Feeding issues (19 months)

I have posted before about DS only wanting to eat yogurt. I got him to start eating lunch again but it was cheese on bread + a stage 1 jar (he loves them). For breakfast, snacktime & dinner he´d eat yogurt and was perfectly happy. I should point out that he´d eat his fruit puree at nursery no problem.

My LOs have just spent 4 days at my ILs´ house, 2 of those days were without me. DS would only eat if FIL was there to sternly tell him to eat (he wont eat with MIL either). In 2 days the kid has put on a bunch of weight and looks rounder and healthier. He ate fruit for breakfast, homemade savoury puree, fruit+yogurt for his snack then a puree thing for dinner. No fights, though sometimes some "nos" but FIL got him to eat - no force feeding, he just opened his mouth.

I collected my LOs yesterday and, at home, DS actually ate a fruit pot + half a yogurt. For dinner he ate what he was eating at my ILs´. He didnt finish it but I wasnt bothered. He ate without any protesting!

Now this moring he cried for breakfast, as he was hungry, but he would only eat 10 spoons of it (I´d made banana+yogurt & pear). He had a mini meltdown (I had just taken the food away, I didnt try and force him) & he got put in his cot to calm down and we moved on. He is trying it on with me again and I feel so frustrated plus I had a bad night´s sleep, which never helps.

I´ve had 3 different pedis tell me (none of them is ours) that I have to offer the food and if he refuses it, then explain that there´s nothing else until the next meal. Before, I was just feeding him yogurt. I´ve been warned by one of those 3 pedis that if I let him have control at mealtimes, it will be a nightmare later on. Thing is, I tried this method on Christmas Eve and the kid went 8 hours without food - he is that stubborn! It was also a horrible day as he was hungry. I ended up giving him yogurt (yes, I gave in) as he refused everything else and I couldnt bear anymore on Christmas Eve. Also, eating with FIL in my house doesnt work - they tried...

Im at a loss.

My question for you is: in my shoes would you let DS go hungry until he eats what I have prepared, be it at lunch or the next meal, or would you give him yogurt as he wants OR would you just let him eat what he wants. Thing is, this phase has been going on for well over a month and I´ve been told (by a pedi) that just eating yogurt isnt good (I´ve been buying formaula-made yogurts).

Yes, Ive tried hiding food in the yogurt and it failed...

Please help!

TIA

 

:hug: I can only imagine how frustrating this is! :hug: First, does he have any oral motor or sensory/texture issues? Has he been evaluated by an occupational therapist for feeding concerns? Since he only really eats soft, puree type textures I couldn't help but wonder if maybe he has some type of resistance to certain textures that is not behavioral but an oral motor or sensory response?


If not,
Does he show any interest in what you are eating? If so, maybe you could try eating with him and feeding him some of the foods off of your plate?

My boys just turned 2 last weekend and one of them is going through a really picky stage. The other day he literally ate 5 bites of a banana for breakfast while his brother at half a banana, a piece of toast, and a bowl of yogurt. It can make you crazy! :gah: But, everything I've ever read and been told is to not make mealtime a battle. I think at some point you will probably have to only offer certain foods for his meals (and not always include yogurt) and tell him that is all there is. But, that doesn't mean you have to do it now. Does he act hungry throughout the day when he just eats yogurt and fruit puree for all of his meals? It isn't a lot of food anyway, so maybe on the days that you offer something that he won't eat, you could offer a snack of yogurt at a random time during the day. I wouldn't offer it at the same time b/c he would probably catch on to that and possibly not eat knowing that the yogurt was coming after his nap, etc.

I wish I had some better advice! :hug:

 

I agree with Jori. Has the pedi checked him for any feeding or swallowing disorders? I've also read the same as Jori, not to make mealtime a battle and you make certain meals and if he doesn't eat it, then let him be. I don't think I would be comfortable with him not eating for 8 hours during the day, but that's just me. I would probably do one meal as planned and then the next meal, include some things he will eat (especially if he skips the first meal) I also think it is a good idea to offer a random snack of yogurt throughout the day, make it unexpected for him.
Good luck :hug:

 

Hi girls

He doesnt have any problems as he eats bread and cheese no problem plus he occasionally likes to eat off my plate. He used to eat lumpy purees but the nursery puree their food so finely that they got used to that. Also, both LOs have been through a lot of illnesses (mainly cold viruses) since starting nursery in Sept hence the texture issues. He eats perfectly fine at my ILs´ though, I dont get it. He loves biscuit and will eat any type. He will eat toast, bread also and has had a go at meat and fries. He throws all other food onto the floor that I offer.

DD eats like a champion though she doesnt like lumps and wont eat finger food. Ive got her eating lumpy puree and she eats biscuit.

He hasnt eaten for 4 hours now - he´s refused his fruit snack and we didnt push it. I have offered yogurt in-between meals before but as he knows he always gets it, he systematically refuses the other meals and isnt hungry for them so Im not offering anything this time. I dont mind if he eats yogurt for breakfast and dinner, but would like him to eat the other 2 meals.

Funny thing is when he got home yesterday he ate his fruit and then his dinner perfectly, no problem. So this makes me think its an attention thing.

It is really hard to deal with and I dont know what to do. He is also attacking his sister a lot (pulling her hair, bashing her...) and it´s hard...

 

anyone else have any advice?

 

Both of mine went through a picky eating phase for months. But it doesn't sound as bad as what you're going through. I did give in and give them what they wanted a lot of times, because I was worried about my son's weight gain. I'd give in and give them cheese, breads, fruits, yogurt, nutri-grain bars, crackers, etc. Lately I just got tired of it and tried to stick more with what was offered and I didn't worry so much if they only ate a bite or two of something. They'd also have many days where they ate great at one meal but barely touched anything at the others. I just stopped worrying about it. I don't know if it was coincidence and my son just grew out of it, but the last month or so he's been doing really well eating the meals I'm offering. He's not as picky anymore and is more willing to try new stuff too. My daughter still hasn't come around, but luckily she's on the high end of the charts for height and weight (actually off the charts for height, so I'm not as worried about her.)

If I were you I'd probably stick to the meals you want him to eat, make sure one thing he likes to eat is offered (like cheese or bread in some form) and see if he comes around after a few days. I'd probably also fill in with pediasure. At least then you know he's getting the calories and nutrients he needs, even if he's not eating.

 

PPs have given you some good advice. The only thing I have to add is to offer him (and your DD) meals and snacks at consistent times, and not to let them eat between times. Offer good healthy food (with at least one non-challenging thing you know he has enjoyed), let him choose to eat it or not, then offer more at the next feeding. That way he'll know that he is in control of what he eats, and that he will never have to wait more than a few hours for his next meal.

Unless he has some serious medical problems, he will not starve! He's proven that he can eat well (at your ILs) so you know he's capable. Battling over food can never end well. I've read (and heard it mentioned on TS) that you are responsible for what, when, and where you feed your children. Your children are responsible for how much and IF they eat. I have very skinny former preemies who are barely on the weight chart so I understand how hard it is to let go and "trust" your kids to eat enough, but I feel really strongly that I'd rather have them miss a meal than have food become unpleasant or a power-struggle.

Good luck and I hope things get better for you!! :hug:

 

Thanks, ladies, for your feedback. Please keep it coming.