Devastated - just got a BFP

We did IVF to have our girls, who will be one on New Year's Eve. We were trying NOT to get pregnant, and have had a really weird/busy month so, sorry TMI, but we only were intimate one time - and I wasn't showing ANY signs of being fertile, and I have one ovary and endometriosis.

Well, when chocolate started tasting weird, I joked about the possibility of being pregnant. While at Dollar Tree, I picked up a test just to rule out that possibility, even though I was sure there was NO WAY I could be pregnant. Well, it was an instant positive. I have heard that dollar tree tests are famous for getting false positives at like the 10 minute mark, but not at the 30 second mark...

We are shocked, but I am devastated! I wanted more kids, but not this soon. I feel just wretched and sick at the thought of having another baby when the girls are just over 1 1/2! I feel horrible, because I don't want this baby at all, and super guilty because I am hoping for a miscarriage. I have had terrible bonding issues with one of my DDs, which I am just getting on the good side of now, I am terrified to go through all that again. But I am a Christian, and abortion is not an option.

I feel like the chances that this baby could even be here in the first place are nearly zero, and so the chances of it being a non-viable pregnancy are also nearly zero. What in the heck do I do? If you have been in my shoes, or know of anyone who has been, advice would be so appreciated!

 

Stacy, I have no advice as I have never been in your shoes. I know plenty of moms on this board who have, though, so I'm sure they will all tell you their experiences. I can't even begin to imagine the shock you are feeling. :hug:

 

It sounds like it is very early and a shock at this point - I really think in time it won't be so overwhelming! You said that you wanted more kids and I completely understand that you didn't want them this soon but to me it really seems like this little miracle baby is here for a reason and that might be that the timing will end up being perfect for your family. 1 1/2 years apart has some definite pluses (and challenges for sure), but try to think of all of the good things about having three so close in age. We had a scare that would have put ours about the same amount apart and I know that all you want to do is cry and you worry about how it will affect the relationship between you and your kids, you and dh, you and your sanity(!), etc. but I just wanted to say that it sounds like you are right in the middle of the shock and devestation period (understandably), but that this could be really positive and a really good thing - I am sure you will hear from moms of twins plus that are close in age that can give you some reassurance! Hang in there!!!

 

I haven't been in your shoes (though I did have a scare when my girls were about 6 months old, but it turned out to be the birth control pills doing a number on my hormones), but I just wanted to send you some hugs. I can only imagine how upsetting this is. FWIW, I know a few people who have had an oops (some who were planning to have more kids but not right then, and some who had not wanted another child at all), and they all said that they did eventually wind up feeling grateful for the child that came along. Try to give yourself some time to get used to the idea and trust that you will be able to handle it. You don't have to handle it all right now. :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I'm sure it is a shock! Big hugs to you!!! I think in time you will come to accept and love this miracle child. Our twins are now 19 months, and somehow I think they might be getting to the "helpful" stage... I know its crazy at 12 months, but its a different crazy at 19 months and you will make it through.

somehow you have to think that God really wanted you to have this new child with all the obstacles you mentioned!

Again, big hugs to you!

 

:hug: I'm so sorry you are in this position. I don't have any great advice for you. Just give yourself a couple weeks to wrap your head around it and then you can make any decisions that need to be made. I know that other women here have been in the same boat, and hopefully they will chime in with stories for you. Best of luck!

 

:hug: I'm so sorry that you're devastated. We were shocked when we found out we were pregnant again, so soon. I lived in shock and some denial for at least 2 months. I just couldn't believe it, I was numb to it. I had my freak out moments, where I broke down and hated it and just didn't want to have another baby. But that wore off after some time. A lot of it is hormones as well.
I kept all my options open but for you maybe talking to someone at your church about it, what about adoption.
:hug: For me the pregnancy went by super fast and he's been a piece of cake! He is the easiest, happiest baby. He's also been by far the cheapest baby :lol: We too went through fertility treatments to get pregnant with the twins and that cost us a lot of money plus having both a girl and boy we had to buy a TON of stuff. I can count on one hand the things I've had to buy for the new baby. We are re-wrapping the twins first xmas gifts and re-gifting them to Ethan LOL

I'm sorry this isn't what you wanted, I know that feeling! :hug:

 

:hug: No advice, but we are here for you with whatever decision you make. :grouphug:

 

Wait it out... once it sinks in you will probably feel better about it. One child is bond to be much easier than two! But if you really don't think you can handle it, there is always adoption... although I don't think you'll get to that.

Good luck!

 

I have somewhat been in your shoes. I cried for weeks when I found out I was pregnant with Luke & Lila (that was before I knew it was twins). I just couldn't believe that at that point in my life when everything seemed to be getting easier we were going to have another baby. Slowly, I got used to the idea. And by the time I was out of the first trimester I was okay with it. Now, I cannot imagine my life without them. They are such a light in my life and they make every day so much fun and I just love them to bits. It's hard for me to imagine that I was so upset about it in the beginning. So, yes it will be difficult to have 3 children who are all so young but, in the end, this baby will be part of your family & you will love him/her so much. :hug: I hope that time will help & you will start to feel better. :grouphug:

 

:cry: :wub:

 

I have walked in your shoes, for sure. I was devastated when I took my pregnancy test and got a positive. I truly thought I was going through early menopause. We tried for ten years to get pregnant, went through IVF to have the twins, and were really enjoying finally getting out of the chaotic infant stage and our lives were getting much easier. We were totally happy with the twins and DH had a vasectomy scheduled. I gave away all of my 0-6 month clothes and equipment and loved getting that space back and "moving on" (thank goodness I gave that stuff to my sister-in-law, so I could get it back). I was so upset by the thought of taking time away from the twins, since I feel guilty about leaving them for work as it is. I had some really dark days after I found out I was pregnant, and not a day goes by that I don't regret those thoughts and wasting that time not enjoying my miracle. My new baby is such a blessing and a joy and I can't believe I ever wished I wasn't pregnant with her. The second they handed her to me I told my husband that up until that point I couldn't really imaging having her, and that very second I couldn't imagine not having her.

Here's the good news...having one baby is worlds easier than the twins were, and very cheap, as a PP mentioned. I haven't bought anything, so she hasn't been a financial strain on us at all. I did hire a house keeper to come frequently and she also helps me cook some and runs some errands, as I can't get as much done as I was used to doing during the twins' nap time and after their bed time. If you have a baby shower, I'd do a diaper shower and/or a casserole shower.

I was very humbled by how hard it was for me to get pregnant initially, and even more so by my second unplanned pregnancy. I believe that God has a plan for us, we just don't know what it is until it happens. Keep an open mind and realize that your twins will never know life without their sibling and they will have that bond forever. I think about how my DH and I are older and won't be around forever, but the three girls will have each other after we're gone.

Another thing I've experienced is that time does fly by, and the new baby will be on a napping and sleeping-through-the-night schedule before I know it and in just a short year from now, she'll be doing all of the fun things the twins are doing (I love toddlerhood). Once they're all napping together in the afternoon and going to sleep at the same time, our lives will get easier, and that stage isn't too far off.

One thing that makes this new pregnancy/baby much easier is that the "fear factor" is totally gone. My pregnancy was very difficult with bedrest at 22 weeks, preeclampsia, threat of very early delivery, crazy-difficult c-section, one month NICU stay, etc. I was so blessed to have healthy babies, but it was super-scary for me the whole way through. Well, this time I had no difficulties, other than morning sickness. I wasn't terrified by every cramp, and am much more relaxed taking care of my big baby than I was being a first-time mom with tiny premature infants. I actually felt neglected by my OB since I had to go so infrequently, not to mention how few ultrasounds I got.

Three kids does present some logistical challenges, and we're figuring those out now. People on this board have been very helpful with advice on strollers, how to actually leave the house with three babies, etc.

I totally came around after about four weeks of transitioning from shock, depression, anxiety to acceptance and then joy. Give yourself time to really think about what a miracle this is, and you will figure it all out and do just fine. We have a tiny house and the new baby is sleeping in a co-sleeper in the pantry, and it works. You don't have be perfect, just be the best mom that you can be, and it will work out.

 

Oh wow... HUGE HUGS to you. I haven't been through this so I really have no advice... just support! My girls are 18 months and we've decided that we are done and are happy to be moving on and have gotten rid of A TON of stuff. If I found out I was pregnant now I think I'd be devastated too. After reading your story and others that have posted here (ex. Mom2CA's story is just beautiful)... I am suddenly acutely aware of just how sloppy DH and I have been with birth control. OMG this can really happen? Note to self: schedule that ob/gyn appointment stat.

 

I second this. I cannot imagine the shock and how nervous/scared you must be feeling right now. I am thinking good thoughts for you :hug:

 

Wow, thank you all, so much for your wonderful support! And Mom2CA, your story is beautiful and inspiring to me, thank you so very much for sharing it!

I took a second pregnancy test this morning, just to be sure (a digital, not a dollar store cheapy) and it is definitely positive. So, I have made up my mind that even though I am not excited yet about this baby, that he or she deserves just as much love and hope as the girls have enjoyed. So I am not allowing any more negative thoughts to enter my head, just trusting that God does have a plan, and that He wouldn't give us more than we can handle. And I am thinking positively; that for this baby to even be in there is a miracle, and that he or she will be just as special as my girls are.

And I am so thankful to have my wonderful DH who, just as shocked as I am, is wonderfully hopeful and supportive and who I know is such a great daddy to the girls, that he will love this baby, too.

Children are such a blessing and a gift; I know this after having gone through IVF. But sometimes it is difficult to accept such gifts when they are unexpected - to be gracious in our accepting of a blessing. I think of all the couples who can't get pregnant, and who have IVF and it doesn't work, and here we are, blessed completely out of the blue with another pregnancy!

So now my prayers are just for a healthy baby, and an uneventful, healthy pregnancy. I know the rest will come. And thank goodness I haven't given away any of the baby stuff!!! (It would be so great if its a girl - I won't need to buy ANYTHING!).

 

Stacy :wub:
Keep us posted with how you are doing and make sure to also visit our pregnant after twins forum too. Best wishes for you and happy, healthy pregnancy :hug:

 

:hug: I'm sorry this was not your timing. I was shocked but elated after I found out I was pregnant. I was doubly shocked to find out it was twins (lost one). We did IVF after 7 years of infertility and got the twins. Evan was a pleasent surprise when the twins had just turned 2. Like the pp has said, one was a whole lot easier than two. Evan has just been a sweetheart. Take some time, let it sink in. Kids close in age is a definite blessing! A lot of work because your twins may not understand but they should be close growing up. :hug:

 

I don't have any advice as I haven't been in your situation but I wanted to give you BIG :hug: 's and wish and pray for the strength and guidance that you and your DH need right now! :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I'm in your situation right now :hug:

I was not thrilled to find out I was pregnant. I was more shocked, and reluctantly accepting even though I never wanted more than 2 kids. We did 5 IUIs and 2 IVFs over a period of 3 years to get the boys. DH said he wanted more kids, and I told him we were only having more kids if we had an accident because I would not go through IVF again. I honestly thought we would not get pregnant without fertility treatments, and we were both shocked when I had a positive pregnancy test.

The first few weeks I just kept reliving all of the problems with the boys, and I was lamenting not having enough space, knowing we would have to move, and knowing that my career was really going to suffer.

Over time, my attitude has changed. I keep telling myself one is gonna be easier than 2, and I also think I'm only gonna have 20 years raising kids in my house since they will be born so close together. :lol:

 

All I can say is that over time as your pregnancy goes along, you will learn to get used to the idea of the baby and will love him/her. My first pregnancy was totally unexpected, unplanned, and in some way, unwanted. I didn't really see myself as ever having children and was happy being free. It took me until I was about 13 weeks pregnant before I got used to the idea and fell in love with my son, who I later lost as a stillborn. God will not give you more than you can handle, and I'm sure you know that as a Christian.

 

Ahhh... I think I wrote this post about 2 years ago!

My girls turned one on January 11th, I got a BFP on January the 8th. And when I went to the Dr. on January 23rd, I was SHOCKED to find out I was already 14 weeks!!

We were in the EXACT same boat. Drugs to get pregnant (the cycle I got pregnant we did not do IVF, just injections and DTD, IVF had failed for us) and to boot, I had a history of early miscarriages (3 in all) When I first found out, I thought well there's no way this will pan out, not with my history... I to wanted more kids, but not that soon. We were just getting used to the girls. I had the bonding issues as well.

My 'oopsie' is now 17 months old and we ALL LOVE HIM TO DEATH. It's hard, I aint even gonna lie. I'm exhausted out of my mind by the time I get to bed at 10-11 p.m. At 17 and 35 months mine STILL don't STTN, so now imagine getting up x3 some nights, though we're making progress in that arena.

It's SOOO worth it to see all those adorable little faces interact with each other though! It's almost like triplets. Now that the baby is older, they all play together, fight together... they don't sleep together though, that would be to much.

I can't lie - I'm selfish sometimes and think Can I just get a bathroom break to myself?? Or, perhaps, a whole day to do nothing but sleep. We've left the kids at daycare a little longer and come home from work a little early so we could just relax.

You'll grow into it. I accepted mine about halfway through the pregnancy as a miracle from God. Really, after all we went through to get pregnant, the heartache and the pain, to now be blessed with not only getting pregnant on my own, but of making it through my roughest patch (the 1st trimester) completely unharmed and unbeknownst to me. I was even taking birth control pills WHILE I was pregnant to start my cycle again cuz I hadn't had one in over 9 months.. This child truly WAS a miracle to us.

And yours will be to you too. Just wait. Let the shock wear off and you'll get used to the idea. I did. :hugs:

 

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

:hug:

"One day, God realized He couldn't do everything, so he created mothers."

 

Hi Stacy. My b/g twins are just 14 months old and we found out yesterday that I am pregnant again and we are in shock as well. I went through several failed IUI's and one successful IVF to get pregnant with the twins so to get pregnant naturally is a miracle in my book. I don't know how I am going to make it through this pregnancy with my very active toddlers - I am very nervous. I actually found your post while I was searching for advice for myself. Good luck to you and like pp's said - God wouldn't give us more than he though we could handle.