Home alone with infant twins: how do you do it?

Hi there,

I'm new to twinstuff and have already read some really valuable posts. Thanks to all!

Here's my next question. I have b/g twins, born at 36 weeks, now almost 2 months old. I will be going back to work soon, and my husband will be staying home. We have no idea how this works: 1 adult versus 2 babies! I know many of you do it, but how? Is there a lot more crying because you simply can't get to one baby? I'm nervous about being alone with them for a couple hours, let alone an entire day! I keep thinking "the worst that can happen is that there is a lot of crying." How do you do it?

Thanks,
Katie

 

:welcome: to TS!

There were times when it was really stressful b/c of the crying simply b/c sometimes you can't meet two babies needs simultaneously. It is manageable though, and at the end of the day I would have a real sense of accomplishment.

The way I got through the day was to come up with a routine. Like, feeding for an hour, playtime on the activity mat, then baths after the first nap, etc. I'd think of something to do during every time they were awake and when they were napping I tried to get done a few things around the house.

 

best advice i can say is one day at a time and patience patience patience. i don't always follow these rules but hey we all have bad days. some will be tons better then others and most days you'll have the energy to deal with and fully engage with both kids at once or seperately but somedays you are just beat and have to just let them have their twin talk and playtime that they will start to develop and relax for a moment to breath. it's not easy but one day at a time!

 

:welcome:

It is definitely manageable. Some days are really difficult, others are better. Like Aimee suggested, a routine is helpful. Also, just remember that sometimes you can't physically do two things at once (although most twin parents get really good at juggling & multi-tasking!) & it's okay if the waiting baby has to fuss for a couple of minutes. All in all, you just get adjusted after awhile & discover exactly what works best for you.

 

My twins are 6 weeks and I have to say that it's really tough being home alone with them but you can definitely do it! At this stage here's what i do...feed baby A, diaper baby A, hold baby A, put baby A down. I then do the same thing with baby B. They're still too small to tandem feed them. The difficulty comes when Baby A isn't ready to be put down and baby B is hungry and starts fussing then crying. OR when baby A seemed to be happily sleeping while I'm feeding baby B. I usually have them both in bouncy seats by my feet so when one fusses I can just rock them with my feet if I have the other one in my arms. The best time with twins is when one starts screaming and the other is sleeping and wakes up...then they start to feed off of each other and scream in tandem. That scenario is esp fun at 2am!!! LOL!

I also have a 2.5 year old so I also have a nanny but we switch off where one of us is with the babies and the other is with my toddler so one of us is almost always alone with the babies. It takes practice and patience but i keep reminding myself...this too shall pass! GOOD LUCK! YOU CAN DO IT!

 

My best advice is to try to get out of the house at least once a day - even if it is for a 10 min walk with the stroller or to Target for one thing - it doesn't matter, just getting out always helped my frame of mind when the kiddos were tiny.

 

When our boys were that age I usually fed them simultaneously, especially if they were both fussing to be fed (which was often). Up until just a few weeks ago we kept 2 contoured memory foam pillows on the couch, which allowed me to sit in between them and have a baby on both sides of me, making it very easy to tandem feed (the dip in the pillow helped keep them in place). Most people prefer boppy pillows, but our boys always slid around those at that age and tilted too much, which wasn't a problem with the contoured pillows. Anyway, when not feeding them it was also nice to have them within arms reach to entertain and try and soothe by holding pacis in place. We also always keep a basket of burp clothes and a basket of pacis/toys/books within arms reach on the coffee table. You'll notice a reoccurring theme: arms reach, LOL. There were many days where I only got off the couch to go grab a bottle from the fridge or go to the bathroom!

Speaking of bottles, we always made up bottles in the evening or at night (when both of us were here) so that I wouldn't have to fool with preparing bottles by myself when babies were crying. That way I could just snatch 2 bottles out of the fridge, quickly heat them up, and feed (though we discovered about a month ago that our boys tolerate cold formula straight from the fridge just fine!).

Another thing that was very helpful to us was keeping a pack n play (with bassinet insert) right beside the couch which we attached a mobile to, and that was was/is great for occupying one or both babies for 10-20 minutes while I wash bottles or clean.

Lastly, we have infant seats everywhere. 2 infant-to-toddler rockers in the living room (at the age of 2 months we reclined them back though and they slept in them) and we have a bouncy seat. Now the bouncy seat seems to permanently reside in our bathroom so that when we are tending to a fussy baby we don't have to hold them while we take care of bidness, LOL.

Just know that things will be very tough at first, but you and your husband will soon become pros at handling twin babies solo! It will often times be hard as hell, but you will soon come up with new ideas that you never would have thought of had you not been under pressure from two crying babies Best of luck!

 

So much good advice here already!

I've been home alone with my twin girls for a little over 6 weeks now (after my MIL left to go back home). One week of that also included my 5 year old when he was off of school. Crazy times! These are my hints:

1. Even if you don't have a "schedule" - try to keep them doing the same thing at the same time. Meaning, when one eats, feed the other. Otherwise you'll always be running. If you can get them to eat at the same time, chances are you'll get at least one time during the day when they will both be sleeping which will help you either do chores or get a break for yourself!

2. Although I really hate to lose the individual snuggle time, when they're both screaming to eat, I feed them tandem with them both in the bouncies, or boppies. Now, I might get flamed a bit for this, but sometimes you also have to just get over it and prop a bottle for one to eat so you can tend to an emergent need with the other. As long as you're within eyesight, sometimes you just gotta do it.

3. Ditto on pre-preparing all of the bottles. It saves SO much time and stress. We've also just sucked it up and started buying ready-to-feed formula because I always felt like I was mixing something or running out of something (especially since our girls are on two different formulas). When things settle down, maybe we'll switch back to powder, but honestly, this is another one that just goes in the category of "whatever you have to do to survive".

4. Yes - try to get out! It might be scary at first - taking both kids to Target or the grocery store - but you'll figure out how to do it and it really helps. Especially on those days when they're going in two different directions. I've found that getting out kind of "resets" their clocks and gets them back on the same schedule since it will both tire them out and make them hungry. Plus, it gets you some fresh air, and you'll probably get a lot of attention from strangers telling you how cute they are and all that, which can be a nice pick-me-up when you're running on empty.

5. Remember that it WILL get easier... I'm still waiting on that with these guys :ibiggrin: , but I remember it with my son. It seemed like it would be chaos forever, but it does get better. Or at least becomes a more managable form of chaos.

You can do it!!!!!!!!!

 

He will survive!! My husband stayed home with our twins and our 2 year old for a while (they are now 10 months old) until I lost my job in October. Now I get to do it, but he got a job working from home, so he can save me when things get too crazy. My advice to your hubby is to find humor in the insanity of it all. And when you get home in the evening, take over for an hour or two and FORCE him to get out of the house or go to your room or his office and do whatever he wants. It gets easier as they get older and start playing in the floor, sitting in exersaucers and walkers. And yes, do as much preparation for him the night before if possible.

 

I don't know that I have any better advice then the great advice you've gotten so far...
1. Patience and a lot more patience. Some days went great and others I sat there and thought to myself, "What did I do???"
2. Try for some type of routine and schedule. That was a sanity saver for me.
3. I totally agree with telling her hubby to get out a little bit each day (or a couple times a week) with the babies
4. Keep the lines of communication open, when he needs to vent (and vice versa) listen with patience, non-judgement and love
5. Give him a little break each day when you can, after work

There will be crying but he will manage it, that was my worst fear too, two babies crying at the same time. I learned how to triage, who seemed like they needed me more and most of the time I got it right and the other baby was usually pretty patient for their turn.

Congratulations on your babies and welcome to TS!

 

My twins are almost 7 months now but I went back to work at 8 weeks and my hubby has been home with them. He quit his job when they were born because it wasn't worth the hassle and the expense to put them in daycare. We did everything together for the babies for the first 8 weeks (except for feeding because I was nursing) and it was a little bit of a rude awakening when I went back, but he got good at it fast. They were colicky and so the first 4 weeks or so were very stressful and I just kept reminding him to put them in the crib and walk away if the crying got to be too much. He used the sling, the baby bjorn carriers, the swing, etc to keep one baby happy while attending to the other. About 3 months we were able to get them on nap schedule and they really got synchronized with their naps by the time they were about 4 months old. So, the extra crying will really only be for the first month or two and then they will be a lot easier to keep happy. Before the weather got cold he would take them out for a walk every day but now they don't leave the house much because it is so cold and such a pain to get them all bundled up.

I definitely encourage your hubby to get on this forum so that he can ask questions and look for support if needed. If he wants to talk to another SAHD he can PM my husband. His name on here is perfekticon.

Once he gets used to it your hubby will likely love his role in the babies lives. I find myself getting jealous because my husband loves being with the babies and I am stuck going to work everyday and only seeing them to nurse in the AM and bathe, nurse and put to bed in the evening. My hubby is always posting cute pics and videos of the babies on Facebook and truly has a blast with them.

 

I don't have much advice, but I can sympathize with your situation. My little ones will be 4 weeks old tomorrow, and my DH goes back to work next week. I'm not completely scared about caring for them alone all day -- I do have a DD7 who is in school all day and that will make it easier. And my mom lives 2 miles away and will help a lot.

However, getting DD to school is my big concern when DH returns to work -- the bus comes at 8 a.m. and lately the twins seem to want to eat between 7:30 and 8 a.m. The bus stop is two houses away (which isn't far) but to leave them in a pack-and-play for 5 minutes while we wait for the bus won't seem to work just yet. I'm dying to get the twins on a schedule, but right now my boy twin wants to eat more often than my girl twin so it's been difficult to get them eating at the same time all day, and the schedule always goes off-kilter overnight.

Good luck!!!

 

While DH is deployed, I am alone with the twins most of the time. The hardest thing for me was realizing that sometimes, they are just going to cry. Sometimes you can't please both babies simultaneously. I totally agree with the getting out a little each day. Sometimes we go for walks and if its too cold, we will walk at the mall, go to the store, or stop and visit my friend who is a SAHM too. It's amazing how much better you feel if you get out of the house for a little bit. For the first 3 months, my girls were in their bouncers a lot while I did my online schoolwork. I think its just finding what each individual baby prefers and using that to help with the fussy times. I bounced the fussies right out of them almost daily

 

I'm really not qualified to say, since neither DH nor I were really home alone with the twins all that often (they started daycare very young) -- but I thought I'd mention FWIW that he was much better at it than I was! I was an emotional wreck -- partly from the pregnancy and still feeling like cr@p, and partly because it's just my nature -- but he was able to take one hour at a time much better. Hopefully your DH will be a trooper too!

Also, ditto on leaving the house. In fact that was how I spent the majority of my time when I was alone with them -- pushing the stroller. They usually fell asleep and my brain, at least, could get a little downtime. My body sometimes felt like it was on a forced march, but I did lose the baby weight! (Does your hubby have any baby weight he needs to lose? :laughing: )

 

The early days are such a blur to me and mine are only 7 months old. I actually found that once I was home alone with them it wasn't as bad as I had imagined or feared. I didn't get much done other than caring for them, but that was the important thing. My husband was understanding and he helped with housework when we were both home. Sometimes things just waited till the weekend. Now that they are a little older, it has gotten much easier. I think I might be in some sort of "eye of the storm". I'm concerned that when they start walking its going to be a whole nother ballgame. I should admit to you that I didn't stay home very long with mine and was back to work full time by 8 weeks, but I still take off days and am home alone with them here and there.

Edited because I forgot how old my babies are, 7 months not 6 months, man time flies when your having fun.

 

I don't think it was as hard as I thought it was going to be. My husband is a firefighter so I am home for 24hrs a lone. It was really hard in the beginning because the girls did not sleep!! I counted down the hours until he came home but it get easier everyday. My girls are 5 and a half months now.

1. Try to have easy meals snacks or leftovers so he doesn't have to cook while he's alone

2. Get the house organized before you go back to work so he knows exactly where everything is

3. In the beginning I didn't take the girls out of the room when I was home alone it was just easier to have everything right there diapers, wipes extra outfits. Extra paci in case one falls on the floor
the labtop so he can access TS ^_^

4. Give him a break when you come home Make it your priority!! Before you do anything else

5. A swing it saved my life

Like I tell many people... IN OUR HOUSE....sometimes someone just has to cry....Sometimes it's me!!