HELP!

Grrr... I SWORE I would not let my son fall into the same routine as the girls did 18 months ago.....


He's 18 months, and this child WILL NOT sleep by himself! He wakes up every 20-30 minutes screaming bloody murder, and the poor stupid parents scoop him up thinking something is wrong with him, only to have him fall right back to sleep the second his head hits our arms... you get the picture, someone ALWAYS ends up out on the couch sleeping with him, or he ends up in our bed...


With his sisters we were able to do CIO with success. I tried this with him about 2 months ago with SOME success. I spent the weekend doing controlled CIO, where I'd start with 5 minutes, then 10, then 15, etc. But I really never had to go beyond 10 because he'd stop, and that was it. After 2 nights he was STTN no problems. Then something happened. And I'm not sure what. I don't remember if he got sick, or what the deal was but now we're back to square one.

Last night I attempted to start the controlled CIO again. Not even 3 minutes later he puked all over the place and was an emotional mess that took more than an hour to calm down so he could go back to sleep. Then he was up again 30 minutes later... 15 min to put him back to sleep. 30 minutes later again, he' up screaming....


Tonite I thought 'OK, instead of rocking him to sleep, I'm going to put him in his bed and sing and pat so he can get used to putting himself to sleep" Great. That worked. 20 minutes later, he's up screaming again. And we just got him down again and it's still only 8:30.

HELP! I need to get this child to SLEEP all night. There's no reason he can't at 18 months old. I'm scared to do CIO now becuase of him throwing up, and the whole sitting with him till he falls asleep and gradually move farther and farther away - yea that's for the birds. He'll stare at you for 30 minutes before his eyes get heavy, you'd have fallen asleep LONG before HE will!

I know it's about consistency, but I need something that won't upset him and doesn't require us staying up all night long trying to train him. I literally can not function the following day at work after staying up all night with a non-sleeping child.

 

You know one of mine threw up after having a fit one night, but we realized he purposely gags himself sometimes when he gets angry. We changed the sheets and let him cry some more. It was tough, but he wasn't calming down with us there.

 

is there any possibility of taking a couple of days off work so that you can stay up all night with him? i know that sucks, but the end result would be worth it.

 

Okay, so after I posted last night I figured I'd better just let him CIO again.

I let him go for 10 minutes, went in, tried to put him back in his bed... He DID throw up again, but not as bad as the night prior, so I just cleaned him up and put him back in bed and left again. Tried 15 minutes, went back in, put him in the bed - he jumped right up and tried to race me to the door! And he got even MORE upset.
I figured he was being just like his sister had been and I'd have to just let him be and work it out himself (his sister we couldn't go in AT ALL - it would start things over from scratch and then times 10)

This child screamed ALL NIGHT LONG. He would stop and fall asleep for about 20 minutes, then he'd be screaming again. I TRIED to stay out, but at one point I went in and tried to calm him down. He fell asleep in my arms, SNORING. As soon as I tried to put him in the bed, he woke up and started screaming again. At 3 a.m. I'd finally had enough so I went and got him, and in order for me to get SOME sleep, put him in the bed with us. Well needless to say DH ended up taking him back to the couch because he WOULD NOT go back to sleep, and I had not slept at all at that point yet...

His problem is that he needs to be touching skin. Whenever we rock him to sleep, his hand is roaming all over our face,neck, into our shirts... I tried not letting him touch me, and he got M-A-D as He** at me. I tried covering up with a small towel - he ended up taking it and trying to use it for a lovey. I was FINE with that (Thrilled really) but then he'd wake up every few minutes trying to bunch it up in his little hand and getting frustrated because he could not possibly fit that whole towel (it was a washcloth) in his little fist....


He used to be the BEST sleeper - I don't know WHAT happened but AAAAGGGHHH!! Now he's like 10 times WORSE than his sister EVER was, and SHE was a nightmare to night train! (BTW, he's the baby, his twin sisters are 18 months older than he is)

ETA: I tried turning the fan on for some added white noise (already has music playing at night) he unplugged the darn thing. I ended up using it in his sister's room so he wouldn't wake THEM up

 

Could your pediatricians help? It really does seem like he's having a hard time with sleeping. He throws up even. Someone here suggested for me to stay in the bedroom until my boy fell asleep. That took about 10 minutes for him. I didn't touch him, I just laid down near him. There's a bed in the room so that was easy, but you could lay on the floor if you need to. Once he lays down and falls asleep, leave as quietly as you can. It worked for me and I haven't had to do that again.

In your situation it may be different cause he really seems to look for you. I know you said he needs skin contact, but if you stick to your guns, he might graduate to being ok with seeing you. Maybe sleep in his room a couple of nights to see if he'll do that. A doctor of mine said when his son was upset, he'd just go sleep in his room. He didn't want him thinking it was ok to sleep in the master with parents. That's his space, so he'd just go sleep in his boy's room for the night. It worked and eventually he didn't have to be in there all night. As soon as his son would go to sleep and relax all night, he'd go back to his bed. He told me this around the same time that the other TS member told me her suggestion. Both are very close ideas and both worked out well for them. My doctor just had to work on his son longer and that's what I'm suggesting for you since your son really seems to need you there when he wakes up....but as you need you sleep, go sleep in his room.

 

Wow, this sounds so much like my Jack! He wakes up with the Screaming Meemies, falls asleep in your arms, then wakes the second his head hits the pillow. Even the skin-touching thing is the same; he runs his hands down your arms or touches your face for comfort while falling asleep.

Jack got really bad with night-waking about 10-13 months; he had been STTN before then. I don't know if it was night terrors or what, but he wasn't just crying or mad, he was TERRIFIED and inconsolable. We got no sleep and I literally almost quit my job because I couldn't function. We tried CIO, "pick-up-put-down", Ferber, etc. and nothing worked.

I swear that one night when he was about 13 months old I started giving him a "pep talk", and from that night on he started STTN. He has had some regressions (mainly when teething or during other life-changes), but he's been so much better about STTN it's like night-and-day. Now maybe this was just a developmental phase, but the timing was very convenient!

During the "pep talk" I tell him how night time is for sleeping, dream good dreams, mama and dada are here for you if you should wake....Your DS is 18 months old and can probably understand what you're saying. All kids are different, and what works for me won't necessarily work for you, but give it a try!

Also, Eliza's suggestion of sleeping *in* his room is a good one too. That way at least you'd get some sleep too.

Good luck figuring this out, I really feel for you! :hug:

 

i'd second the idea of chatting with your ped. is it possible he has an undiagnosed ear infection? i know of several ladies on here who's children had them & had no symptoms other than sudden sleep issues. :unknw: it definitely sounds like he's really struggling & that you've tried many of the things i would have suggested.

i think pep talks & sleeping in his room are also good suggestions. :hug: i almost find it harder when my girls have bad nights these days than when we were surviving the first sleepless months - at least then i was expecting it. now, i've gotten used to sleeping again! :hug:

 

Isn't that the truth?! I don't know if I just expected sleepless nights when I had newborns, or if those early days just aged me prematurely, but I can't handle night-wakings like I used to!

 

I would check and make sure he doesn't have an ear infection. I like the idea of sitting in the room until he falls asleep. Maybe that would help. If he wakes up, comfort him, but don't pick him up. Maybe try some Motrin before bed to see if it helps. Maybe he's teething or his ears hurt. Good luck. I had to do CIO with mine. It's no fun.

 

Oh, wow that second night sounds awful. Definitely see if he's having some kind of health problem--e.g. teeth, ears, who knows.

If he cried all night, then the hard core CIO probably isn't going to work.

I think Valerie is right about the pep talk; mine are starting to get that too. A couple times, I've told them to go back to sleep because it's too early. Of course, then I leave and they cry. I guess my boys tend to be exactly the opposite--they will not sleep if I'm there.

The one exception being last week when they had an ear infection--Eli wanted me to hold him, which is very rare.

 

I hope you get some answers today if you go to the pedi regarding a possible ear infection or something.

I haven't had extreme issues like you have, and yet, I know I get frustrated with less, so I'm sure you are at your wits end and I hope you can get sleep again soon!

I have recently started telling them that "Mommy isn't coming back in"... and sometimes it works - wow!! I was shocked, but I realized that they understand a lot of what we actually say now.

Other ideas if its not an ear issue, could it be teething? I think my dd is going through something regarding teeth, though all they have left are the last 4 molars, and I can't feel anything. but she's been chewing on everything in sight, and does seem to calm down a bit when I give her the Hylands Teething Tablets...

Lastly, my dh and I have also made a pact to not bring the babies back in our bed. though for us its not really a huge issue because they won't fall asleep in there anyway, but the idea was similar to what the pp said, about not thinking they could start sleeping with you... so for us we never tried to sleep in their room, but a few times when they are inconsolable I've taken them out to the gated play area... and taken all the toys out (so that they wouldn't hit ME in the head w/something) and then laid down with them. eventually over an hour later they would fall alseep. our issue is different than yours (since it has been just a few random time - mainly when sick or teething), so not sure I recommend that, since yours is a recurring sleep issue... but I like the idea of sleeping in their room to get them used to falling asleep there and staying in there. good luck!!