Please tell me this is a phase that ends soon

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by AimeeThomp, Jan 4, 2010.

  1. AimeeThomp

    AimeeThomp Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Everything I tell them they respond with no. EVERYTHING! It's really driving me crazy and making things hard.
    Me: Time for breakfast!
    Girls: NO!

    Me: Time to get dressed!
    Girls: NO!

    Me: Who wants to use the potty?
    Girls: NOT ME!
    Me: Okay, then you need to put a diaper on.
    Girls: NO!

    Me: Time to get in the car!
    Girls: NO!

    It doesn't matter what I say, they say no and put up a fight. I'm so tired of them already and it's only 8 am. Breakfast was a struggle (they didn't really eat) and then Lily used the potty once but had a tantrum when it was time for her to finish washing her hands and then both threw fits while I got them dressed. They're so demanding too. While they eat they have constant demands of things they need. (fork, spoon, water, milk, something different to eat) and if I say no then they have a tantrum and won't eat any more. I know some of the things I am suggesting are things they would like but are maybe just saying no for the sake of saying no. Please tell me they grow out of this by 2.5 yrs old.
     
  2. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    :hush: :pardon:

    Well mine are 3 and they still do this on occasion. Honestly, I dont ask most of the time. It's:

    HERE is your breakfast. Now it is up to them if they want to eat it.

    I get their clothes out and sit on the floor. If they try to run from me, they go right to time out.

    Sometimes, I just take them potty if they havent been in awhile. Sometimes I ask.

    I use snacks as a bribe alot in the car. We dont usually have issues getting into the car, but if we do somedays I seriously lay down the law and get them in there (no debate) or sometimes if it can be snack time I will tell them I will give them a snack once they get in their car seats and buckled in. That takes some off the pain out of loading 3 kids into their carseats when they just want to stay home.

    Hang in there Aimee.
     
  3. AimeeThomp

    AimeeThomp Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I hope you're joking.
     
  4. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    Who me? :laughing:
     
  5. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    :hug: Aimee. I agree with Rachel... I rarely ask anymore. And if they put up a fight I give them a choice "You either get dressed or go to time out." Sometimes they choose time out and it makes the whole process longer, but what are you going to do, right? Its rough being 2 and thinking you know better than those big people who make you do things.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. debid

    debid Well-Known Member

    Give them a choice between two things. Yes or no questions are going to be "no" for a while yet (even when it's obvious that they want to do something!) So, it's not "time to put your clothes on", it's "do you want to put on your shirt or pants first?" This sort of empowerment tactic worked WONDERS for me. They get to feel like they're in charge of something while still getting the job done.
     
  7. ldrane

    ldrane Well-Known Member

    I remember going through this horribly several months ago. I was at my wits end! I think I ran out and purchased every parenting book I could find. :blush: I do remember one book saying that around 2.5 things get better because they are able to communicate better. Over the last several months, DH and I have constantly reminded ourselves of that and held out hope. I can honestly say that it has gotten better. Don't get me wrong, we still deal with tantrums and have rough days every now and then, but it is not everyday and they don't fight me on every single task. There for awhile, it was literally every single thing you asked of them or wanted them to do, etc...they would fight me on it. It was :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: .

    Also, I don't really give them a choice (anymore) as to "Do you want to do this?" For example, "It's time to go inside..you can walk in or mommy will carry you." -or- "Brush your teeth...either you do it or mommy will."
     
  8. brandycaviness

    brandycaviness Well-Known Member

    :hug: Aimee! It does get better, but it never goes away. Mine still do this, but not about everything. :pardon: I think choices are good for some, but not for Lauren. If I give her a choice it is hours before she can make a decision. Another stalling technique for her. For some things I do give them a warning that it is coming up. Like, "after xxx then breakfast" or "when I come back we have to do xxx" It helps some.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. JessiePlus2

    JessiePlus2 Well-Known Member

    My DD started this "NO!" business a few months ago, along with the "MINE!" business. :headbang: For her, giving her a choice works wonders. She never wants to wear clothes and will strip herself naked if I dare put any one her. However, when I bring out two pairs of undies and ask her which one she wants to wear, she picks one and lets me help her put them on. Same for shirts and pants.

    With food, I haven't really found anything that works yet. She doesn't really say "NO!" so much as she just doesn't eat. When I offer a choice and she makes one regarding food, half the time she still doesn't eat what she chose. And I'm learning, slowly, to accept that sometimes neither twin will eat much. It was really driving me crazy for awhile, but now I am just trying to go with the flow. If they don't eat breakfast, I'll offer them a snack mid-morning if they seem cranky and hungry. I can't control how much they eat, but I can control whether their non-eating bothers me. I'm working on choosing not to be bothered by it.
     
  10. Kyrstyn

    Kyrstyn Well-Known Member

    It is a super Annoying and Frustrating phase!! I have found if I turn things around a bit, and make it fun, I get much better results. For example, rather than saying "who wants to get dressed?". I say "Who can be the 1st one over to Mommy to get Dressed." and they both come running, because now it is a race. Or I will say "Let me see you Gallop (run, jump, whatever) to me!", because my girls love to show off, this one works well! If I just ask them to come, they aren't super interested in it and most of the time will ignore me or tell me no.

    Over the last month I have really started praising their good behavior, and it has made a huge difference all around. (Thank you for being a great listener, Thank you for your wonderful manners, Thank You for sharing so nicely etc...) I make a big deal when they are doing things right, and they love it. So when they are ignoring me, or digging in their heels, I ask them "Who can be my Good Listener and do X,Y or Z". They jump on the opportunity because they know I make a big Positive deal out of it.

    I hope that makes sense, I haven't had my caffeine yet this morning! :crazy:
     
  11. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    Oh I do this too Kyrstyn! And it works SO well with my girls. I praise them while they are doing something good and then I praise them after they've done it. Aimee you should try that too and you might be surprised at how well your girls will respond. One of my DDs is especially into "helping" me lately so if I reframe what I want her to do into how she is helping me she jumps on board more easily.
     
  12. AimeeThomp

    AimeeThomp Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    LOL well they'll have to actually do something good for me to be able to praise it. We'll see how long until that happens. (kidding...sort of)
     
  13. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Makes perfect sense. DH and I do the same with the kids, we really try to praise their good behavior and their cooperation. Even if it sounds silly, "Thank you for sitting still while Mommy gets you dressed" or "Thank you for letting me change your diaper without a fuss." Not thankful to change a diaper but thankful they can make it easier by just chilling out.
     
  14. Kyrstyn

    Kyrstyn Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could even praise the littlest things at first, even if it seems petty. I think you will be surprised how far positive praise can go. They like knowing that they are doing the right thing and making you happy. I know with us, between using 1-2-3 Magic (and not giving a lot of attention to bad behavior), and really praising their good behavior, things have become so much more manageable and enjoyable around here. More than anything 2 year old's crave attention and getting a reaction out of you. If they get attention for doing the right things, they will be more inclined to do it.
     
    1 person likes this.
  15. tinalb

    tinalb Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I'm another one who avoids yes or no questions. Do you want cereal or toast for breakfast? Do you want the pink pajamas or the green ones? Hang in there, they do eventually outgrow it (until they are teenagers, then it all comes back around again :blbl: ). :hug:
     
  16. twinboys07

    twinboys07 Well-Known Member

    We went through the phase, and it's still there but not nearly as bad. So, there's some hope for you. A lot of it has been a result of me changing my techniques (much like pp's suggested)... some of it has been that there are more fun things to do than argue with me lately. Hang in there... this miserable phase will pass, too! :hug:
     
  17. asahlin

    asahlin Well-Known Member

    i stopped reacting to it. I noticed the more miffed or visibly upset I got, the more they egged on the "no" so I quit getting upset. I just said ok, and I did it anyway. Like, do you want to go to bed, NO!!! Too bad, and I would pick them up and place them in their beds. First couple times I felt like bad mommy, but after a while, the guilt goes away and you can have a silent victory dance in your head. haha
     
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