Getting out of bed at night

hi all...hope you can help me!!! we are at our wits end! about 3 weeks ago, we put our twins (3 years old) in toddler beds...they seemed to have no problem adjusting. then my son started getting out of bed every night crying about random things...can't find his lovey, can't tuck himself in, etc. after a few days of this, we told him if he did it again, he will be put back in his crib. he did, and he is now back in his crib. he didn't seem to mind though. he can get in and out of his crib anyway. we have tried everything...walking him back to his bed, saying nothing and putting him back in...but then he will stand up and cry still and wake his sister up. we have had talks w/ him before bed and when he wakes up. he has no explanation as to why he is really doing this. we figured it might be an attention-seeking tactic. this has been going on for 3 weeks now and we don't know what to do....lately it just ends up a screaming match and the whole house isn't getting any sleep.

any thoughts or ideas?

thank you!

Lois

 

We had the same issue and the newness did wear off, but it took about a month. :lazy: We did the Supernanny tactic that she has done in some of her shows where one of us sits on the floor in the dark and as soon as one of the kids gets out of bed, we would get up and place them back in. No talking, no emotion. We would stay in there until they fell asleep gradually working our way to the door to eventually sitting outside of it. That took some time but it worked. Now for the most part they stay in their bed all night unless they have to go to the bathroom or Derek will come in at about 5 am and get in our bed. We have tried taking him back to bed, but he is relentless and we are tired. So we embrace it :rofl:

I read in HSHHC or 1-2-3 Magic that one thing that works is locking your door. That way they dont get the gratification of coming to you. We would have done that next had none of these work.

Oh, and we sit in the boys room until they fall asleep. It is much easier for one of us to sit in the dark and decompress or play on the iTouch then it is to place little kids back in their beds 50 times after bedtime. And much less frustrating :headbang:

 

We I am in the process of doing the above approach. However, instead of starting at the bed and working my way to the door, I just park it in the doorway. We moved to toddler beds on Thanksgiving Day. So, it hasn't been a full week yet. The first few days were rough with DS. Then I started using this approach and as long as I stay in his doorway until he falls asleep, he stays in bed. I usually only have to sit there for about 15 minutes or so. It sure beats the 1.5-2 hour struggle we were having. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, I do the same thing. Put him back to bed with no emotion and no talking and sit in his doorway again. He has only been getting up once a night now compared to six or seven times before I started doing this. According to the book I read (123 Magic), you should only have to do this for 1-2 weeks before they get use to staying in bed.

 

thanks girls! we are doing a little bit of tough love and sitting in the room thing. appreciate your thoughts! i know we will get through this...it is just a matter of when!!!

:headbang:

 

From your biggest sidelines tough love cheerleader, YOU CAN DO THIS!! :clapping: Don't let him win!!

 

:hug:s Lois. He'll get the hang of it! Bekah gets up sometime in the night, too. I need to do the same thing with her, but mostly it's around the time Daddy is getting ready for work, so I've let her stay. GL. Hang in there!

 

Lois, I went through this when mine turned 3 and with beds! :headbang:

First I "booby trapped" the door so that I could hear if they opened the door, that scared them back to the bed. Then I took to sitting in the room - that was for the birds! I kept falling asleep! :lol: Then I would sit outside the door and read. Then finally after WEEKS AND WEEKS and BOOKS AND BOOKS, I took their naps away! :diablo: Worked like a charm. My pediatrician was HORRIFIED at their 3 yr. appt., but she's not the one trying to get them to bed every night by herself. We still had quiet time and sometimes Ali would sleep, but I needed them in bed at 7:00- 7:30 because it would be UGLY otherwise!! :blush:

 

just a little update.

so, nothing working...he would still get up and cry, wake up his sister..us sitting in there didn't seem to matter.

we started a sticker calendar and put it right up on the wall next to his bed. i let him pick out a train that he wanted and we put that up on a shelf in his room. every night that he stays in his bed, he gets a sticker...if he does this for 7 straight days, he will earn his train. last night was the first time using this and he stayed in his bed :woohoo: so, let's hope this continues, and wasn't just a fluke!!

oh, and Diane...it doesn't matter if he has napped or not, it still happened!

LoDog

 

I hope he stayed in his bed tonight!! :clapping:

 

:banana: YEA for the sticker chart!! Glad you found something to keep his little hiney in bed. How old is he? I need a trick, too...BUT, I don't think mine would quite understand a sticker chart just yet.

