Feeling awfully alone

My girls just started teething last week and are very very cranky. They have always refused to be held or rocked to sleep, but now K always wants to be held while she is sleeping. I feel like I am getting nothing done. As i right this, she is sleeping on my chest. Also, with DH being deployed and the fact that I just moved by my parents right before the babies were born, I am feeling super alone. My mom comes over to help me a lot, but its still hard. My close friend called me this morning to ask how I was doing and I got really emotional and complained about never getting time to myself. Her response was that I needed to enjoy this time because before i know it, they will be walking and talking. I know this is true and I'm lucky that I am able to stay home for the first year, but I do feel like I need some "me" time other than the 3 times a week I go to the gym. I would love to just go to dinner with someone or go for a hike! My friend made me feel super guilty for feeling this way. All I want to do is talk to DH but I hate talking to him about negative things because we have so little time to talk as it is. None of the people I know have any experience with what I am going through except you ladies. Just looking for a little support! I think I may just be PMSing too... haha

 

:hug: Is there a way you can put the babies to bed and have your Mom stay with them while you go out and grab a quick dinner with a friend. You definitely deserve some "me" time and you should not feel guilty about it.

 

You have every right to feel the way you are feeling. You probably do need more time to yourself than you are getting right now. Is there any way you could ask your mom to watch them so that you could go have dinner with a friend? Don't feel guilty about asking for what you want. :hug:

 

Oh my goodness! It *is* so difficult and *so* easy to feel alone when you're with the babies! When you go to the gym you get "you" time but it's not 'social' so I can imagine you desperately could use some time with a friend to hang out and feel like *you* pre-babies! I had a lot of difficulty adjusting when I had my first child and this time around, with my twins, it's a lot easier. But I remember how awful I felt and how much I cried and how desperately I wanted to be around other people. I would try to see if there are any 'Mommy and Me' groups in your area--maybe through the YMCA or your local hospital. That was really what got me through the tough times. The last thing you need right now is to feel guilty and have people make you feel guilty. It's easy for someone to tell you those things when they're not in the thick of it!

Hang in there and try to find a way to meet other mommies, you need other people to vent to and to get time to socialize!

It will get better!

 

Try not to let her comments get to you. No one can understand what you're going through unless they have been the primary caretaker of twins. I am having a difficult time right now too, it doesn't mean I don't love my kids or love the fact that I have maternity leave with them it just means it's friggin hard and I'm having a hard time and we have every right to feel this way. Try to take some more time for yourself or find mommy groups like others said, I love my mommy group friends from my last baby. We keep in touch on facebook and it makes me feel a bit more connected even though I'm not going out with them for dinner or drinks anymore. At least you know you're in good company here.

 

PMSing is the worst! I usually figure out that I'm PMSing after I've gotten hormonally crazy! so sorry for you feeling lonely. its so true that you also need interaction. I think from your post it sounds like you don't live where your friends do? that you moved? that makes it harder to get social interaction.

anyway, yes, try to see if you can find a mommy & me group, or better yet, is there a twins/multiples group near you?


I saw you listed Salt Lake City: here's info I found from the
http://www.nomotc.org/ national twin club website.

Salt Lake Mothers of Twins Club
Contact - Christa James at 801-544-1220 or [email protected]
You can visit their website at http://www.SLMOT.com


my other suggestion is www.meetup.com its a national website that different "meetup" groups or clubs use to get together. our local moms of twins club actually uses meetup.com to organize all our stuff. and that's how I found other local mom groups with playdates. anyway, you might find something to join in with the babes during the day, but also that same group may be something nice that you could get together with them at night.

I have 2 to 3 nights a month I look forward to and its enough to keep me sane! yes, you need to make sure to have time for yourself! good luck!

 

Nope, unless you have cared for twins full time, you CAN'T get it.
I knew this was my last kids and the time was short and I should be enjoying it. And I HATED it.
Don't let her get to you. Find someone who gets it, has multiples, or just won't say the wrong thing, and go out for dessert. Or drinks!

I'm so sorry, you sound totally normal to me! Now that they are 3 I wish I could go back for an hour and ENJOY that time. But just an hour...

 

I agree!

 

I hear ya! In my group of friends there were 3 of us that were pregnant at the same time and I am the only one with twins. They just do not understand and sometimes, I feel very alone because they are able to get out and do things. Sure its easy with just one, but you add the second baby and WOW it is very different!!

You are not alone, we are here and we no your pain! But if your Mom could watch the babies after they go to sleep so you can get out for some social time, I am sure that will help.

Jenn

 

Honestly months 4 and 5 were the most difficult for me in the FY. My babies were super clingy too and I just felt like I never had a moment without something touching me. I started showering while they were awake b/c it would give me an extra 10mins of not being clung to. I would just put their bouncy chairs in the bathroom and watch them through the glass door of the shower. I was also on here A LOT during that time. It was my only connection to the outside world. Hang in there. What you are going through is normal and it will get better soon. I would def. ask your mom to watch the babies so you could meet up with a friend or get your hair done. You can plan it around a time you know they will sleep/eat/sleep. :grouphug: