an open letter to everyone in the FY

i sincerely appologize for offending everyone with ANY of my comments. please try to accept my deepest appology. i'm really trying here.

yes i can come off as abrassive, harsh, and am found (apparently) to be extremely frustrating to deal with. please bare with me. i just don't want to be ignored b/c everyone is ticked at me if i have a question about teething, reflux, or something like that. everyone deserves some level of help whether you like them as a person or not.

i am a new mom to unplanned/unexptected twin boys. this is all brand new to me and i raise these kids on my own. i do not intend or mean to have my posts come of as being "panicky" or that i'm not under control, i'm sorry if some of you have interpreted my posts as that. merely i am asking "is this normal?", or simple things about solids or teething or questions about reflux. or venting a little about frustrations w/certain things.

i don't mean to brush off everyone's suggestions or replies it's just that i tend to get SO many varying responses that it's hard to know which ones to follow which is why sometimes i will ask a similar question again or privately PM someone who seemed to offer advice that may work or has had very similar experiences.

no i do not have munchausen byproxy syndrome, as someone has recently suggested. i do not post on here for attention or to stir the pot or ruffle feathers, although i seem to be good at it. i don't think my kids (or i for that matter) have all sorts of diseases and i certainly don't make up stories, invent symptoms or endanger my children so that they can get attention from doctors and other people. they've only ever been to their pediatrician, their GI (which i know a lot of you don't like but he's all i got - insurance won't allow anyone else) and their urologist for their circumsition. i don't take them from doctor to doctor and the RN that visits us is a free government program for mother's of multiples and preemies to offer profssional medical advice/tips on raising and caring for preemies and to offer support.

basically, i'm just being a new mom that is concerned about certain issues, questioning whether certain things are normal and yes venting about frustrations w/DH or feelings of being overwhelmed as a lot of other mom's of multiples have. perhaps my approach may be interpreted as being in a state of mental crisis, anxiety or severe PPD but i can assure you that is not the case. i'm new at this, as are a lot of us and i just want to really know "is this normal...". a lot of my posts recently have been very positive and sharing the happiness of my boys' and showing pictures. and when i respond to other posters, like you, i try and offer up suggestions that have worked for me but try not to force the issue as "i know what i'm talking about" because i'm still learning. but if i can help i want to try.

there is also no reason for any of you to be concerned for my kids because i wake them up to eat or am concerned and "pushing them to hard" about milestones. i don't do that. they are babies, happy ones at that. but since they are preemies and i've never had kids i get curious about when other's have started things and when their children hit certain points. i'm not a bad mom. i love them to pieces, am trying to show them things and teach them things (like we all are), cuddle them, learn from and with them and am doing the best job i can, which is all any of us can really do. but if you are for some reason concerned with the well being of my kids, please don't openly discuss it in a thread, keep it in a PM. thats all i ask when truly the only one's that should be concerned about my kids are my family - DH and i, as the only people who should be concerned about your kids are you - their parents.


sure i word things wrong sometimes but please don't interpret that as me being rude to you or intentionally trying to tick anyone off. if i ask a question and get 500 different answers please don't or try not to be so hard on me because i didn't take the "majorities" opinion and reason being is that i always get a lot of "majority" opinions that vary widely on the spectrum of "expetise" on whatever subject matter i'm asking about.

i'm stubborn, i'm bullheaded and when backed into a corner i will come back. in the future i'll try to stick only responding to things that i think might work for me rather than my usual "open mouth, insert foot, repeat".

believe me i truly appreciate the help & support that i get here and have made many friends, i wish not to loose that.

perhaps this is a bit early, but my sincere appologies for offending and frustrating most every single member on this board.

and for the record i am not justifying my actions i am sincerely appologizing and trying to let you in on how i work a little.

-kristine

p.s. if this post does get approved by the mods i will not be able to respond to it so if there is anything you wish to say, go right ahead. i know i was in the wrong and i'm not saying "but...".

