Christmas Party

Hi, I will make a long story short....I live in a city with none of my relatives.My husband's family lives here.When my twins were born, his fam came there and handled my boys without sanitizing their hands.(A major peve that I have)When that happened..I saw my baby about to put his hands in his mouth (as they always do) I used a wipe to clean my babies hands...Well, my BIL expressed to my husband of how he was offended that I had done that.Keep in mind my boys were only days old and their fingers was played with by 2 or 3 people.From then on...they would come over to the house once boys were brought home and pass up the sanitizer and hold kiss and play with twins...One time I found out that BIL had a cold while kissing the boys.I actually went though PPD and had a major anxiety attack because they would always be over..I was still full of fluid and could not even walk...I would get comments on how big my stomach was..to name a few of the things that happened.I asked my husband could he somehow let his fam know to sanitize their hands before handling the kids and he refused...he went on to say that something was wrong with me in my head how I was so much of a germ fanatic.His fam would put things in his head..of how I had issues.I was bomgarded of how I should be with my kids ...what I should do...how I should do things..and so forth.How was I going to continue in school and raise twins...I would here everything (mostly what I did not want to here) of what I can and can not do.My husband and I was also having marital problems at that time...And family (his uncle and brother to be exact) actually called a meeting to discuss our marriage (OOOOkay..)I was just too much for me as I was trying to be a new mom wasn't enough.I went to my home town for Thanksgiving and now I am pretending to go again for Christmas.(Both times my husband was and will be away out of state at work)I don't want to go to somewhat get his fam out of my business sorta.And plus I have this issue with sanitation (with this being flu season and all and the H1N1 scare)With them having a problem of respecting my wishes where handling my boys are concerned.What do you think? Am I going overboard?Am I just paranoid about sanitizing hands.I think I am more wanting to stay away because I don't like alot of people breathing on and holding my children with (who knows what kind of virus or specimen is on their unsanitized hands) and then my babies will put their hands in their mouth afterwards...plus they are going through this stage where they like to suck on arms,hands,whatever is near their mouth.Okay there it is..Please tell me am I losing it..I can take it if that is the case.Thanks.

 

:hug: People sanitized before touching my girls for the first month but after that I didn't really worry about it much. Sorry you are going through problems in your marriage. The first year with two babies is really tough.

 

Personally, I don't think you are going overboard. Like PP, I was only really concerned about hand washing for about the first month or so, but then again, it wasn't in the middle of flu season either. This is my view on these sorts of things: You are their mother. You will do whatever you feel is best for them. I don't think other people should tell you what you should and should not do (or be concerned with) about your children.

I kind of know what you are going through. I'm dreading my visit to my in-laws because of a Pit Bull they rescued. I'm not comfortable with it being around my kids and they hit the roof when I told them we wouldn't visit unless it was in another room, outside, or has a muzzle. I stood my ground because I will do what I feel is best/safe for MY kids.

I know you are in a tough situation especially with your husband not backing you up. Maybe you can tell his family yourself in a joking/light-hearted way? Maybe say something like, "Ok, you all know I'm a germ freak especially during flu season. If you wouldn't mind washing or sanitizing your hands first I would really appreciate it."

I hope everything goes ok for you. Good luck! :hug:

 

Thanks ladies, I suppose a few hours will not hurt the kids.And pp I totally understand that pit bull issue...In the complex that I live in the neighbors downstairs breed them.And my husband wanted to take the kids for a stroll in the stroller and I refused...I totally feel uncomfortable with that breed of dogs and they have been known to maul kids...One thing particularly stuck with me was a story on the news where someone was holding their newborn on their porch..and little to their knowledge a pitbull broke out of a neighbors yard and ran on their porch and mauled that baby to death.(So Sad) I said heck no to my husband...again...he said that something was wrong with me.I did not care what he thought of me because those people probably thought that they was safe on their porch.I don't trust the nature of those dogs.But I may take them out and depending on how comfortable or uncomfortable I feel will determine how long I stay.I will maybe try to keep a pacifier in their mouth so that they keep their hands out of their mouth long enough so that I can sneak and sanitize when no one is looking. ) Thanks again for your opinions.

 

I never worried too much about sanitizing hands beyond the first month or so. Of course it is flu season, so I don't think it's rude to ask people to make sure their hands are clean before holding them. I would do whatever makes you most comfortable, you are the Mom so you are the one to make the decisions & they will just have to go along with it. ardon:

 

My twins were born right before flu season last year. I always asked people (nicely) to sanitize their hands before handling the babies. I would just say "our pediatrician said if they get the flu, they will end up back in the hospital again. It's probably overly cautious, but we don't want to take any chances." I would use your pediatrician as a support for your decision. I don't see anything wrong with it during flu season. Having two sick babies is miserable and worrisome. Our babies didn't get sick until they were 7 months old. I am glad we took extra precautions that first winter.

Once I asked people to sanitize their hands, I tried to relax after that. People enjoy babies, and I wanted our family and close friends to spend time with them.
Happy Holidays, Beth

 

the babies won't build up immunities unless they are exposed, in small doses, to the diseases...what is on people's hands should be fine...i can understand not wanting to have dinner with them if they are that intrusive however...i don't have dinner with jason's family if he isn't available and he doesn't have dinner with my family if i'm not available...

 

Once I tried to use the pedi excuse and the reply was "Doctor's just want your money and that you can not believe everything they say" Then they went on to talk about all of the stuff that can kill a person and to not stress over the kids getting sick and that they are going to have to get sick sooner or later. (What?) Well I would like to use the precautions to keep them healthy as possible.And if they were to get sick at least it will not be due to negligence. I would prefer to relax just as soon as they are old enough to take meds for colds or flu if that was to happen.I thought to myself as they made that remark.One lady even told me"Kids are going to get colds" as if something was wrong with me using precautions...in that case one day we are all going to have to die so why not run in front of a truck and get it over with...(i wanted to say to them).

 

Do you have baby carriers? You and your husband could put the babies in the carriers during the party.

 

You are their mother and you have the right to decide what is good for them and what isn't. I have a similar situation and what I have done is told me inlaws that "you don't have to like or agree with my rules but you have to respect them if you want us to come around" They really didn't like this but I was tired of being **** on all the time and having people purposly do things behind my back. I don't blame you for not wanting to go and I wouldn't go either if my husband wasn't home. I saw if these people can't respect you then why should you go out of your way for them! The hand washing kinda went out the window for us when the boys were 4 months old but if someone has an obvious cold then I ask them not to touch my children. I also had PPD and know what those anxiety attacks can be like. Try not to take their comments personally, you don't have to defend your decisions because you are there mother and what you say should go! I would have a serious talk with DH on how these things are not exceptable and will no longer be tolerated. Your a great MOM and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise! Best of luck

 

This is probably true for full term babies, or nearly full term, but given that my babies were 11 weeks premature and therefore have compromised immune systems I'm not letting up on the hand sanitizing until they are closer 1 year. Especially given that it is currently flu and RSV season. After that I won't stress too much if they get a cold.

 

Lol..I tried that...they just went and got them out of there..I tried the hand mitt thing (yeah kinda out there) when i got my babies back the mitts said look for me.These people are kinda controlling in my opinion...and if things are done in a manner that they don't agree with (you are the problem).

 

I agree...it is not like i intend to be preventive/protective forever...my plans were to let up when i feel that their immune systems was really stong to fight and defend itself and/or when they are closer to the age where taking cold meds is safe for them...it is advised that a child should at least be 2 yrs. of age before taking cold meds(the label says this) now kids take the meds sometimes before the age of 2 but that's a risk the pedi and parent takes when the child is not that age.My boys caught a cold at 3 mths after my trying daycare out...and they could not take cold meds...instead i have to do breathing treatments and they were so misrable and congested and barely could breath in the middle of the night...this kept me up...and i suffered just as much as they did.When i catch a cold as an adult..i feel misrable..and i can take meds...so i do not and will do what i can to not have my boys suffer.That's how i feel. So Wash their doggone hands if they want to bond with my children...point blank (look at me im confident already afyer talking to my twinstuff friends) ((-:

 

I know everyone has their own opinion on the germ thing (I tend to be on the overcautious side). And it is so frustrating when people are blatantly inconsiderate to your feelings. Can your babies sit up yet? (I don't think mine sat up that well at 5 months). Taking care of a sick baby, let alone 2, that can't even sit up yet, is miserable. How would these people like to be all stuffed up, not allowed to take cold medication, and then have to lie flat on their back to sleep? Have they ever taken care of two infants when they're sick? They have no idea how unbelievably hard this is. When one baby gets sick, the other will ALWAYS get sick too. Which means zero sleep for you. I also found a lot of people didn't understand the ramifications of RSV in a preemie - most people hadn't even heard of it before. I understand all kids are going to get sick. But I don't see anything wrong with being cautious and trying your best to avoid it if you can, especially at this age.

Besides the germ thing, and the fact that they can't/won't respect your wishes, but then going behind your back and having discussions about your marriage when you're dealing with being a mom to newborn twins for the first time?!? Seriously, whose marriage wasn't affected at that stage?? I cannot believe they would try to add to your stress during that time. I would be absolutely livid with them for trying to pull your husband away on their side like that. Hormones or not, you have every right to be upset with them.

And then that other poster - about the family not understanding your concern for having your infants around a pittbull you are not familiar with, and then turn it around to make you feel crazy? Seriously, what is wrong with people??

Do what you feel comfortable with to take care of your children. Afterall, they're YOUR children. And don't feel bad about it.

 

You are not being unreasonable. i feel the same way as you and NOBODY touches my babies without washing and sanitizing. my babies were preemies and I am NOT taking any chances with their health!!

 

Ahh, the holidays. I feel you. I am 1,200 miles away from any germs my babies happened to be previously exposed to. I prefer people to wash hands or use hand sanitizer around them but now that their immune systems are being bombarded by new germs constantly and they put their hands/their brothers' hands in their mouth, YES. I insist that wherever we go, everybody gets a squirt of hand sanitizer. We did not vaccinate the boys against some of these illnesses and 'tis the season for illness. It is not invasive or too much to ask someone wash their hands or sanitize them.

I always smile and say, "We wouldn't care, but we've gotta take care of them if they get sick". Not anybody else. Us.

Like a pp, I also think your DH's fam needs to back off. I've got some intrusive inlaws myself. 2 days ago at MILs' cabin, she came in without knocking in the middle of the night. Yeah, I was topless, about to feed the boys. Nice. :faint:

 

LOL...gotta love it.About the big brother..that's okay to share with immediate family.My husband keeps sinuses and allergies...his germs is enough exposure for my babes...I too don't need them to be introduced to new or maybe even strange germs.....I know that germs cannot in some cases be avoided...and my issue is some germs is okay..(like dads year round sinuses) but too much germs is what gets anyone sick...it's the nasty germs that make a person sick is what I try to eliminate.

 

I know Im way after Christmas posting this. My Twin girls are 10 months now. They were born last Feb and probably up until summer I bought the biggest bottle of Germ X I could find (HUGE) and sat it on a table by my front door where there is no way it could be missed. Most people used it anyways but I have a 9 year old daughter and a 5 year old son and when people were over and didn't use the sanitizer. When my kids came in and gopt around the babies I would say "ok, You know I don't allow anyone to touch the babies without the sanitizer on their hands" and then they would use it and it reminded the other people to use it. But, I was always afraid of what germs my kids were bringing home from school and all their friends wanted to just hang out at our house and I put a stop to that real quick. I told them kids to get out of my house and do not touch the babies that they were born premature and I cannot let them get sick. I know they think I am mean but I just couldn't let them kids be handeling my babies especially with the swine flu going around the schools and stuff. So I know exaCTLY HOW YOU FEEL.