Do the, "I always wanted to have twins" comments bother anyone else?

I've been trying to figure out why that comment amongst the many always rubs at me a little. It's not that I don't love my girls beyond words, but it is no easy feat to have twin infants. I think it makes me think people really don't understand how much work it is beyond "how cute to have matching babies". Thoughts?

 

I have a friend who's recently married and without children. She swung by for a visit after the babies were born, and whew, it was like the 3 weeks they'd been home made us seem like we were from different planets! She came over at 1, hadn't eaten lunch. So I made us sandwiches. She stayed for 4 hours just chatting while I struggled to entertain her and nurse, change, soothe, etc the boys whom she was afraid to even touch or pick up! Total social call for her. Lol.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

She said twin boys was her idea of a perfect family because then she'd only have to be pregnant once and wouldn't have to deal with girls and their B-iness growing up. Lol! It was just so strange to hear that for some reason. I agree that the "I've always wanted twins," comment is strange. I find it in line with, "We were afraid it was going to be twins, because it runs in so and so's family!" (Maybe I'm projecting, but I somehow feel that they secretly were hoping for them when I hear this.)

 

I just smile and bite my tongue... those people really have no clue what they are wishing for.

I usually get the "I've always wanted to have twins, my parent/aunt/uncle/neighbor's dog/etc is a twin so I have a pretty good chance of having twins too..." Then they proceed to tell me TMI about their personal lives and every twin they've ever know.
I appreciate that they're genuinely excited about twins, but it's hard to not tell them they're crazy for wishing for a high-risk pregnancy. lol

Before I had my girls I never gave a second thought about wanting/having twins, but apparently there are a lot of women out there who do.

 

That comment doesn't really bother me at all. Sure, they have no clue how hard it really is. But I was guilty of thinking the same thing before I found out I was pregnant with twins. Before the first ultrasound I said to my husband "Wouldn't it be funny if I were pregnant with twins?" He looked at me like I was crazy and I was like "Hey, we'd get 2 babies w/ one pregnancy and only have to go through potty training once!" Of course, I had NO idea I was actually pregnant with twins, and I've since learned its not all roses, to say the least, LOL. But I don't fault people who still have on rose colored glasses either

 

"Before I had my girls I never gave a second thought about wanting/having twins, but apparently there are a lot of women out there who do"

Me too. Until I saw 2 heartbeats on the screen that day, I never even thought about having twins.

 

I have to say that bugs me...I do feel like it shows how little they understand how hard it is.

I usually answer "No you don't. I love them dearly, but it is more work than I would wish on anyone."

 

I never gave even a thought to having twins before I got pregnant with them. But, I have to say, that particular comment doesn't bother me. I usually just nod & say, "yep, they are pretty special." Because, really, I think that's all people are trying to say. ardon: I prefer that comment to the people who say "better you, than me" or "you poor thing"! Those two drive me :wacko: .

 

This comment does bother me. I usually get the same thing, "I always wanted twins" or the one that someone already mentioned about having a cousin or aunt or whatever that is a twin... It bothers me because people have absolutely no idea what we go through from the very beginning worries if the babies will develope normally and then if the pregnancy will go long enough and then if everything is okay with them after birth, not to even mention trying to handle two babies at the same time, nursing, feeding, bathing, different sleep schedules. I actually told someone once how I felt, it was a bad day, oops!! I love my girls completely though and wouldn't want anything else.

 

That's kind of how I take the comment, too. I love having twins, even though it is the HARDEST thing I've ever done, I love it.. I've had some people say that to me and I've always taken it as a compliment...

 

the comment doesn't bother me too much but i will always reply that it is very challenging!!

 

I take it as a HUGE compliment. It's not like they are saying..."Man, I am sure glad I didn't have twins!!!"

Maybe I have just been sheltered, but I have never come across any comments where people percieve the job of raising twins as easy, much less when they know our story about how long they were in the NICU for. It's the exact opposite. We get kudos with everyone we talk to. How we endured they NICU stay with always having a smile and never once playing the "poor us" card and how we manage to do all we do with twins.

That's like someone coming up to me at the gym today and seeing me work hard and noticing my Triathletes Bible Book next to me. They say..."Man, I have always wanted to do a Triathlon". They aren't thinking how easy it is.

