Down in the dumps

We just moved here about 3 years ago, across the country from my entire family! Anyway, I got pg via ivf with the twins within 6 months. Since they were born, I have had essentially no help. All of my family are back east and my in laws are like having 2 more kids when they visit..which they used to a lot. Anyway, I am getting really tired and down. I know there are many moms here who do it by themselves or even have their husbands deployed..God bless ya! I feel like I shouldn't complain b/c I do have a nanny. But I pretty much am here most of the time. If I go, it's on errands for the kids or husband such as grocery shopping. I also do speech/Ot with the kiddos, so the nanny stays with one while I go to the others appt. Our schedule is busy and I don't have much time to recharge. My hubby and I haven't had a night out in hmmmm...well let's just say it's been a loong time! I feel myself becoming short with the twins and I hate that! The thing of it is, I have no support out here. I am a member of a mommy of multiples group, but as far as having family or anyone to rely on to just take a break, I don't have that. Did I mention we just bought a house and moved? My husband works pretty long hours and really isn't available too much. He does let me sleep in on Saturdays which is nice and probably what is keeping me sane right now. But after I get up, he goes and works for several hours. I should probably mention too, that I have very bad and painful endometriosis, another reason for the nanny. The pain can be distracting many days and I hate taking away from the twins. Surgery isn't an option until I am done with having children. But I'm not ready quite yet for another..and will not be rushed for selfish reasons. I just wish I had my mom or some family out here that I could trust with the twins. Dh's parents cannot be trusted alone with them...trust me! I am very blessed to have the help that I do, I know. But the twins would ultimately suffer if I didn't have the nanny to help out with appts. and therapy, playdates etc. I'm just babbling now. I know it's probably just a bump in the road. You ladies have been the strongest support system for me..b/c you understand! Singleton moms just don't! Thank you for your support and I would appreciate any words of wisdom or advice.

 

no words of wisdom or advice just lots of :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I'm sorry you are so stressed out! You sound like you have a lot on your plate. Is there anyway you can carve out some more time for you when your nanny is there--to exercise, take a stroll around the mall WITHOUT kids, get a massage, whatever it may be? It sounds like you need some time to nurture yourself. Also a date night out with your hubby is in order too, so you can reconnect and spend quality time together! I hope you are feeling better a.s.a.p.!! :hug:

 

:hug: I wish I had a magical idea for you but I don't. I'm so sorry that you don't have your family there with you, that must be so hard!! I don't have very much family and the family I do have isn't much help either, so I can understand that. You need a break, but I think you know that Don't feel guilty about it either, it's good for moms to have breaks and for you to take care of yourself!!!
Maybe see if the nanny can come and do an overnight so you and your dh can stay at a hotel and spend some quality time together. Just a thought! :hug:

 

Big :hug: to you. I also agree with Brigette, could you have the nanny stay overnight so you and DH can get a night away. Also if you can take some time to yourself, even if it's just to go for a walk and to go in your room and read a book.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking when I read your post. Maybe your nanny could do a different shift one day; come later in the morning and stay later so you and DH can get away for an evening out. Any time you get into a rut it's really wearing on you. Sometimes just doing something different one day can really help. And if it works, then maybe you could do it monthly!

Go ahead and vent away; that's what we're here for! :hug:

 

I second what others have said. Is there any way your mom could fly out to you for a week or so - I am sure it would be good to connect with her and maybe get some time to yourself in the process. I hope you find a way to re-energize soon, it really can be tough at times.

 

I understand. I am doing this all on my own and do not have any help from family. What has been my saving grace is a Kid's Day Out program I found out about from another twin mom through our playgroup. It's through a church but there is nothing religious about the program. I have the option of sending them 3 days a week from 9-11:30 or 9-2. Right now they go 2 days a week from 9-11:30.

It gives me a break from them and vice versa. They are able to interact with other kids their own age away from me. I'm able to get "me" stuff done. It's also nice because by the time I pick them up and we get home, it's lunchtime and then an hour later they take their nap.

Prior to finding this program, they would come EVERYWHERE with me. They even came to my annual gyn apppointment. :blush: Now I'm able to work things around their schedule and it's become so much easier to do things.

Ask around and see if there is something similar in your area.

 

Thanks ladies. You're right. I should try to take advantage of some time when the nanny is here. I will try next week..this week is busy with appts. And furnitue deliveries. I knew you all would understand. hopefully I'll get pulled out of this rut soon. I am so grateful for all of your support! You ladies are great!

 

Could you reach out to your MOMs group? I know mine tries to arrange play dates and babysitting for free. You take their kids one night and they take yours one night. I would also try to arrange some "me time" while the nanny is there and see if she can do a night shift.

 

Even though you have some help I can understand feeling tired and in a rut. Right now your life is 24/7 the babies and the house. Like you said when you go out you are basically doing things for babies and house...it can seems endless. I live within 10 miles of my entire family and friends, but they really can't help anyway since they all work and have families of their own. I started to do the same thing until my husband pushed me to take advantage of my "time off". He runs errands after they go to bed or during his lunch hour (returning items, shopping, etc). When I had help come in for a couple of hours I started going to the movies, lunch, coffee shops, etc. It really did recharge me (I had never done those things by myself before!) Also, we do "date nights" after 7PM so all the sitter has to do is sit and read for a few hours. GL!

 

so sorry your feeling down... I hope that you are able to find a great solution to help you!! I wanted to also say that I was feeling frazzled a few months ago, probably about the 18mo age, ours seem to still be into everything right now at 20.5 months but for some reason it seems more manageable... maybe its just a good week...

the ladies had some great ideas listed above!

 

Thanks again everyone. I feel better just venting and realizing you all understand!

 

I was reading your post and identifying with quite a lot of it. I also conceived through IVF and I live in a foreign country far away from my family and my ILs drive me nuts too! In my case, I had a nanny last year but now the kids go to nursery so she isnt here. MIL is here a lot and it disrupts my routine but I know I should be grateful of her help.

Is there anyway you could incorporate some "you" time into the day when the nanny is around? Go for coffee or shopping and leave the twins with her? Maybe cancel a playdate one week and use that time to do something for you. I also suggest inviting your family over to stay for a couple of weeks during the holidays, or whenever they can come, so you can take a load off. Dont feel bad about needing a break - we all feel this! Also, would it be an option to put the kids into nursery? Where I live, we get subsidies from the local government so it helps a lot. Im not sure if you get that kind of financial help where you are.

Im sorry you´re suffering from endometriosis. I also have the same and is the reason why we had to do IVF. Im taking the Pill, which is said to help slow down endometriosis. Could that be an option? I know how painful it is (I used to pass out from the pain each month when AF came) so maybe you should go to your OB and get reviewed.

:hug: to you and hang in there :hug:

 

I'm sorry you are also experiencing this. I've tried getting my mom out here more often..even offered to pay for it. But she doesn't have the leave from her job. She also has several other grandkids on the east coast..much closer than me. As for my IL's, they are pretty much NO help. If anything, they are more work, asking what's for dinner, and then not helping to clean up after I have cooked for them. They also kindly put their dirty sheets and towels in the laundry room for me to do also. My mil used to stay here for days to weeks at a time I finally had my husband talk to her and ask her to leave and allow us to be a family. She was draining the energy out of us! She was another kid to take care of! I am looking at enrolling the twins in preschool for a few hours a day twice a week once they are two. I think having a quiet household will be nice for a short while. Thanks for the advice. I will try to do something for myself within our crazy schedule. It's hard, and sometimes I feel guilty doing it...but I now realize it will make me a better mom. Thanks!

 

sounds like my life minus my nanny we had her for a year and bless her she was the best! dont feel bad for getting out without the twins -i took off a lot without the kids, to recharge and run errands alone My nanny still comes 1 day a week and i take advantage, its my time to go out for a few hours , the rest of the week im home with kids, cooking,cleaning, running appts, ect-
im sure you can find a young teen -16 yrs or so to watch the twins while you and dh go on a date nite) put the kids to bed and head out for a movie and dinner! they will be in bed and basically she is just there to make sure no one wakes up and all is well Im still waiting for my date nite :give_rose: