how to make children listen?

My niece and nephew are here with my sister, this is the first time I have met them (long story) the children are 3 and 4.5yo and they don't listen to anyone, not their mother, not my parents. They are very naughty, rude and lie heaps, they play the "blame game" when something bads been done ALL the time - we never get a straight answer. Our house is trashed and my Mum's very upset because of what's been happening, she is OCD so a messy house is not good. We have tried being nice eg talking to them about what they have done wrong, punishing them - time outs but nothings working and most of the time they walk away from you when you are talking to them or dont listen. We found my friends phone in the room they are staying in, my friend was over last night before she went to work and never takes/leaves it out so they have taken it without asking and going through her bag which was in my bedroom!

Please, does anyone have any experince with naughty children and how to get them to listen?? Maybe I am just overreacting? but I dont think I can last another day within my own house at the moment

 

Honestly, I think without the support of the parents there isn't much you can do. Consistency is the key with discipline and, if the parents aren't in on it, then there is no consistency. Your parents can set rules (it is their house), but unless the parents consistently enforce them, the rules mean nothing.

I think the only thing you can do is to try to distract them and redirect them when they start getting into something. Perhaps have activities that you can do with them - just try to keep their days full. Then just grin and bear it until they leave.

 

Sounds like you are talking about my boys. However when we are out places they listen way better then when we are at home and if DH and I are not around they are perfect little angels. We have read the books, went to classes and are consistent and they still act out.

Good Luck!

 

I second this. Does your sister want help with the children? If you set and enforce some very clear, firm boundries you may see some improvement in their behaviour but you can't expect there to be much change unless everyone's on board.
How long have they been staying with you? You say you've tried various methods of correcting them but how long did you try for? You'd need to stick with the same response for at least a week, preferably two or three, to know if it's working. It sounds like these children have been behaving like this their whole lives, a few days of people they don't know saying they must stop behaving the way they're used to is not going to have any effect, especially if the consequences keep changing.

Honestly if your sister is not interested in changing their behaviour and they're not staying long then I doubt it's worth the effort to try and get them to change. Just find a way of securing things that are important to you (eg get a lock for your bedroom door), try and keep them amused with appropriate activities (as many outside the house as possible) and don't leave them alone for longer than you absolutely have to.
If your sister does want to get them to behave better or if they are staying with you long term then I'd suggest all the adults sit down and work out a plan together. Obviously this will be harder if your sister doesn't really want to, but your mother has every right to say that while they are staying in her house they must keep to some basic rules. Decide what discipline method you're going to use and what behaviours will result in the children being discplined. I'd suggest you start with just a few really key behaviours and don't worry about small things until the big things are under control. For example at 3 'lying' is not really a clear concept so enforcing a rule like "you must not lie" is going to be a lot harder than enforcing a rule like "you must not hit". You might want to try something like 123 magic where there are certain behaviours that they get two warnings not to do, then they are put in time out. There was a thread explaining it recently here.
Putting a routine in place may help a lot, most children like to know roughly what will be happening next in the day and what will be expected of them. It can also be a great way of getting them to help more because it becomes just another part of the day; we have breakfast, get dressed, do a focused activity (playdough/colouring etc), play with toys, tidy up, have lunch, go out somewhere, play some more, tidy up again, watch tv, have dinner, have a bath, read a story, go to bed. In that they are tidying up twice (although they will need help and encouragement to start off with) and you could also work on things like getting them to put their clothes in the washing basket and helping to lay/clear the table.
Also whatever discipline you decide on don't forget to praise for good behaviour. Anything they do that's positive, even if it's just the lack of a negative behaviour to start with, praise them like mad. Often with dificult children it's easy to get into the trap of focusing so much on the bad behaviour and trying to correct it that when they are not misbehaving you just want to take a break or get on with doing something else. Then they get no attention for being good and loads of attention (even if it's negative attention) for being bad, which only encourages the bad behaviour.

Good luck, I hope things get better for you.