Anybody go back to work by choice

I am still debating whether or not I want to stay home or go back to work. With my bed rest and now the babies, I've been home for 11 weeks and honestly, it's getting to me. Same things on TV everyday. Right now I'm too tired to do much of anything around the house and just getting two babies ready to leave the house is a lot of work.

I'm feeling like I need to go back to work for my own sanity at this point. After paying daycare for two babies, I'd be bringing home about $450 a month. At first I though that wasn't worth putting my babies in daycare but if going back to work will keep me sane, I might have to do it.

I know I'm in the middle of the insanity of the first few months but I already feel like I need adult companionship and me-time like taking walks on my lunch break.

 

I definitely needed to go back to work financially, but I also wanted to. I'm not cut out to be a SAHM. It doesn't play to my skills or bring out the best in me. I spent a lot of time and money and energy on getting my degrees and starting my career, and I would not have given that up. I went back full time when they were 8 weeks, and I've never regretted that decision. It's hard some days, but being a SAHM is hard too. It's just hard being a mom period. Make the choice that makes you the happiest mom.

 

I still feel this way!! I love my babies so much, but after spending a few days home with them, I realize I also love my job and I need the time away. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty, like I should want to spend every single minute with my children, but I agree with the PP - that's just not me. I'm blessed to have a wonderful nanny who does a fantastic job with my children and loves them almost as much as I do, and probably takes even better care of them than I would. I feel like I have the best of both worlds - a job I enjoy and my kids being well-taken care of.

 

Today is my third day back at work after being off for almost 6 months (10 weeks of bedrest + 3 1/2 months of twin care). I didn't have to come back financially either. I came back because I love my job and know that I would never be able to get it back if I quit. It was a hard, hard, hard, hard decision that I still am not sure is right for us. But, in the end, I thought it would be easier to try to come back and make it all work, than to decide to stay home and realize that I wasn't cut out to be a SAHM, which to me seems like THE hardest job in the whole world. I just don't know if I could ever do it full time. But, right now, I'm getting through the day by remembering that nothing is permanent and I can always make a change and stay home if this doesn't feel right
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Yes, the finances really don't make a whole lot of sense for us either because of child care expenses - we ended up finding it would be less expensive to have a nanny to watch the girls all day and my 5YO after school than putting them all in daycare/aftercare. I'll probably only be bringing home about $700/month total too...

It's so hard not to feel like the crappiest mom because it is BY CHOICE and not because you have to, or because you make a completely rediculous amount of money that you can't turn your back on. But, then again, for better or worse, I think that the time we working moms pack more into the time that we are with our kids than we might otherwise if we were home with them more, especially if being a SAHM burns you out (like I think it would for me).

Now, all that being said, your little guys are only three weeks old!! You are right in the thick of the newborn exhaustion and physical recovery stage, which is SOOOOO overwhelming!! You probably couldn't get out of the house right now with the kids yet even if you wanted to quite yet, and how you feel today, right in the middle of all the craziness, may not be how you feel in a couple of weeks when things start to settle down, or at least become more managable/predictable/less surprising.

The good thing is that you'll have a choice, and you don't have to choose right now. ((((hugs))) Hang in there!

 

I still haven't made my decision but I have until they are 1 to make it. What I would like to do is go back part time but with twinfants and a 19 month old I'd be paying to go to work so that's out. The other opetion is to go back FT and like the rest after daycare bring home enought to make a car payment (which is still nothing to sneeze at). What I keep thinking I would REALLY like to do is find a job 2 or 3 days a week in the evenings to get some me time and make some pocket money. The hard thing about that is making 1/4 of what I would at my regular job per hour, kind of hard on the ego to go back to those wages. So hmmmmmm lots of decision we have to make too. I don't really want to lose my job as its a really good one and will I be able to get one as good again when I re-enter the workforce?

My biggest thought right now is this:
FOR ME (others may not feel this way) the first year is THE toughest! I am hanging by a thread mentally and physically and its honestly not much fun most days. HOWEVER, having older kids I know that, although it will still be a LOT of work, I will be rewarded with fun trips to the park and swimming pool and crafting together and teaching them their abcs and hearing their first real sentences etc when they are older. I see the following years as my "reward" for making it through the first year. If I went back to work in a way I feel like I'd be cheating myself out of the fun times. It's almost like one year of he!! for a few more of fun or one year of he!! and then back to work if that makes any sense at all. I know that my 19 month old is a lot of work but is also the cutest funniest little person around and I could hang with her all day.

All that said and I still don't have my mind made up and if hubby's career doesn't take the planned turn its supposed to I may have to go back but we'll just have to wait and see.

Good luck with your decision and :hug: you are sooo in a hard stage right now, it gets better even though its still hard. Keep on going momma you can make it!!

 

I vote going back to work. Mine are 16 months old and I can't wait for next school year so that I can go back to work. (teacher) I have been bored to death the whole 16 months!

 

I went back to work when my babies were 6 weeks old and I felt like it saved my life. I had always planned to go back (zero desire to be a SAHM), but had told my boss I would be out for 12 weeks postpartum. Even though I wound up being out on disability for 8 weeks before the babies were born, I could still have taken the full 12 weeks postpartum, but I desperately wanted to go back to work. I did have some PP depression, but I think even if I'd been my "normal self," it would have been the right decision for me. I feel like going back to work was the start of my recovery from the PPD.

We were lucky that we got two spaces in the infant room of an awesome daycare center, so I wasn't worried about who would be taking care of them.

Yes it is hard (logistically) and we have to juggle a lot of things, but I also feel that I can get a lot more stuff done during the work day than I ever could have if I had been solo with two babies/toddlers. I don't know when SAHMs do things like get their hair cut, go to the pharmacy, and get the oil changed!

Financially it's almost a wash -- my income pays for daycare with about $400 left over. But still, that's $400 we wouldn't otherwise have -- plus I'm contributing to my 401K and just generally staying active in my field. I've never had any second thoughts whatsoever.

 

I am planning to go back too. I used to work in accounting at a law firm but that was way too stressful. Now I decided to take some college courses to become a teacher (change of career) and go back full time to work once I complete that after 2 years. I cannot wait and I am also doing it not for financial reasons, but to have some sanity. I don't really like being SAHM and would like to have "adult" life.

 

I came back to work when my babies were 4 months old. Financially, without a serious adjustment in our lifestyle, it was a necessity and while I was on my maternity leave, I was rather bitter to not have the choice to stay home. Once I got back, and as the babies have gotten older and, imo, more demanding and exhausting, I am happy to be at work Mon-Thurs (I work at home on Fridays). It makes me a much better, more patient mom. By Sunday night, I am generally at my wits end. We have an amazing nanny, so I am very comfortable with our childcare scenario (and DH works at home, so he's my eyes and ears if I need them). I feel sad that I don't get to see them a ton during the days I'm in the office and I definitely feel that I miss out on playdates and classes and other things that SAHMs get to do, but our weekends are very high quality and I am still the one who puts them to sleep and gets up with them every morning. I do still wish I had the choice though, b/c I imagine staying home will seem like a better option once my twins are a bit older.

However, I do agree with the others above who said wait until you are a little further along before making any rash decisions. Your babies will get so much more fun in a few months (more exhausting though - again, imo). It's like making the decision to divorce while in your 35th week of pregnancy - not a good idea b/c you just aren't thinking rationally at that point.

 

I loved my job, but after 7 yrs at my current job I knew I was up for a change. But I NEVER thought I would want to stay home. I don't even like babies that much (obviously my own are wonderful). But here I am planning to be a SAHM for a few years. It just doesn't make sense to go back after daycare costs and my husband is fine carrying the financial load. I don't think anyone should feel bad about wanting to go back to work. If it makes you a better person/mom/partner to have a career then that is your choice and I say go for it. No doubt it is hard either way, both have their challenges

 

I went back when the babies were 6 or 7 weeks old. Being out almost 8 weeks was hard on me because I am NOT a person to stay at home. I have been back for 3 months and I think it works great for us. It gives me a break from them during the day so I do not loose my mind and plus we really needed my income to survive. I dont regret my decision at all, I am not someone cut out to be a SAHM

 

Absolutely! I went to school forever to get my career, and I love it. I get a lot of fulfillment out of my job, and would not leave it unless we won the lottery or something! I also like the lifestyle that we can afford with two incomes - it's nothing fancy, but we would definitley have to cut WAY back if it was just my DH's salary. When I was on ML with my first, I really started to miss work by the 12th week. I think the key to being happy as a working mom is to have a child care arrangment that you feel 100% confident in.

 

I am going back on Oct.1, that's when my maternity leave is up. I don't have to financialy, but am going to by choice. 3 months in and I am going stir crazy, my babies aren't particularly difficult but I am not a good SAHM.

 

I planned to go back to work after I had the twins. I had a date set to return. For weeks before that date, I was have major anxiety and was miserable thinking about leaving them. Two or three days before I was supposed to return, I quit. I couldn't do it. I can't leave my babies. I have no desire to (ever) go back to work. God made me to stay at home with my kids and take care of my hubby.

BEST decision I've ever made! I can't imagine not being home with my babies.

 

My husband and I planned on me quitting because I hated my job when I got pregnant. we both agreed I would SAH. Then, right after I found out, I switched into a new position and found that I loved it. I did so well that my boss said they would set up a nursery if I came back and he would watch my kids (it was a rather awkward joke at the time). I absolutely love love love my job right now and while I also love love love my kids, I cannot SAH. I am not a person who likes to sit in the house all the time so by the end of my maternity leave, I had been to target 80,000 times, wegmans 250,000 times, and the mall something like 10,000 times (those numbers might be exaggerated). As a PP stated, you have to do what makes you the happiest mommy. If that is having time to yourself to do something that is completely you, do it.

 

I will be a SAHM for the entire first year and I totally get how it can get to you. I am often times starved for adult interaction. Once they are a year old, instead of going back to work, I will go back to school in person (I am currently online). I feel like the perfect mix would be parttime. My sister has to work fulltime right now and truly feels like she doesn't get to spend enough time with her baby. Once I finish my nursing degree, I will work 3 days a week and see how that works. I want to work a little to feel like I am financially contributing to my family more than needing time away.

 

i'm also back at work because i love my job and not for financial need (in fact, if we didn't have family volunteering to do some of our childcare for us, i would actually be paying to be at work. :crazy: ). i feel like i have the best of both worlds though - i work in theatre which is contract based & seasonal. when i'm on contract i'm usually working 9 - 10 hour days, 6 days a week. once my show opens, i work evenings only, usually for a couple of weeks. it can be hectic & stressful but there's absolutely nothing in the world quite like the high of opening night and i love it. then i may have several weeks or several months between contracts to be home with the girls. so i kind of get to be a SAHM and a working mom too. :good: i'm also working towards my doula certification, but that's also not the kind of job that requires a 9-5, monday-friday commitment and that works well for me. GL with your decision!

i remember how isolated & alone i felt in those early weeks. i remember sometimes feeling panicked that my life was going to be like that forever & i remember (one morning in particular) hating my husband because he got to go to work and i had to stay home. again. with two screaming babies. who wouldn't BF properly. and who i couldn't seem to put down. ever. :headbang: hate's a strong word, but it seemed like all my emotions were so intense during that time because of all the hormonal stuff going on. :hug:

 

I went back to work because I needed to. I also want to. I worked to hard for my degree and I enjoy my job. I work 7 days on and have 7 days off. It works great for us and I do love being at home but could not do it all of the time. I am truely a better mom because I work. I am lucky because my mother-in-law takes care of my kids. It is a huge relief to know that they are cared for. Do what is best for you and your family. Good luck in your decision.

 

You could always go back and see how it goes. If it isn't what you want, you can always quit and stay home. I am at home with mine, but I can totally understand how some moms want to work. I have days I want to go back to work too, but then there are days that I couldn't imagine leaving them. It is so much fun now. That first year was tough. I'm finally enjoying being home with them. You have to do what is right for you.

 

I am almost tempted to go back now, get a few debts paid, then quit again. It is hard losing my professional self and not being able to help out more financially. I can only imagine they are going to get more expensive...LOL. But they are so fun right now. The only thing I can say is give it a little more time though - you are in the throws of it all. Still, don't feel bad about your decision. I always say I love my kids but I don't think I was cut out to be a SAHM. You will always be the best choice for you.

 

I'm a librarian and love my job. I didn't want to quit but I do want to be a SAHM for my girls until they are school-age. I was able to work it out so I have the best of both worlds. I now work part-time (10 hr/week),during times when DH is home to watch the girls and I can escape to "work" for a few hours. :ibiggrin:

DH loves his "daddy time" with the girls and I enjoy adult conversations (the paycheck is nice too- I've worked since I was 14, the thought of having to ask DH for money annoys the crap out of me). lol

 

That's funny - during my maternity leave I was a regular at Target and Publix and the park and anywhere I could think to get out! I work out of necessity, but don't think I could be a full-time SAHM anyway. I would love to have more time with the kids and feel like me and the kids both miss out on some things that SAHM get to do like go to story times, playgroups, toddler classes, etc. but they love daycare and I enjoy my work. I think no matter which decision you make there are just some things you have to give up and you have to make peace with that. I have always told DH that I don't necessarily want to be a SAHM, I want to be a rich SAHM because the things I want to do cost $$$ and I would go crazy if I was a SAHM in our current state because we would be trapped in the house!

 

This would be my perfect scenario too! And yeah ITA that asking for money would be sooooooo hard!

 

Ditto to this. The only regret I have is that my choice was to go back to work; my necessity was to go back when the boys were 5 weeks old. I was on bedrest for 11 weeks in the hospital so my boss made a deal with me to not fire me after FMLA ran out if I came back at 5 weeks postpartum. I should have told him to stuff it.

Otherwise, I feel like I do better as a WOHM than I would as a SAHM.

 

Definitely don't decide right now while you're in the absolute worst time! I am a teacher and had my first child in May of '07 and had to make my decision to stay or go in March of that year, before my son was born. I knew that I wanted to be a SAHM but when he was born, and for the first 3 months, I hated it! I was bored, lonely, didn't like being with an infant, etc. Now that he's 2 1/2 years old and I have my 9 week old twins I wouldn't change a thing! I love being a SAHM, although like a PP said you have to give up things either way. For me, getting to watch my son at each stage has been so amazing! We have always had a very active social life and get out of the house most days. The only time I end up staying home for days on end is when my son is sick and during the first 4-8 weeks after they are born (those times make me crawl the walls). I do miss working, but not enough to go back right now. Being a teacher I know that I will always be able to go back at some point but I can't get back these memories with my children. I waited until I was 34 to have children and just knew I had to be at home with them. I have never for one moment regretted my decision...BUT that's not to say you don't have bad days whether at home or at work.

Good luck with your decision!