Feeling totally overwhelmed

Hi ladies,

I only have a minute but felt the need to vent. My twinkies (b/g) were born Jan 11th.. they are 9 days old today. They weighed 5 pounds 11 oz and 5 pounds 6 oz respectively. We spend 5 days in hospital, no NICU and then came home. I had a c-section.

OUr little girl is great, although smaller she eats well, sleeps well and is easy to handle. Our little boy is not eating well, takes forever to finish a bottle (we supplement the breast) and is just having more trouble.

Today he ate very little at all and is sleepy all the time.

I feel overwhelmed and teary and although we have help and my DH is still home, I feel as though my life is totally over. I love my little ones and they were totally wanted but I'm not sure how i'm going to cope when DH goes back to work and the fact they are premie and have eating issues.

I don't think I have enough milk, I am pumping b/c the DD does not latch well yet and DS b/c of his feeding issues doesn't stay on very well.

Did anyone ever have this happen.. one child is very sleep and had difficulty feeding?

:drown: :cry:

I can't believe how hard this is.

Anna

 

:hug: I'm so sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed. Trust me when I say that you are going through the absolute hardest part right now. Your situation sounds so much like mine. Our b/g twins were born at 37 weeks and both were good weights (6lbs and 6lbs 7oz). We spent a week in the NICU because our son was sick. Our girl was a great sleeper, a great eater and generally so easy to care for. Our son would fall asleep at the bottle (I tried to breastfeed but just couldn't do it as I was so exhausted and anxious all the time), he would be totally inconsolable, and he had a difficult time sleeping at night. It was SO hard.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would let him sleep as much as he wanted and I wouldn't have worried so much about his eating (unless, of course the doctor told me to worry). I let too much get to me at first and I wish I could have just let him come into his own when he was ready. I found that he did a complete 180 when he hit 10 weeks. He turned into a smiley, easy to care for and HUGE eating boy.

Tie a knot on that rope and hang on. It will get better.

 

Were your babies 38 weeks or a little less. I had one son who latched on and had no problem. My other son had a very hard time latching on and took forever to eat. On thing to consider is a different position. I was hell bent on having them nurse in the football hold so I could nurse in tandem. Lucas did okay in the cradle hold and would not latch in the football hold. We had to wake them up every 4 hours for the 1st 2 weeks because of their weight. This really sucked. They were 5lbs. 6oz. and 5lbs. 12oz.
We are in month 9 and I promise that it gets much better. You truely are in the hardest part of it. Good Luck.

 

Anna, I got on especially to respond to you because I was were you are exactly 5.5 months ago. I wanted my babies so bad and tried for so long to get them and then they were here and I was terrified! I had horrible thoughts that first ten days about "what have I done, can i handle this? oh my God....etc" There have been days, and continue to be days, that i am not sure I can do this or handle it. I had no idea it was this hard! However, you are in the worst part of the emotional time. You are not clear headed right now and everything about reality when you get home will be overwelming right now. Try not to think to much in the big picture and just take it moment by moment. I remember thinking i wasnt emotional at all 10 days home but now looking back, i was so not clear headed. I told my husband my fears and feelings and he admitted he was also feeling a little freaked out about what had just happened in our lives. Having him tell me it was normal was what I needed. So know that freaking out a little a week or two aftewr you get home is normal!!!!!!!! Also, My little girl weighed 5lbs 14oz and after leaving hospital dropped 10 OUNCES! meanwhile my little boy was sleeping the days away and eating like a champ!!! I cried as my husband and I basically tried to force feed her! We succeeded by just continuing to get her all worked up for that bottle. Tickling her gently, bright lights, rubbing her head and belly. My husband would even squeeze the nipple to get the milk into her mouth to get her interested. Eventually we found Dr. Browns bottles which worked wonders for her feedng/tummy/sucking issues. She is now close to 6 months and chunky! I call her princess Chunk! She is 15lbs 13 ounces as of today! She has surpassed her brother, who had no feeding or weight issues. And what do I remember about that first week? me crying and feeling like a complete failure as a new mom and us force feeding her! Moral of the story: dont worry about it. Just let them sleep and stare at them in awe. When everyone told me how fast this would go, I was like Puleaze! but it is true..... soooo true. I also remember wondering if they would ever stop sleeping so much. They will very soon so just enjoy your little guy sleeping the day away now. Somewhere week 2-8 seems to be the hardest. They start waking more during the day but still arent sleeping through the night. After 4 months things definitely got easier. My Ava began sleeping thru the night and her brother soon followed a few weeks later. Now I jsut get up once a night to change a diaper if they fuss. pm me if you need more support-It is totally overwelming emotionally and physically but you can handle it. DH went back to work at week 2 and my MIL left at week 4 and I have been alone all day and hanfdling the nights on my own since then. I, like you, never thought I could do this and was always so worried about what would happen when DH went back to work. Right now just recover while you have help. It just starts working out. At week 4-6 you will feel so much stronger. (i also had a c section) good luck and PM me if you need to chat more.
Dana

