Husband going on 10 day hunting vacation?

Please talk me off the ledge! I just found out that my husband is planning to go to Argentina this summer for 10 days. He went 2 years ago, and at that time it was, "I have always wanted to do this and I need to do it before we have a baby." Well here we are with 6 month old twins, and I find out he plans to go again in July. I am so angry and can't seem to get over it! He hunts every weekend at least once, and then when it is not hunting it is shooting skeet, etc. I have come to terms with that, but can't help but feel that it is incredibly selfish of him to expect to go and leave me here for 10 DAYS. He just got back this weekend from hunting in CA. I work full time as well, and this is going to put a huge strain on me while he is gone. At the same time, I do not want to be the woman who tells him what he can/can't do. You only live once, but still I don't understand why he already has to go back THIS YEAR. Am I wrong for being mad? I feel like if I tell him he should not go, then he will just resent me and mope around the house and is that really worth it when I can just suck it up for 10 days and move on? Plus, when he started talking about going back I said not before he takes me on vacation. Well, we are going on vacation in April. Now I don't even want to b/c I feel like the only reason he is taking me is so he can justify his hunting trip. Guess I am just ranting but I don't feel like acting like it is no big deal that he is going. His plan is just to pay the nanny to be around more while he is gone.

 

:hug: I would be upset too, especially if he isn't there a lot otherwise. :hug: Sorry.

 

Wow, that is a hard place to be in. I would start planning a vacation with your girlfriends and see how he reacts to that. Sometimes the only way for them understand what you are going through is to go through it themselves!!

 

Ugh, I'm sorry. I'd be pretty upset too. MY DH is gone this week, but it's a business trip. I'm not the kind of person who tells her husband he can or can't do something either, but I'd be startin' right about now. TEN days for a fun little getaway to go do something he can and does do (often) locally? Oh h*** no. Why does he has to go this year when the babies are so little and needy? I'm pretty sure Argentina will still be there a year or two from now. And yes, I would feel the same way about the family vacation in April being his way of placating me so he can go on *his* fun little trip. I wish I had some advice other than talk to him and tell him how thinly spread you are and how him taking off for a couple weeks really chaps your hide, but it sounds like he's made his plans. :hug: There would most definitely be payback involved and it would be significant.

 

I think for me it is you found out he plans to go again this summer maybe he should have discussed it with you 1st.

As above I would be planning my own vacation

 

My husband hunts and there is no way he would plan something like a 10 day trip without consulting with me before he even thought about making a trip like that a reality. There is no way. A big part of the reason is that if I'm not supportive when he goes hunting then it ruins it for him and he can't enjoy himself. It is incredibly selfish for him to not have talked to you before he made the decision to go. I don't know what you can do at this point, b/c you don't want to be the wife who doesn't let her husband do what he wants to do.

 

i would be so pissed!! i think you should plan your own 10 day vacation when he gets back!!

 

I would be very upset. I'm not sure how I would handle it with DH, other than to express how disappointed you are and that you think he should have discussed it with you first. Is there anyway you could have a family member come stay with them, or you could take the babies and go stay with family? That's what I do when DH is gone, but he is never gone for very long or that often.

 

I'm trying really hard to not drag your DH over the coals, but what the............?????

Ten days?! And he hunts EVERY weekend?? ANNNDDDD, he did this TWO YEARS AGO?! Um, nope, nope, and HUH?!?!

So what do YOU do for fun these days? Do you get a day off or more every week? Flit around internationally?? I'm sorry, but a vacation that he's "taking" you on means he's going on vacation, too, upping his total to...well, never mind. How thoughtful of him. If YOU get to go somewhere with your girlfriends for 10 days, then I'll shut up, but otherwise?? Um, nope.

I'm sorry. I'm not doing a good job talking you off the ledge, am I? I don't believe in keeping tabs on evensies or telling DH what he can or can't do, but this doesn't even sound remotely equitable to me. I really think he needs a reality check on his new status of Daddy. And since he "needed" to do this trip before the babies were born and he did, I consider it something to cross off the Bucket List, not something to plan an annual reunion around!

Ok, stepping down now. (sorry) :tomato:

Eve

 

My husband did the same thing - the Argentina dove hunt - after our first child was born. Plus some pheasant hunt in North Dakota or somewhere. And so on. At one point, I calculated the percentage of days he had been hunting vs. days since our daughter was born (I am an MBA girl and love me a good spreadsheet). I have found that a trip of my own makes me feel better. And shopping. And now that we've ended up with FOUR little darlings, he really has not been able to find the time to hunt ... I really don't mind the hunting - just when I'm strapped down with babies!

Oh, and since you've already experienced the Argentina hunt, I'm sure you remember comments about how they shot SO many dove that it wasn't even that fun after a while, their arms were sore, etc. My arm got sore, too, from carrying my shopping bags out of the mecca in downtown Dallas (you may appreciate this since you are a Texas girl too!)!

 

ITA!!! I say change the trip in April to a girls only if he still intends on going. This is just sooooooo not right IMO. Its not even all about being away but the $$$ too. Plus it sounds like a bucket list trip that's turning into a yearly thing as a pp said. I hear ya about having him mope around by telling him he can't go but there has to be give and take, you have got to get someting pretty dang special for him being able to go, especially since he goes every weekend locally. Sorry if this makes no sense, my brains are all over the place today, its been a bad day for me. Seriously though, friggin men!

 

I'd be pissed if my hubby didn't discuss it with me first - remember sometimes men just don't think - or the only thing they think of is that we are all superwomen and can handle everything by ourselves - after all we do it day in-day out already. However, I do see his side in that he wants to get away for a while AS LONG AS HE IS HELPING YOU IN HIS "OFF-HUNTING TIMES" AND YOU GET YOUR OWN TIME TO YOURSELF as well. I would tell my husband that he can go on a trip as long as he shortens it - come on 10 whole days - make it 5 and we can talk about it and you get your own vacation as well. You can use the money he would spend on the other half of his trip on your own vacation or even a vacation just the two of you if that's what you want. AND he needs to help fill in the gap when he is absent by coordinating some help for you. just my opinion.

 

Wow, I would be really angry. I think the timing of his trip and lack of discussion with you is REALLY off base.

I think he needs to make sure you have additional help at home when he is gone. Hire a nanny, babysitter, mother's helper for a lot of hours. 6 month old twins are really tough. If he is going to go, then he needs to make sure his family is taken care of first. I would tell him this is your expectation. If he can spend the money for the trip, he can provide you with extra help.

I'm sorry, I'd be very upset. :aggressive:

 

The fact that you,"Found out" makes me wonder. He'd already planned it and it was done deal before informing you? Did he tell you or was it someone else or

Sorry. That raises red flags to me. To me a good marriage would be where both spouse would communicate better. If my husband pulled that crap forget about tit for tat. I'd be looking for other problems.

I would sit down and talk this over seriously. Some persons don't find issue with globetrotting. It's like going to the supermarket for a gallon of milk for them. If that's how you both feel that's fine.
For me I'd want some serious answers and good reasons why I was left out of the decision.

I don't mean to imply that he's doing something other than hunting. I would be wary though of what other things he's yet to mention.

 

I totally understand you being angry! He definitely should have discussed things with you before he even began making plans. However, I think if you both sit down and talk about it, it would be fine for him to leave. If it is something that he is passionate about, its important for him to still be able to do some things on his own. This also means you should get to do things as well! Seriously, plan a trip or even just a day to yourself. I honestly believe that the key to a successful family is allowing each member to do things on their own as well as doing things with the family unit. I'm totally an outsider in this and I know a lot of how we respond is because we are emotionally involved. If he does go away frequently on the weekends, I am wondering how he justifies leaving again. Good luck mama

 

ITA. There's no way! I'm sorry. He did the trip because he needed to do it before you guys had kids. It's something to check off the list and not make it an yearly or every other year thing. I can understand hobbies, but when they start interfering with your daily life and family obligations I have low tolerance for that. It's selfish when it's affecting your family so much and you're never around. I'm sure you're husband would have divorced me long ago b/c I don't think I could deal with the being gone to hunt every weekend. I think since he gets all that time, he does not need 10 flippin' days in another country to do it.

 

I actually just asked my DH if he thought this was ok... in any sense. This wouldn't fly in our family. My DH also said that this guy's actual motives should be questioned.

 

Preach on sistah! I couldn't agree more. My DH won't even take a weekend ski trip with his buddies. I'm sure he would like to get away, but with the boys this young he doesn't want to put me in that position and he knows there will be plenty of opportunities in the future when they are older and not so needy. 10 days?? That is ridiculous IMO. And I would be more than livid to know that he had already planned the trip, and I assumed booked it, without even consulting you first. I do hope you and your husband can work through this, but you have every right to be angry.