Has my mind really changed?

I always wanted 3 or 4 kids. I love being a mom and I can't imagine going back to my old life and would never in a million years want to, but lately DH has been wanting to talk about when we are going to have another baby. It scares the crap out of me! i know we would at least wait for another 18 months, but I seriously NEVER want to be pregnant again. I have heard so many people say they loved being pregnant but I disliked it. A LOT! I don't want to tell him how I am feeling because he will get really sad if he thinks i don't want more kids. It's just too for me to be thinking about it right? Will i feel better about it later? I'm just looking for some input

 

I disliked being pregnant a lot too! I was extremely sick with every one of my pregnancies, and it was not fun. At. All. Those memories fade after awhile(although I am still working on those twin pregnancy memories :wacko: :lol: ), and I realized why I went through 9 months of torture!

That said, my tubes are tied, and I am extremely happy with my family. I could never say that I felt finished before the twins were here, and now, it's hard to describe, but I just feel peace, and I feel finished.

Your babies are only 3 months old, I think it's too soon to really know for sure. I would be honest with your husband about your fears, your issues with being pregnant, etc, just so he knows where you are coming from. :hug:

 

I'd be scared to think of having more at 3 months too. I'm still scared at 4 yrs but then I also don't have an SO right now :hug:

 

What she said, exactly!

 

What??? Your twin babies are 3 months old and you're not ready to have more???

You'd be crazy to want more right now. Give yourself a break!!!!

Is Matt your dh? He is in Iraq? So you are home alone with twin babies and he wants to talk about having more?
If that is the case, he needs to back off a bit and have some understanding for you right now.

 

Oh yeah, I would definitely give it some more time.

 

I typically didn't hit the 'want more' phase until more like 18 months old, and that was after singletons. Your body takes 9-12 months to fully recover from pregnancy, for one thing. Right now you're already giving everything you have to your twinfants, so no surprise you can't really think about more children right now. You can reevaluate when they're older and things are less chaotic.

 

Mine are two and I STILL have nightmares about having another one. Not soo much about being pregnant, but having the kid here!

 

:hug: You're still very young. You have many years ahead of you to reconsider pregnancy. Good luck.

 

Seeing that he is deployed, I bet part of him wanting to talk about it now is that it's a way for him to still feel connected and part of the family at home. Tell him you understand it's important to him but that you are so wrapped up caring for the twins right now that you'd rather wait to think about it/discuss it as it gets closer to their bday and when he comes home. Reassure him you aren't saying no more but you just can't make a decision right now. (((hugs))) I can't even imagine doing the newborn twin thing all by myself! Kudos to you and all the other MOMs that are doing this alone.

 

Um, no. I think you are working super hard right now & don't want any more work than what you have to do. While at the same time, I bet he's got a bit of an idealized version of what you're doing as he's not there & missing you. I would just say "Let's work on these 2 for little while, first". I actually thought I only wanted 2 but now really want more- weird, huh? (But I DON'T want to be pregnant for a while as it SUCKS!)

Good luck.

 

I agree with the previous posters, give it some time and talk to your DH about your fears and feelings. You can always let him know that the shop isn't closed for business but perhaps you can revisit the subject yearly. You might find in a couple of years your mind may have never changed :hug:

 

you know what's funny, i had the worst pregnancy with the twins possible (granted this was the only pregnancy i'd ever had). i wasn't sick all the time but i was an emotional wreck, got gestational diabetes, had an extremely irritable uterus and then got pre-eclampsia...but for some odd ball reason as soon as the boys got home i thought about getting pregnant again. weird huh? especially since the chances are extremely high that i would again develop gest. diabetes and pre-eclampsia. my best friend even told me, since my pregnancy was so awful, that i was forbidden to get pregnant again...lol. i've now realized that if we ever want more kids (which is unlikely) it won't be for a LONG time.

i do agree with everyone else though. wait a while longer before jumping into having more kids. sure you can talk about it all day long but it's just let him know that it's not going to work for you right now. explain to him how you are feeling and that having another child and pregnancy right now just isn't in the cards. and maybe in a few years you might change your mind about being pregnant or if you BOTH still want kids there's always adoption

 

IMO it's just waaaaaaay too early to stress yourself out about it. I've always wanted 4 kids until I delivered my first one. The delivery was awful. Then I changed my mind back. When I had my DD I wanted another one literally an hour after I delivered her! Her birth experience was perfect. So, I equated having more children with their deliveries. BUT, after time I eventually forgot how awful it was, and DS outgrew his horrid newborn phase. I then wanted more.

As for the twin thing, well, this is an entirely new ballgame for me and I'm not so sure I would have more even when they're 40 lol okay, okay, I know that will pass

 

As all the PPs have stated -- too early to think about!!!! Prior to having any children, I too always wanted 3 or 4. After the twins, I vehemently told my DH "no more!" I loved, loved having the twins, loved being a mommy, but was just too tired and busy and stressed out in that first year. Even in year 2, I still thought I was done. Then year 3, I thought, well, maybe I do want another child. And lo and behold, I have another child. But if you had asked me in the first two years if I'd have more, I would have said "NO WAY!"

 

I didn't get a chance to read the other replies so please forgive me if I repeat others.

It is WAY too early for you to be getting excited (or even interested) in being preggo again! DH is not home experiencing what you are going through and it is very scary to think that another baby could come and he'd leave again. That time you'd have more responsibility than now. It's a very stressful time for you and he is out there wanting something to cling to. I think that since he has a long time left until he comes home, that you tell him that you'd like to hold off discussing it again until he comes home. Tell him you have your hands full right now and really want him to be around for the next baby. Is he thinking of wanting you to get pregnant during his leave? You can tell him that having morning sickness and being the sole caregiver for the twins is just too much.

I didn't like being pregnant either. I do want to be pregnant again though b/c I would like to try to enjoy it. There was just so much worry and stress in the twin pregnancy that I'd like a "do over". I am a total sap and would love to have a zillion more kids, but even I didn't get the baby bug until the boys were a year.

:grouphug:

 

For what it's worth--I didn't actually want more children. And my twin pregnancy though not complicated, was NOT fun. I soo did not enjoy being pregnant. I still don't "enjoy" it, but I am sooooo amazed how much easier it is to be pregnant with just one baby. I would frequently forget I was pregnant during the second trimester!

I'm also glad that my twins will be old enough to enjoy this baby.

 

I didn't like being pregnant either. But my second pregnancy did go better than the first so there is always hope that the next time wont be that terrible for you
I said we were done having kids when we brought the twins home, it was months of crying and no sleep but now I have changed my mind and would like to have more. My DH doesn't want to really talk about it though and I understand. I think that it is important that you talk to your DH and let him know how your feeling. Chances are you might change your mind down the road when things start getting easier with the twins or you might not but its better that you both be on the same page. Best of luck

 

YESSSS!!!This is it for me, too. Obviously I don't want to do anything about it right now, but just don't feel done. My DH, though, is SO against it. I will wear him down, eventually... :acute: