How do you manage

I thought I would ask how do you manage going out with all the kids and your husband or mate?

I have noticed that since the twins have come along and are out and about that we dont get invited out by others and that it is usually just my husband, my son (8), my daughter (2) and the twins (4months) going places by ourselves. I hate that my son doesnt get invited places.

We will call and invite others over or ask if they want to do something and at the last moment they cancel or give us a raincheck. I mean I am so frustrated I have tried making new friends but it seems like no one wants to do anything. Or they want my family to run across town to their house. Not that I dont want to go but it takes a lot of energy and time to get everyone ready, making sure the diapers are clean, three diaper bags are ready, extra pair of clothes, that my son is ready, my husband is ready also, and of course that I MAY look presentable. I hate it.

All my family wants us to travel up and down the east coast to see them. Not to mention that they come or drive pass our house on the interstate.

No one seems to get that WE are TIRED and when we do go out it is hard to have everyone together and then how hard it is to keep your mind together at that.

I mean how do you guys manage things? My husband and I have tried to be so organized it is not giving me the results I thought it would. We do go to Church on the weekends other than that we as in (the twins and the two year old) are home all day.

 

Thanks for replying!!

 

There always tends to be an excuse from people we know. First it was because we had no kids and they did... then it was because *I* was too quiet. :hug: I hope you find friends who accept you (& your family) for who you are.

 

I completely understand how you guys feel. Many of our friends are always "BUSY"! What can you do? UGH!

I do have to say this past weekend was the first time we went out as a whole family and my twins are almost 8 months old. We also have a 3 year old. It was soooo tiring but good. Hopefully we can get out more.

 

We are kind of loaners. Even before we had kids when we had time in our busy schedule to go out, we normally just went out by ourselves. We enjoy it a lot more than trying to appeal to what "others" want to do. We have plenty of friends, but we like our "alone time" when we go out. We are pretty secluded where we live and besides going out to appts and work, don't have interaction with others...I can't even see a neighbor from my house.(but I like it that way...peaceful)

I can only imagine how hard it is with 4 kids. We have fun(ha) with just the 2 and pretty much "going out" now consists of dr. appts, occuational, physical and speech therapy, eye doctors, ect...(but that is slowing down). When we do get to go out more with them it will be just us and what WE want to do.

I just hate trying to appease people, and besides...we are pretty fun in our own little group.

 

We don't get out with other people besides family really. They just don't get it and I've come to accept that. It has gotten easier as they've gotten older, but we just don't have a ton of friends that we do stuff with as a couple or as a family. Sometimes DH or I will go out with a friend for drinks or something, but we only have 1 other family we're friends with that has a DD the same age as my older DD and also has a DD the same age as the twins. But when we're working during the week, it makes it hard to fit things in on the weekends and we enjoy our time together and visiting with Grandparents, etc. As my DD get older (she'll be 7 next month), she's started making some friends and occasionally gets called to do a playdate or go to a birthday party. I just don't think people get it that haven't been in our shoes.

 

We don't haha! It really hurts to see all the ILs cars at eachothers houses and know we weren't invited, they don't get it or care to get it anyway...we are just an incovenience to them. Yet they pretend that they care to everyone who will listen ugh! We ran into the MIL at the store last weekend and she stopped to say hi just as a store worker spotted us and wanted to check out the babies. She asked how old they were and the MIL responded 3 months, they are almost 5. Just typical.

We don't have any couple friends and tend to just go out together as a family to the mall or walmart (sad I know haha) and those are our outings. I did meet some friends today which ended up disapointing me in that the invite I got said there would be plenty of hands wanting to hold babies but they weren't all that interested in holding them when we got there. Even playdates at our house end up being more work than help with the babies/fun.

Its definitely a lonely time for sure. Sorry I have no advice, hang in there :hug: here's to hoping it gets better as they get older.

 

Hey now...Wal-MArt outings can be the best form of entertainment...espicially if you live in Arkansas.

 

Today I could sense that my vegetarian DH was ready to renew the practice of eating the young... So I took the boys to Target by myself. It was GREAT! & when we got home, S belly laughed for the 1st time... at his daddy. It is way more lonely now than what I thought it would be. But that laugh was so worth it!

 

Thanks Mommies me knowing I am not the only one out here facing this problem really helps.

I was starting to get depressed. I just thought having the twins would be a family fun time I mean that we wouldnt lose friends but be gaining them. Now I realized that life has so many unexpected turns..... It is just hard to follow at times...

 

I found that making friends with other twin mommies was helpful during the first year. After that it is more managable to get to playdates and meet people at the park when the kids can actually play. I have some friends through DH's job that have kids the same age as mine (but singletons) and we are able to get together once a week or so. BUT none of us work outside the home AND no one has more than 2 kids, yet.

Is there a Moms of Multiples group in your area? I know the ones in Charlotte are really active. They usually give you a month (or week??) free to test it out and see if you want to join before you do.

With my DH gone most of the time and only seeing my friends once a week (if the boys are healthy) it does get really lonely. :grouphug:

 

Heehee, ever checked out peopleofwalmart.com its hilarious!!!

BTW I love your new avatar!

 

Thanks...

Ha, yes, I love that site! If you ever feel like you are having a bad hair day, or feeling un attractive...just scroll through the pics on there

 

It is hard! Very hard! We have one family that we get together with regularly - they have 4 children (one set of twins) and we've known the parents for about 15yrs - in fact we were all in each others wedding parties. Other than that, we tend to not get together for dinners/evenings out with many people - we dont' know many people well enough in this area that we've moved to. I do get out to playgroups tho weekly, and my 4yr old is in preschool so I'm starting to get to know mum's there. In addition the oldest two are in school so we get to go to outings there.

That all being said - I tend to prefer to stay home - its just too chaotic to pack the kids up. I get lots of people asking when they can come to visit - if I leave it open ended it never happens. I have to nail down a specific time and then they may show up.