OMG! HELP ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT THIS... PLEASE!

OMG! I am soooooo upset... I went to the pediatrician today with the kids... They are 7 months old... we went for our wellbaby.

FIRST OFF...
They had me take their clothes off and put them on the table because "the doc will be in shortly". Great... except for the fact that an hour later no doc. Kids were cranky, fed them, still cranky... trying to crawl off table... things were getting out of hand... I grab a toy for Aila, she sits quietly and plays while I try to keep Xzavier from diving off the table... meanwhile Aila jerks herself and loses balanced, falling backward hitting her head on the ingeniously placed marble window sill behind her. I am at that point... mad. So I yell for some assistance... "nurse! I need help!" No one comes.... "nurse! doc! someone! please! I need help!!" Finally, nurses come... take Xzavier off my hands so I can hold my screaming daughter... They look at her head which is swelling to a nice ripe grape on the back of her head... say she's fine. OK... then they get doc in cause it's now 2 hours past my appointment time. He asks how she hit her head... I tell him she was sitting with her toy and fell back.... HE DOESNT BELIEVE ME!!! He says she can't sit on her own at this age... what was she really doing?? WHAT?!?!?!?! OMG! WHAT?!?!?!? He looks at her head and says she's fine it's gonna be one of many, "mom".... Thanks for the new mom dig, doc.

Now...

Here's what I'm mad about and to be quite honest, I've been crying about it all evening... I'm pretty upset and need some people to talk to.

He takes a look at my son's penis which happens to be uncircumcised... He doesn't give warning, he doesn't explain what he's doing, he doesn't ASK ME if he can do it.... as he's saying the words "You need to start doing this... ..." He forces my son's forskin back and tells me I need to clean the white stuff off daily... OMG!!!! I freaked out... I was like... "what are you doing?!?! stop, don't do that..." So he does it again to show me once again, the white stuff... I again asked him to stop it, a bit more stern this time... I just said ok I will so he'd stop and I died a little inside when I looked at my son's face.
Everything I have read and researched says there is no need to force it and sometimes it doesn't come out until puberty... sometimes when they start masturbation... Either way, everything says to let the boy do it himself... and if there are issues, there are treatments... If you don't want the circumcision, there's no reason you should need one unless extreme cases. I also read that forcing it can cause infection, can cause adhesion... etc...

I bathed him tonight and poured water as normal, as soon as I started pouring around his genitals he started to whine... I pulled it back a little (a LITTLE) gently like I usually do to look for anything abnormal and the opening was bright red... I can't imagine what inside looks like from what that guy did... So then he started peeing in the tub and whined while doing so... the stream wasn't constant like usual, it was stop and go... So he's in pain... And now I don't know what to do for him, or if this guy did real damage...

I just hate the fact that it happened... Please, does anyone have similar stories or advice or comments anything???? Please only positive posts... And if you don't have experience with an intact penis, please no advice... Stories and comments are welcome from all though...

I'm sorry if I sound crazy to you guys... I'm just upset.

 

They did that to my boys' too. I think they're supposed to. They did it at their six week check up.

I'm sorry that it scared you.

That sounds like a terrible appt. Shame on them for being SOO late!! UGH!

 

I am so sorry about your appt I would be crying too. I am so glad I read your post and response cause I would freak out if my ped would do that to my boys, their 6 months appt is next month.

 

Sorry you had such a rough appt. :hug:

 

Yuck, you might consider a new Ped!

My Ped said the foreskin will loosen on its own at 2 or 3 years old. It should never be forced! The AAP guidelines even say so. You should keep a close eye on him for a little while and make sure there isn't an infection. If you're concerned, you might want to take him to a better Ped to get checked out.

My boys are often bright red at the opening but it doesn't seem to bother them, so that might not be because of the rough handling. I think it's a form of diaper rash.

 

So there are all sorts of handlings of uncircumsized penises out there. They all supposed to work, too.
My boys are also uncircumsized and according to our ped I have to wait until they are 1 so I can start pulling it back a little more every day (gently, not forceful). My girlfriends' ped said to wait until he is 3 and then start doing it, so the ped ended up pulling it back - roughly I have to say - because the foreskin was getting tight. Another friend of mine waited until her son was 5 and it sort of detached on its own so they did not have a hard time moving the skin anymore.

I would definitely complain and ditch your ped. Sorry to say this, but this is just ridiculous.

