people dont understand.

A couple weekends ago we were away in Jasper with my in-laws. I was telling my mother-in-law that I want to find some good recipes that are easy to freeze for after when the twins are born. She was like " what? Your gonna stop cooking??" Right then I knew she didn't understand.

We are in the process of building a house. It might be done August or September. I am due in August. We also have to sell this house. I was just saying how I would like to start packing now. It will look cleaner and its less for me to do when Im like 7 or 8 months pregnant. Who knows what will happen I might have to go on bedrest next week.. Well my mother in law starts telling me about this 41 year old lady who worked right to the end of her twin pregnancy.. I didnt say anything.. I just feel like she doesnt understand.. or maybe Im being a wimp about this all?? Shes making me feel wimpy about it..Comparing me to this 41 year old. Ive done alot of reading, maybe to much internet reading and Im getting the wrong facts?? Mayb at 8 months i should be able to pack us up and move??

 

Is your MIL carrying the twins? No? Then why does it matter what she says?



Sometimes people talk just to hear themselves yap yap yap. Just let it go in one ear and out the other.

 

You are right, people don't understand. :hug: You do what you need to and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

 

Yeah my mom was trying to tell me about someone we know working into her 9th month, and I wanted to laugh at her. She works in a tiny little quiet bar in a tiny little quiet town, and probably only about 4 hours a day 3 days a week. She probably makes her co-workers do the strenuous work and she does easy stuff like talk to customers and make drinks. It's not that hard, I've worked in small bars that were bigger and busier than this one.

Not that I'm trying to be a whimp and just ASSUME I will go on bed rest, but this other girl's situation doesn't relate to mine. I get irritated at these things too. Or when I feel tired or my back hurts and someone says "they're only THIS big right now" like I am over reacting and they're too small to cause problems.

You're right, people either don't understand or they don't want to accept that we're not supernatural. People saying "I went back to work 3 weeks after so-and-so was born" or "This twin parent worked for this long!" or whatever.

And then, just like you, I worry I am being a sissy. And then I go to work for 7 hours lifting 30lb boxes of bread or lettuce and running around like a chicken with my head cut off and not stopping to have a lunch break and not eating for about 8 hours straight.

But I don't want everyone to think I am looking for a pity party, I mean my boss already told me to suck it up once.

 

Well, isn't she a big talker?! She'd have a field day with me, I don't even cook for one toddler. :ibiggrin: (Kidding, mostly...)

Twin pregnancies are hard on our bodies. God bless women who can go to the end, being very active and not have any problems. I've very jealous! But even though I rocked my singleton pregnancy, I have been on complete bedrest for the past 8 weeks. I'm so glad I am taking it easy, because since I've been reading online, I've heard way too many stories of women who work long, hard hours and then suddenly deliver way too early without any warning.

Listen to your body and don't listen to the ignorance of your MIL. You are *not* a wimp!

 

LOL It is sooooo hard to let it go in one ear and out the other. My MIL doesn't list to me. Lastnight my son wanted more cake. He had cake and chocolate already. I told him no. My wonderful MIL gets up and asked " how much did you eat Owen?" And she takes him to the kitchen. I said " well obviously he ate it all if he wants more" I knew she was taking him in the kitchen to give him more.. And yeah she did! Right after I said no. Stuff like that has happened so much.. My MIL and SIL like to gain up on me. And question me about things with my kids. When Owen wasnt even a year I didnt want him sucking and eating a pizza crust. I said no My SIL and MIL are like WHY??? My SIL's son is the same age and he was.. They asked me what the difference between a pizza crust and crackers which I let Owen eat... I had to explain that I thought Pizza ccrust is harder to chew, Even I have to chew it a million times. Crackers are soft and were one of his first foods he fed himself... REALLY Do I need to explain this kinda stuff?? Carrots too Raw Carrots.. I said NO to my MIL, they had a veggie platter outside and My SIL let her son eat carrots I knewmy MIL will try and give it to my son.. she had Owen outside with his 2 front teeth. My husband comes in wanting paper towel. I KNEW what happened He chocked and threw up. There was little peices of carrot all around his mouth when I got out there.. WHO THE HELL DOES THAT??? Sooo many things like this.. She doesnt respect me. Im not putting up with this anymore! grrrr

 

OMG - I love this topic!!

