Bed Times are a Nightmare!

Hi all,

We're hoping for some advice from people who've been there on bed time temper tantrums!

As background, the boys normally sleep until 9am, then they feed well throughout the day. They are in or above the 50th percentile for weight and height, so we have no medical concerns over their feeding. They are on some solids, and drink bottles of 6oz-9oz through the day. Things are normally pretty calm through the day, though one or the other might have an occasional fussy feed.

Then, comes bedtime (around 8.30-9.00pm). They can both be as happy as can be, laughing, smiling, we change them, get the bottle ready and move it towards Zachary's lips. Then, the fun starts.

Even before he tries to drink any, he realises that it's his night time bottle, and begins to throw an absolute fit. He will throw himself around, scream at the top of his lungs, and just go all out tantrum. We suspected that it could be silent reflux, and the doctor prescribed some Zantac, but that doesn't appear to be the case as it doesn't make any difference when we do give it to him, and he is acting like this before he even touches the bottle. Bear in mind that just 2 mins before (as he is for the hours before) he is all happy and smiley.

The screaming can go on for a good 20-30minutes of absolute hell. Typically Gregory is a lot calmer, though sometimes tries to put up a little fight too.

Finally, when he tires himself out, he will often fall asleep drinking the last bottle and won't come close to finishing it. It is a very stressful time of the day for my wife and I, and we are beginning to dread bed time as the screaming is so frustrating when we just want to put them down for the night and fall in bed ourselves. They have both been sleeping through the night now for 3 months or so, and have always happily slept a good 10-12 hrs each night.

Sorry for the novel, but wanted to be thorough and ask the knowledgeable community advice!

 

I might have missed it....how old are they?

 

Sorry, I thought I put that in. They just turned 7 months.

 

From the sound of it I bet you and your wife do fall into bed asleep sometimes after that. Poor things! I have a higher maintenance LO and one who sleeps at night on cue. I have found Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child extremely helpful - do you have a copy? It is a bible to many on this forum and how I heard about it. Some ideas might click with you in that book. Anyway, if I had to take a stab I wander if he is overtired by the time bedtime comes? Every kid is different, but in this book they talk about biological rhythms of children and how natural patterns for most children this young would have them going to sleep for the night between 6:30 - 7:30 (don't quote me on that but I think that is roughly the suggested range.) 9:00 pm would be too late for bedtime in our house without an absolute struggle...again, doesn't mean it is but just a thought. And of course they would get up earlier. Once my kids look tired they are way overtired and have a terrible time falling asleep. I have a similar problem that you are describing with naps. They know the routine and when they sense it they start fighting. The only other thing I might suggest is if you are feeding in their bedtime area maybe try doing it somewhere else and then take them to bed and lay them down or change up your routine a little, OR, feed the last bottle 30 mins or so before bedtime so they do not associate it. This is something I may start trying to do...good luck, this is a tricky one.

 

I agree with PP and I would try an earlier bedtime. At 7 months mine were going to bed closer to 7ish and waking around 7. It could be that he is overtired and the routine just puts him over the edge. What about doing the last bottle before getting ready for bed??

 

Hi we have had the same issue with our daughter for about a month and a half. She would be smiley and happy and then at the end of the last bottle would really start fussin and crying and whining! Prior to that, she went to bed no problem. If she fell asleep in our arms with little fussing, she would still turn into the exorcist when her body hit the crib mattress, waking up screaming. If we put her down awake, she also screamed as soon as we left the room. If we came back she got a huge smile on her face! Pediatrician told us we had to let her cry it out because it will only get worse. Initially we didnt listen and he was right. Now tonight, not one peep going to bed, after about three weeks of putting her to bed awake and crying but going in to talk to her and tell her she has to go to sleep, its bedtime, etc... We do bath, bottle, and then bed with them awake. Bath at 7, bottle 730ish so they dont get overtired as previous posters mentioned. Then to bed awake. Dr. told us them falling asleep in our arms or being rocked to bed is like us adults going to sleep in our bed and waking up in the street. They wake up with extreme anxiety when they wake and the last thing they remember is being in mommy or daddys arms and were not there. He said if they fall asleep in the crib, when they wake in the middle of the night, they are not so panicked and can self soothe back to bed. Mine wake and make some noises and go back to bed on their own. Everything he has said makes sense and he is a young Doc with young boys of his own. Anyway, day by day my daughter is crying less and less at bedtime. I would put them down awake and talk to them gently/ Leave for 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 20. They will cry but will fall asleep once they realize it is time for bed. Just keep going back in and telling them its ok, go to bed, its sleepytime, mommy and daddy are here, etc
Good Luck!

 

I think it was around 7 months that we dropped the third nap and starting putting them to bed around 645 or 7. It really helped and they started STTN much better! I think at that age is when it seemed there were lots of transitions happening. At first I did not like the early bedtime and alot of my family think it is weird, but it is so nice now to put our kids to bed and have some time alone with my husband, instead of just falling into bed after putting them to bed because we are so exhausted!

I agree with the book Health Sleep Habits...there are also some people on here who use the 2-3-4 schedule, where you put the babies down two hours after they wake up for their first nap, then 3 hours for the next nap, and then put them to bed after 4 hours after their second nap. We kind of follow this pattern too.

Hope things get better for you!

 

Our los don't wake up til 9 or 10 am so that's when they go to bed, I am not sure if that's right but it seems to work for us and them so I thought I'd just share that our schedule is sort of similar in that way.

You've got some good advice so I'll just add my first thoughts: if you and your wife each feed the same baby every night trying switching babies a change of "scenery" may help and secondly what about changing them etc and then feeding last while he's in the crib (maybe even with a cribside soother on to distract him?) its worth a try.

HTH!

 

All the pp have similar ideas to mine. I was also thinking that you could try starting the bedtime routine a little earlier and focus on relaxation. If he is too smily and wound up he may not be ready to go to sleep. My DS has recently been fighting bedtime more because he is still wanting to play. We change them into their pj's then quietly play for a little bit, then turn on classical music, dim the lights, nurse them, then read a story, then bed. As long as we start this routine early enough that they are not overtired it works really well and he is much more ready to go to bed when it is done.