Here is an article that will explain all about the foreskin and its hygiene.

http://http://www.drgreene.com/qa/cleaning-penis-intact-foreskin

 

They did the same thing to my boys. One of them actually had blood on his diaper afterwards. I just continue to clean them as I did before and DO NOT retract the foreskin like they did. The the end of his foreskin was red and irritated for days. I told them everything Ive read says NOT TO RETRACT. She had no comment. I was so mad. I'm just going to make sure ahead of time to tell them BEFORE they do it and ask them not too. If either one has a problem then we will call. The first Doc I saw did not do that. I'm with you I'm scared of infection and adhesion too but so far we haven't had any problems and its been almost 1 mth ago. Seems like the Drs and nurses are so pushy these days. I was also concerned about all the vaccinations they get at one time. I don't object to them getting them but would like to have them spaced out a little bit. The OLDER nurse about 60 something gave me so much grief about it as did the DR. Talk about peer pressure. I caved and gave in to the 6 shots at one time. I was pissed (pardon the language) when I left. Luckily one boy slept most of the day but the other was a total nightmare for 2 days!! Next time I WILL space them out. We never got so many at one time. I also heard they will be adding more. I think its just too much for their little systems.

 

I would be very angry too!! My pedi has not even attempted to pull back their foreskin as he suggested to me to let it retract on its own and that it could take till the age of 5. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it now but I would definetely get a new doctor if they are going to keep you waiting that long because that is ridiculous. If you think your little guy is uncomfortable I would give him some tylenol or advil for the pain and keep and eye on it. I am sure it will be fine but may be uncomfortable for a few days.

 

I am so sorry this happened to you.

My boys are intact as well, and I would be horribly upset if that had happened. I can totally understand your anger and concern.
I have always understood that we are supposed to wait until they retract on their own. Perhaps your doctor does not have much experience with intact patients and is ignorant about what to do? It sounds like he was working off of incorrect assumptions.

Regardless, he needs to respect your son and you, and like you said ASK FIRST before doing anything and most certainly stop when you ask him to stop doing something. That is basic respect and should be granted to every human being whether they are 6 months old or sixty. If you ask for him to stop you should NOT have to repeat yourself. The doctor should be listening to you the first time. So I can totally understand why you are upset, especially after being treated so rudely before.

You sound like a really caring, intuitive mama.

Have you considered writing down your complaint and mailing it to the clinic? You are probably not the only mama to feel this doctor has not respected your wishes or been responsive to your concerns. The clinic needs to be made aware of the unacceptable behavior.

 

I can't speak to the circ thing, since my boys are circ'ed. I will say, that with twin babies you should never have been left to wait like that for so long. Also, for me, bedside manner is about 75% of what I look for in a Dr. and he did not have any. I would be looking for a new ped. right away. I am so sorry you had that kind of appointment. :hug:

 

OMG i would be seriously raging!!!!! It was totally inacceptable behavior, if you can, change ped. All my boys are uncircumcised and all my doctors have always told me to NOT pull it down to clean it until they are about 4-5. I cannot believe the way you and your precious little babies were treated, i would totally complain to the relevant authority. Trust your instincts and do what you feel is best for your children, doctors aren't gods even though they like to think they are sometimes. I once had to physically stop a doctor , when DS1 was 9 months old, he had suspected meningitis, we were sent to the hospital, waited hours, took 3 lots of blood, countless other checks, waited more hours, were told that he was absolutely fine, bloods came back negative, he must have been heatrash. By then DS1 was just fine, then another doctor comes in tells me he needs to take more blood, i said the other doc says we can go home, all is well, but he says no, gets two male nurses, they take DS1 out of my arms and hold him down on the bed, while he was getting the syringe, i was hysterical screaming at that stage, he went towards Matthew and i just lost it, i grabbed his arm and i said if you touch my baby, i will sue you. Just then, the other doc arrived with the commotion and thankfully the other doc backed off after they argued, i just grabbed my son and as i was leaving, the first doc came and said that he was sorry, the other doc is a real @** and had been cautioned previously, apparently, he was doing this quite often. Anyways, I complained to the hospital board, and they sent me a letter of apology.
Sorry for rambling, I just wanted to let you know, it's ok to stand up for your children, even to doctors if your guts tell you to.
Sending you and your lo lots of

 

Grrr...I typed this whole thing, clicked "post" and it disappeared so I am trying again!