I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first and I am finding alot of unwanted advise from people, some I am very close to, comparing their experiences with their one child to what mine will be like. "You won't need a pump right away, I didn't use mine until 3 months." "You only plan to breast feed for 6 months?? I did until 18 months" "You should join a Prenatal Yoga class, I loved it when I was pregnant." The last one is my favorite. I am exhausted when I get home, like I can barely make it upstairs to change out of my work clothes.

Anyways, I have gotten 2 pieces of advice - join a multiples group (which I have done and instatly loved) and take it all with a grain of salt.

Good luck

 

Oh wow, I would not listen to her at all!

I'm hoping to freeze some food before hand too. If I were moving, I'd also be packing now too. No sense in trying to do it when your 8 months along! Pack up any non-essentials now when it's easier. I know that, the further along the babies get (and the bigger), the harder it is on me to do things physically. My last baby was over 10lbs at birth, and I have less energy and stamina now than I did when I was 9 months with him!

 

Even with just one baby frozen meals are great! I did work 45 hours a week up to the day I had my twins (sched) at 38 weeks, but most of the time, things don't go that way. Just take it with a grain of salt. The cooking section of TS has lots of frozen meal ideas that you could try!

 

You have to listen to your body and what feels right for you! The same ones who are talking trash now are the same ones who will be the first to blame you should something bad happen. A twin pregnancy is a lot different and harder than a singleton. I was blessed with an uncomplicated prgnancy but that doesn't mean it was easy. I know my poor back hurt right from the beginning and all the way through my pregnancy. I think it is very smart to prepare ahead. You may be in a good spot then or you could be on bed rest. Better safe than sorry.

 

Yikes! I think you're doing pretty good not telling her off. I have to say we moved when I was 6 mo. preggo with the twins and it was HARD! I had a relatively easy pregnancy, but letting other people do all the heavy lifting and the cleaning, keeping up with the 2 yr. old, unpacking and getting the nursery ready was pretty darn hard even without complications that can come up. I say go for those freezer meals! Also, you might want to look into one of those assembly kitchens where you can assemble and freeze a bunch of meals so that all you have to do is thaw and bake.

 

The second you become pregnant, EVERYONE has advice for you. I never went on bedrest, but there was no way in the world I would have worked up to my delivery at nearly 37 weeks. I worked until I was 26 weeks and the size of a 8 month pregnant woman with a singleton. The last 2 1/2 months of my pregnancy, I did very little. I did go to the gym and ride the back for about 4 hours a week, but that was just to keep my bp down. As for the cooking thing, its a genius idea. My mom prepared massive amounts of food for us and without that, I wouldn't have starved, but I would have probably packed on the pounds from eating pizza and boxed mac n cheese.

Everyone has to learn how to turn down advice without being disrespectful. I was not good at it while pregnant, but now when people give me parenting advice I say, "that's an interesting way to do it. I'm glad it worked for you, but I would like to do it this way" Its assertive but not aggressive.

 

It sounds like you have a couple of things going on.

1.) This MIL isn't respectful of you as a mother. It's not ok to undermine you with your son & that needs to stop. Have DH talk to her about this.

2.) You should prepare as much as you can before your babies are born. People will help as much as you let them, but often 'forget' that you need help when they are 4, 6 or 11 months old. Plus at the end, I could NOT move. I promise I couldn't load laundry in our washer, clean the toilet... it was all I could do at the end to lay on the couch. This doesn't happen to everyone, but I like to look at it with a 'play the lottery' principle. If the odds are good enough that I would run out & play the lottery right now (say, 40% that you could go on bedrest) then I plan that it could/may happen. Bedrest, PTL, small babies, hell, just having 2 regular, full-term babies are hard. You need to be as ready/comfortable for the babies to come as you can be. Plus you have additional stress ors- moving & another child to take care of.

As to your MIL in the future- I wouldn't chat with her about anything of consequence. It's not wrong to 'not' call her & when you do talk, I would do day to day stuff and if she gets irritating, be diplomatic but cut off the unwanted comments. Something like, "Well, I'm happy you were able to manage your babies so well, but I know I need to get a handle on things now for my peace of mind". Then end the conversation if it turns ugly- I'm sure a "Oh, I've got to go- Owen needs me right now" could work.