And FYI, some people with Singletons have harder times with their 1 than with our 2 and I honestly get sick of the "Oh...it's so hard with twins...Boo Hoo." I've learned nothing in life is easy. I got a guy at my work who has a 5 year old that has had 4 open heart surgeries and you would never know it until his wife commented on my caringbridge site and told us about hers. I'm lucky and comparred to what he is going through...I have ZERO room to complain.

 

Excellent reply pitbullz! I've yet to be offended by someone's comment so far (though others here have had some offensive comments made and I don't blame them for being offended). Like you we seem to get nothing but kudos. Sure most people have no earthly idea how challenging raising twins are, but given their life experiences (minus twins) I can't fault them for that. And very good point about those with singletons who have serious health issues. I feel doubly blessed everyday and even knowing how hard the past 8 months have been I wouldn't change a single thing even if I could!

 

Fo Sho...the only thing I EVER get bummed about is if we don't have a set of twins for our next kids

Is it hard at times? Oh yeah, but it WAY more a blast than a pain. Plus...we already have 2 of everything

 

I do think I hear this comment more than any and forever honestly I didn't know how to respond. "Um....sorry you didn't." Now I just say, "yes, we are so lucky." Twins never crossed my mind and there are 5 sets in my family, but honestly, never even crossed my mind. I think it is big now that so many celebrity couples have them.

I know what you mean for sure though, it does make people seem a little insensitive as if they know what it would be like. Even though they mean nothing by it. It's not that a "poor us" card needs to be played - I doubt most of us asks anyone for pity, although when you have a tough day some sympathy helps (we are all human after all)...that's what DH, DW, Best friend, etc is for...but it is usually not there anyway. Personally, I just don't like assumptions being made about my life. Kind of like when someone says "you don't know how lucky you are....fill in just about anything that you have that someone else doesn't..."

So just wanted to tell you Aimee that I know where you are coming from...and I could REALLY relate when mine were as young as yours!

 

It doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is when I am asked, "are they twins?" I feel like saying no I steal random babies for fun

 

LOL thats exactly what must be going through their heads, love this, too funny!

:clapping: :give_rose: OMG I :wub: you!!!!!

 

I hate when celebrities have twins on purpose-and probably schedule their c-sections early, so they can keep their nice bodies-or have "mommy tucks" after. Celebrities are having twins because it's trendy now?! WTH!

 

I got that comment the other day...first she asked how old are the babies so I tell her 4 months, than she says are they boys, yeah they are wearing blue, and than finally she says are they twins, omg how stupid do you have to be. And to make things better she says oh my I will be praying for you, WTF? :aggressive:

 

Hey...just giving my thoughts on the question.

I honestly find it utterly absurd that it should bother someone, but people handle comments differently.

Sorry the sympathy from your DH, DW, best friend, etc isn't there for you, but I wasn't saying everyone plays the "poor us" card.

It just doesn't make sense..."Hey Sean...I wish I had a 1969 Chevelle SS like you have", then I reply..."UH no you don't...you have no clue how much work or money went into it".

It's a freakin compliment. I was jealous of people that had twins before and always thought how cool it would be to have twins. It's just that. Believe it or not...some people ACTUALLY would love to have twins and aren't slighting those that do on some of the difficulties of them.

SOme people just need to learn to take a compliment and not try to look so hard into their own intepretation of the comment.

...and honestly...don't really care who agrees with me, although it's apparent that some do. It was a question...just giving my PERSONAL opinion on it. It's all good...we can agree to disagree.

 

Thank you!! You share my perspective to a tee on this! I, too, consider it an incredible compliment. I mean, strangers...lots of them...are envious of you because of the beautiful children you made. Yes, it's hard. Yes, most people don't get it. Yes, people say some pretty weird stuff. But I challenge anyone here to think that they fully "got it" before they had twins. I will admit that *I* didn't know the medical difference between frat and id twins before that fateful ultrasound. Why would I have? It wasn't necessary information for me. And while I never said to myself (or anyone else), "I would LOVE to have twins," any time I would see or hear about multiples I would think, "That is so cool!!"

What a unique gift we all have been given. I think it's only natural for strangers to be drawn to our kids and fascinated about what makes them (and us) tick. No, they don't always articulate themselves very well and they certainly can't relate, but jeez, I think they all MEAN well!!

So whenever I get stopped in public, I try my best to be polite and appreciative that they thought enough of my children to give them a few minutes of their attention. No big deal. Yeah, it sucks when you're in a hurry, but oh well. Like it or not, we are celebrities on a very small scale.

And yes, Pitbullz, you are absolutely right...you had a rough NICU road to travel, and yet there are those with bigger issues than you. There is ALWAYS someone worse off than us. Always. So, no, I'm not bothered by the comments. I'm flattered and reminded of just how lucky I am. ardon: :wub:

Eve

 

I get a little bothered by it, just because like you I think they don't realize it is a more challenging than just matching outfits. My most HATED twin comment is "you're so young to have twins". Some people are silly.

 

Just quickly, I didn't say I didn't get support at home - I have an amazing DH - but thanks for your comments anyway...

Anyway, I think you are making more to this post than it is actually. We can definitely agree to disagree. I am presenting another side of it, offering comradery because I can relate to the OP. Some agree with how you or I feel, some don't. But we all have a right to how we feel, which doesn't mean you or I, or any of the other posters is wrong. What is a compliment to you may not be to others, but that doesn't mean they need to be lectured on how to react because the fact of the matter is no adult can change that easily. It is nice to hear different opinions. What I posted was my opinion. I am sure some things that annoy you would not be annoying to others. That is what is so wonderful about human beings and how they exist in life. So yep, we are all good.

 

I am one of those who always wanted to have twins - my favorite saying is 'be careful what you wish for, you may get it'. Growing up I was FASCINATED by identical twins - wished I was one. Since I couldn't be, I wished I'd have them. I now have them and can't imagine life without them! So, when someone says to me they wish they'd have twins, I just tell them that they are the best miracle in the world. A lot of work yes, but honestly, what child ISN'T a lot of work??????????? On that note, I had more struggles in the first 6mths with my older three, having a just 3yr old, 16mthold and newborn. THAT was more work than the duo has been in these first 6mths....

 

I was an only child and oftentimes lonely growing up. This was me. I wanted to be a twin desperately & thought my fascination would lead to marrying a twin. When I didn't, I just chalked it up to a childhood dream. Then, getting unexpectedly pregnant... with identical twins? It's like a huge piece of a puzzle fell into place for me.

For me, these comments aren't annoying for the sentiment- it's the sheer frequency. There must be something in the water in the US- I get the OP's comment a lot, but more often than that is "You must have your hands full". Oy, do I get that A LOT. Or the old standard "My aunts/neighbors/nieces/cousin has twins". I wonder if there is a correlation between how much you take your babies out together & your level of tolerance to these generic, mundane comments?

 

"It's a freakin compliment. I was jealous of people that had twins before and always thought how cool it would be to have twins. It's just that. Believe it or not...some people ACTUALLY would love to have twins and aren't slighting those that do on some of the difficulties of them."

I don't know how to use the quote function yet. It's good to see another perspective on this. I think I've had enough conversations and comments from people that are more in line with- "how nice to get two babies out of one pregnancy and be done with it" that I'm apparently a lot more cynical about it. Reading others comments make me wonder how much we each wanted twins plays into. I was terrified when I found out I was having twins. It wasn't something I had hoped would happen, and I struggle with raising two fussy babies and a very active two year old(and I'm a pretty capable person). I suppose I should try to take it as a compliment and I certainly don't see it as a slight against me, but I'm really thinking, "you have no idea what you are wishing for."

 

I definitely agree that many other people have it worse than us, we have 4 healthy children and only one required a NICU stay. We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, equipment for the babies etc.

We are however struggling emotionally lately. Hubby helps after putting in a full day at work but no one else does and we are both at our wits end with 2 very fussy babies and a very active 19.5 month old. We are drowning and drowning fast with our 6 am to 11 pm schedule between all of the kids and even then the twin that's happiest turns into a bear at night and wakes up screaming every hour.

To say we are burnt out is a huge understatement. Add to that body issues (complications) from the delivery, hormones, depression, the trials of breastfeeding twins and many many other issues and you have the perfect storm. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my babies and all my kids more than life itself but this is THE HARDEST thing I and my hubby have ever done and we are feeling broken under all of the weight of this as I am sure many parents (albeit thankful for their healthy kids parents) of twins are. So although we realize that things could be worse for us in other ways, we are still barely holding it all together.

Its not the poor me card its the please talk me down before I start wearing aluminum foil hats, building a temple to my dog in the backyard, arguing with the street light, pissin myself on the street corner card...wait that should be a sign proclaiming the end is almost near shouldn't it? This is just the singular place we can go to where people can understand.