 

Big, huge, gigantic hugs! My girls were born at 29w6d. We had a plethora of issues-feeding was a major one. Unfortunately I don't have any additional advice as it was a struggle for a while and I don't even remember how we worked through it (but we did!), but I assure you it gets better.

I had two other kids at home, too. The girls took forever to take to breastfeeding so I pumped around the clock for 4 months. By the time they took to it, I was simply DONE. There was a point before the girls turned about 6 months or so that I told my closest friends and them only, that having twins SUCKED. Everyone told me how difficult it would be but no one admitted those words so I felt crummy for even thinking it. Of course I wouldn't have traded them for anything and I loved them dearly because THEY themselves didn't suck, but just the overwhelming, exhausting, taxing responsibility felt as though it would never cease.

Again, it will get better. It'll seem like it never will, but you find the confidence in yourself and the drive and the method and the etc., etc., etc. You are in the worst part of it but there will be a day (relatively) soon that you will be patting yourself on the back for what you just accomplished. Its hard. So, so hard.

You will do this. You can do this. And you are going to be great at it. Big hugs again.

 

I just remember another thing that I wish I had known with my first daughter. You are very emotional right now. The hormone drop can be brutal. People only talk about how your hormones go up when you are pregnant. When they dropped after pregnancy was way worse on me and everybody else. Especially with my first.

 

I feel for you. My boys are almost five months now, but I remember how hard it was in the early days. We also had feeding/sucking problems, which made an already overwhelming situation SO much worse. In fact, I would say that was the hardest part about those early days was the feeding problems (my boys have mouth muscles issues and some other issues as well and could never fill themselves up and nursed ALL day long). I felt I would drown when my husband went back to work, and I specifically remember feeling like my life was over. Even though I was so in love with them I felt so overwhelmed. All I did was feed them all day and they never got full and were always falling asleep while feeding. It was exhausting.

Can you find an lactation consultant to work with in the very near future? As in this week? I say this because I know from experience how hard it can be to get through the day with a baby who is having feeding problems. Don't delay. Just having someone to help you talk about the feeding problems can be a huge help. She might be able to help you find ways to make the feedings more effective, help you address supply issues if you have them, and so forth. Coming from experience I would say to try and start working with someone as soon as possible. If I could go back and redo my first weeks with the twins I would begin working with an LC much earlier.

I remember when I was in your place thinking it would never, ever get better. I was so overwhelmed and depressed and tired and weary. But somehow before I knew it things were better. And I agree with the pp---your hormones are all over the place right now, especially with a c-section. Everyone says this but it is true: you are in the hardest part right now. It will get better. Really. It will.

Our boys are still having feeding problems, but working with an LC helped immensely and helped me feel more assured about the situation.

 

Those first couple of months are so hard! It's a huge adjustment to have 2 babies, then add in the hormone changes and it's understandable that you are having a tough time. Just know that almost everyone on here has been in your shoes at one point or another. You can do this! We are here to support you in any way we can.

For the feeding issues, if you want to continue breastfeeding a lactation consultant can be very helpful. There is nothing wrong with supplementing with formula, either, if you want to go that route. Whatever works best for you & your babies! When I first brought my two home, Luke was very sleepy & hard to feed. He was quite jaundiced which can affect their eating, it was always a struggle to wake him up to eat. It got better after the first couple of weeks. Hang in there, it does get better! :hug:

 

I feel for you. I really do. I remember those early days. I taught I ruined my life. My daughter had feeding issues as well. It does get easier as time go along. You are in the thick of it now. I cried almost everyday for two months. Now I can't imagine life without my two little munckins. They will be a year old on Feb 3rd and I tell you where the time went the last year. You also just gave birth which a huge experience and your hormones are all over place. It will get better trust me.

