Advice from those who've been there?

Also, did she have these health problems BEFORE she got pregnant? Or did those just appear afterwards?

I'm soo confused.

Hope you guys figure it all out soon. I think you should send your wife to us.

Good luck!

 

My wife and I have had several discussions in the past week about the boys sleep patterns/methodology.

She says she's willing to consider changes, but also reiterated her beliefs. One was "Anything that says that my cuddling my child to sleep is bad is just wrong." Err, not the open mind I was exactly looking for.

I bought Healthy Sleep/Happy Child (Weissbluth) but have only had time to leaf through it.

From what I have read - here, elsewhere, books - we're breaking several strong rules:

- The kids are held ('rocked') to sleep. They don't drift off on their own.

- The last thing they get is a bottle, and they usually fall asleep to it. Irk. Dental problems ahead, and a nasty contributor to the next item.

- The kids are 'snuck' into their beds. They frequently wake up; typically right when they hit the mattress. If grumpy, they suddenly realize that they're not in mommy or daddy's arms, and the bottle they were enjoying is gone - and LOUDLY protest. We've had nights where a grumpy boy absolutely refused to be put down in his crib without screaming. Most nights, the boys grunt when they realize they're in bed, shuffle to get comfortable, and doze back off again. However, this just seems wrong to me.

Were I to put the kids in their cribs at bedtime (we do have a surprisingly regular schedule; they eat at the same time, bath time happens at the same time, and the kids are usually asleep at almost exactly the same time) today, they not only would, but do just cry. My wife immediately finds it painful (she's frequently convinced that 90 seconds are 10 minutes, and wants to rush to grab a child), and the kids end up in someone's arms again.

One of my boys seems to have figured out certain precursors to bedtime. When he senses them, crying starts. Sometimes, HOURS before bedtime, but merely because circumstances have allowed similar events to the bedtime ritual.

We have several. The boys never went for the noises I expected, but do respond to 'waves'. Perhaps I need one that runs for more than 8 minutes at a time.

Oh, my wife will consider medication. She's also been medicated for depression before and realizes she's depressed. My largest hurdle with her is getting her to pick a psychiatrist and getting her to go. The meds don't bother her, but the doctors irritate the h*** out of her.

Many thanks!

 

Sorry, I was trying to be subtle and apparently did a really poor job.

Surrogacy. My wife's pain-generating-problem would've made her carrying them potentially dangerous to her and risky to them.

The pain predates the kids.

 

so sorry you are still dealing with all the sleep issues. sounds like its truly 'just' (ha ha... like anything is "just") sleep issues.

as for the sound machine. we have a cd that has several sounds, and we play the song continuously during naps & nighttime (the sound we like on ours is "rain on a tin roof" - and seriously it sounds like static, so if you have a radio you can plug in their room, just find a non station - static sound see if it helps). I don't know if ours love or hate it, but they sleep well when its on. we use it to drown out any noises outside their room so that they aren't curious what's happening and wake up.

you've recognized the biggest issue... getting them to sleep on their own. I hope that the book has some good suggestions for your aged boys... seems that at specific ages different things will help.

good luck to you! I hope you have a restful new year!!

 

It does get easier but in a different way. We were lucky as our LOs sttn 12 hours at the age of 4 months as we used to give them a dream feed at 11.30pm. They had dropped that by 4 months and it was bliss. Ours had a 7pm-7am routine and a routine is key to success IMO. I agree with a PP and would try and get your LOs to bed earlier. Once ours were old enough, I enforced a no-getting-up-before-8am rule! Ours go to bed around 9pm and are up around 9am (we live in Spain where timetables are different). We had help too in the first year but I was alone in the mornings. When the babies were newborns, my DH was useless and didnt help at all. There were days when I was seriously sleep-deprived and very depressed.

My DH works full time (10am-9pm) whereas I only teach about 7 hours a week. I am the prime caregiver and we dont have help this year. However, both go to nursery so afternoons are toddler-free (when they´re not sick, that is!).

I think you´re doing an amazing job by supporting your wife. From the sounds of it she´s lucky to have you. Communication broke down with my DH and it took a good year for us to get things back on track. My MIL is also great and visits a lot so we get to go out for dinner a lot and even get the occasional weekend away. Talk with each other and try and get a babysitter in so you can go out even if you´re exhausted.

Please be reassured that it will all get better though new challenges lie ahead for you. As the kids get older they are also more independent and dont need your constant attention, i.e. they will play. Hang in there! :grouphug:

 

PURE INSANITY!! Your wife is definetly not doing her part. I am also a SAHM and I have never had a stitch of help. My husband was not able to take any time off. My LO's are also 7 months and some change. DD is crawling and pulling up on everything and falling on everything! DS is not mobile at all and very frustrated and both are teething like wild dogs! My DH is 43 and works his a** off constantly, and I feel terrible. I BF and my LO's still get up twice a night. We share as much as possible. He often cooks at night, but I think that it is relaxing to him, and having sole responsibility for the babies is overwhelming to him. I think it is abominable that your wife has that much free time while you are working your tail off. I cant even begin to tell you how insane that is. Of course if she is not physically able to take care of them than that is entirely different. I never nap and often need one, however at 7 months it may still be difficult but this is not rocket science, they are babies. They need love and attention and not much else. Get some help!!! This is not normal! Sorry this is so harsh but GEEZ!

 

My link


White noise KING

 

The first year is the hardest. I always tell this to new twin parents. I have pretty much been a single mom since day one with some help from my family. I know it feels like this :headbang: now. Have you considered some antidepressants since you do believe you are depressed? On your wife's insomnia I totally understand, that first year was a sleep when they sleep issue. On the other hand I know a lovely 65 year old woman with fibromalgia(sp?) and breat cancer who works part time. Movement often helps lessen pain and gets your mind off it. I too think it wouldn't hurt for her to work pt. It would give her a break away fro the house with adult interaction

 

And I thought my husband was amazing for all that he does to help out! Ditto to many of the PPs.

1. it sounds like the babies are being held quite a bit during the day and in the evening, which can actually make babies sore and uncomfortable believe it or not. Invest in 2 baby swings if you haven't already - they are a life saver! even if they fuss, let them swing in them with some music on and they will calm down in a few minutes
2. soft classical music at bedtime, even playing all night to promote STTN - and I strongly suggest crying it out - it will only take a few minutes - go outside and enjoy a few minutes alone w/ your wife while they cry so it doesn't bother you as much.
3. Our boys are really teething right now too, but do not wake from it during the night - your wife needs to be wearing them out during the day and especially late afternoon-early evening by giving them LOTS of tummy time in the floor. Jaxon's OT told us that you can't have enough tummy time.

It will get better. Maybe instead of a full time helper during the day, just hire someone to clean twice a month - no one with twins has an immaculate house, so don't worry about a little messiness. and remember that the better you take care of yourselves the better you can take care of your babies. hope this helps!