Freaking Out Just a little!

I am about 25 weeks with di/di girls and am really starting to freak out.

Not all the time, but now that it seems to be getting closer and more real, I am having doubts as to whether I'll be able to cope among other things.

I worry about the actual birth and the leadup to it for both mine and the babies health.

We have to pay off 3 new car seats, get a new pram, etc.

We already have 2 children, one of whom is a handful.

I also worry about my husband and my relationship and the extra stress. We have been married for 7 years and have a good marraige but I can only imagine the extra stress that is about to come.

But apart from all that, when I allow myself to think too much, I panic a little bit about my ability to handle 2 babies at once.
As much as what people may say to ask for help etc etc, they can't be there at 2 o'clock in the morning when you have 2 hungry, screaming babies and you haven't had any sleep for days!

Sorry to seem like a downer, but I'm hoping that thosewho have been there before have advice and/or similar fears and experiences. Only those who've had or are having twins can understand!

PS. I am absolutely happy about having 2 little babies. It seems special and a privlige, but it can be overwhelming!

 

I totally understand where you're coming from. When we found out @ 10 weeks that we were expecting twins, I was horrified! DH was ecstatic but I kept thinking "How?? Just how am I going to handle this??". We also have a toddler that is more than a handful, he's a little cyclone!! The only time he is quiet is when he's asleep! My husband works on an oil rig away from home two weeks at a time. My family lives in Nigeria and my mother-in-law is a manipulating control freak who is only happy when everything is done her way. The babies are due any day now and even though I am excited and anxious to meet them, the fear of "How?" has never faded away.
My plan is to ignore the phantom drill sergeant in my head who keeps screaming "THE ENEMY IS COMING!!!" and to take things as they come. My husband will help when he's here, I've got a friend who's willing to bring me home cooked meals sometimes and if I am truly desperate ( and I mean truly truly desperate!), dear old MIL will have to do.

 

:hug: Momma! I think it is perfectly normal to have anxiety about what is to come, especially when it comes to taking care of two babies!! I know it probably sounds cliche, but somehow you just manage and you muscle through it. Try to remain as calm as possible, I know its hard! Good Luck to you and your babies! :hug:

 

Trust me, you are not alone! I am just over 20 weeks and am completely freaked out at times. My husband is a farmer and owns a farm-related business that keeps him busy from April until Dec. Of course the twins are due right at the beginning of planting season (which is what we were trying to avoid but obviously failed at). I know he wants to be home to help as much as possible but yet I know he has to get his work done as well. Both of our moms live close by and I of course prefer my mom over his but since I have one boy and the twins are boys, I am trying to be more accepting of his mom's help since I will one day walk in her shoes. I am taking notes on what not to do as a MIL but also trying to see things from her point of view. I just wish I could sit down and explain all of this to her, but that would surely offend her. Has your husband discussed any of your concerns with his mother? I worry that with all the lack of sleep and extra stress that I will snap one day and tell her how it is!!
I also have many offers of help, which is something I am not good at accepting, but know that at some point, I won't be able to do it all. Maybe have your MIL come for a day so you can get out of the house and she'll be too busy to do anything else but take care of the kids.
As for the birth concerns, discuss as much of those with your doctor before hand as possible. I am a labor and delivery nurse and the best advice I can give you is go in with an open mind and trust the nurses and doctors as they are truely there to give you and your babies the best start to life as possible.
Good luck to you, I too feel blessed to be having twins but don't beat yourself up for freaking out a little along the way!

 

I too am in the fully freaking out stage. I have a good friend with twins who gives me words of advice and wisdom when I need it, but I still feel woefully unprepared to have twins. Our toddler is 2.5, and thankfully a very good kid.

All normal, so I'm told.

 

I, too, am freaking out. We're 18 weeks with (what they *think*) are b/g twins. I have a 2 1/2 year old who, though has his lovely moments, is, for the most part a holy terror. We love him very much and love his spirit, but with two new babies it's going to be so hard.

Hang in there Momma! From what I hear, we can all make it through.

 

HUGS HUGS HUGS!!! Our duo is now 4mths old, added to the 7, 5 and 4yr olds we already had. Surprise pregnancy to start, then double surprise its twins - all while our house still wasn't finished being built (we lived in two campers on the property with the 5 kids for 2 weeks after the duo arrived).

You will have your moments - of stress, arguments, chaos and panic - but just remember through it all that you and your husband are TOGETHER. When the argument is over make the effort to MAKE UP! even if its a two minute hug with the other kids clinging to your legs.

And yes - get help as much as you can during the day - that makes the 2am crying jags easier to deal with.

I do have to honestly say that our duo are actually our EASIEST babes yet. Our oldest was INSANELY colicky, our 2nd had nasty reflux, our 3rd was what we thought the dream child - til THESE two came along. So it may not be as bad as your mind makes it to be. We tend to build things up and make them worse than they could be. I hope the same thing happens to you!

HUGS HUGS HUGS

 

I'm so there with you! I'm 23 weeks and have been on modified rest or bedrest since 8.5 weeks pregnant...which means we lost my paycheck waaaaaaaaaay too early in this pregnancy! I have a 3 year old who just recently decided to become a huge challenge (I'm sure the stress is getting to him too), and I KNOW it will get worse when the twins come. I also don't have any family in the area to help with bedrest or the twins, though my mom and my sis will be staying some when they come.

I can't give you a lot of advice, but once thing I wanted to mention was to watch out for depression, as it is common in pregnancy...especially with high-risk mothers. If you're feeling very overwhelmed, sad or hopeless/helpless all the time...it may be worth touching base with oyour OB.

Take care!

 

I'm only 18 weeks -but I'm stressing. I have it opposite of so many - I'm the working parent my DH stays home. He has trouble with organization with our almost 4 year old although he tries and here we are going to have 2 more.

I really think it comes down to organization and letting things go that you can't worry about. Just like any newborn - you may have to let the house go a little bit, sleep whenever you can... all those good things.

We will get through this.. other mom's have!

 

I just wanted to send you a hug and tell you to relax. The first year was hard, but now that I look back at the pictures of my girls it is all a blur and it went by so fast. It will put stress on your marriage, but once they start sleeping through the night it gets better and you get into your routine. Just enjoy every moment as it comes it will all work out.

 

i'm not going to lie, having 2 other kids PLUS twins is going to be extremely stressful on you and on your marriage. it's very important to communicate to your SO what you need from him to make your life a little easier. for the middle of the night feeds (if possible) try and do it in shifts or get up together to make it a little quicker. another option is to feed together using two boppy pillow, prop each baby up in one either on your sides or right in front of you and feed together ...you can also do this in their boppy seat or car seat.

the twins are the only children for us and i do everything, for the most part - DH works 80+ hours a week, alone so i know how hard it is managing two babies by yourself, especially during the first 2 months.

if at all possible try and get friends and family members to come by and at least drop of meals for a couple of weeks so that's one less thing to worry about. if they can stay longer during the day to help out it might give you some time to sleep. get as much of it as you can. newborns sleep a lot so after the feeds go to sleep with them and don't forget to eat! i did and wound up in the ER for dehydration, it sucked.

i didn't start to panic about the twins until the nurses in the mother baby unit started to bring them in to my room for feedings...that's when i realized everything was going to be different.

it will work out and in a few months you'll really start to get the hang of it...hang in there honey, you can do this!

 

I agree - YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I was so nervous about having twins the first time and was really stressed about it. I mean, how in the world were we going to ever have a life again with 3 kids under 18 months? But honestly - the minute I saw them after they were born, it became totally normal to have twins. Maybe we were just spoiled, but they didn't seem much more demanding than our DS - and in a lot of ways were easier than he was. We were changing one diaper anyway, so to change another was not a big deal. I nursed tandem, so they fed together. They slept together and played together. It wasn't a bigger stress on our marriage than having one child - and in a lot of ways our marriage was way more stressed after having DS than after having the girls simply because we had already gotten a routine down.

And honestly, I loved having twins so much that I was half hoping for another set this time around. I didn't think it would happen, but lo and behold, there were 2 little heartbeats on our 7 week u/s. And I was already in love with them this time. With the girls I really didn't look forward to them until they were born (if that makes sense).

All works out the way it's supposed to. You will be able to handle this and in a few years you'll look back and be in awe of all you accomplished.

Oh - and as far as having a life after babies... It really didn't slow us down any. We travel a LOT and just took the babies with us. At 6 months the girls came with us and DS for a 2 weeks vacation to Hawaii and were wonderful. DS wasn't quite 2 and he was the one that was more difficult. :lol: The first year we took them camping, went to visit relatives, took trips to amusement parks... In other words we just lived life. The babies just fit smoothly into it. And you'll see - yours will too!! :hug:

 

I just wanted to comment on the marriage part....for me and my DH having the girls helped us to work together better than we ever had. I honestly applaud single parents that have twins because I don't know how in the world I would have managed without DH. He and I found a new kind of committment when the girls came. We worked together, got along better, and had a new focus which was trying to manage these two beautiful baby girls. So, even though it is stressful and hard, sometimes things like this could bring you and your DH closer together...it did for my DH and I anyway.

 

I can totally relate to your panic. All I can say is that I tried not to think about it too much, and now I am excited about the good parts of having twins. Whenever I have negative thoughts, I just try to avoid them. I mean, there is only so much planning you can do - everything else is accepting reality and you can choose to either freak out about what life has dealt you, or relish it. Believe me, I was totally depressed during my first trimester, and I still have moments of utter panic, but my attitude has really changed and I really am very excited about these wonderful babies Hugs to you - you'll get through this one step at a time.

 

Thank you for posting this, and for everyone's responses. I too have been freaking out. At times it seems like a miracle (I know it is!) and great, and then others I just want to cry from the panic. Logistical things, like where are they going to fit inside me as they get bigger, to how do we afford two babies in daycare! I am terrified. I see my friends with single babies and am jealous at how easy it seems. I won't be able to just put a baby in the sling and go on with life.

I just keep trying to breathe, and remembering that god gave me this because he thinks its best for us. I'm not religious, but I do believe that things happen for a reason, so apparently these two babies were meant for me.

I am grateful for these boards to to see the many women (and the dads too!) have come through to the other side, with plenty of sanity in tact.

 

You know, this is soooo true for us too! Having the duo made us realize we HAD to work together. we've always had a strong marriage, but with the rest of LIFE happening, we needed to make SURE we STAYED strong - and yes, the Duo has actually helped in that!!

 

OMG my thought exactly!
I too am not particularly religious (Not since I was about 13 anyway) but I do believe that everything happens for a reason and we are not given more than what we can handle. This is what I try to tell myself anyway!?

I also relate to the part about being jealous of friends with single pregnancies and the 'troubles' they have during and after!? Of course I then feel imediately guilty and tell myself that I AM lucky this has happened.

I will be having a c/section anyway and am hoping to breastfeed but am having moments of panic over how it will work. I fed my 4yr dd for nearly 2 years but the first 3 months were horrible and a struggle. Times that by 2 now? Then I worry about if the babies come early and the variuos complications that may arise from this and how that affects feeding etc etc etc etc etc!!!!!!

Deep Breath, deep breath, deep breath!

Mostly though I try not to think too much about the áfter' except in my little moments of panic. I figure I will just use trial and error and hope to stay sane.