All that said I am thankful my kids are healthy and wouldn't have wanted to had to have gone through what your family did for anything, I am so amazed and awed that your beautiful babies have beaten all of the odds. :wub:

We all have trials and lately I have seen a lot of people saying something similar to this on facebook or their blogs or wherever so here goes:

I just want to take a moment to remind you that many of the people you are close to, work with, acquaintances, family, friends, and even perfect strangers many be in variety of levels of pain at any given time and we must remember to be gentle with others, even when we are in pain ourselves. Please be gentle with the souls who you come across. you have no idea what lies behind their mask.
Life is difficult at times, for everyone.

Right there with ya! Kudos to you for handling it all!

Ok hijack over :FIFblush:

 

My response is always, "they are a lot of fun and a lot of work!"

I love having twins, but would be happy to have a singleton next time

It does drive me a little crazy when people show my babies to their young children and say, "look! those two babies are exactly the same!" Other than that, I like the attention we get and my girls love it too (if you say you don't like attention, you are kidding yourself )

 

OMG I almost peed my pants reading this!! I totally understand and usually most days the twins comments don't bother me - but on those bad days I do find it frustrating. The other day at work after being awoken hourly by two cranky boys a co-worker asked me how did I get my twins and if I had any advice for her to 'get' twins. I starting laughing ( I am sure she thought I was nuts) I never did answer her I just couldn't come up with something without offending her.

I am grateful for this website and the total understanding of other twin mama's(and dads too) it provides. Especially threads like this when you just want someone to 'get it'

 

Of all comments, I just don't understand how "I've always wanted twins" could be offensive. In fact I can only see it as someone appreciating what we have (how often does that happen?) and admiring it. There is no connotation of ease in that statement, just want. Doesn't mean someone wishes a NICU visit or the other struggles twin parents encounter, just a desire to have 2 babies at one time. After all, isn't that the thing that ties all of us together too? Don't we all think it's special to have twins? How can you question someone's desire to want to be a part of something as special as that?

pitbullzz ITA!

 

I'm not sure how "I've always wanted to have twins" could possibly be offensive. That's just ridiculous! Yes, some people may be naive as to how much work it is to have twins, but I don't think they are trying to be rude. When people make this comment to me, I just say that, "twins are a lot of fun and a lot of work." I can't find any reason to be upset with them.

 

My standard response is

"It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but the most worthwhile as well."

I don't want to sugarcoat is and make it seem easy, but I don't want to make it seem like I resent the babies and wish they were born separately. It seemes like a good answer.

 

people are pretty clueless. I have to say my ALL time fav comment was from a RN at my breast feeding clinic. I only had Nathanile with me because William was still in the hospital. She asked if they were identical, I answered yes they shared a placenta but had seperate sacs. Then she asks if My other one was a girl.... I didn't even know how to answer her without sounding bitchy or making her look like an idiot, not to mention they have Will's info on file

 

I have to preface with I was addicted to reading Sweet Valley Twins growing up and thought it would be great to have boy/girl, but after years of infertility never thought I would even have one child, much less twins. So, I definitely think the comment is said just as someone like me before the pregnancy might have said it - I always thought it would be cool. That being said, since having my two I do sometimes feel like I should caution people who are intrigued with the novelty. There was one funny moment that I definitely didn't feel the need to say a word though - a babysitter that we had when the kids were smack dab in the colic stage said "I always THOUGHT I wanted twins" as she was reaching for the money and running out the door :rotflmbo: " She literally ran to escape our house when faced with the reality of twin newborns!!! I don't find it offensive at all, but I do appreciate more the comments when friends or strangers say things like "I don't know how you do it" or "oh, boy/girl twins - they are so cute" - or something similar that indicates that they know that they are not identical, that even if they are a boy and a girl they are indeed still twins (yeah right), and nothing about how similarly hard it is for them with their two "close" in age

 

I would actually love to follow a triplet or more mommy out for a day and just watch. I am sure we haven't heard the half of it! LOL. :ibiggrin:

 

[quote name='K&T's MOM' date='30 January 2010 - 08:00 PM' timestamp='1264903236' post='1568766']
a babysitter that we had when the kids were smack dab in the colic stage said "I always THOUGHT I wanted twins" as she was reaching for the money and running out the door :rotflmbo: " She literally ran to escape our house when faced with the reality of twin newborns!!!
[/quote]
Can you say Birth Control???


Oh - and whoever had the co-worker ask how to 'get' twins - I was told sweet potato! Eat lots and your chances increase for frats...