Need some advice on a behavior issue

My twins turned 4 in Sept. and we seem to be having a behavior issue going on with our DS. He's always been a bit more emotionally sensitive and things affect him easier. He seems impulsive to me and there's one area in particular that we're having a big issue with right now. Whenever he gets upset about something (being told no is the biggest thing), he resorts to threatening to hit us, kick us, punch, bite, etc. When he gets really upset he will do these things. He is taken back to his room everytime he does it and usually he's doing these things to us as we pick him up and take him back to his room. He is not having this problem at preschool, which is goes to 3 days a week (full days). He does it mostly with us (parents and sibling at tims) and occasionally with the Grandparents. He's a very sweet kid at other times, but just seems to have no control over his emotions or how to show his emotions. I've tried teaching him he can say things "That makes me mad" or going to his room and punching his pillow or screaming in there, but he hasn't caught onto that. Today I woke up to Abby coming into my room crying b/c Gabe "punched her in the tummy". He can have other meltdowns as well that don't involve violence. Some big ones are when we need to go somewhere he doesn't want to go (he is quite the homebody and has no patience for doing things that are not fun). I guess all in all he's a pretty good kid and can be quite loving, but when he gets mad watch out! And everytime I ask the school about this behavior, they see nothing of it. He's been going there for over 2 yrs. and recently went through a thing where he had meltdowns every morning before school. One was horrific and lasted over and hour. I was kicked and bitten as I took him out to the car. I had to take him to school in his PJ's and nighttime pull up and have them get him dressed. He was fine as soon as I was out of sight. We've been working really hard on this and the am meltdowns and going into school/class are pretty much back to normal now which makes the mornings so much easier and pleasant. I also have to note that he's not a great eater. He "hates" vegetables, but will eat some. He doesn't like most meat. He loves frut, yogurt, and all carbs (don't we all!). He does like nuts, so I try to get those in him for some protein. I sometimes wonder if he's got anyting going on with low sugar b/c sometimes he's just scavenging for food and very irritable/easily angered. Thanks for listening. If you have any advice or suggestions we sure could use it. I'm at the point of considering calling a pedi psychologist.

 

I'm hoping that nobody has responded b/c they haven't had these issues. Today was just awful and I was in tears at least 3 times. I'm home 2 days a week with the kids and some days I just wish I was at work and not dealing with them. DH and spoke a bit on his way home from work and we think our next step is to make a consultaton appt. with the kids' pedi and discuss what we're dealing with and get her feedback. We feel pretty confident that we should probably see some kind of professional to help us through this. My brother has ADHD and my Mom says Gabe acts similar in a lot of regards as my Brother did as a child. I also just found out that my biological Grandfather was bi-polar. At times I feel quite out of control as well and can have some manic moments with lot of irritability and inablity to control my own anger and frustration (I'm a yeller ). So I don't think it would hurt to have us talk to someone and see what we can do to help the situation knowing that some if not most of it is going to fall on us in changing some the behaviors in the house.

 

One of my DD is a 'screamer'/hysterical sometimes- she has taken swings at us, but mostly will kick the floor, throw things in the air. She is a very type A personality and has a bit of a temper and will have whopper tantrums. It , too, started to really get bad when she turned 4....she also has had a few instances at school.

We chalk it up to personality (loud, controlling, a bit obsessive, and very dominant) and age. Occasionally I think she is just so cranky she argues to argue and seems to make certain that she gets upset over somthing, anything, she just is emotionally volcanic at times. Normally, she is a very sweet, smart, friendly girl-- but if she gets mad or you 'interrupt' her routine and she does not like it---it is really meltdown city.

So far we remove ourselves from the situation and/or let her fuss until she is calm (ignoring her). For the most part, she is so overwhelmed by her emotions she has a hard time controlling them---often she will apologize later. Some days are horrid ( Monday--4-5 super major tantrums) and others , like today, she is very compliant and happy.

Sleep and food do play into it and a steady routine.

It is odd since DH and I are 'quieter' people and not prone to loud outbursts-- her sister is fairly quiet and reserved as well.

I hope you find some solutions soon! It is so frustrating to watch them get so upset.

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. My best friends son does a lot of the same things you are going through. She has called me in tears so many times because she cannot control his outbursts. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and it has gotten better when he is on his meds. I would talk to the ped and see if you can rule that out and figure out some answers and see if you can find what triggers his meltdowns. Maybe try a food journal for a week and comment on which days he had the outbursts and see if there is a correlation? I hope you find answers, I know as a parent nothing is more frustrating than when you feel out of control of your own children. Sounds like you have tried a ton of things to help him, maybe a doctor would have some more good ideas. :grouphug:

 

Thanks ladies. I really appreciate the responses. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up with an ADHD diagnosis, but from what I read it sounds like the behaviors have to be seen in two different areas (i.e. Home AND school). Today has been pretty good, but yesterday was just awful. I was home yesterday and he was at school today. I asked his teacher again today and she said that she does not see any of these behaviors in him while he's there. I think we're going to be setting up a consultation appt. with his pedi to discuss these issues and then probably make an appt. with a counselor/psych to help us work through some of these issues. We've been trying to do Love and Logic at home, but sometimes it's so hard to respond appropiately in the moment when being kicked and screamed at. Hopefully there are some more of you out there that will chime in with anything you may find helpful b/c it may be some time before we're able to get into an appt. I appreciate the responses so far, thank you! Please tell me it's not THAT uncommon!

 

I think a counsler/psych will help. They will help you differentiate between a 'situational' behavior (only at home), oppositional behaviors, obsessive behaviors, anger management, and ADD/ADHD. I doubt if he is not displaying hyper activity that they will dx ADHD at this time (maybe in the future)- esp if the behaviors are not displayed at school too.

We try to use a mix of love &logic (what they use at school) and Magic 123. I doubt our DD is ADHD at all (no hyperness at all and no attentional difficulites) and she can be impulsive at times (some is the age). She tends to have much more obsessive (MUST finish sometime, MUST do it this way, etc) and although she will have a meltdown sometimes if you interrupt her, often I can 'talk her down'. Have you tried a behavior chart? Is the outcome when he gets physical the same/consistant? Is he able to verbalize what went wrong 'before' he got upset? Have you tried 'play acting' situations? (this works VERY well for our DD).

HAng in there. We got some info from Community Mental Health (sounds awful doesnt it--with they had a better name for it) and that was helpful, but so far have not gotten long term services. She does well at school and likes her teacher---- so inspite of the meltdown/shreeking/footstomping/crying that happens 1-3x a week, they are not too concerned at this point since she is not violent with other kids and does calm down after a bit.

HUGS!

KC