dreading christmas

I know that christmas is a time to celebrate and spend time with family. However I dread it and then I am grouchy and end up wrecking it for everyone else. I don't want to be like this but I can't seem to get over all the stress.

The biggest problem is we are expected to be at 5 functions of the next three days. Three of which are with my DH family.I think this is ridiculous and would prefer to just spend the time with my close family and have fun with the kids instead of getting in and out of the car constantly, missing naps, having people feed my kids all kinds of crap and then being told how terrible they are. My DH family don't respect any of my parenting rules and I really do believe that they purposly do things just to anger me. Why else would someone deliberatly go against your wishes? Every christmas I am told that I ruined DH family get together and it doesn't matter how accomidating I am it still ends up being blamed on me. I should probably mention that I don't really get along with his immediate family I try to but we just have such different belief systems that we clash.I don't set out to wreck it and I do try to smile and be happy but there always seems to be a bomb that goes off. It seems like no one ever takes my family with our three small children into consideration and we are expected to stretch bedtimes and skip snaps and when we don't people are mad at us.

My kids especially the twins are ones that need to stick to the schedule. I can flex it a little by about an hour or so but thats it. If we skip naps and extend bed time I just end up with very grouchy kids who are over tired and then refuse to sleep. We end up fighting with them all night and then they are super grumpy the next day and it usually takes 3 days to get them back on track. Also my little ones have stomach problems and are very sensitive to foods. They are on a dairy free diet which makes the foods they can eat alot more difficult especially when you are out at other peoples houses. A lot of people don't respect that diet and don't see why they can't feed them anything they want. This drives me the most crazy and I end up being on patrol all night and taking things away from my boys that they shouldn't have. It totally ruins any fun I might have had.
My three year old is usually a very good boy but when you give him sugar he is absolutly unbearable. It takes a long time to calm him down after and then we just end up dealing with a major melt down. He is beyond the normal child sugar rush he really does go very crazy and thats no fun either when you are out at a function and people tell you how horrible your child is and that you should punish them more.

I don't know what to do, I am tired of being so stressed about this, I am tired of all the running around and all I want to do is enjoy the holidays with my family but it seems to be nearly impossible. I am tired of hearing suck it up its only a few days. I want to find a way to actually enjoy the holidays not cry over how terrible they are going to be before they even start.
I know I am a control freak when it comes to the schedule but I do try to flex a bit and it is because that is what my children do best with. Why whould I mess with somehting that they are happy with and that works?

I never used to have this problem with the holidays until we had kids that we had to drag along all over the place.

Thanks for listening to my rant, I would appreciate any feedback you might have to offer.

 

I don't really have any advice for you, but wanted to let you know that I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm in a total funk right now and trying to get focused and positive so I can enjoy Christmas with my family. Work has been just brutal and by the time I get home I'm just not in the holiday spirit.

I really hope that both of us can snap out of it and find a way to enjoy the holidays. :hug: to you and me!!

 

Thanks for the post, it is nice to know that I am not the only one
I hope you are able to find a way to enjoy it!

 

I can't say that I can completely relate, but we are skipping one of my husband's family get togethers on Christmas day so that the girls can have their naps. There are a lot of people crammed into a small space and it's just too much for us and them. I'm not sure how your husband would feel about this, but have you explained how you feel to him and asked him to tell his family NO. Pick the one or two things that you really want to go to and then skip the rest. It's only for a couple of years because your children will quickly outgrow their need for those extra naps. Family get togethers are fun about Christmas, but all in all, it's about the peace that Christ brought when he was born. If your so wrapped up in the hussle and bussle that you miss the real celebration then I would say some of the family time just isn't worth it. Good luck!

 

I totally agree with you! DH and I have talked about it and we really wanted to skip out on 2 of the functions but then his family got a little ticked because some of them haven't seen the twins yet. In my opinion it isn't my problem that they haven't bothered to come by and visit but it has caused a huge stink so if we don't go everyone will be mad at him. Also his family could choose to get together more than once a year so that christmas doesn't have to be so jam packed. I personally still don't want to go but I don't really want a family fued either. We have decided to go for very short periods of time which people are still mad about but I figure we are making an appearence which is better than nothing.
I am looking forward to when my kids are older and this doesn't have to be such a pain.