 

kristine-i didn't see the original "joke" but if I had, I would still forgive and forget. Working in social work and with many families with disabled children, I can tell you what offends one person does not always offend another-I work with people who joke about their childrens disabilities as a way of coping and seeing the lighter side of things-and I work with others who would be extrememly offended if they heard that same mom saying what she says .Regardless, I'm not here to judge you-Were all here just trying to make it through the first year! I think your sincere and I know you didn't mean any harm no matter how your words came across. I hope everyone on here can just move on and continue to support each other. I for one will not not respond to your posts, that is, as long as I have time to respond. It seems I can't get anything "extra" done these days.
Dana

 

I was a little shocked by the "joke" and the entire thread for that matter, it was nasty. I had always considered this such a nice forum because people genuinly seemed to care and want to help one another. I do think you are sincere in your apology and I hope others will lend you the support/advice you need. Not everyone is at their best all the time and none of us is perfect. I appreciate that you realize an apology was needed and hope others will forgive and forget and move on.

 

Kristine;

I was one that was offended by your joke, but I also felt that some were being incredibly harsh to you and way too hard on a new mom. I appreciate your apology and believe in your sincerity. I think that is it time for all of us to move on to the happy things - our babies.

MY babies have some milk allergy problems, but not the severe reflux issues your seem to have. They are a few weeks younger than yours, but if I can help, I am more than willing.

Thank you for the apology.
Niki

 

Kristine, thank you for apologizing. I really commend you for the effort you are making here. It takes a lot of guts to do that. I don't think anyone will ignore your questions about your boys. I just think no one knew anything about Sandifer's Syndrome and that's why you didn't get responses. We've all been new moms at some point, and we do understand what it's like. I apologize if I hurt you for saying I was concerned about you and your babies. I did not intend my words to mean that you were a bad mom. We all handle things differently, and it's okay if you have some anxiety. We all just want you and your babies to do well. I'm sure that you will find people willing to put everything behind us and just move forward with a fresh start.

 

ITA! Good job for apologizing Kristine, that takes a lot of guts. :hug: I remember remarking about how happy you seem lately in a previous post too and I am so happy for you! I am glad you are still here, us twin moms have to stick together, no one else truly understands.

 

Good for you, Kristine. I think you will find a lot of valuable support on this site, both from a parenting perspective, and a friendship perspective...so long as you are willing to do both those things, respectfully, in return.

Acknowledging and recognizing wrong turns are half the battle. Best of luck to you.

 

Good to see you make the effort you just made... That takes guts. We've all been new moms, and we've all gotten a little carried away. Still do so no worries.

Be well, be happy, and lots of luck to you.

 

Thank you for posting an apology, Kristine. Sincerity goes a long way.

It *is* definitely hard being a new mom, being a new mom to twins is beyond hard!

 

This is the danger of online posting. Things get blown out of control because when typed, no one can tell what tone you are taking. I had my now MIL refuse to speak to me for a year and a half while DH and I were engaged because she misinterpreted what I said in an email. Don't let it get to you, I am sure everything will blow over! :friends:

 

I never found you frustrating at all. I didn't appreciate the joke, but at the end of the day... I did know it was a joke. I definitely accept your apology and I'm glad to see your still hanging around here. As another Mom said... we twin Mom's gotta hang together!

Way to go. Proud of you. anties:

 

Kristine,
I think it is wonderful that you have wrote this. I think you are sincerely apologetic. I wish you would have done this from the jump. I think it would have saved you from some nasty battles. But, I know you are a young mom. I know what I was like at your age and I think you tend to snap back first before thinking. I think you will gain wisdom with time just like many of us have and I'm sure you are and will be a wonderful mother. I've seen your videos on facebook and your babies look and act like very healthy boys. I do agree you are anxious. Its good to know things and read up on things but always remember that ultimately, you should step back, take a deep breath and take all of the information you've gained to your pediatrician and he/she can help you sort through what issues are valid and which you may have overthought. Anyways, I certainly don't ignore you. I don't always respond to health related topics because I have been very lucky to not have to deal with many of those issues. So any input from me would just not be that helpful. Glad you are here. You add to this forum just as everyone here does.