Love life just not the same?

Has anyone else been dissapointed with "mommy and daddy time" since the twins came? I had my boys vaginally and had an episiotomy (sp?) so I'm sure that contributes, but it's more than that. I have virtually NO desire and even worse I have lost a lot of sensitivity. Its been over six months now and I'm starting to be scared that sex will never be the same again! I am still exclusively BFing and I heard that can cause some problems with your hormones being out of sorts still.

I've never seen a question like this posted before- I don't know if none of you have this problem or if you just feel like it's inappropriate to talk about, but I need some help! This is really becoming a problem in our marraige.

 

I don't notice any difference in the way sex feels but I'm definitely a whole lot more tired now and not in the mood as often. DH is the same too though. Your babies are still quite young, I'm guessing that it takes a long time for your sex life to get back on track.

 

It does take a long time & breastfeeding can keep your hormones out of whack. Also, for me, I think it was a matter of having kids hanging on me all day, by the end of the day I really didn't want anyone touching me anymore! Things will definitely get better as they get older. Hang in there! :hug:

 

Ya know... Your body has changed, so maybe the way you get turned on has changed? I know it's so hard to find the time, but maybe a little extra just making out might do a lot to help. You might find there are different ways of turning you on, and the way you use to get turned on has changed. I know I had different 'sensations' after I had children. I would say, get creative! If you and your partner are really comfortable with each other, you could talk it out and test on each other. if he's on board, Don't focus so much on the actual sex and look to other ways...

Just one way of looking at it.

 

Make an appt with your OBGYN. I've heard many women have hormone issues post-birth. A lot of the times doctors can help you "bring back that loving feeling".

I've only had c-sections, so I never had to deal with the aftermath of a vaginal birth, but I know sex still hurt like crazy right after giving birth. Well, right after was like 8 weeks later. And I didn't have those babies anymore (meaning I was sleeping fine, getting plenty of rest etc). When I had my twins, we certainly did not jump back into having sex right when the doc gave us the go ahead. I was tired, cranky, overwhelmed, stressed, etc etc etc. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Talk to your DH, tell him how you are feeling both physically and emotionally. I do think it takes a little bit to kinda get back into it. What you are dealing with is totally normal. You can talk to your OB if you are concerned with hormones, or lack of feeling.

Sometimes I'm floored by all the people who jumped back into their sex lives 6 weeks (or earlier!) after giving birth ... I guess everyone reacts differently. It took us quite a while to get back into the swing of things ... and it's certainly not as frequent as it was post motherhood. :hug:

 

I'm right there with you!! I am "needed" so much during the day, that by the time the babies are in bed I just want to have "me" time!

 

Your not alone. I had a csection but after yrs of trying to get pregnant, we were afraid sex would make us lose the babies-so we didn't have sex per the ivf schedule and then ten months plus recovery time. When we have done "it" since then, it hurts and there is no (tmi)lubrication from hormone changes I assume. I'm exhausted all the time as well-there is no desire at all. Most of the time I don't even feel love for him-im just so stressed and he can never do enough. Sad I know. I hope we get back to normal relationship wise too

 

Ditto to this!!! We were so worried about something happening after the IVF and then I was on bedrest, my poor hubby has been soooo patient with me. Also the lubrication/hormone thing while breastfeeding/pumping was noticeable. I've stopped with the BF/pump and noticed a huge difference, so I am thinking the loving feeling may be returning soon. The dumbest thing is the ob/gyn asked me what type of birth control I want. I guess after all the infertility issues we've had (unexplained infertility) We might just beable to conceive on our own! Not something I want at the moment, life is too busy with the girls I think its best to share our feelings with our husbands and hope for understanding. Your body has been through a lot and the exhaustion of having twins plays a huge role. I know my hubby is tired too right now.

 

We haven't had sex since we got preg with the twins...12/26/08...going on a year now...we are both ok with that though...he was always uncomfortable with the thought of doing it while I was preg and now that the twins are here...that is the furthest thing on our minds...sleep is #1.

 

For me, it was a bit painful from the labor (labored 13 hours, pushed for 2) and csection with the boys (same for baby girl but I was more prepared...knowledge is power). It felt like things had moved around, it was harder to be "in the mood," and it was very different physically.

Now mentally, after having the boys, for me to feel like I was desirable, sexy, etc, took a while. First having the stress of the babies takes a lot out of you, plus the sleeplessness. In addition, the bfing was very time consuming, and made me feel like my body was for the babies...not for hubby. I didn't want to be "messed" with so to speak. It was only after I finished bfing, and felt that my body was mine, that I got more comfortable with our private time.

Knowing all this...I was better prepared the second time around and made conscious efforts to make and try to enjoy private time. It was not always the most pleasant thing or the top of my priority list, but there were many times I was glad after...like I had gotten so worked up into thinking it was "work" you know.

Anyway...not sure if that made much sense or helps any but that's how it was for me.

 

The first 9 months we rarely had sex more than once a month. We were both so tired and just not in the mood. My DH was very hardcore training for a triathlon and I asked him once about his lack of desire. He said that riding a bike for 3-4 hours 4 times a week wasn't really making him feel great down there. :laughing: Don't tell him I said that!! Even now, we are still lucky if we get it in once a week. I think it's a big adjustment to welcome children into the family and this is one of them.

 

After my singleton sex was extremely dry and painful until after I stopped BF at 6 months. Most lubricants didn't help -- the only one that did was called Replens. It actually gets into the tissues to make them moist, where others just seemed to sit on top. It's marketed toward women in menopause, it's a shame more new moms don't know about it.

 

I also delivered vaginally and EBF. We have tried sex on two occasions (same number of times we attempted during the pregnancy before giving up). Both were very painful even with tons of KY. The boys sleep in our room so that really limits us to basically if my parents take them out for a long enough walk- which happened once. We are both so exhausted at the end of the day- and I have to confess that I don't have any sexual feelings whatsoever. I assume (and hope!) it is the hormones from BFing. We definitely miss the us time and have felt strain in our relationship at times since they were born, but we work through out, or ignore it, knowing that we are just trying to survive at the moment and it is getting easier, and we will get there soon enough. We joke about having to learn what to do because it has been so long .