Jo will be 5 in a month so I thought maybe so of you have gone through this and would have some ideas for us. Lately Jo has been taking things that don't belong to her or that we've already told her she can't have. Last week I brought home a slurpee for myself. It was almost gone, not enough to share, so I told the girls they couldn't have any. 10 minutes later I went into the little girls' room to find Jo drinking my slupree. Friday she and Ellie were at a friend's house playing. When DH picked them up, he found that Jo had a toy that didn't belong to her. He took it back. Today she was a friend's house for the afternoon. I called to let the mom know about her klepto tendencies so she could make sure Jo didn't walk off with any of her daughter's toys. DH even did a "pat down" to see if she had anything. She appeared clean. But when he got her home she had a toy that wasn't ours. She told us C gave it to her at school. I called C's mom, who I know, to find out that it wasn't hers. Then Jo said it was a McDonald's toy. I called E's mom (today's play date) and sure enough it belongs to E. We're bypassing the girls entirely; DH will return it to E's mom Thursday at pick up. We've talked to her about how this is a bad behavior, it's not good manners, no one will invite her over if she keeps taking things that don't belong to her, it makes me sad that she takes things, nothing seems to get through to her. DH suggested that we have my cousin who is a police officer come over in is uniform to talk to her. If he wasn't 2 hours away it would be a good idea. Am I alone in this? Is it a phase or a sign of something else? How did you handle it or do you have any suggestions? Thanks!
We haven't dealt with this but my guess would be that it is a phase. Maybe she is realizing that she gets more attention from it. I now have the vision of 5 year olds getting frisked after playdates!
I also haven't dealt with this but would also be inclined to think it is a phase and will pass. I do think there should be consequences for it since she is continuing to do it even after being told not to and you & DH talking to her about it. Perhaps you could tell her she can't go to the next play date until she earns your trust and you are convinced that she won't take anything???
My little brother went through this phase about the same age. My mama told him that because he wasn't behaving when alone, he had to stay with her all the time. No playing alone in his room, no staying in the playroom while mom switched over laundry. Wherever mama was, he had to be, within 5 feet or so. She had him do this about a week. After a week she'd give him a little freedom, with the understanding that if he took anything again, he'd be back on "mama duty". It worked pretty well! They didn't have any more trouble out of him.
Chloe, that's a GREAT idea! I think that would be doable. I'm going to talk to DH and see what he thinks!
I think this is GREATNESS! Gosh, I'm not sure if we'd all come out alive , though, if we were together all the time for a week, haha!
Ha! I'm so stealing a lot of my mom's punishments when mine are older. She never spanked or raised her voice, but we all acted right because we were scared of her "creative" punishments.
Be glad that the first place she has decided to 'steal' is home or friends. My oldest was about 3 when I found a stash of tictacs, gum and candy in her coat pockets. When I asked where they came from she told me 'the store'. I asked how she paid for them she told me 'I didn't I just took them' I made her return them (and I had to pay for the ones she had eaten), I asked to speak to a manager, and made her apologize and promise not to do it again. The manager was GREAT, she talked to her, and explained to her what was wrong in what she had done, accepted the apology and thanked her for bringing the candy back. I'll admit that I also told my daughter that if it happened again I would not bother with the store manager, I'd be contacting Sgt Rice, a local police officer who she knew and who knew her by name (friend of the family who knew me since I was a wee one). That made her promise not to do it again, she didn't want to disappoint him. I currently have one with 'boundary issues', which basically means she will take things or use things that aren't hers, but just because they are there. So far its only at home, and we are using removing privileges as a punishment for not asking first. Its not that she is taking something she can't necessarily have, but taking before she has permission to do it.
One of my boys went through a similar phase. (He hasn't done it in over 6 months, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the phase is over!) He brought home a toy from school and it happened twice. He also brought home a toy from the playground. He was the same age as your child, 4 (almost 5) years old at the time so maybe this is around the age when kids do this. When I found out he had taken something from school, I had a talk with him and explained that toys in his classroom belong in the classroom and he can not take them home. I also made him return it to the teacher with me standing behind him. The teacher was very nonchalant about the whole thing and said it happens all the time with kids this age. After he returned the item, I told him that I was proud of him for doing the right thing. First time it happened, I think he couldn't believe that I was making him take it back. But the second time, he seemed like, "Ok, I guess I broke the rules." and didn't fight me at all about taking it back. When he took the toy from the playground, I also had a talk with him and explained that he can not take something that didn't belong to him. He actually seemed to be taken by surprise and said he took it because it wasn't "in" someone's space, like in a classroom or in his friend's house. I got the feeling that he thought picking up a toy at the playground was like picking up acorns or rocks, it was public space and everything was fair game. So I had to go into another speech about how he knew it wasn't his was and even if the owner wasn't around, it's still not his to take, etc....I also made him take it back to the playground. So hopefully these lessons have sunk in because it hasn't happened in a long time! But the incident in the playground made me think that kids this age are still learning about the concept of ownership and are trying to figure out what is and isn't appropriate to take. Heck, I think some adults would have problems figuring out what to do if they happened to come across a $20 bill someone left at the playground.
My DD had/has this problem too. I think it started when she was a young 4. I remember her bringing toys home from daycare, and friends houses. I talked with her, but it did continue periodically over several months. One day we were at a convenience store/gas station and they have candy along the front of the counter and she put something in her pocket. I was looking at her after I paid, and she had a suspicious look on her face, so I checked her and found it. Her father and I both spoke with her about that and we havent had any instances since. ETA: this converstation involved the real consequences of stealing, which involved police officers. However, drinking random drinks in the house is an EVERYDAY occurance for her, and I dont know how to make her stop.