 

:hug: You got some great advice. Just wanted to reiterate that the first few months are EXTREMELY hard. Your hormones are going crazy and you are sleep deprived. Having newborn twins is not easy. Sleep when they sleep if you can. And try and keep them on the same feeding schedule for your sanity.

 

:hug: You have been given some great advice so I just thought I'd offer hugs. We all definitely get what you're going through and it does get better! My first week home I think I blubbered most of the day each day, those hormones are tricky! I hope you're feeling better. You CAN do this!

 

I am right there with you!! Mine were born at 36 weeks 4 days and are still sleepy nursers. I've been pumping and supplementing with NeoSure but I am worn out. And I find formula much more convenient than breastfeeding. It's quick to make, I don't have to warm it up out of the fridge and they can eat it in a few minutes vs nursing for half an hour.

My mother-in-law stayed for a few days last week but they were still very sleepy at that point. Now they are waking up more and need a little more attention.

My DS was awake from 7-11pm last night!! I couldn't get him to sleep for anything. And figuring out how much they want to eat at every feeding is stressful, too. We are giving them 2 oz but then end up getting more for them sometimes.

I love them to pieces but honestly I wish someone would watch them for two days so I could go to a hotel and sleep for 48 hours! Then I'd feel a ton better.

It is hard and overwhelming but we'll get through it one day at a time.

 

Ditto everyone else (and I didn't even read most of them). I was terrified at your stage. I was so sad that my life was ruined and constantly thinking "WTF have I done?!" And my babies were totally planned too. I loved them, but it was nothing like how much I love them now at 6 months.

Don't worry, you guys will figure it out. And seriously, the hormones are INSANE at 9 days post-partum. You will get through this, and it will still be hard, but it gets SO MUCH BETTER. I promise. HANG IN THERE!

 

I felt exactly the same :grouphug:

Here is a quote from my personal blog that I wrote when my babies were 11 days old:

"You know, I seem to have extreme baby blues and feel sad and hopeless for no reason. It is all just so overwhelming. I cry a couple of times a day...I wonder if it's normal. I hope this feeling will go away. I love my babies so much but I feel like my life is empty...Lost for words...."

And just like your situation, I could not understand why I felt this way, since out babies were also very wanted - we did 5 IVFs and two years of infertility to get them. I never thought I could feel that way. It was so hard and I completely understand. I also had a c-section. I will not lie, that feeling did not go away for about 2-3 months for me. I ended up going on antidepressants for the very first time in my life. I was on them for about 2 months and then quit as I did not like the side effects.

Just about now at close to 7 months it gets easier, but before every day was quite hard as I have no help whatsoever.

It will get better I promise. Just hang on because you are also still healing from c-section.

Where in Ontario are you? I'm in Toronto (GTA)?

 

I agree with everyone else! Hang in there! Those first weeks were such a haze of setting alarms around the clock to feed, worrying about weights, counting every oz and wet/dirty diapers... But a couple months you will look back on these days fondly!

I gave birth to my two at 35wks, no NICU. They weighed pretty close to yours, 5lb11oz and 5lb4oz. I gave up on breastfeeding early on because they were very sleepy at the breast and I couldn't find a way to fit pumping in and didn't pursue help from a LC. I felt regret for that for a long time and wish I would've stuck with it longer. Hang in there and keep at it.

My two were very sleepy and slow eaters for a long time. The nurses in the hospital told us to make sure that they weren't bundled up while eating... I am not sure if it was the right thing to do or not, but what worked for us was stripping off the swaddle blanket (and sometimes the sleepers down to onesies or diapers, but they were summer babies) and feeding them that way. It seemed to help keep them more interested in eating than sleeping.

You'll get through it! Best of luck and CONGRATS!

 

Oh, all of you new mommies make me want to give you all big hugs and tell you that it will get better.

It *will* get better. But I hate to tell you, that it will get worse though. Not that the kids get worse with eating or sleeping, but you, because of your recovery, hormones, and lack of sleep will not deal with it as well as you thought you would before having the babies. But then one day, it will all click. You'll figure out eating and clothing pecularities, personalities and things will start being fun. Try not to stress too much. They're only this young for a few weeks, you will make it through it like countless moms did before.

Please reach out to your local twin group or some local moms of twins for some words of encouragement and some physical assistance. There is no shame in not being able to do it all yourself. Ask for help. Hire a neighborhood kid to help out, just holding one of the babies. Pump or supplement or BF. Your kids will thrive when you thrive.

And FWIW, my two only got BM for 6 weeks before I said "F that" and we never looked back. And my kids are healthy, happy, smart 2 and a half year olds.

 

LOL, that makes me want to hug you!

 

Awww, hang in there sweetie. I could have written your post a few months ago!!..Actually I did! I wrote a post a few months ago entitled "feeling guilty that I am not enjoying my babies." Everyone who responded said that my feelings were normal and to just wait b/c things will get better. You know what? They were RIGHT!! Now my babies are 18 weeks old and things are sooooo much better. They cry less, feed better, sleep more and best of all they are smiling, laughing and interacting with us! I agree that your hormones are still fluctuating..it will take a little while for things to even out. Things will get better..just be patient...make sure you are taking care of yourself...eating well etc...and try to have an hour a day where DH watches them so you can get a break to take a bath or read or get a massage. hang in there!!

 

How are you holding up, Anna?

We're pretty exhausted at my house and I think my Claire is a little colicky. Hopefully it won't last too long.

I hope you are getting the hang of everything. I'm home alone, too, during the day. Slipper is home alone, too, I believe. We'll get through it somehow.

 

Hey Christy and everyone!!!

Well, I'm pooped. Just as I think I am doing ok and getting a handle on things, one of the babes throws a wrench into the plan and we're exhausted again.

Christy I am sorry to hear that Claire is colicky. Our Noah is SOOOOO fussy when it comes to eating :headbang: ... actually fussy is the wrong word, he has no interst in eating. He becomes a limp noodle and sleeps.

We had our pedi appt today and Sophie (our little one, born at 5lb 6 oz) has surpassed her brother. She GULPS food and eats twice as much as him in a MUCH shorter time. Noah has barely regained his birthweight. The doc isn't concerned but wants to see him next week to follow up and Sophie has been cleared for 2 weeks.

I have to be honest, I am so frustrated. I don't know what I can do to feed him. I tried the breast, not much succes. I pump milk into a bottle for him, we undress him and yet, no luck. I hope he is ok.

Anyhoo, DH is back to work on friday ... I am SO going to miss him. OUr moms are going to help but it's not the same :FIFblush:

Anyhoo, :friends: hugs to you and we CAN do it.

Anna

 

I had to add my two cents! I'm in the thick of it too: My b/g twins were born Dec. 15 at 37 weeks. My boy is a champ, eating like crazy and often; my girl is fussy, a poor eater -- spits out food as she eats it and whines through her feeding -- and has mild colic. I can't get her to sleep in her crib and when she wakes at night it's hard to get her back to sleep.

I cry almost daily and although, like everyone said, my children were very much wanted (IVF) I had definitely had those "what did I do" moments. I have an older DD, age 7, and although she is completely well adjusted to her siblings and loves them very much, I'm terrified that I've screwed up her life and happy home because my DH and I are so sleep deprived and miserable and bickering most of the days. I just try to keep telling myself that this stage of not sleeping will not last, that the feedings will spread out and someday I'll feel like myself again. I'm taking on most of the night feedings -- or shall be say all! -- because DH is back at work but it's really, really, killing me. I long for a solid night's sleep of several hours in a row. During the day, my mom comes to help, which is SUCH a blessing, and I'm able to get my errands done while she watches the babies.

I definitely have regular moments of feeling "trapped" by my infants, and I definitely try to put all the advice from this board in my head to remind myself that it will get better. I'm already through the first month, and I'm waiting for the three-month mark to see if there's any progress at that point. I think having babies in winter is also a real downer, since I can't get out with them as much because it's just so cold.

Good luck, and know you are not alone!

 

Anna - I hope things are getting better for you. It will take time to adjust to having two newborns, plus you are of course dealing with plunging hormones and sleep deprivation. My gals were born at 35 weeks (Twin A was 5lbs, 5oz and Twin B was 4lbs, 13oz) and we did have some feeding issues at first (especially the smaller one). They were both pretty sleepy when feeding and we'd have to undress them and hold them away from our bodies just so they'd stay alert enough to finish their bottles. And often they wouldn't finish them before falling asleep. I have been keeping track of their feedings/diapers since Day One and I am amazed looking back at those early days when they'd eat only 20-40mls of formula a feeding. Now they both eat around 6oz every feeding!! They literally gobble down their bottles now. Everything started to click after about the first month. So don't worry - it will happen! I was also panicky when my DH went back to work but you will get the hang of it very quickly. Now I find that I am basically more efficient when I take care of them alone!! Best of luck sweetie - :hug: :youcandoit: