Puckie (pacifier) HELP PLEASE

Hello Friends,

Both of my girls have been using puckies since birth. At around 18 months old we made a house rule that puckies can only be used in the car and up stairs. As soon as the girls would get into the car it was the first thing they looked for and sometimes in the middle of the day they would say "ready to go upstairs, want puckie) so as long as they were up there it was fine.

At the same age (around 18 months old) we started talking about giving our puckies to a baby when they turn two. "Big girls don't use puckies, only babies use puckies so when you are two you are a big girl so we will give all of our puckies to a baby". We taked about this constantly, every day and often. The closer they got to two the more we talked about it. They totally knew what was going to happen, they would say "give puckies baby" whenever we spoke of their birthday.

So they were two on the 24th and the plan was to go to a friends house on the 27th with all of our puckies. (she has 5 month old triplets). The week of their birthday we got books from the library about no puckies and we talked and talked about it. We also had a calander on their door that we looked at everyday. Delilah really didn't say much about it but Aviva would say "Don't want to give puckies baby" or "Mommy help Avi give puckies baby?"

So, it's the 26th and we are talking about it being the last day of puckies, they are two, they are big girls, we will see three babies tomorrow and give them our puckies.

27th, Sunday morning Delilah wakes up with a cold. A yucky, nose running, sneezing, messy, congested cold. Three 5 month old babies! I told my husband that if anyone walked into my house with a 2 year old with a cold when my babies were 5 months old I would have been p'd off!!
(at one point in the morning Delilah said "don't want to go, don't want to go, don't want to go see babies")
So, now what the heck do we do? We have been talking about this for MONTHS!! So, I called my very willing to help us with this process friend and told her it was not happening that day.

Back to the drawing board.
So, we sat the girls down and told them we were not going to see the babies but that we had a NEW rule. NO puckies in the car and ONLY puckies in our beds, Not in your room, not in the guest room watching Dora, not in mommy/daddy's room, ONLY in your bed!
We ended up going to the store Sunday afternoon and they asked for their puckies as soon as we got in the car. We reminded them of the new rule and Delilah said nothing but Aviva asked for it the whole time.
Aviva asked for it while we getting them in their jammies and again I reminded her of the new rule. This morning Aviva wanted to get out of her bed with it and I reminded her again of the new rule.

So...now the plan is to keep this up for the week and try the whole puckies to the babies again this Sunday.
DH and I are N.E.R.V.O.U.S!!
We know that it will be rough for them (especially Aviva) and the nights will be rough. Part of the reason we originally chose this past weekend is because we both have a very light work week ahead of us so if we were going to be walking around like zombies it would have been ok. Next week we are both back full on and we will not be able to function with no sleep.
I don't know what to do.
What the heck is the big deal about them anyway? I don't know any kid that went off to college with a puckie.
Is it aweful to let them have them in their beds?
Do they eventually give them up on their own? DH is thinking about poking a pin through the holes so they "don't work anymore" and see if they then give them up on their own. I think they will just scream "broken, want new one"

OMG, this parenting thing is hard. I feel like I am taking something away from them that they love, that they need. They DO have a snuggly and the snuggly is allowed downstairs and in the car so it's not like they don't have something else to soothe them.

What woud you do? Are they a big deal, am I harming them if I let them keep them in their beds?
Thanks for reading, I know it was long.
Leslie

 

Im sorry I dont have any real advice for you. I just want to say that I think the younger they are, the easier it is to take away. Even though it will be difficult, and there will be crying, it will be okay. I dont know whether they would ever give them up on their own. I dont think my DD would have. I also took hers away at 2yrs. It honestly wasnt as bad as I thought it would have been.

It sounds like maybe one of yours (Aviva) needs/wants hers more than your other daughter. My DS never really used his, so I didnt have to deal with taking them both away at the same time. Maybe it will be easier for one, than the other, so at least you only have to soothe one child when she really wants it. When you went to the store, did she cry or throw a fit about it, or just ask? If they didnt cry much about it, I would try doing away with them completely and see how it goes.

If they dont give them up on their own, and still have them at 3, are you going to be able to take them then? or what about 4? Im just trying to play devils advocate a little, to see what you would do. I honestly think its harder for us than it is for them.

Good luck. I hope you are able to make the best decision for you and your family.

 

Our local radio DJ had the same problem with her little girl and came up with the binky fairy. The binky fairy comes and takes the binkies and leaves a gift. Here is the website for more info. http://nomorebinky.com/home/

 

Trust me, this to shall pass.

We got rid our Nite Nites back in October, the kids were 28 months old. We told them that they would give their NN to a baby as well. The day we went DD asked that we not give to the baby that day. So we didn't...it was such a sincere request I just could bring myself to do it. We waited a few weeks and by this time DS had chewed holes in all of his so he was using sisters. Then on a Monday, I told them at the end of the week we would give the NNs to the baby. Friday came I told them it was time. DH came in with a paper bag, opened it, they put them in and we waited for the terror to begin. They cried for about an hour and went to sleep. The next day nap was rough for DD but I told her that baby Calin has her NN and she settled down. That night DS asked for his NN and DD told him "baby Calin has them". They were fine and into thier new routine sans NNs by Monday of that next week.

I fully intended for the "hand off" to the baby to happen but they didnt' really need to do that part.

You can do this. get rid of all puckies so you won't be tempted to give them one. Be firm but kind with the fact that the puckies won't be coming back...EVER!

My kids don't even talk about them anymore. Kids are very resilient...you'll see.

HTH,
Lindia

 

lose them, and I mean that literally. That's how we did it. Cassie had a habit of losing hers and I finally told her I wasn't getting anymore, so if she lost it she would be with out it. One day she had none left, and she was fine, slept through the night and never asked for it again. Holly was harder, but we tried the same thing and it worked, I would 'hide' it so she would lose it and after a few days she was fine.


I would also do it now and not wait until Sunday, like you said, you have time off this week to do it. Now is the time to do it. Put the puckies in a box and wrap it up. Then put it away, but do it tonight, don't wait until Sunday. They already expected them to be gone, so why prolong it? They will just think that the puckies will not really have to go again.

 

I think you just have to bite the bullet. There will be some rough nights. I waited until my daughter was almost 3 and it really will not get any easier, at least in my experience. If I ever have another baby who takes a paci, the paci is going at the same time the bottle does - at 12 months!! The bottle was simple compared to the paci.

This is what we did.

 

I have to say I don't really get what the big deal is about this either. :unknw: I don't think it's awful to let them have the puckies just for sleeping. Is there really a big difference between them using a puckie until they are 3 or 4 as opposed to 2? As long as there are no other problems being caused by it (teeth/speech trouble, which is very unlikely if they only have them to sleep with) I think it's fine to let them keep them. I can also tell you that Naomi and Luke gave theirs up on their own (but not until they were 3).

One way I've heard of judging if they're ready to give them up is to look at what happens once they're sleeping. Do they drop the puckie out of their mouths and then carry on sleeping without it? Or do they keep it in/wake up and replace it if they drop it? If they're only sucking on it for the first few minutes and then sleeping the rest of the night without it you could probably take it away with mimimal fuss, if they're using it all night long then it would probably be more traumatic to take it away.

I can see why you would want to carry on with taking them away now, given how much preperation you've done. If you decide you will take them away compleately then I agree with the pp who said do it now, don't wait until next Sunday. For one thing you have the time this week and for another delaying could make them think you're not serious about it. Maybe you could tell them you will post the puckies to the babies as they were too sick to visit, but the babies are waiting for them. You could even really post them, and take your girls with you so that they can see/understand they are really gone.

Good Luck with wahtever you decide!

 

I agree with this .. whats the big deal ?? I don't see it as one.
I have 3 grown children .. Jaymee 22, Jill 21 and Jeremy 18, and they all had binkies. I never took them away from them and I am proud to say none of them still have them. Nope. They gave them up all on their own.
The girls were a little over 2yrs old and Jeremy had his until he was 3. None of them had any problems with their teeth .. in fact they all have wonderful teeth.
I DO agree with it being a "bedtime" thing only .. Jeremy had to leave his on top of the television during the day (so he could see it) and the girls kept them in their beds.
No matter what you decide .. you know whats best for your own children and you have to go on your own instincts. You'll do the right thing.
Good luck !

 

I was FREAKED out about taking my girls 'binks' away from them so my DH actually did it when I was out of town!!
He just took them all away & never looked back (the girls were around 1.5). They were upset, especially at nightime and naptime in their cribs, but really after 3 days they forgot about them!! I was SHOCKED :shok:
I think that I was more scared than they were!
They did ask for them quite a bit in the beginning but I would just say that 'binks were for little babies' or something & then change the subject.
I didn't see a big problem with letting them keep their binks, DH was more of the one that wanted them gone.
Do what feels right for you guys :good:

 

Ian never took a binky so that was the easy part...Abby on the other hand was a heavy binky user...all day every day....and then at 18 months she got a nasty cold and couldn't breathe with the binky in her mouth...so I collected them and put them in the bathroom where she couldn't see them (but I could get them if I needed to) - she was kinda fussy for a few days but we never looked back!

 

Ok, I will the the dissenting voice here. In my experience, the OLDER they are the better. 3 out of 4 of my girls have been binky ADDICTS. And yes, they were BAD and I mean BAD. I just slowly decreased their usage until they were over 3. One then gave them up on her own (my worst addict) and the twins last month, I told them they got books in their cribs now (even though they rip them) since they are big girls and not binkies.

I have never once had a kid cry themselves to sleep for their binkies. And I can't tell you what addicts they are.

After saying all that... who cares if they use them at bedtime forever? They will give them up eventually on their own!

 

I have mixed feelings on this subject. Both of my kids were paci babies. I took them away VERY early (around 6 months old). I read a book that said the earlier you take it away the easier it is on them. So, the next day they were gone. I thought, why let them get even more attached to it if I was going to eventually take them away anyways. It just seemed cruel to me. HOWEVER...They both found there thumb as a replacement. Totally back fired!! Cooper no longer sucks his thumb. He smashed it in a door about 6 months ago or so and that was the end of that. Brooklyn still sucks her thumb. Not all the time. She does it when she has her lovie, when she is tired or to get herself to sleep. I talked to my ped. about it and he told me that it is not a big deal. They will stop on their own and all the hoopla about it causing dental and speech probs is false (that was just his opinion). So, now I am thinking what was the big deal about the paci after all?? I don't know what the right answer is here. Part of me is glad that I took it away early so we didn't have a major struggle. However, I often wonder if they wouldn't have become thumbsuckers if I would have let them keep it longer. Who knows?? Go with your gut. I think limiting the use of them is a good way to go about it. :youcandoit:

 

I don't believe in cold hard "rules" about pacis, thumb sucking, bottles, etc... We had to go cold turkey on our paci baby because he was chewing holes in them and was close to chewing off the tips. We were scared he'd choke on a chewed off tip in the middle of the night, so we really had no choice. And honestly, it was easy as pie. I think the first 2 days were a little harder going down for bed/nap and it took him a little while longer to self soothe, but it wasn't any longer than that. I can't remember exactly how old he was, but I know it was shortly after he turned two. Good luck- and don't beat yourself up about it. Just decide when you're ready to give it another go and go for it. I'm betting it'll be much easier than you think! :hug:

 

Box those puckies up in a nice wrapped box and write the babies' names on it and let them know they are a gift for the babies. ardon:

 

Only one of my kids is a paci user. I will admit that bp (that is before pacis!) I assumed any kid I saw with a paci had a sub-par mom. Yup. I sure did. Then I had my youngest who would relax her little toes when she just saw the paci coming. She is still nursing and still loves her paci. I can't imagine taking either away until she is ready. I will nudge her...... no nursing now, wait till I'm done..... Your paci is at home, we'll get it then.... but I don't anticipate giving either up quickly or cold turkey.

So. Maybe you can find a way to gracefully back out of this with your kiddos and see how it goes. I thought we gave up the paci once this summer. She didn't use it for about a week while camping so I put them all away once we got home. About a week later (2 weeks now with barely any paci use) she went back to it full force. I can understand your anxiety. And if I see your kids in the car with a paci I'll think "There goes a mom who cares more for her kids comfort than society's opinions of her parenting!" :ibiggrin:

 

my boys were 3 yrs old when they gave up thier beloved pacis-i dont think i could have done it before -it was torture on us all:aggressive: if its only for nites i dont see a problem myself, the OT said it can effect thier speech if its all the time in thier mouths-i know that; my kids didnt speak til age 2.5-now they dont stop:laughing:, its a personal thing -some kids are ok with no paci's at a young age and others use it for sole comfort-mine are 18 mnths and just as addicted to them but they SSTN

 

all I can say is I am so glad mine never took to the pacifier, sleeping with a bottle, or sucking thier fingers/thumbs. I am sorry you have to go through this and I know it will be hard. It may help to have someone other than you or your husband take them away from the babies. I know that the ones at nursey at the church I go to will give me their pacifiers and not fuss one bit, but the minute momma or daddy walks in its WWIII over the paci.

 

My twins were very very heavy paci users...so last month, they are almost 3, we talked about how they are "big" and "big kids don't have paci's". I asked them if they wanted to go make paci bears...So that is what we did! I took the to Build a Bear workshop, they got to pick out WHATEVER bear they wanted. When they were part way done stuffing their bears, we put the paci's in the bears, they finished stuffing them, sewed them up, and that was it! My girl asked us for her paci in the car on the way home and we told her "remember, there are no more paci's, you put it in your bear". They call them their paci bears, but not one tear over it!! That is how we got rid of ours. Hope this helps!

 

My twins were very very heavy paci users...so last month, they are almost 3, we talked about how they are "big" and "big kids don't have paci's". I asked them if they wanted to go make paci bears...So that is what we did! I took the to Build a Bear workshop, they got to pick out WHATEVER bear they wanted. When they were part way done stuffing their bears, we put the paci's in the bears, they finished stuffing them, sewed them up, and that was it! My girl asked us for her paci in the car on the way home and we told her "remember, there are no more paci's, you put it in your bear". They call them their paci bears, but not one tear over it!! That is how we got rid of ours. Hope this helps!

 

agree... i wouldn't drag it out. Yes, they might be sad or cry, but they will forget about them pretty quickly.