So, I stay at home with our twins and 3 year old while the older two are in school. My hubby works as a firefighter/EMT and works 24 hours shifts. He does work hard and I totally understand that but sometimes he acts like I am just sitting around the house with the twins and I have it so easy! A good example is this weekend - We had over two feet of snow and lost power Saturday morning around 5am. We had to leave to go to his mom's until it came back on. So we are there no time and he leaves to go down the road and help his dad clear a parking lot that he is in charge of. I think that is great that he is so willing to help others because he does it all the time but he left me there with the kids at his moms and I had to finally call him to come back around 2pm. He came back and our power came on around 3pm thankfully! So we got to go home but he drops me off and goes to finish up with his dad. So I think he will be gone for an hour or so. Well 8pm rolls around and I call him and he said it could be a few more hours. I got so irritated! I mean I have been listening to crying all day while he has been gone and dont get me wrong I think it is GREAT that he is so helpful but sometimes I feel like I am put on the back burner. I mean he jumps at the chance to help others but doesn't see that I need help. Its just so frustrating. I am home by myself all day when he is gone for 24 hours and I would just love a break sometimes. Is it too much to ask?? I am I the only one with this problem?? PS sorry if I jumped all over the place...I am trying to type with a screaming baby on my lap!
:hug: You are not the only one. My advice is to sit down and have a honest conversation with him about this and let him know how you feel. Maybe he isn't aware that you feel like you need a break.
Trust me I say it all the time! I always get - "I need a break too!" And yes he is working when he gets his break but my break never happens! I would love to leave him here for 24 hours and see how it works for him!
I feel exactly the same way. My twins are 6 months old and I am currently a stay at home. My husband is also a firefighter. Sometimes his idea of giving me a break is watching the girls while I make supper and do the laundry....gee thanks. For the most part we do our best to give each other a break but the other day he suggested he work some over time so we could take a vacation to see his family. I LOST it....is he serious leave me here alone in the house with the girls even longer just to go visit the family!! I don't think so....
Ya, the going to visit HIS family one is funny. My DH tried that one on me too. His lives in Italy. I actually let him go alone! Believe it or NOT! He left me when mine were 2o months old but THAT is how badly I could NOT go w/ my twins and how BAD I knew it would have been for ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Yes. Yes indeedy. It's amazing the things they think up. I would have a shotgun locked and loaded at the door if my husband left me alone to shovel someone else's driveway let alone OUR driveway. It hasn't been done yet and we have like 3000 thousand feet of snow on it!!! I would have a nice talk ready for him when he gets home. Or you could always go shovel. i always offer to do it instead as I truly see it as a vacation or like a trip to Disney world or something! there is NO way that needs to be going on. NO WAY in H!
Yeah ours has been plowed yet and my van will be forever before it sees the road again! Did I mention that he left again this morning to finish helping his Dad. He did take the other kids but left me with the twins of course. He left at 9 this morning and is yet to come home. What set me off is I called to tell him about the snow we are getting on Tuesday. He has to go back to work on Tuesday and will be home Wednesday morning. Well he said since we are getting about 5 inches on Tuesday he might not make it home on Wednesday morning. I of course said you have been driving around in two feet of snow 5 inches is not going to hurt you. And his response is you will get over it. I cannot stand that!!
Grrrrrr family! My hubby is really really good and thankfully is home around 5 most nights but holy cow with 4 kids and 3 being under 20 months I am going insane most days. I am out on mat leave right now so not technically a SAHM yet. And as we all know with twins you can't just hand the baby over and have a few minutes to yourself, it's more like pick one and I'll take the other and the older kids have to get who they get. His parents live 2 minutes away from us, are retired and do nothing for us and yet he told me the other day that he would be having to help them move his grandma, aunt and uncle here from 3 hours away so he'd be gone all weekend, I seriously had to bite my tongue because I was sooo mad! (I think the way he said it was the kicker vs asking and trying to figure out what we could do to work it out together.) Its more them than him but he could have said no. And they have plenty of $ to hire movers too but when it comes to anyone but themselves they are scrooges. Cuz apparently we all sit around and eat friggin bon bons all day. My mat leave with my last singleton was nice, leisurely (somewhat) and filled woth fun coffee dates with other new moms and plenty of bonding time with my new baby, this mat leave is honestly 2 or 3 times as much work as my IRL job with no "fun" yet. I'm so sorry :hug: I hope he comes home to help and let you have a few minutes to yourself we all need that!!!
Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I have just had a really bad week! It can only get better though....I hope! I didn't mean to vent so much here but I was just at my breaking point yesterday! I'm not :crazy:, really I'm not! :ibiggrin:
Nope not alone. I am home all day with the twins, our 2 yr old goes to daycare, thank god, but on Sundays I have all three, and he works 12 hrs. Last night he got home, I was thinking yea I can shower with the door closed or have something to eat other then cereal, nope he plunks himself down in front of XBOX and I dont hear from him the whole night. At one point all three where crying, Donevan woke up and wanted water, Nathaniel wanted to eat and William needed to burp, he didnt even budge, so I totally understand
My heart goes out to all you twin moms who also have toddlers to deal with, and on top of that husbands who don't do their fair share!! I swear I don't know how you keep from going off on your hubbies when they act like that. My DH is a tremendous help and splits all baby duties 50/50. He started shoveling our driveway yesterday after this weekend's snowfall and after listening to one or both babies fuss and cry for 30 minutes I finally went and told him to leave the driveway and please help with the babies instead, ha. I couldn't tolerate both of them by myself for even an hour and I don't know how you all do it hours on end day after day!! I would encourage all of you ladies having problems with your husbands to have a heart to heart with them and explain to them how exceptionally hard it is for you to deal with the babies for so many hours and that you would really appreciate it if they could pitch in more. If they think it is so easy insist that they watch the babies by themselves for several hours one day! Anyway, hang in there. I hope things get easier with your babies soon! :hug:
Other than BF, my hubby probably does more baby care than I do... I think he is deathly afraid of autism and wants to engage/teach the babies as much as possible. He actually goes a bit overboard, in my opinion, with entertaining them. BUT- I set the standard early. Help starts at home. After your house is in order, THEN it's time to volunteer. I say that with him volunteering today, actually. He can go out, do something for others as well as himself & replenish. I do not resent him for it b/c he's doing his part before & after. Talk to him- it has to be very hard on you with his job's demands. He's got to go the extra mile to take pressure off you when not working so you can adequately take care of them when he's on duty.