 

ok, another update! really at wits end here!!

first night of sticker chart...he stayed in bed, then he got out the next two nights...then he stayed in bed the next 3 nights...i thought for sure we were good to go...nope...has been getting out of bed since.

so, now we are thinking of taking toys away each morning after a night of getting out of bed. is that bad?

even on days he doesn't nap, he gets out of bed...so not sure if that is the answer or not.

oh joy!

hope everyone has a great holiday!

 

not to beat a dead horse....but this is STILL going on believe it or not! the sticker chart didn't work..so we started taking toys away each morning after a night that he got out of bed. it sort of worked, but the longest stretch he has done is 4 nights in a row staying in his bed. we have no resorted to for the first time today....taking away his morning milk, which is like his favorite thing in the world. it didn't go too well! he flipped out of course. but i don't know what else to do???? anyone have any other ideas?

thanks!

 

Lois, have you seen the Goodnite Lite? I have a mommy-friend who just bought this for her three year old who was doing the EXACT same thing as Zach and it's been like a miracle for them.

She really didn't think it was going to work since Aiden's been so stubborn, but it has for almost 3 weeks now :yahoo:

 

I cannot imagine your frustration but our Tot Clock (similar to the Goodnite Lite) has worked great for us. My boys haven't tried to get out of bed (YET!) until their clock says they can. We've had a few issues where they wait til their clock turns & then start roaming the house, so we did the sticker chart to reinforce them coming to wake us & thus far, they have 5 stickers for 5 days! They're going to earn a fish & they're SUPER excited. I didn't think the sticker chart would work, but it is for us! And I was nervous about the clock, but we've had it a month now & it works GREAT! Ours works for nap & bedtime. I'm not sure how our toddler bed transition would be going without it!

Good luck..I cannot function well with frequent night wakings, so I'd be completely bonkers if I were you! Hope you get this all figured out SOON!

 

I dunno that taking away nutrition is such a good idea - he needs his milk.

We just locked the girls' door and our one problem child we let her CIO. Took a good 2 hours the first night. Second night she was down to 45 minutes and the 3rd night to about 15, after that she just stopped fussing. Some mornings we'd find her asleep by the door, but then again, we STILL find them asleep by the door some days, and they've been in beds since they were 16 months, now just turned 3... So long as they sleep, we figure it doesn't matter WHERE, as long as it's in their own room. We didn't lock the door right away. We started with just shutting it (they couldn't reach the door knob yet) then putting up a baby gate. Then locking it, and then we had to cover the door knob with a child safety device, and, most recently, had to resort to turning the knob around so the locking device was on the OUTSIDE, because they figured out how to escape from all of the previous attempts to keep them in their room.

 

thanks!

we have this clock: http://www.americaninnovative.com/products/teachmetime.php but it doesn't make a difference in the middle of the night. the funny thing is, when he wakes up...he stays in his bed until i get him!!!! so ironic!!

please don't worry that i'm depriving him of nutrition...he just really likes his milk in the morning...i give him milk/dairy at other times during the day.

the door isn't really a lockable door (old house, old door). i would let him just cry...but unfortunately, he wakes the whole house up and won't stop until we go in there

maybe it is just a phase....a very long one

 

Ugh. Honestly, if it were me and he wasn't getting up in the middle of the night to go potty, I would leave him. I would talk to him before bedtime and explain you're not coming if he gets up, he needs to go back to bed. Yes, he'll wake the whole house up for a night, or two, but I'll bet you're able to extinguish it in just a couple of nights by not responding.

Good luck. This mommy LUVS her sleep, so I would absolutely be at my wits end.

 

I'm totally with Stacy. And if he sleeps on the floor a couple of nights, it won't be the last time he sleeps on the floor. I only respond for emergencies and bad dreams.

 

We were going through the same thing with one of our girls. A twin friend of mine uses a nightlight on timer to let her kids know when to come out. It is used similar to the clocks/timers mentioned above. I wanted something super small that wouldn't let out much light b/c mine are so light sensitive in thier sleep. It is working for us. Since we don't watch a ton of tv we added a reward of a recorded show (dora/diego/curious george, etc) if they stay in bed at night and don't come out till the light comes on. I don't include trips to the potty as long as it doesn't happen more than once or so a night. (we are potty training too)

 

In my opinion, you may want to reward the good behaviors more frequently. For every sticker on the reward chart means an extra treat, or some activity that is special to him. I think it is important to stick to the 7 stickers = train, but he may need some positive encouragement along the way, to reinforce the idea that he is doing the right thing. Of course I am saying this with my 3 year olds still in cribs... so, I haven't been in your shoes yet...

Good luck and hope you get a full night's sleep soon!!