 

:hug: that really sucks that they aren't being more understanding.

i think it's probably too late for this year (unless you want to pull the they're-coming-down-with-colds card. that's my favorite backing-out-at-the-last-minute excuse), but for next year i would definitely pull out that good ol' fashioned No. even if it makes them angry, you're right, that's not your problem. you don't need to be rude about it, you don't even need to offer any explanations - it's your family & your holidays. celebrate how YOU & DH want to. i would just say "I'm sorry, we can't make it this year" & leave it at that. if they push for a why just say that you have other plans - those other plans might just be staying at home & sipping hot chocolate, but they don't need to know that.

for this year, just keep in mind that you're doing the best you can & no one can expect more from you. and as stressful as it seems, just take a deep breath & watch your LOs making memories. :hug:

 

I totally hear you! Luckily, I managed to be able to cut it down to 2 functions. One on Christmas Eve and one on Christmas. I refuse to do more. I am such a grouch too and get really, really stressed out even with just 2 places to go. One reason is my kids are also dairy free and gluten free as well (wheat allergy). It's a nightmare to be on patrol all the time and telling people 100 times to PLEASE stop putting the dips for chips and whatever in front of them or in their reach (a big issue) and stop stuffing their hands with cookies and cake, even regular chips and things are a no go because of the gluten. When they have these things, it is a complete nightmare for 3-4 days after of stomach aches, behavior problems, crying from tummy pain and diarrhea, etc. Even a tiny amount will do them in and no one seems to get this.

I am always told to calm down, relax, I am ruining it for the kids, etc. but whatever. I just ignore it. I don't really have much advice - just wanted to commiserate - you are not alone! I hope you can make the best of the holiday and find some peace (((HUGS)))

 

Maybe it's the dairy free thing... I'm with you. I'm BF and the boys can't tolerate any dairy. It REALLY sucks that unless you live that way, most people do not understand just to look for milk or butter on the labels. My parents inadvertently poisoned us with it about a month ago. At my DH's Granny's house 2 days ago they made us a meal. I politely asked to see the margarine container. Granny claimed there was no dairy. I checked- whey. So I ate meat, corn & boiled potatoes, supposedly all without dairy. Except, there was dairy somewhere in the meal. It's been 2 days & they are finally better. The screaming has largely stopped, gas is going away and the diaper rash is dissipating. This food was not worth the hassle of the babies' inability to digest it. Fast forward to today: We're going back. I HOPE that it will be a dairy free meal, but really would rather just eat at Wendy's or something to ensure that it is.

Good luck- IL and pushy IL are tough.

 

You need to be able to pick your events. Your DH needs to stand by you as this is a joint decision in the best interest of your kids. That a couple days of "fun" is not worth them being miserable for the next couple of days. That their diet is not just a Whim that it is medical, approved by their pedi for their best possible growth. That you both realise it is not "normal" for most people that this is their "normal" and as their parents the family needs to respect that. Your DH needs to step up with his family and not make it all your responsibility and make you always the bad guy. Also, is their the option of saying this is the one/two events we ara available for. If anyone would like to visit us our door is open on x day between x and y we would love to have you visit the twins in their environment. People that do not have your children forget what it is like to have one litte one let alone two or three.

:tree: Merry CHristmas We did not have the food issues (although they generally did not get what the family wanted to feed them) but the Christmas when they were 18 months by the time Christmas was through so was I. HIs family will also get together between Christmas and New Years. THat year I sent him alone with the boys. I told him I had had enough, I just could not do it but he was more then welcome to go with the boys. I took them out and about by myself, so could he if he really wanted to go. He has some trouble saying no to his sisters

 

Thanks for you input!!
We managed to get through three functions now and it wasn't to bad. I ended up taking our own food for the twins(since they didn't eat at the same time we were having the meals) and I also took our own snacks for all three.When someoned tried to give them something I would say that can't have that but they can have this and pull their snacks out of our bag. This actually went over really well and no one put up a fuss about it! I was SHOCKED!! but perhaps it is finally sinking in. We still have three more funtions in the next two days so we will see how the rest go. I am happy to report that I am not as miserable as I thought I would be and we were able to make it home early in the evenings so the boys still went to bed at a decent time
I hope that all of rest of you had a good christmas and thanks again for the support.

 

:good: i'm so glad to hear things went better than you were anticipating & that you had a good time. good luck with the rest of your functions!

 

In your shoes, I would invite your DH´s family over to your house for one event. If you have to be with them then I think your DH should organise things so everyone´s happy. That way, you can control your routine better and get your kids to bed and nap. You´re not a control freak at all. With 3 kids to look after and with special dietry requirements I would lay the law down and say "you´re welcome to come to our house otherwise I wont be going!" It sounds like Christmas for you is very stressful and I wouldnt enjoy it your shoes either. What does your DH say about all this? Is he aware of how you feel?

Failing that plan, then I agree with Cricket1 when she says you should be able to pick your events.

I don´t envy your situation and I hope you can find a solution asap.

I am glad it hasn´t been too bad so far this year. :hug:

 

So glad that things went better than you expected! I think your idea of bringing snacks and food the boys COULD eat was a great strategy.

I think you're really intrepid going to 3 family events! I only did one (it was 3 hours away) and it took a lot out of us. I don't regret going at all (we had lots of fun) but 1 event was definitely enough.

I was able to shake of my negativity and had a great Christmas as well. Hope the rest of your functions go as well as the first!