Are you for or against daycare?

Hello,

I have decided to stay at home with the kids until they go to school. and therefore don't like much the idea of daycare. not only because of the germs and viruses but because I believe that the first 2 years of age at least babies need mostly tenderness and attention to feel emotionally secure and nobody at daycare would be able to give that to them like their mom or dad.

Anyhow, I am curious what other parents think about daycare. Aside from the fact that it helps you resume working, do you think it has other benefits? I look forward for your experience or opinions.

Thanks a bunch.

 

Well, we went with a daycare because I needed to go back to work. Being a teacher, having a daycare with a quality preschool program was a must for me. True, no one will love your baby as mommy and daddy would, but I am very fortunate to have an incredibly nurturing, caring daycare provider. Also as a teacher, it is commonly known (amongst my co-workers) that the kindergartners that have been in daycare are a lot less sick than the ones who weren't. Granted, my twins and toddler get sick now because they are at daycare, but I figure it is just building their immune systems. Hopefully that will result in fewer missed days of school later on. :unknw:

If I could afford it, I would probably stay at home with my kids too. They would be enrolled in a preschool program as soon as possible though so that they get used to structure in a school setting and socialization.

Have fun with your babies!

 

i'm against it simply because i don't want to go to work to pay someone to take care of my kids and that is what it boils down to, we wouldn't be ahead financially, it wouldn't relieve stress, i'd just be working to pay someone else to care for my kids...no thanks...i've used day care in the past, when i needed to because i HAD to work because there was only me or situations like that, and it's all good, as long as you can find an excellent provider, i've always used an individual person, not a center...it just seemed to me that a person would have more time for my kid/kids because there would be fewer other kids there at that same time

 

I'm also a sahm. There are days I think of going back to work, but I'd be working just to pay for daycare.

There are other options than daycare. When my boys were 22 months, I enrolled them in a Kid's Day Out program in my area. It's not a full day type daycare, but an opportunity for them to interact and socialize with kids their own age for a few hours a day.

I have the option of sending them from 9-11:30 or 9-2, 3 days a week. Currently they go twice a week from 9-11:30. It give me a much needed break and allows me to get things done like Dr. & dentist appointments.

My boys get EI and I was told by numerous therapists that it was not healthy for them to be spending all their time with me; they need to be around other kids & people.

I have seen a change for the good since they started the program.

I will admit though that they've have a lot more colds since starting the program and Josh has a pretty bad cough the past few days, but it's building up their immune system. I was talking to another mom who had her daughters in the program since they were 6 months old. She said for the first year they had constant runny noses but since then they hardly ever get sick.

For me, it was one of the best decisions I've made as a parent. If I knew about this program when they were babies, I most likely would of enrolled them back then.

 

I can see benefits to both daycare and staying home with an infant. I always knew I wanted to stay home with my kids, but I have a good friend who was more than ready to go back to work after her 6 week maternity leave. She has had two babies and never even took the full 12 weeks, she was too bored!

Her babies both got very sick in the first year, I guess because they caught every bug that went around the daycare. But, I've also heard the same thing happens to every child the first year they are in a day care or school type setting.

I stay home with my girls even though if I worked I would make more than what was needed to pay for daycare. I stay home with them because it is what I want to do. Since I stay home with them we don't really have extra money for mother's day out or extra programs, and they won't be in any sort of preschool until they are 4. (They have a late birthday so they'll go to preschool when they are 4 and 5.) Now that they are 2 I have really been wanting to go back to work b/c I feel like they might benefit from a more structured environment, but now I have a 2 year employment gap on my resume.

The grass is always greener on the other side!

 

I have no issues at all with daycare, I think daycare helps young ones learn to deal with a structured day and be able to socialize with other children. Yes, there is more chances that they will get sick in daycare but I think the pros do outweigh the cons. I became a SAHM because daycare would eat my paycheck and we would not be ahead financially at all with me working. I am pondering a return to work but it depends on the salary so that it is worth it for us financially for me to work.

 

Neither. Every family is different. Some families need both parents to work (or have only one parent). Some families have two parents who prefer to work, and that is just as important. An unhappy person staying home with the kids because s/he thinks s/he "should" does not benefit the kids. So, I am in favor of what works best for any particular family. I am a SAHM, one of my sisters is a FT WOHM and the other is a PT WOHM. We all make it work.

 

I've worked in day care centers in all of the age groups. It is a very stressful job. I didn't want to send my boys to day care for two reasons: 1)Financially it didn't help us 2)I feel I can teach my children everything they would learn there with out them being exposed to bad habits of other children (like making guns w/hands). My boys get socialization with other kids their age with our playgroups. I feel I have a bit more control over who they are playing with (I know one day soon I won't have as much say).

 

I agree with Ruby. :good:

 

I am lucky to be able to work from home and am the primary bread winner in our family. We were fortunate to have a family member came over during the day and care for the girls while I worked up until the time they were 18 months. At that time the family member could no longer do it. It was then I switched to the girls to a daycare center and it was the best thing for us. The girls blossomed. I know the girls are in a safe environment being well taken care of and I can get my work done. The girls are kept busy with fun learning activities all day and look forward to going. I guess we got the best of both.

 

I don't think of it as an "in favor of" issue, either. If you have to work (for whatever reason), then you no doubt need daycare.

That said, I'm a sahm and DS#1 was attending daycare until the recent rash of evil illnesses that have been plaguing my DCP's house. They had H1N1, pinkeye, and other goodies floating around (with parents that don't think they need to keep their sick kids home :angry: ) and it wasn't worth the risk of infecting the babies at this young age, so I pulled him until I get him enrolled in preschool in the spring. DS was going 1-2x/wk from about 9-3:00. I don't have local family and only a few friends w/little kids (and we can never seem to get together). My neighborhood is also light on little ones, so he gets NO interaction with other kids (or adults!) if I don't take him somewhere to get it. And while storytime and activities at the Y are all great (and have been really beneficial for him), they're not the same. DS is very shy, so I've been working really hard at breaking him out of his shell...without me holding his hand. I think what daycare offers that these other activities don't is the fact that I LEAVE. DS has overcome a good deal of his clinginess (finally!) and he now understands that I WILL come back for him...and that he will be ok while I'm gone. He also has learned to follow direction from other adults and roll with different m.o.'s, too. I think it's taught him adaptability, which I believe is really important.

But again, it's what works for the individual(s). I'm not going to judge it as right or wrong, nor do I believe anyone should.

Eve

 

i am all for daycare because it helps me stay sane.

 

I did't read the other replies...

I'm for it.

My first daughter has been in daycare (what I consider a good one), since she was 4 months old...and is still currently in full time and she'll be 4 in April. She has learned so much and has had some much exposure to things I would never dream or have the creativity to expose her to. She is bright, smart (is learning to spell and write already), well socialized and loves it.

Come May, due to financial reasons, we will be dropping her to 2 days a week in daycare. I'm scared at what the heck I'm going to do with 3 all summer long...but I'll figure it out.

I'm now a SAHM with the twins. I'm sad because they won't have the same 'advantages" and exposures to daycare my first did. It was great and I hope that I can find a job someday that will make putting them into daycare worthwhile...for now, I don't see me putting them in till they are around 18 months.

I'd say, based on my experience, I saw my daughter really flurishing in daycare once she hit about 16 to 18 months. Before that, it was nice, but not alot of learning going on...more fun and socialization.

Just my experiences.

 

I agree with PPs about you do what works for you. I admit before I had kids I swore I would stay at home until preschool. Now I think I will stay until they are 18 mos - 2 yrs because they are very active and need more interaction than me already it seems...when my friends with babies come over occasionally, they get soooo happy. Personally, I will probably choose daycare rather than a nanny simply because I would like them to follow some structure in a group setting and have a variety of playmates. Maybe a part-time scenario would be enough for me and them. I do love the idea of a nanny but I would like them to experience playing with other kids and I will do my best to guard their sickness, but it is going to be from daycare or kindergarten...it is pretty inevitable. I've stopped trying to second guess myself from the sickness point of view. Unfortunately, the financial aspect is going to be a pain to figure out so I probably will put it off until age 2! Good luck in finding whatever will work for you.

 

I am a SAHM now. The main reason I stay home is well I wouldn't be making enough money myself to cover the daycare costs. There are many more why I stay home. As many already stated above, it depends on the family for what is right for them, it isn't a for or against issue.

I have a 3 year old son along with my 8 month old twins. I agree that as they get older they do need exposure to the structure environment for social reasons and also just getting ready for school. My 3 year old goes to a kid's day out twice a week and it helps so much. For the twins when they are 2, I will be putting them in the same program but not as much because it would cost too much. They will probably go 1 time a week each. Hey some exposure is better than none.

Now this is just my opinion as an experienced teacher, kids need all the help they can get to get ready for school. What they learn in kindergarten today is what they expected them to learn in first grade many, many years ago. :blink:

 

I'm not for or against daycare. I think you have to figure out what is right for your own family. For me, that was staying home. The thought of dropping my kids at daycare every morning broke my heart. But that's me and what works for me isn't necessarily right for everyone else.

 

I agree with Tina. Some people don't have the option or choice to stay at home, some don't want to and some just aren't cut out to stay with their kids 24/7. What works for you and your family is what's right.

I have always wanted to be a SAHM. When we got married we waited to have our first child until we had a good house, and most of our bills paid off. I was blessed to be able to stay at home with him from day 1. Then we spent 2 yrs trying for baby #2 and I knew there was no way I could take my kids to any form of daycare....now that #3 and #4 are here, it's financially impossible for any kind of daycare/paid preschool. I wouldn't even make enough working to pay for their schooling. But it's still my "choice" to stay home, it's not that I'm against daycare, it's that I'm FOR staying at home with my kids! :wub:

 

I agree that you have to do what works for you. If I was a SAHM full-time there would not be much "tenderness" or emotional attention, but that's just me. I love my kids dearly and I miss them when I work (full-time, out of the house with them in daycare full-time), but I truly believe that daycare is not only a sanity saver for me, but also really great for the kids. They are at in-home daycare with an individual who has watched kids (and raised twins of her own) for thirty years. I trust her completely, and the kids have amazed me with their socialization skills, with things they learn and do over there, and just how much they obviously love being there. They play very well independently, they play well with each other and other kids most of the time, and they understand rules, schedules, and adapatability in ways that they never would have if they were home with me. Me not working is not an option, but knowing what I do now even if it was and I went back to when the kids were newborns, I would still look for a daycare or mother's day out or preschool program to put them in because I really think it is very valuable. They have been sick a lot, but like pp I would rather them build immunities now rather than when they are in school. All of that being said, I did want to mention that I almost didn't respond simply because it is obvious that we are very different kind of parents, and that's ok, of course, but my opinion doesn't seem like one you would want. Frankly, their "emotional security" isn't at the top of my list - I of course want them to have high self-esteem, and to know that they are loved, and to feel secure and confident but I think there is a fine line between making sure they are attended to and coddling and spoiling them. I am also a proponent of CIO, of going to bed with no rocking, of eating what you are served, and of them being able to play independently without me - I am their mom and sometimes playmate, but definitely not all the time! So, take my opinion of being "for" daycare in that context, not that I think daycare is good or bad for anyone just that different scenarios work better for different kinds of people!

 

:thanks: a lot mommies for all your replies. I was soooo much interested by your different point of views and experiences with daycare, and I respect them all :good:

I think I come up to the conclusion to do what I feel right for us!

I don't like the idea of staying away from work, that's why I am working virtually from home when the kids are sleeping. Though I wouldn't earn as much as if I work full time job, but it's better than nothing!

On the other hand, I know that socializing with other kids might be beneficial for my kids. But for the time being I think they are still young for daycare, they don't even walk. I am still prone to the idea of staying the first 2 years wih the kids for emotional security.

However, I might very well take the kids to a kindergarden after they are 2 years old for the sake of socializing with other kids of their age and making friends. But I know that I have to pick a VERY good one and that I might only take them 2 or 3 times per week. Anyhow, just live the present now and worry about that later.

 

I'm not against daycare in general, but I don't think it's a good fit for our family. We calculated it one time and realized that I would only see the babies an hour in the morning and two hours at night. I feel that the first two years and especially the first year is so important in forming close attachments. Also, I like being the person who knows the most about my kids. I don't want to come pick them up from daycare and have them say, "oh, E walked today". I want to be there for all their firsts. Add in the fact that we would lose 100 dollars a month if I worked (gas, daycare, lunches, ect.) It just isn't worth it to me to work.

However, that's just me personally. I've got several friends that just aren't happy at home. They're bored, don't feel challenged, and want adult interaction. And it's a good point. Staying home is very isolating. If Mama isn't happy staying at home, then it's not the best situation for the children either. Happy parents are the best predictor of happy kids that I know of.

 

I am for both. As many pps said it depends on your circumstances. I tend to favor the in home providers until the children are a bit older as I feel it gives them a more homey feel and a better provider to child ratio. I don't know if I will be going back to work, I would like to SAH but that depends on a lot of factors yet to be decided.

Leaving my 19.5 mo old to go back to work when she was younger was soooo hard but her DCP was so great it did get easier. She still goes there once a week so that I can schedule doctors appointment etc and "only" have the twins (haha!) but hasn't gone in a while due to christmas and then the DCP holidays. She is a shy girl and due to all these breaks is not doing so well at being left there so we may be rethinking that. That is where the socialization aspect comes in, she could definitely use more of that but again if you're not working there's not much extra money.

Anyway this is getting long but basically there are pros and cons to each side.

 

These are just my preferences and generalizations -- every mom should choose what seems best for her family and each individual child.

I think it depends on the age of the child. From birth to 2.5 years, socialization isn't that important, and I think the optimal situation is one or two infants/toddlers to one caregiver, whether that's mom, dad, a nanny, or with a SAHM who wants to care for another child in addition to her own. Older children with the same caregiver are fine, I'm just not crazy about the daycare ratio of 4 infants to 1 adult. Not that daycare is harmful, it's just not my preference for this age.

By age 3, I think a child definitely needs play time with other children, at least 2 mornings a week. At this age, a group daycare/preschool is a better setting than a nanny. I still like to see a group of no more than 10 kids with 1 adult (20 kids with 2 adults is too much). SAHM's can certainly provide this experience through neighborhood kids and playgroups.

At age 4, it's good to have a learning component added, and to learn to follow the "rules" of sitting quietly in a group, waiting to be called upon, cleaning up, etc. A larger group of kids with a teacher and an aide is ok now. If a kid doesn't attend preschool, then mom or dad needs to put in the effort to teach numbers and letters.

 

Well, I haven't read all the responses, but I just am going to assume that this is going nowhere good.

To answer your question, my twins have been in daycare since 8 weeks, and I'm a fan. I make 2/3 of our household income, so I was obviously going back to work, and DH being a SAHD wasn't going to work for us right now. I also love my job, and I spent years getting the degrees that allow me to do it. I did not sign up to stop being an individual when I had kids, and I don't think my kids would benefit from me doing that. I love our daycare. The twins are social and well-behaved and loved. They are good going out in public and interacting with other kids and people. They don't actually get sick that much, but in any case I'd rather them build up immune systems now than in preschool or kindergarten. They learn so much, and I can't tell you how awesome it is to have them coming home singing a song they learned at school or telling me an animal noise they learned at school. I love that. I have happy, healthy, well-behaved, well-adjusted, secure, smart little two year olds.

I would never phrase this issue as being pro or con daycare, and I don't really understand why it's a conversation you wanted to have. There are right and wrong choices for each family. Being a SAHM is a great choice for some families. I have friends who are SAHMs and just revel in it. It makes them happy, and that makes their kids happy, and it's just a beautiful situation. I know SAHMs who don't like it and aren't happy, and I can't see how that benefits the kids. Likewise, I know working moms who are happy and feel more well-adjusted for working (me included). And working moms who'd rather be SAHMs. I get that daycare isn't the best choice for your family. I don't get why you feel compelled to pass judgment on it across the board. It suggests to me that you need others to believe your choice is "right" when it should be enough that you believe it's right.

 

I can't wait to drop mine off in the morning. :girl_devil:

Seriously, I don't know why I waited so long to get them in daycare (vs a sitter). They are so much better behaved now, they nap anywhere, they're learning skills that just amaze me. At not even 2 1/2 they both know how to count to 20, count things, and can look at and tell me some letters of the alphabet. They tell me about the weather and what day of the week it is. These are all things that they've learned in daycare.

I enrolled them not even a month ago in daycare. They only knew how to count to 12 a month ago.

And this morning Royce waved bye to me instead of crying!! :laughing:

 

Thanks for your reply. I respect a lot your opinion and decisions. However, my intention and motivation of posting this topic is to see what other parents think or experienced about daycare.

Like any parents, we have our standpoint about the topic, however, because I want the best for my kids, I will undoubtedly change my opinion if I believe that they will benefit from it. And the interesting posts I got from many moms about the benefit their kids got from daycare made me rethink about it. So, it's not about passing judgment but about discussing what can best benefit our children.

 

I agree with some of the other people that have said that it's whatever works best for your family. I'm not for/against daycare in general.

With my older DD, I worked FT but my DH was home part-time and my IL's watched her the other part of the time I was at work. She started preschool at 2.5 and transferred to a daycare that had a preschool program when she was 4. I stayed home after the twins were born for 10 months and we were able to work our schedules where my DH could watch them when I worked. I work 3 days a week and at the time he worked 3 days a week (he's a nurse). When they turned 2, we had them start at a daycare center 2 days a week. We just added a 3rd day this past Oct b/c of a job change. For me, I do make enough money to cover daycare expenses plus additional income to contribute to the house/bills. It's a sanity saver, but it also gives the opportunity to learn different ways and build different skills as well as learn how to behave in in structured setting with other kids. They have been sick with lots of colds, but it seems to be getting better. They got colds, RSV, rotovirus, etc. before they even hit daycare so I can't blame it all on daycare. My oldest DD was sick all the time in preschool, but since she hit KG she's only been out for one illnes this year in 1st grade for H1N1. I'm hoping the same holds true for Abby and Gabe.

Like I said, I think each family will make the best decision for their family and I respect that. What works for one family may not work for others.

 

Thanks for clarifying. I was actually really pleasantly surprised that this thread didn't go to a negative place.

 

:good:


Ditto this. I think different things work best for different families.

I stay home, but had we not had twins ( had a singleton)--I would have worked. I am lucky in that I really like staying home and really like my job (teacher) so it is a win-win for us. I am glad to be able to stay home, financially I did not make enough to cover daycare costs. Plus, my girls had medical needs that required a lot of appointments those first 3 years- it would have been so hard to work my job (or DH work his) and make it to all those appointments.