Good luck & stand your ground. I've got one who has no boundaries, too. She sounds pretty harsh, but if you stand your ground, she backs right off.

 

This was me- people would say I should take a walk everyday to prepare for labor. Yeah, right. Waddling to the toilet was exercise. Walking to our apartment complex's pool was the workout! These people don't realize you measure 36 weeks by 25... the belly is full-grown, even if the babies are not!

 

hugs! unfortunately, this is only the beginning of people not understanding what we twin moms go through. i am still dealing with it. it's unexplainable, and quite frustrating. at least we have each other here to vent to!

 

Oh yes, the unwanted advice and comments when people hear you're expecting twins.

First of all, tell your MIL to suck it. I totally agree with you not putting up with her anymore.

Freezing meals is an excellent idea for when the baby/babies come. Twins or singletons. It's absurd to claim that someone who wants a frozen meal or two ready in the freezer is planning on stopping cooking all together.

Thankfully those who are close to me and offer advice usually have a clue but what really chops my butt is some of the reactions of people who are just random strangers. The look of horror when I tell them it's twins. The 'oh no's and 'two MORE girls?- you're husband must be so disappointed'. Ummm no. He's over the moon you moron.

It didn't use to bother me but 28 weeks of it kind of takes you over the edge.

Just yesterday I came across a post on another message board with a woman's plea of "PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT TWINS". Her post then went on to say she's 9 weeks pregnant but showing early and now freaking out it might be twins. My first reaction was SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP but I managed to contain myself and just posted (with my twin pregnancy ticker firmly in place) that I really hoped she wasn't having twins. Seriously.... Why not stop and think before you post that you're posting on a pregnancy board where there are also posters/readers who actually are pregnant with (gasp!) TWINS...... oh the horror.

 

I agree with PP...I love this topic! I have a friend who is pregnant with a singleton and about 10 weeks behind me. She is undeniably the "best friend" and even the godmother to my DS, however it's hard to be pregnant at the same time as your friends. She's turned into such a one-upper. I mention something about still having morning sickness or my back hurting or anything really and she always has a much bigger complaint. She tried to tell me how impossible it was going to be to breastfeed with two, how I should let them sleep and where when they are born, etc. She seems to forget that I have a 3 year old already and that all the basics are old news to me.

She's actually worse than my MIL....on that I got lucky. My MIL will tell my DH if she has something to say or advice to offer. He knows how to filter through it and tell me what he knows WON'T tick me off.

 

I did a move this last year while pregnant with a singleton... I think you are very wise to plan ahead! In the end it doesn't matter what your MIL says because you are the one who has to deal with the work!! And even now I'm really wishing that we had bought a freezer so that I could've made more frozen meals for us to be eating right now. And this was a singleton for me!!! With the twins my saving grace was that my mother brought us food quite a bit the first 6 weeks... plus I only had 1 other child then... this time around I've got a lot more mouths to feed and seriously regret not planning more food out. I think we're going to be surviving on store bought casseroles! That's going to hurt the budget!

 

Thank you for all the replies. I know, I feel like she doesn't respect me when shes told not to feed the kids something and then goes and does it. Its not a power trip, Im not trying to boss her, certain things I don't agree with about feeding raw carrots when they have a couple teeth. I'm the mother, I say no and I really don't need to explain why I feel a certain way. I have a feeling having twins this situation will be twice as bad!

As for little comments about the frozen dinners and comparing me to the other pregnant lady who practically gave birth at work who was older then me blah blah blah.. Maybe just maybe shes saying this stuff to make me feel better?? Like don't worry, youll be fine?? Yeah probably not. I'm just not going to tell her how the pregnancy is going, what my plans are or anything. I don't need to feel like a wimp. And I can't expect her to understand. She wont. No point.

 

Oh yada yada yada to your MIL!!! Don't listen! You are actually doing the right thing. I am a real estate broker and packing now items you don't use is a good thing. The less you have in your house and you stage it the better! Plus who wants to tackle the start of moving when they are so far along with one baby much less two babies.