The Demanding Twin vs the Chill Twin......Is there such a thing?

So my girl twins are 6 months now and they have been really good babies. Eat, drink, sleep, poop....all the things babies should do. They are on a semi-schedule, but it's not very strict. Well over the past two weeks one of our girls, Baby A has become so demanding and crying out even when you walk by her. It is if she is demanding to be picked up, and then she starts to laugh when you pick her up. Our other twin, Baby B is so chill and laid back and would play in the floor or exercaucer for hours. She laughs all the time and is so easy going.

I hate to compare, but you know as twin moms it is hard. I am just at a loss with Baby A. If she is not getting full on attention or being held she is crying. I am about to go crazy. She will also cry if she sees me pick up her sister instead of her. I have had to crawl out of the room so she wouldn't see me and start freaking out and crying. And her cry is not just a whine, it is an all out back arched, arms flopping, feet stomping, and almost sounds like a cat screaming that is being hurt. It has just become a little much and I need some friendly advice. My husband and I both are at a loss on what we should do with her.

Anyone experience this with their twins? What did you do to easy the babies anexiety who always wants to be held? How did you give the other twin the love she deserves without listening to baby a crying and screaming.

Thanks for the advice.
Stacy

 

This will be hard to believe right now, but your twins will probably swap personalities on you. My needy & clingy one at birth is now the independent one and vice versa. I'd do what you can with each's current needs and have faith that it will all even out.

 

:hug: I think a lot of us have gone through this same type of thing. Maybe Baby A is teething or not quite feeling well right now, or is just going through a needy stage. The good news is that she'll probably get through it soon. The bad news is that your Baby B might go through the same thing too. At least they're not both doing it at the same time!

I've found that mine switch roles. Sometimes one is clingy, sometimes it's the other. All you can do is try to hold her and get through it!

 

I totally agree with Rebekah J, My boy usually is the more demanding baby, my girl is usually the chillin one who can play and entertain herself for a long time. I am usually always holding my boy. However there are some days where they switch and I cannot do anything to make my girl happy and my boy is fine by himself. It is mind boggling. For the majority of the time though I am happy that at least it is only one that isn't happy. I call it tag team.

 

We went through this. I received advice to plays to their needs at that time. So I did hold the "needier" one more and eventually she didn't need it as much. I thought I would feel more guilty but I didn't. In fact, she is the more independent one now! I would say don't be afraid to really coddle her...it works the reverse of what you might think. Right now she has the more sensitive temperament it sounds like and needs to know that you are there. And by you giving her what she needs she will feel more secure to venture out over time. I agree with the thought that you are not going to spoil by providing security. It has proven true in our case and makes sense in my mind. Good luck to you.

 

Stacy!

I don't have much advice but I wanted to say you are NOT alone!! I am going through the exact same thing! My little girl has always been the higher need baby. She is a little more sensitive than her brother. If someone approaches the stroller, he will look at them and smile... She will give the biggest pout you have ever seen, followed by screaming! She has the same kind of separation anxiety that you describe with your baby. She MUST be held if I am within eye sight... Otherwise there will be screeching. She actually screamed at the dog this morning, arms out... like she expected it to pick her up!

And I feel the exact same guilt for the lack of attention that my son gets sometimes. The only thing that makes me feel a little better is that he needs much less sleep than her. So a lot of times he is the only one awake. That gives us plenty of time where his sister isn't hogging the attention.

I have noticed that she really just wants to be touching me/close to me, so she doesn't HAVE to be held... Can your babies sit up? I have noticed if I sit on the ground with my legs in a V shape with the two of them side by side, she is still happy, and we can all play together.

Good luck!!

 

wow! I was so going to post a similar post! I am going through with this with one of my girls right now! It's exhausting and she actually gets upset when I have both her and her sister on my lap. Fun times!

 

Oh MAN this is us!!! My girl has been the troublemaker since she was in the womb! (Thus why I ended up with her brother vaginal and her being stubborn and being a c-section) While my boy is happy and easy going. These 2 switch roles at night. My boy is happy and sweet all day and goes down for naps perfectly but at night he fusses all night long! My girl who fusses all day long and wants to be held or bounced on a knee constantly and fusses herself to sleep for naps falls asleep with relative ease within minutes of being put down and sleeps like a rock all night! Its soooo crazy!

We haven't figured out what to do yet so I can't give you advice but I just try to be as fair as possible and when there are extra hands at night they both get held. I can't wait til they can sit up and hopefully we can all sit together on the floor as a pp said.

:hug: It's rough. I always thought it might be a girl vs boy thing in general but I see its not the case with everyone elses kids, my last girl was super needy too so it must just be our girls heehee.

 

Yep, I've got a set of those too. A is chill and B is needy. B was IUGR so I don't know if she sensed we worried more about her since the womb or what. But she can cough and my hubby flies out of bed to check on her. She cries more for no reason. Her sister is the happy baby, super content, STTN.

I figure we hold and snuggle them about the same. Although Quinn needs more attention when she is whiney and crying. Her sister is more interactive and smiley, so she gets a lot of one on one for being happy. Its hard to juggle, and you never want one to feel not as loved.

I feel guilty when they both cry, because her sister doesn't cry as hard, she gets left, and Quinn gets picked up first.

I don't have much advice but you are not alone. We do our best as moms and I think they all turn out ok in the end

 

ok, whew......I am so glad to see all of your responses and it makes sense. Give the needy one the love they "need" at the time and maybe the other baby will need it at a different time.

I just feel put forth so, so, so, so much energy to keep baby A happy. Baby B and I could be laying in bed, or chilling on the floor and it is just so relaxing to be around her. I sometime feel like I need to make baby B dance or something so I give her the equal amount of energy that I put forth to her sister.

Thanks for your thoughts, it will be interesting to see how things change.
:cheers

 

:grouphug: THANK YOU for asking this question and to everyone who answered!!!!!

I thought my daughter is trying to drive me insane with her neediness. I even took her to the doctor just to be sure she is ok.

My babies also switch roles, but when it's my daughter's turn, she does not whine but screams in a matter of a second and turns blue while flapping her arms and kicking her feet. It's insane and she is so intense.

I too have to hide from her. If once in a blue moon she finally entertains herself, and then sees my shadow, all hell breaks loose.....She also hates when I feed her brother or even pick him up instead of her.

I will try what Betsy (5280babies) said and see if that helps!

Oh.... thank goodness I am not alone.

 

I have to agree. Jake was needy as a baby. Nobody wanted to hold him because he cried all the time. Everyone wanted Josh. I could leave Josh in the swing or jumperoo and he'd be happy. After a few minutes, Jake wanted out. I remember going to a wedding when they were 7 months old and I had to hold Jake the entire time while Josh was being passed around like a football.

At around 19 months, all of a sudden it switched. They are now 2 and Jake says "hi" to everyone he sees. Everyone loves being with him.I can't tell you the last time he cried in the car.

Josh has become very shy and I need to hold him a lot. On a daily basis he screams and cries in the car. If I leave the room he freaks out.

I pray every day that he will turn the corner and be like Jake.

 

Ian is the more aggressive, outgoing and demanding one, and Kenneth is more laid back. Ian will push his brother out of the way, steal his toys and bottles right out of his hands, scream if i hold Kenneth instead of him.....the jealousy is definatelly already there at 9 mon.