10 yr old boy wetting the bed

I guess it's not that new - he started about a month after his 10th birthday, in November. After reading a bit about it online, we took him to the doctor to make sure there was nothing physically wrong. The Pedi said he was fine. We started setting his alarm around 3am, then he'd wet earlier than that, so we've slowly moved it up to 1:30am. He's supposed to get up, go to the bathroom, then go back to bed. He's still been having accidents 2-3 times per week.

I'm debating either (1) getting up a little before 1:30 a few nights to see if he actually gets up or (2) just actually getting him up and making sure he goes to the bathroom myself for a week and if he goes without accidents, holding him accountable after that (I don't know how).

The hard part is, according to online, we feel like we're not supposed to punish this behavior. But, at the same time, we want to hold him accountable. We thought the correlation was gatorade after bball practices, so now he's not allowed to have anything besides water after 7pm, and he's only allowed about one glass of that. No gatorade at all in the evening.

We could make him wash his own bedding, but mornings are already slightly chaotic and he's tired in the morning anyway after going to bed at 8:30. Plus, we're not there so the sitter would have to be the one making him do the laundry and I know she prefers to just do it herself instead of deal with his morning grumpiness. Also, we really don't want to leave urine-soaked bedding sitting out in his room all day until he gets home from school.

Any advice/experience?

 

I wanted to add...he's my Stepson, and his life has not been a cakewalk. He sees a therapist regularly. We don't know of anything traumatic that happened right around the time this started. He came back from spending Thanksgiving with his mom, and that's the first time it happened. He's lived with us for 2 years now, and the twins were born almost 10 months ago.

 

I have an almost 9yo that still occasionally does it too. We've been to the dr with him too and nothing physically is going on and for him nothing emotionally seems to be causing it. The ped did say that some children actually don't mature into that level of bladder control (there's a name for the part of the bladder, I can't remember) until the early teen years.

We think my son falls so deeply asleep (you can still pick him up and move him around the house and he wouldn't wake up) that he's not recognizing the cues. I don't get angry or punish when he does have an accident. I actually say very little, just wash the sheets and send him to the shower. What we've had a problem with though is him hiding it. THAT is nearly impossible to hold your temper about. To think he went to school and his sheets stayed like that all day and now it's bedtime and I'm asking you what that smell is...is infuriating.

All I can recommend is taking lots of deep breaths and remind yourself he's not doing it to be 'bad' and it's got to be horribly embarassing for a 10yo. I would mention it to his therapist and just keep doing what you're doing. Just know you are not alone!

 

This happened once or twice, but we were able to explain to him that he couldn't do it, so it hasn't happened anymore. Of course, the sitter always knows when she goes in there to wake him up and he's sleeping on the floor - he can't hide that.

Thanks!! I know it's not terribly uncommon, but that doesn't help that it's not much fun!

 

IMO it has to do with seeing his Mom. He may not have ben traumatized this visit but it may have bought back traumatic memories or feelings. I realize he is not a foster child however, this is something that happens frequently in foster children. After a foster child is allowed to see and visit with the person they were removed from they may have tantrums, nightmares, bed wetting, etc. It usually ends as abrubtly as it started. I would definitely tell his counselor. That way they can discuss how he felt and how he feels now.

 

This happened with my dh's cousin when he was around 9ish. For him, I think that it had been a problem before, but ramped up after a huge trauma. His dad shot and killed his mom and then killed himself and the kids moved in with their grandparents. They handled it by buying him GoodNites. If he chose not to wear them and wet the bed, they told him to just strip his sheets and drop them and his pj's down the laundry chute and there would be no questions asked. That worked pretty well. Alot of mornings grandma would just go down to the basement, find the sheets there by the washer, wash them and put them back on the bed. And it eventually phased out.

Marissa

 

It's strange that it started happening all of a sudden.

I had a close friend who's son was a bed-wetter. She finally took him to the dr. (at around 10). They ran some tests, and determined his bladder was really small. He wears goodnites to bed (he hates it, but she was SOO tired of the laundry). They did eventually start him on some medication for small bladders, and that has helped.

Does he use the restroom frequently during the day?

 

He goes pretty often, almost every time we are out and about (but I think part of that is "exploring" or getting some independence, even if it is public bathrooms). His father goes to the bathroom all the time. His father has been teased about having a "woman's bladder". The only time I've gone nearly as often as DH is when I was pregnant, and even then it was a close race.

I didn't go with them to the Pedi - that's interesting about medication for small bladders. I don't know if that came up, but I think my DH is kind of against medication. He's hoping it's a phase or that we can solve it "behaviorally".

I wondered about this, that's why I mentioned it, but because we have had custody for 2 years and he's visited with her regularly during that time, it was hard to pinpoint why this particular visit may have triggered it. It would not surprise me at all if this were somehow psychological. I know it's hard to be 10, have split up parents, and 4 siblings under 3 (his mom has one, plus my 3). Plus, other trauma he's experienced. The counselor is aware of what's going on, but says he seems relatively "fine".

It's reassuring to read the story from one where it did phase out. I'm hoping that's what happens.

Thanks for all your responses. I really appreciate your input.

 

If none of the other things help, I would ask the ped to refer him to a urologist to see if something is going on medically besides a UTI or bladder infection. My sister who is a grown woman still has issues sometimes with wetting the bed and so does my nephew who is 9.

 

Hello,

As a kid who wet to bed the entire time I was at summer camp at the age of nine, I will have to say, don't do anything that might seem like a punishment to the boy. He's already ashamed as it is, making him change his own sheets is like telling him he's bad because he's wetting to bed. I don't care who recommended it, if it doesn't sound right, sometimes it's just not right. You might help him change his sheets (which is what my counselor did in camp and it made me feel alot better about it), but don't make him do it alone. All you can really do is try to make sure he gets a good nights rest and remember that "THIS WILL PASS". He's not going to pee to bed for the rest of his life, just til he figures out why he doesn't want to sleep or go to the bathroom. In the meantime don't make this into a bigger deal than it has to be or you'll most likely just make it worse.

I recommend this a lot because it's very important, talk to your son. If you're step son isn't close to you, then have his father talk to him. The fact that it happened after visiting his Mom most likely means there's something that happening surrounding that. Like someone mentioned, it might not be anything that occurred on that visit, but perhaps something else, it could be as simple (and sad) as missing his mother, but unless you ask you wont find out. If he's not seeing a therapist right now, I'd recommend taking him to one, especially since it doesn't seem to be a coincidence. I really hope everything works out for him and hopefully he'll start to have some dry nights soon.

Aaron

 

My DS did the same thing. The pedi ran every test to make sure there were no infections. He put DS on a medication that is used for this problem and it helped tremendously. He was on it for about a year and now doesn't have to take it anymore. Our pedi said the same as some of the prior posts, some bladders just aren't developed enough at this age and they will out grow it, but we needed the add'l help of meds.