Having a breakdown with mother, mother-in-law, and husband...

have you ever just had one of those freakin' days?!? i'm having mine...actually it's been more than just one day, it's ongoing.

the boys have started to change their poop 'schedule' and they've been getting more diaper rashes than normal...i've tried to stay on top of it, but between cleaning, getting dinner ready, laundry, fixing the kids meals, etc. it's pretty overwhelming. my husband absolutely blames me for the diaper rash, and i'm guessing he's right since the rashes are caused by poop diapers being on them too long. my mom watched the boys yesterday and wrote an email to our joint acct about the boys having diarrhea. i told her to please stop emailing those things for my husband to read b/c it just causes more problems, just to call me and let me know. she got mad at me for telling her that and hung up on me. :blink: she's supposed to watch the boys again tomorrow and i'm sure she's going to want an apology from me. i'm not in the mood to consider that right now. :girl_devil:

THEN...my inlaws come over on wednesday nights while i go to rehearsal and they almost always bring toys for the boys. i've made it clear when i was pregnant that we didn't want the boys to have a bunch of toys. they have 8 other grandchildren who are horribly spoiled and ungrateful. yet, she still brings toys over. my husband doesn't even tell me about it, i find them in the boys play area. if i bring it up, he gets mad at me having a problem with his mother. :nea:

AND...my father in law always does the laundry and dishes on wed. nights when they come over. very nice. except that my thong underwear and bras are in the laundry and he folds them up and puts them on my bed. :gah: EMBARASSING! i've told my husband to ask him to stop doing our laundry but he's still doing it.

i feel like i am at the end of my rope lately :help: ....on top of all of this frustration, my DH just got his 'free and clear' results back from his vasectomy and he's all over me! as if i'm relaxed enough for that right now! i fell like it one more thing goes wrong i'm gonna snap! :drown:

sorry for the vent but there's no one around here to tell except dr. phil and oprah...i'd call my mom, but she'd just hang up on me...tried to call my sister but she told me not to put her in the middle of me and mom (she and mom are in a sick codependent relationship)...think i'll go make myself a drink now! :drinks:

 

:hug:

About the toys being brought over - what if you go behind your IL's and secretly take the toys and hide them in your closet? I do that with some of the girls' gifts they get for their birthday and Xmas. They just don't need so many new toys all at once, so I keep some at the top of my closet for when they get bored.

About your FIL folding your bras and panties, I couldn't help but laugh! :rofl: My mom does the same thing when she comes over. She helps me fold our laundry and DH is always embarassed when he sees his underwear folded. I told him to get over it, everyone wears underwear! I'm just grateful for her help. Is it worth it to you for some help with the laundry?

 

thanks, aimee! i just put some of the toys in the closet...looking for a place to donate too, b/c they really do have soooo many. and you're probably right, i need to get over the embarassment of the laundry. it's just so creepy to think of my FIL folding my underwear! :FIFblush:

 

:laughing: What I want to know is how did your MIL train him to help with laundry? LOL

 

Could you pull out your bras and underwear and wash them separately on your own? Then FIL could wash everything else.

 

Sounds like in general you are just overwhelmed. I second the pour yourself a drink, after reading that I wanted one.

I really don’t get your mothers reaction to you asking her not to communicate those things that way. Babies bodies change all the time, they are eating new foods all the time, there are germs everywhere, so it is normal for those things to happen and you are doing what you can to minimize the effects.

As for DH send the kids to the grandparents – have another glass of wine and have fun. Then maybe he will relax a little too. Sorry just sounds like he has some pent up emotions and I know when my DH starts acting like that it has probably been too long since we had fun. I know easy to say – I have a hard time letting go of all the day to day stresses.

Hope it gets better soon!

 

I agree with PP on sex. Its a great de-stresser even if you don't feel like it right now. My MIL sounds like your IL's...she is always helping but it drives us (more me) NUTS bc I didn't ask her to do any of it!! It was to the point of her stealing our trash and putting it in her car to burn when she came to babysit :80: yes...she's weird!
Want to know what we did? We told her if she was going to do these things we were going to pay her for them and we would ask her what to do....problem solved...most she does now (without us asking) is make supper which normally I dont have anything ready anyways!

Good luck!!!!

 

:hug: I agree with the pp and you got some good advice. I'm very much like you with other people helping, I tend to get more irritated then happy about it. So I actually have a list that I keep on my fridge of the things I hate to do that I don't mind others doing. Like doing dishes, HAVE AT IT! LOL I hate doing dishes! I don't mind people doing my laundry and I don't mind how other people fold them but don't you dare put them away.
My mom's best friend said that she loves the list because she can come in and do dishes and know that I honestly am happy that she did them and she feels good that she's helped.
I hope you're able to get a break and enjoy it!

 

You've gotten some great advice on here already. I just wanted to offer a you a :hug: for being so stressed out right now.
I agree with putting the toys in the closet for now and also with making a list of chores that you are comfortable with people doing. Your MIL trained your FIL well for him to do the laundry and fold it. I think they are just trying to help in their own way but I can see how it can be frustrating.
As for the diaper rash, please do not blame yourself for that. My DD was prone to frequent diaper rash and I was on top of her diapers and still wasn't fast enough. I found that letting her air dry, putting on a lot of Vaseline with milk of magnesia helped.

 

Hey I'd like to have a couple of those problems

I would definitely be annoyed about the blaming on the diaper rash. You know if they are pooping often and it's kind of loose, you can try feeding them rice and bananas, that helps harden their stool a little bit.

I hope your day is better tomorrow.

 

I know what you are going through..I just posted last week with a meltdown too! I'm soo sorry you are having a hard time. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Is there anyway your hubby can help you with some of the household stuff, so you have less to do, and more time to attend to poopy diapers? I personally wouldn't worry about the whole thong and laundry issue. I figure pick and choose your battles. I would just be glad someone is doing my laundry. But if it makes you that uncomfortable, I agree with other pp to just separate your laundry so he doesn't have to see it. He's already seen it at this point, so it's not like it is a suprise anymore right? I know you are at a breaking point and are just testy right now.. am I right? Take a deep breath!You'll get through this. I am at the end of my funk now, and they sure do suck. I'll tell ya, the support I got after posting from the other ts moms helped a lot. Just knowing there are other moms out there who get it. I hope your days get better! And hey, if it's gonna be a really busy one, just use some extra aquaphor or vaseline on the tushies for an extra barrier. Remember, you are a good mom and you will get through this! Good luck!

 

Regarding diaper rash, don't beat yourself up about it! It happens. If it makes you feel any better, my mother (herself a mother of 3 and grandmother of 5) said she never saw worse diaper rash in her life than what Jack had in NICU. IN NICU!!! If kids can have serious diaper rash when being cared for by trained professionals, then we certainly can't hope to do any better! :lol:

And about the toys...don't even get me started!! :gah: My ILs ridiculously spoil their other grandchildren (they get so many toys at Christmas they don't enjoys them or even want to open them all. AND the ILs have twice as many toys in the basement that they didn't wrap up because it was "too much" :blink: ) We told my ILs that they were limited to 2 presents each last Christmas (when the boys were just over 4 months old). They wrapped up 2 huge boxes filled with plastic crap, and said "it's only 2 presents". :headbang: Every time they come to visit, they bring 4-5 toys EACH for the boys. Our house is drowning in stuff. I get that they want to spoil their grandchildren, but our quality of life was seriously suffering.

Luckily DH is on board with the toy thing, so we sat them down and talked to them about it. Turns out they feel guilty because they can't visit as often as they want, so they buy toys so the boys will remember them and like to see them. I gave them specific ideas of other things they could do to make their visits special (like taking them out to eat, going for walks, taking them to a museum, eating ice cream for lunch, whatever) so the boys would look forward to the Grandparents coming.

This really helped clear the air and things have gotten MUCH better. That being said, we do have at least half the boys' toys downstairs in storage and rotate them out occasionally. There's still just too much stuff to have it all out at once, and I think the boys have a better time playing when there's not too many things to play with overloading their senses.

:hug: I hope things get better for you soon!

 

so sorry for all the stress! the pp gave you lots of great advice!

I wanted to 2nd or 3rd the diaper rash recommendations... both our babies tend to get it, and its totally poop related... I don't even know if it has to do with being on their bottoms a long time or if its going to give them a rash with a short time ... I've gotten to just keep smearing the petroleum jelly on at most changing times... when their bums are really red, I make sure to add diaper cream on top.

I, too, had to laugh about your FIL folding your thongs! oh boy... I know my MIL would sometimes do laundry and I was horrified when I went to put it away and there were my underwear.

as for the folding... I laugh, I don't keep a very organized house, but my closets are pretty organized.. and I like to have things folded my "normal" way.... and my mil folds the kids clothes in a total opposite way than I do... ugh... I just grin and bear it, and mostly refold!

I hope that things calm down at your house soon! I think for me the 1 year mark was a really stressful time... for me, its a bit calmer now, hopefully you find calmer days soon!

 

You've gotten some great advice. If you don't want your FIL to fold your underwear, I would keep them seperate & wash them yourself. I think it is great that he is sooo helpful to your family!
My mom has issues with juice. She thinks that is a staple and that every baby needs it. Juice made my kids' bottoms red & on a few occasions caused them to bleed. Even the ped. telling her that didn't stop her from giving it to them. :hug: Diaper rashes happen. They are not your fault unless you are letting your babies sit in them all day! (I know you're not!) The first year is hard on moms and on marriages. Hang in there. It gets better!

 

First off I think if your husband is so critical of you than he should spend a week watching them and see if he can keep away the diaper rashes! My boys have had diarrhea for two weeks now and it doesn't matter what I do their poor little bums are totally raw and more often than not they aren't sitting in their poop long at all its just so acidic that we can't get them healed up.
Second I think that your mom shouldn't judge you or treat you that way because she has no idea what it is like to have twins and the chaos it often comes with. If she can't respect your wishes and she adds fuel to the fire with your husband than perhaps you will have to call her on it and tell her that you wont need her help anymore because she makes it worse(this might be a little harsh but people need to be more respectful I think)
Third-My MIL does the laundry here too and I finally told her not to because I hate that she goes into my room and tries to put it away(when I am not home :headbang: ) and also she always puts the clothes, especially the Boy's in the wrong drawers and even the wrong bedrooms and it drives me nuts :catfight: I know that they are trying to be helpful and I have told her that she can fold any clothes for the boys I have already washed and leave them in the basket and I will put them away. I asked her not to touch mine or my husbands anymore because she often washed DH clothes with mine or my kids and he is a mechanic and his work clothes stink and are full of grease
As for the toys I finally told all of my family this past fall not to buy anymore toys but they could buy all the clothes they wanted to. I got a lot of flack for it but the number of toys we have is ridiculous!! I told them I would donate them to poor kids if they bought anymore and surprisingly it works.

Best of luck

 

I'm going to break this down:

The diaper rashes - may not be "your fault." Changes in diet, more frequent pooping (regardless of how quickly you change them), medication, etc. can cause this. Slather them with lots of Aquaphor or other medication, and try to let them air dry a little during changes.

Your husband - is being a jerk. Sorry. He's being a jerk. You aren't even really venting about him, and I want to smack him for you. He "blames" you for the diaper rashes and gets mad if you talk to him about your MIL bringing toys.

Your mom - also being a jerk. It was a reasonable request, and there's no reason for her to be rude about it and not be there for you when you need her.

Your inlaws - mean well. Sometimes, you just have to let go on the toy front. They love your kids, and they want to give them toys. My mom brings stuffed animals everytime she comes to visit. I don't love stuffed animals, but it makes her and the kids happy, so I deal. Your FIL, which I understand your embarassment, is being a complete sweetheart. I say either suck it up - he's clearly not embarassed! Or put your undies in a separate little hamper to be washed separately. Tell him they are all hand wash or something.

Sorry you are having a rough day. It sucks when everyone around you starts acting like a drama queen when you are busy trying to raise little people!

 

:friends: So sorry about your crazy day! We all have them! I just read your post and was
feeling very thankful that all my and my DH's family are too far to bug us too much! Then again
it is nice to have help too! One thing though, diaper rash is not always caused by poo diapers that
are left on too long...so, don't blame yourself! I took my DS to the doctor last week because I
could NOT get rid of his diaper rash. Turns out my doc said it is caused by teething (he is cutting
many at this time!) and that to get rid of it I should use the jock-itch/athlete's foot ointment on
it for a few days, just once per day because it is caused by yeast/fungus. Turns out it is the only thing
that helped even after trying MULTIPLE natural things that normally work for me!
Hugs to you and keep your chin up!