Lying and fighting

It has been a little while since I have been here, but my 4 year olds are driving me crazy!! LOL. Anyway please tell me it ia phase that my son is lying constantly. I can ask him a simple question and it is a lie. For instance I saw him in the bathroom playing in the drawers and I said Kelby are you in the bathroom and he said NO! Also what do I do for this?

Also they have began fighting more and more. Does this get better?

 

Angie-
Hi!!!
I dont really have any good advice but wanted to say hello!!

I think I would call him out on the lying and give him a stern talking to about why it is wrong. Then maybe start timeouts.
As for the fighting...oh I think that phase lasts a while.

Hope you are doing well!! xo

 

The advice I read in "Your Four-Year-Old," which felt right to me, is to not make a big deal of the lying. You can point out that you know it isn't true, but be matter-of-fact about it. I think at this age they are starting to know what's true and what isn't, but he's not lying to be "bad." He's doing it to see what will happen, to see if saying it will make it true, or to defend himself.

Also, don't put him on the spot (if you can help it). For instance, if you see him in the bathroom, you don't really need to ask him, "Are you in the bathroom?" No one likes to admit when they are breaking a rule, especially not a small child! Instead, you could say, "Kelby, please come out of the bathroom." That gives him a way to do the right thing instead of putting the focus on doing the wrong thing.

 

This is what I was going to say. The first thing I would do is stop asking him questions you know the answer to. I don't think there's any point in asking him "Are you in the bathroom?" when you're stood looking at him in the bathroom, it doesn't achieve anything because whatever he says you're going to have to tell him to come out. You could maybe ask him "Are you allowed/supposed to play in the bathroom?" that way he can give the right answer and correct his behaviour without getting in trouble.

As for the fighting I think it depends a bit on why they are fighting/what they are fighting about. If you work with them on some better ways to sort out disputes it should get better. I really like the book Siblings Without Rivalry. It looks at lots of different kinds of arguments and has real-life stories and soutions.

 

My boys fight a lot but they also are quick to have each others back when there are other kids around the fighting seems to get worse when they have more time alone. As for the lying we were raise that lying was the ultimate crime, if the punishment for back talking was an appology the crime for lying while back talking would be the appology plus time alone in ur room all lies had consquences immediately. The drawl back is at 28 yrs old I cannot lie to my parents even now its ingrained. It very hard to even tell white lies for any reason.

 

Oh my goodness. I dont really have any advice, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

My children fuss and fight and pick with eachother ALL the time. It seems to me that my oldest, 6yr DS is nicer/more protective over the twins...but he fights and picks on my 5yr DD the most. They drive me crazy!! They say something JUST to argue, and then go back and forth about it.

And the lying. oh my. I just dont understand. I also have a major problem with my 3 1/2 yr son going in the bathroom ALL the time..he brings the girls tea cups in there to sneak water. Its so much harder with 4 of them to determine who is lying and who is telling the truth when they are all pointing fingers at eachother. I just make them all sit in time out.

I dont really know what to do for discipline if something happens that I didnt see, and one of them HAS to be lying since they are blaming eachother and at least one is crying with denial. :drown:

 

I agree with many of the posts re: letting it slide.

I think if you have a pattern of blame/accusation, then you will find more lying than if you approach each incident with some level of innocence and acceptance that kids are human too -- and will do things that I may not like, but I can't completely control another human being, so why try?

For some reason we parents believe that our kids need to obey - I don't know, but I hate obeying myself, so why would my kids like it.

Teri