what do other moms do in this situation?

My girls are really giving me a run for my money this week. Just generally being rotten all across the board. I've read that most toddlers do the picky eating thing, but here is what mine have started doing:

I give them an option for breakfast. Like this morning it was pop tart or cereal. First they wanted a pop tart, then cereal so they had about 1 bite of each and I wasted a bunch of food. Ever since breakfast all they have wanted or been willing to eat is pop tarts. I made them a lunch but they pushed it away asking for pop tarts. I said no but they just kept on. They still haven't eaten.

They're on the small side so I don't want them to not eat for an entire day but they can't live off pop tarts and this is just today's example. Another day it might be goldfish or cookies or whatever it is they've decided they want that day. And I've tried saying "if you eat some of your lunch then you can have ______" and that does not work.

If you were me would you let them have whatever food they are demanding all day or just let them go the whole day without really eating?

 

Honestly, at 2+ they are not going to starve. I guess I am a mean Mom because I save food that is not eaten and re-serve at the next meal. If they choose cereal for breakfast, that is what they get. If they change their mind mid-way, I would just say they can have whatever they are asking for the following day.

 

You are describing to a tee what I went through with my DD. I tried everything I could think of including just letting her eat whatever because I couldn't bear the thought of her not eating. This was the Pedi's advice to me which really made sense:

- Don't ever bargain with them to eat. According to my Pedi it just shows the child that if they push hard enough, keep stubborn enough that eventually they'll get what they want because we're willing to bargain. I threw that out the window with my DD and she quickly knew it was what I was presenting or nothing.
- Their little bodies know when they are hungry. So offer them a couple of choices and if they turn down both then that's their choice. If they're hungry they'll eat. Later when they say they are hungry offer them the same breakfast (as an example) choices that you offered earlier. Soon enough they get that you won't back down and it's that or be hungry.
- I always worried that her diet wasn't balanced because I would cook meals that I knew she would eat. That meant she was eating pasta for a week straight! :blush: Pedi basically said that what is really important is that they eat a balnced diet over a week's time. So if some days all that was being eaten was pasta but on others I was able to sneak in veggies, fruit etc that she was perfectly fine.

I remember thinking that some of that sounded kind of harsh. How could I refuse my baby food? Plus my DD was so stubborn she wouldn't eat even thought I KNEW she was hungry. But with a little persistence and A LOT of patience she has come around to knowing that what is put in front of her for meals is what there is to eat. I also try to keep in mind that there are certain things she just won't do. Veggies was a big one for us so while I still put them on her plate I also sneak them into her meal. After a few months she has actually come to love broccoli!

Good luck!

 

Same here. I dont cater to what they want. They get what I serve them (within reason) and that is that.

 

This is my goal too, but I find myself sometimes talking WAY too much about how they chose this and therefore they can't have blah blah blah. If I learned one thing from 1-2-3 Magic its to stop talking. I now try not to explain WHY they are only getting that. This also makes me less likely to get caught up in the power struggle of it all when I remind myself to shut up. GL Aimee.

 

I had this problem a lot with my first son. What I finally started doing was keeping his lunch that he didn't eat and leaving it for him the next time he was hungry. I stopped giving him his snacks until he ate what I made for him. It was about a week of fighting with him and him going on hunger stricks but then he decided to eat his food again and life went back to normal. Hang in there, once they know that you wont give in they will eventually stop trying plus they do eventually get hungry.

 

I'm gonna go to the library Friday and I'm getting 1-2-3 Magic and I'm going to toughen up tonight and give them dinner and if they don't eat it then it's too bad.

I probably talk to them way too much. Even the ladies at the playroom have commented about how I talk to them so much. It's probably b/c I'm here with them all day.

 

See if they have a book called Child of MIne: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter. A great read and very liberating says a Mom who is no longer a short order cook on most days.

 

I would not give them what they demanded all day. If they said first they wanted cereal for breakfast, took a bite then changed their mind, then breakfast is over unless they want to eat the cereal. Same for any other meal, although my DD's get what I make for dinner, there is no option there.

They won't starve. If they are hungry, they will eat.

 

ugh, we're going through this right know as well. They won't eat anything and all the usual tricks like bribery are not working. What's worse is one is saying "yuck" to everything and the other will just take a bite and then spit it out. It's driving me crazy!! :gah:

Sorry I have no advice to offer, just sympathy! :hug:

 

Ditto this.

My girls are slender, one more than the other (at 4 they are 35 & 31 lbs)-- but both the PEDI and the GI doctor said to offer healthy foods, a variety of foods, and give it to them on a regular schedule (3 meals, 2 snacks). If I make it a non-issue, it will be a non-issue. If I fuss over food, so will they.

I DO add healthy fats & add Carnation instant breakfast to their milk to add calories, but often they eat what I serve (or a choice of 2 options for lunch and breakfast).

Somedays they eat a lot, some days they dont.

 

We don't let them have snacks or 'fun' food until AFTER they eat their meals.. The only exception to this is when we pick them up from daycare - the Director always has a snack out for the kids...

If they WANT something, for us it's Graham Crackers, we just tell them not until they eat all their dinner. You'd be AMAZED how fast that plate gets cleaned up!

We just don't give in. THey'll try to pit us against each other (but daddy said..) but it doesn't work.


If they go hungry, they go hungry. Ours are on the small side as well. At 36 months they are STILL wearing size 18 month clothes, and their little brother who is 18 months is already wearing size 2T! Generally though,right before bed they will decide to eat their dinner. And if they ask for their snack and they HAVEN'T finished their dinner - the plate stays out until after they go to bed anyways, so it's always sitting on the table waiting for them. They know.


Good luck!

 

My quick answer is "please no", dont feed them whatever they want all day, before you know it all they will do is demand those types of food. I second what the PP said, they will not starve. But, it will take a bit of time for them to get used to the fact that what you have made is what they can eat for that meal. I know I may also sound a little mean, but my guess is that if you left it up to a 2yr old they would not necessarily choose to eat any of the foods that are good for their growth and develoment (of course there are some exceptions). You are the boss in the house and you know what is best for your children. But I would suggest not to get into power struggles, this is what is for lunch (and do try and make at least something they might eat), and they can choose not to eat. Or if they eat some of the stuff they dont like, then give them more of what they do like. It will probably take a little while (days or weeks), but they will come around to eating some of the foods you want them to. I say persistence, patience and consistency is the key to trying to help them overcome this.

My rule is always that if they dont try a few bites of veggies then there is no dessert (cookie), no exceptions to this rule, And yes this has resulted in one getting a cookie and the other one crying because they didn't get it. But, that is ok in my books.

Good luck - I went thro a stage with DS lately where he wouldn't eat any veggies - he would put them in his mouth and spit them right back out. I nearly lost it. But, with some patience and perseverance he is now eating some veggies again! Who know though, that may change next month!!!

 

I had a struggle with my one son over food, well, actually, a couple of times. Part of my problem was that my other son is an amazing eater, so I'd compare (I know, NO NO). What we did when Conner would go into his "I'm not eating streaks" was:

1. Never allowed him to 'pick' what food he wanted. It then became a power struggle. He got what we served & that was that. He quickly learned that he couldn't try to barter with us for something he wanted.

2. Never allowed him to dilly dally. If he was just playing around & the rest of us were finishing, he was given a warning to hurry up. If he continued to play around, the food was taken away. He quickly learned that he wasn't getting attention from dawdling & wasn't getting to eat either!

3. Stopped giving him negative attention. Stopped begging him to eat. Stopped TELLING him to eat. Stopped bribing him with a treat later, or even a special *thing* later (like going to the park). Stopped penalizing him for not eating. Stuff like that. If he didn't eat, he didn't eat. He did have to see Aiden get praised for good eating, but we just acted nonchalant with his poor eating & he eventually realized his behavior wasn't giving him the attention he was seeking.

After a few short days, my little chow hound was back. He's pulled his stunts a few times every few months, but we stick to our guns & they're short lived. I cannot tell you how many times he went to bed without dinner. I HATED it as a parent, but our Ped assured us he wouldn't starve. Guiltily, I'd mix his morning milk sippy with half Nutripals (vanilla flavored), just to get some calories in him. We never coined the Nutripals a "treat", so he never associated it to his negative behavior of not eating at meals. We also never serve snacks. The only time my kids get snacks is at daycare & that's only in the afternoon. We found that they ate less at meals & began becoming a bit too obsessed with 'snack time'. On occasion, they'll get a little snack, but it's never a daily occurence. Eliminating snacks definitely improved our meal time consumption, although I know others disagree with that.

Good luck, I know how horribly frustrating it is when your children don't eat. Don't let them SEE you get frustrated! They're probably basking in the glory of getting Mommy all upset ....