate them. All other things being equal, 20 minutes extra driving time every day for 6 years is alot of time that you could be spending doing other things to benefit your children. Even if they are in the same class, you can enroll them in different after school programs and activities so that they will begin to learn to do different things.

My experience with separation didn't go so well. I was all into separation and all the other twin moms I talked to said separating them as early as possible was the way to go. So when my boys started preschool at 3 years old, I put them in separate classes. One of them did just fine, but the other one who was more dependent on his brother, had a difficult time with separation. He didn't complain or cry or do anything to protest, but he did not speak a single word in his class for the entire year...not to his teacher, not to any other kids. We thought it was a speech issue or a personality issue and didn't really think this was due to his separation from his brother. Well, the boys were placed in the same class the following year when they were 4 years old because of class consolidation. (The school was running out of classrooms and decided to combine the two classes.) The one who didn't speak at all just started to blossom and totally came out of his shell. He now talks to his teachers and has made friends in class. He is also totally ok doing separate activities from his brother and isn't dependent on him.

Looking back, I think the boys were separated too early. I still think separation is a good thing...it's just that I should have waited until they were a bit older.

 

I agree with this. I would not let the separation issue be the determining factor is choosing a school. And I would try to avoid driving farther away if you have a better option.

My girls have not been separated at preschool and do fine together. I have not decided what we are doing for kindergarten. I think my girls would benefit from being separated, but not sure Kindergarten is the right time to do it. I agree with Minette - Kindergarten is already a big enough change and I am thinking of putting off the separation until first grade. That way, they have a year together to get adjusted to the new school and long days. Then, once they are comfortable there, they can adjust to separate classrooms in 1st grade.

 

We had the option and we chose to separate them. It was a VERY difficult decision for me, but I felt that it was better for them. Paige always tends to do things for Zack and mother's him. He is very smart and knows his alphabet letters and numbers and all, but when it came to things like cutting or glueing, if he would get frustrated she would just take over rather than help, kwim? It has been a great thing for both of them and I have noticed things like they are not shy anymore which is a huge step for us. Now, they just had a birthday and that meant I had to buy cupcakes for TWO classes rather than one so it can be a bit pricey for that and snacks

Good luck with your decision!

 

My girls have done preschool together in a class of 12 girls total and I can say they are friends with everyone. I'm enrolling them in prek Tuesday and I'd really prefer them to be together as there are only 2 teachers and one is sexist towards girls(lil sis had her). Mine are not dependent on each other though

 

Parents in a mom of twins group I used to belong to told me that their older twins change from year to year, on whether they want to be sep. or not. Plus, as they get older, some parents find it easier to have them be together so they have the same homework assignments, same tests scheduled, etc.
I sep. mine b/c one so much dominated the other, and I wanted the "dominator" to not be held back by his brother, and I wanted the "dominatee" to learn to find friends on his own. But I know lots of people who keep the kids together in K, b/c K is such a big transition. So, go by what you think of the teachers and the schools.
Don't worry about the longer drive. Like a PP said, you and the kids will end up using the extra drive time to be together, get a head start on homework etc.
For two years, DS went to a school that was about 30 minutes away but he had a bus ride that was about 45 min-hour. (Not optimal, but we survived).
The first year, he rode the bus, and only had about 20-30 minutes of homework each night. The second year, we carpooled, and he told me he missed the extra time on the bus each day to get his reading done. He had about 40-50 min of homework each night. So the extra drive time might turn out to be a good thing, in some way!

 

To separate or keep them together is a tough decision. I did a massive amount of research on this subject (I have 2 sets of twins). The most recent studies show that twins that are close do better academically when they are together through the primary years. When they are separated, they cannot relax and focus on learning.

My boys were separated for K, then back together for 1st - 3rd grades (now in 3rd). My girls have been together for both K and 1st so far. I will fight to keep them together through elementary school.

My advice would be to place them in the best school for you -- and you can worry about the together/separate issue for 1st grade. Like others have said, Kindergarten is a big transition and having each other for support is good. You can work with the teachers to do things like having them sit on opposite sides of the room, work with separate groups in the classroom, etc.

Please visit my blog (http://TwinParenthood.com, check out the school age category) if you'd like to review more of what I learned from my research. There are good and valid reasons to separate, but I tend to fall in the "keep them together" if possible camp.

 

I just want to thank all of you for your advice. You've given me a lot to think about!! We actually go to register them today at the school we really want. :cry: Some of you may know from other posts that I would like to continue homeschooling, but DH wants them in school. So, this has been really hard on me all the way around. This was just another thing stressing me out.

I am going to talk to the teachers and see what they have to say, but I think DH and I have decided to keep them together if possible, but won't stress if they have to be separated. The thing that really changed my mind was the idea that K is already going to be such a huge transition and I don't want to make it any harder on them. Plus, by having them in the same room I can volunteer for both of them a lot instead of having to divide my time between two classes. I'll just try to talk to the teacher about separating them in the classroom - put them in different groups when working on group activities, have them sit on opposite sides of the room, etc. Then, if we feel we need to separate them for 1st, we'll do it then.

So, thank you all so much for your advice. You really helped!

 

Well, mine aren't ready for K yet. But, I do have a different perspective. My DH is also an ID twin and he still gets very emotional and upset over the fact that his mother separated him and his brother for K. He absolutely will not let me talk about separating our girls in Kindy. I have a feeling he will put his foot down about 1st grade too. Every time I bring it up, he gets very upset.

 

I would choose the school you want and then if that means keeping them together for K, then I would.