In the next 12 months...

Hi!
As my babies turn into toddlers, I was wondering what to expect next from 'real' twin mommies.

Maybe it's just me, but as I talk to my singleton mommies, I get frustrated. For the first time I'm saying, wow, it's seems so much harder with twins! Ie: one sees the other hit, so they hit..then they both hit mommy...etc...ugh! I feel before it was mostly organizational mechanics...now it feels like I battleing something I have no control over (personality!)

I've been in such bliss, and as I sit here with two boys screaming and hitting each other...I'm wondering..."Am I starting a whole new development stage"? "is this all really from teething?"

My boys are amazing, but this weekend, i'm noticing a bit more....ummm...lets say "personality" with my boys. We have begun to hit 'on purpose'. I'm sure it's to get a reaction from me, but WOW!

So is this just a rough weekend? Or am I in store for some bigger transition...and how did you handle it?




What should I expect in the next few months? Naps seem to also be decreasing!

I'm trying to find work part time so that I can stay home with them during the day, but after this weekend, hhhmmm...do I really want too? (partly joking! I really do!)

Thanks guys!
rebecca

 

I have no words of wisdom, but am anxiously awaiting replies. My two just turned 15 months and I don't know what happened to my sweet, happy little babies!!! They are still awesome, for the most part, but I see temper tantrums and clinginess already erupting that I thought I had some time on... Just yesterday I had to physically separate them from two different "fights" where they proceeded to kick and claw at each other and yes, hitting and saying no seem to be becoming favorite activities! I think I really enjoy this age because they are too funny and it is great to see them learning and growing, but I guess I am realizing that with the good must come bad?!?

 

It sounds like it was just a rough weekend!! :hug: From the age of 1 on, I have had so much fun with my girls!! I think every stage comes with its own new set of challenges, but it also comes with advantages as well! You learn to adapt and overcome. And like every other stage, once you finally have it figured out they are on to something new that sends you for a loop. Watching their personalities grow, their bond develop, and seeing them grow into their own little people is amazing!!

There is nothing in this world that would make me want to go back to that 1st year. Nothing! It was harder than hard for me!

I actually tell all my friends with Singleton's that I have it easier now that I have twins, because my girls always have a playmate!

Cherish every moment, even the tough stages because it doesn't last long and before you know it, its a distant memory!!

 

Well, I'm nearing the end of the second year. Mine are 22 months. The second year has been amazing fun. Great things you can expect? Walking, running, climbing, jumping, talking, singing (occasionally with choreography!), lots of "Mommy" and "Daddy," funny stories about your children taking off their pants, playing together, hugging each other, lots and lots of laughing and joy and amazement as they learn about the world. But I won't lie to you. There are a lot of things about the second year that are more challenging. You really have to start shaping them into little people. Expect lots of redirection, time outs, tantrums, boundary setting, picky eating, etc. But it's worth it because of all the fun! I found 12-18 months to be more challenging than 18-22 has been. They hit a point where you can start to reason with them a little and they understand cause and effect more.

Have fun!

 

I know lots of people say it is harder, but I don't agree. I feel like 12-18 months has been my favorite age. Although, whatever age they are is my favorite. They are getting so much personality. Yes, they are into everything and the tantrums have started, but I just laugh about it. I know it's a phase that will pass. Mine have started hitting recently and I have found the only thing I can do is ignore it and redirect. No reaction is the best reaction. They haven't become totally defiant yet. They are interacting so much more and I love it. They truly love each other now too. They hug and kiss and make each other laugh. For the most part, it's fun. It's hard, but every age is hard in its own way. It's so much easier in other ways. I don't have any interest in going back to when they were babies. I feel like that was way too much work. Although, I do miss them being so little and cuddly. I didn't get to enjoy it as much as I should have. I'm excited for each new phase.

 

MUCH harder! M U C H. Mine are soo independent and such wise guys!

It's MUCH more fun tho too. We do TONS and have tons of friends and stuff going on all of the time that we couldn't really do the first year. I'm definitely having more fun but age 19-23 months was ROUGH.

 

My two will be two in a couple of weeks and I can say that this year has had it's challenges but it is so cool to see what little people they turn into...
Expect: walking, running, attempting to jump, climbing, possibly going to toddler beds, picky eating at one point and then trying foods you'd never thought they would touch (my two shocked me by loving broccoli yesterday), being able to do more crafts and activities with them, reading, saying a ton of new words and phrases (also repeating things you don't want them to), ratting each other out, talking in their own language, kisses, hugs, growing imagination, reliance on loveys and routine, tantrums, opinions, eating at the table with the rest of the family, wanting to walk on their own out to the car and not be carried...I think that's all I can think of on the top of my head right now.
I also found 12-18 months to be harder then 19-23 months. I think it got a lot easier once they could communicate more and could understand more of what we were trying to tell them.

 

so true!

i'm really enjoying this stage right now - watching them learn to move, dance, run, climb (okay, that one's a little scary sometimes), try to talk & communicate, give kisses & hugs, actually do the actions to "head & shoulders, knees & toes" is just awesome.

along with that has come extreme stranger anxiety, temper tantrums, hitting, biting, deliberate misbehaviour & boundary testing. i get exhausted just thinking about it!

for me, the first year was fairly easy - it was about care taking. being a naturally organized person i found it pretty easy to stay on top of - tiring, but easy. the second year so far has been different in that i'm now having to "parent" - i still need to meet their physical needs (sleeping, eating, etc) but now i also have to figure out ways to teach them how we want them to behave. that seemed a lot more overwhelming to me. but we're finding our groove & figuring things out. i'm finding the biggest key to everything is consistency - the more consistent you are, the easier it is for your LOs to understand what you want from them. GL!

 

I think we all have days like this

For me personally, things got to be so much easier and more fun around 18 months. Now it just keeps getting better. We went through a lot of tantrums around 15-19 months, but as they become so much more independent I feel it is getting easier. Don't get me wrong, they continue to fight often over possessions and my sweet easy-going son started biting his sister around 18 months or so, but that was a short phase thankfully. I love that they can play, run, talk, sing, dance, climb into their own carseats, hold my hand when we go places, tell me what they want and need, usually sleep through the night, and are so enthusiastic about life and the little things we adults often fail to appreciate. My DD puts on her own pants, puts her diapers in the trash, has actually gone pee in the potty a couple times, grabs my hand to sing "ring around the rosie..." it's all so entertaining. When my son sees a snowman he says, "Jolly happy soul!" I guess for me the cuteness quadrupled in the last few months, which makes up for the strong-willed toddler behavior. I feel like I can leave the room for a few minutes without too much worry. Oh, and they play independently sometimes!!! I agree with Kyrstyn we're so lucky to have twins because they love each other. My two say "tickle toes" at mealtime so I'll position their seats across from one another so they can play footsies. Love it! You have a great year in store for you, I'm sure!

 

I have to agree! Right now at almost 17 months I find it quite challenging to understand and communicate with them. They want something so they just point and whine and I don't understand them. I am finding this age so trying so I am hoping that we will turn a corner soon and start to understand each other more.

 

I dealt with hitting, and biting at about 12 months of age. not fun. Don't take it personally, it can really get to you sometimes. At about 17 months of age I found mine where finally at the stage where they started to understand so I dealt with each toy stealing, each hitting, and each biting and time-outs were the only thing to work. Some have kids who understand sooner than mine. I have found that the older they get things are not as hard as having two infants. Plus your singleton friends start to have another child and that is fun to watch as they struggle with two children and you already have everything under control.


Heather

 

Thank you everyone for your responses.
Let me just point out (I guess, I forgot to in my original post) I love having twins, I'm grateful for them, and I love watching them grow and develop into little people...

Ok, I guess I"m just feeling overwhelmed, they seemed to have changed overnight!

I'm not sure what to do about the hitting (and yup its deliberate)...I understand it's not personal...and a part of development...but what do I "do" about it? I want to be consisitant...they feed off each other! One will hit, and the other is starting to head butt..ohy!

When it was throwing food off the tray, or those kind of things they were so much easier to deal with, this just pulls at my heart strings! I hate seeing them hurt each other!

Scenerio: One boy hits...clearly it's for attention when I'm in the room...when I'm not it's out of frustration, for a toy or to get to me etc...

I feel at this age he's too young for timeouts, but saying 'no hit' every 3 seconds (yes it's really every 3 seconds) doesn't seem effective either (because he looks at me and hits again).

If it's me he's hitting with a block: I ignore the behavior and take the block away...without changing my tone say "ok, I guess we are all done with the block" and continue on...if he continues to hit me..I use the same tone and say "I guess we are done playing with mommy" I just remove myself from the area...this has been very effective...

Here's where it gets sticky for me...TWO of them! what do I do when they hit each other? When I firmly say "Ryan, No hit" firmly without raising my voice, Christopher will cry and vice versa...I hate making them cry! or hurting their feelings...I know that sounds insane...

Again, I can say "no-hit" directly too them and they just do it again...I know they are doing it for my reaction. So I don't want to give them that attention...but I don't want them to get hurt either. When I'm not in the room, it's usually over a toy. Sometimes I find me being in the room makes it worse...I do alot of distracting which helps...

I'm not sure if this is making any sense...but I feel awful, I'm looking to work a 2nd shift job, and I'm really afraid I"m not going to be able to stay home with them...I don't want to screw them up!

I really want to focus on displining them for things that are really important...hiting, biting, head butting etc...we've set up our house so we aren't having to tell them 'no' all the time...
Can I keep them in seperate rooms for the next few months?? lol!

My confidence has been shakin to the core!

What do you do to keep the peace in your house?

thanks again!!
reb

 

And then you'll turn another corner like we did yesterday when DS learned to say, "No, Mommy, I don't like it." So far, he doesn't like pineapple, the Elmo Christmas video with Ben Stiller, me reading Mr. Brown Can Moo when he wants to read Elmo, and getting in his carseat. Luckily, he has also learned, "I like it." So it balances out. Like when my husband said, "Jack, I don't like it," when Jack was refusing to get his pjs on, and Jack said, "I like it!"

Did we mention it's a good thing they are cute?

 

First of all, realize that hitting IS going to happen. It's part of a toddler figuring out how his actions impact the world and those around him. It's not a reflection on you or the kids. As far as dealing with it, I always respond with a big, "NO HIT." As they get older, you can add the "you hurt mommy" bit, and they will learn to say they are sorry. I did time outs from early in the second year, and I do believe they help. Closer to 12 months, I had more success with the lap timeout. I would say, "No hit." If they do it a second time, then put the child on your lap and wrap your arms around him and don't let him get down. Tell him, "You hit mommy/your brother, and now you have to sit in time out." Repeat as needed for a minute at a time. When the time out is done, redirect to another activity immediately. That cuts down on the chain timeouts that you get if you put the child right back in the situation where they were just hitting.

All of that said, you'll still have days when you have a LOT of time outs. But they do get it. I swear I could see the little wheels turning in my daughter's head and she worked to define precisely what the boundaries are. I can't bite Jack. Can I lick Jack? Can I lick Jack with teeth? Can I bite Jack's toy? And so on for the foreseeable future!

 

Oh crap.

It IS a good thing they are cute.