That completely sucks that you had to wait that long! I would ask the office staff what their scheduling policies are so that it doesn't happen again. In our office, the parents are told an appointment time 20 min (30 with 2 children) before the appt is on the doctor's schedule so that the nurse has time to triage, get vitals, etc. Some parents show up early because they think they are supposed to and then, if the nurse triages quickly, it can be close to an hour before the doctor sees them even if they are not running late.

As for what happened with your son, I will not pass judgement on the doctor but I do agree that it was unnecessary. Usually, as part of the physical exam, the doctor looks at the genitalia to make sure it is normal and looks to see if the foreskin will retract. If it retracts easily, they are supposed to pull it back, but if it doesn't retract easily they usually leave it alone. This doctor may not have had much experience with uncircumcisied penises and may have thought that was the right thing to do. ANyway, what he did would not have caused any permanent harm. If your son was in pain when he peed, it was likely due to skin irritation at the opening from the stretching. My advice is to clean it gently with water instead of wipes or soap, put some vaseline at the tip with each diaper change and it should resolve within a couple days.

I will tell the OP that it is never policy for a pediatrician to ask a parent, "can I look in your child's ears" or "can I make sure both testes are descended" as this is all part of the physical exam which is why he didn't ask your permission to do it and why he shouldn't have to, but you may want to mention to the office manager that current practice is not to retract the foreskin forceably and maybe he needs to have some re-education in the proper care of an uncircumcised patient. Other people have cited websites and I will say if you are looking for info go to www.healthychildren.org as this is the official AAP website for parent information. This way you know the info is valid and trusted.

 

UGH! I am PO'd for you, mama, on both fronts -- pulling back the foreskin, as there is absolutely no reason to do so, and the way they made you wait an unbelievable amount of time beyond your scheduled appointment. Pretty darn disrespectful. My boy is also intact and his pedi says there's absolutely nothing required for maintaining hygiene beyond normal bathing and that it will retract on its own when it's ready. She said that he can be taught to cleanse himself at that time (around 3-5 years). After that experience I would likely be researching other pedi's, ones that are actually familiar with AAP guidelines on intact penis care.

 

My first reaction is to get a new ped. When the babies were 2 months old they saw the NP for their checkup, she mentioned Jack's foreskin being tight, but that "he has until a year for it to loosen up on it's own". She didn't force anything, but it really made me wonder what would happen if it didn't. At 4 months the babies saw the ped, whom I love, and she didn't say anything about it at all. Now the babies will be seeing the NP later this week for their 6 month, so we'll see what she has to say this time. That wait time was RIDICULOUS by the way. I wouldn't have waited that long, that's for sure, after 1/2 an hour I would have been walking around the hallways to find a nurse and at an hour I would have left. I really recommend finding a different doc if you can.

 

Man oh man... I just wanna say thanks to everyone for responding... I feel much better. :thanks:

I still think the doc should give a run-down of what they do at the routine visits if it's the first time they've seen the child. Then after that the mother knows what to expect... I do not work in a doctor's office, nor have I had children before... so really... I went in there blind, and I feel they should be more sensitive to that...

My DH said his went back on it's own when he was about 5... And he's healthy and very clean... so I'm thinking that's the way to go on that topic.

I checked him out this morning and he seems better... it's still red and the tissue is a bit swollen, but I'm thinking you're all right and it will be fine... Good advice about not using wipes for a few days or so... I forgot they contain a type of chlorine, could burn on raw skin. I'm putting Aveeno diaper cream on it for now till I get to the store for some kind of baby-friendly ointment...

Whew...

ok, anything else I should know about the doctor visits before I go on a rampage at the next visit? =@ :grr: :angry: :aggressive: LOL

And yes... I am switching doctors... We're moving to Miami in a few weeks anyway, and they have a great Childrens hospital there I heard, so maybe I can get in with one of those doctors...

Momof4wonders - I have to say props to you for standing up for your kid. And you said the perfect thing "...I will sue you". That shuts them up quick, I wouldn't have thought to say it...

boyzx2 - I hear you on the shot thing... and the nurses wouldn't get out of the way after they poked Aila FOUR times in the thigh... I was already holding Xzavier... I had to verbally say, "Can I have my daughter?"... they panicked and looked at me funny... then relaxed when they saw I could hold two babies at once... They were waiting for me to put the one that was still crying from his shots down first... lol

GandEmom - Thank you for the warm compliment.

Ya know... as a closing note... I was reading about this subject ALL NIGHT LONG... and I have read several benefits to leaving the skin alone, reasons why it's supposed to cover it... now granted, millions of men out there who are circumsized have fully functional penis'... but what I'm saying is... If you decide to leave it on... then why force it "off", so to speak, isn't that the whole point? Not to take it off? :headbang: I have a headache... LOL

 

Ditto, My pedi said leave their foreskin alnoe. What your pedi did was not appropriate for modern practices.

I know this as a nurse and as a parent of 4 boys.

I would consider finding a new pedi.

 

Gosh, what an awful experience. So sorry you had to go through that. Trying to figure out which part of your story is worse??? Both actions were totally unacceptable and I really hope you switch pediatricians! My friend had a falling incident like yours at my pediatrician's office and we switched practices because it bothered me so much.

Hang in there! Your little guy will be okay with some time!

 

Wow you all seem quick to get mad at a doctor for making you wait. They probably should had told you that the Ped was running late if that was the case but I don't think that the ped was sitting back in his/her chair and smoking a cigar and saying to themself "I think I will just let this person wait." I agree your experience was probably hard for you to watch. It always is when we see our kids cry and can't help them right away. You have to realize that there are some parents that like to ask a butt load of questions to doctors and that is what causes most of them to be late. So don't rush to judgement too quickly when you don't know the whole story.

 

My youngest ended up having to be circed at 13 months for medical reasons. Before he was circed however, I had asked my Ped how to care for it since DH & I had zero experience with an uncirced penis and the Ped told us to leave it alone, there was no need to do anything special for quite some time and to NOT retract it.

I am glad you are switching Peds. Like the PP said, doctors do not ask permission to perform routine parts of exams and if there is an appt. where you are unsure what will happen you will need to ask. And waits, even 2 hour waits, happen. They are rare at my Ped's office but when they occur I try to be understanding because I have been the parent who caused the 2 hour wait (well, actually it was closer to 4). My son started exhibiting very disturbing behavior and when his blood results came back abnormal my Ped called me at home at 10 pm as soon as he got them and told me to come in ASAP in the morning with no appt. I was squeezed into a room while other patients waited so they could run test after test after test on my them 11 month old looking for fun things like cancer, lupus, CP, MD and various others. The adventure led us to St. Jude's where he was FINALLY diagnosed with Hemophilia, which totally blind sided us and we haven't left St. Jude's since. He will be a patient there until he ages out and our life will never be the same. My point is that when I do have to wait now I am able to vividly recall that day and how scared I was going through it alone (DH was at work and couldn't cancel his own patients) with no one holding my hand but my terrified son and my doctor's angel of a nurse so I know that no matter how inconvenient the wait is for me there is some other mother going through her worst nightmare in a nearby room. The difference between my experience and yours is that my Ped doesn't double book so if there is a wait like that there is truly an emergency and he has someone explain to the other patients why they were sitting with no doctor and give them the option to reschedule. Your doctor having you wait that long with no explanation was unacceptable.

What disturbs me the most about your post though was that you asked him TWICE to stop part of the exam that you were uncomfortable with and he didn't. Asking him twice should have been unnecessary. He should have taken his hands off of your child the 1st time you asked. You have the right to refuse any part of the exam and he should have respected that. Unfortunately I have had to be a medical advocate to my son many, many times & have been provided with training to do it. Hopefully you won't ever be in this situation with your new Ped or any other medical professional, but if you are the best way for you to respond is calmly & politely but firmly. For example, during a hospitalization techs were constantly coming in to take blood from my son (who was 13 months at the time) and I over heard the people doing the last draw in the hallway saying that they were using his blood draws as learning opportunities for the residents because of the rarity of hemophiliacs coming through the hospital. They had already taken his blood but I was determined that was the LAST time they would, so when they came in again he was asleep. They wanted to wake him up (at 3 AM!) to draw blood. At this point he'd had 3 blown veins, 4 IVs, and 8 blood draws including 2 from the tops of his hands, 1 from the top of a foot, and one from his wrist all in less than 24 hours. I told them I would not wake him up and to come back with an attending after he had woken up at 7. They insisted it had to be done now, so I calmly and firmly told them "My son is asleep. He is 13 months old and terrified, but right now he is at peace. I am not waking him up. You cannot do any procedures on him without my permission. If an attending dr. feels this is medically necessary he can bring me a copy of orders from our doctor at St. Judes after my son has woken up. Until then, my son is asleep and we need privacy." They mumbled OK and left. The key to that was not waivering and saying "you need my permission". It puts the ball in your court and redefines the roles of the situation. It is important for doctors to be able to be the doctors in situations but it's also important for you as the parent to be an equal part of the team.

I'm glad to hear you DS is doing better and I hope you never have to deal with this kind of situation again. Give him big hugs- cyber hugs to you.

 

Definitely good thing that you are switching. The 2 hour wait alone would have me switching peds. that's totally unacceptable. If a doctor cannot get to a patient for 2 hours the appointment should be rescheduled. That's totally unacceptable.

 

Ummm... actually, After my daughter hit her head and I got some help in there, the nurse informed me the doc was in a meeting... and what do you know... Not 5 min. later he was in there, must not have been that important...

 

Ditto, we asked our doc at the babies' first visit what to do with it and he said to leave it alone and definitely not to force it.

Awww porr little one! :cry:

Honestly 2 hours when you have an appointment is wayyyyyyyyyyyy to long to wait period. Especially when you have 2 small naked children. If someone were to come in and say the doc is running late it could be up to 2 hours would you like to wait or reschedule that would be different, but a 2 hour wait with no communication is not right no matter what the story. I would be happy to either wait or reschedule if there was an emergency etc. and I was informed of the situation.

With regards to not asking before doing procedures I actually had the health nurse when I went to get the babies vaccines a few weeks ago, after going through everything like weight and measurements etc ask before actually injecting them if I had her consent, she did her speel for each one on the babes. I don't expect doctors to do that but I thought it was great that she did that. Covers her butt and lets me know what she was about to do.

I am glad you will be finding another ped, I would not be comfortable either with how you and your children were treated not to mention the wait time.

 

If I was EVER made to wait two hours with kids I would find a new pedi...ridiculous! I've never had to wait for my pedi more than 30 minutes.

 

That is so upsetting. My DH was pissed when he heard what the pedi did. My boys are 8 months and they take care of that by themselves. You are not supposed to pull it back. But even if you are- what I also find most disturbing is that you asked him to stop and he did not. I think he should be reported for that to be honest. For the wait alone I would switch doctors, but definitely after what he did.

I'm so sorry for your LO. Hopefully the burning will go away soon.

 

You are all so awesome, seriously... :friends:

I feel like all the positive feedback and the empathy really helps me stand up for my kids more and trust my instincts... Boosts the confidence in my mommy skills... I appreciate it so much...

Thanks guys.

 

I agree with everyone else, a 2 hour wait for an appointment is way beyond what I would be willing to accept. I probably would have left. That combined with the fact that he wouldn't really listen to your concerns about what he was doing to YOUR baby would definitely make me change doctors. I'm glad to hear that you will be seeing someone else. Hopefully the next doctor will be much better! :hug:

 

My babies saw the NP again today and AGAIN she mentioned about how Jack's foreskin needs to loosen up by the time he is a year old and how I'm "helping that along, right?" I just said "uh, yeah". I am going to make sure that for their next appointment I schedule with the ped and I'm going to make sure to ask her what she thinks. She didn't mention it before, the ped I mean, and the NP is older than the doc, from a different generation, so I'm wondering if it's an "old school" kind of thinking. I really want to know what the doc says so taht when they see the NP again I can say "well, according to their ped, there isn't a problem with the way it is right now". I was never told by the ped to pull Izzy's back either.

 

What really concerned me is that the Pedi didn't explain the procedure before showing it or attempting it.

Second they Pedi did not stop when you told them twice.

Enough reasons right there to seek advice from another pediatrician away from this ones practice and hospital group. Check to see where your insurance covers and in network.

That is absolutely irresponsible and unexceptable behaviour from a medical professional.

 

big hugs to you, what a horrible day at the doctors office!!!! I would have left if I'd been waiting for an hour... I hope you find a great new doctor when you move!

 

Thank you! I hope so too!! I'm already searching for one in Miami... I've been calling offices asking about their procedures. I'll have a list of at least 3 options by the time I get there.